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5 Behaviors That Reveal Insecurities In Your Relationship

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70% of couples in a relationship fall apart within the first year, and a great majority of this boils down to couples not overcoming insecurities.

There isn’t a person on this planet who feels 100% confident 100% of the time. We like to think we hide it well, but deep down, we are all insecure about something or another. Yet, this lack of confidence can be overcome thanks to the love and words of kindness from our friends, S/Os and our family.

However, prolonged contact with insecurity can cause significant issues in a romantic relationship. When one partner is too clingy—and refuses to work on it—the more confident partner is almost always inevitably pushed away. Unless—of course—both partners are clingy, which results in both of them staying out of fear of losing one another. The first scenario is painful and sad. The second is downright tragic. Insecurities are how abusive relationships are made.

Behaviors That Reveal Insecurities In Your Relationship

Behavior 1: Infidelity

Let’s just get this one out of the way from the get-go.

There are two reasons a couple breaks up after infidelity:

1. The cheater is insecure in their personhood and they feel the need to repeatedly cheat on their S/O in order to feel satisfied.
2. The victim is insecure and unwilling to forgive the cheater and work through the pain as a couple.

This reasoning may sound harsh, but the reality is: all cheating stems from a place of insecurity, and every relationship which falls apart as a result fell apart because one or both partners was too insecure to work through it.

Don’t get me wrong. Infidelity hurts. It hurts on the level of losing a child. Yet every act of infidelity has a root. That root may be that your partner is feeling unsatisfied sexually. It may be that they were deeply hurt as a child and are running for easy comfort because truly opening up to you is painful for them. Whatever the reason for cheating, cheating is wrong—but the majority of the time it isn’t purposefully malicious.

When you’ve been cheated on, you are fully justified in being angry. You are fully justified in feeling possessive. However, just because you feel a certain way does not make acting on it the right thing to do. Forgiveness does not just mean swallowing your feelings and forgetting. Forgiveness means, “let’s work through this together. Let’s heal our relationship together.”

To overcome insecurities surrounding infidelity, the pair of you need to be 100% transparent. You need to be willing to accept constructive criticism. You need to be willing to listen to your partner’s side, emotions and thoughts. There is an unimaginable amount of pain on both sides in these cases—even if your partner is a serial cheater.

That said, both partners need to be willing to repair the relationship for mutual healing to occur. If you have talked with your partner—be they the cheater or the victim—and they continually shut down, throw accusations, cast the blame or emotionally abuse you, it may be time to walk away and heal on your own. However, this should only be an option once you have exhausted every single resource to salvage the relationship.

Behavior 2: One-Sided Pursuit

Another signal of insecurity in a relationship is a one-sided pursuit. When one partner is constantly showering another in gifts, romantic dates and compliments at first it seems so romantic. However, as the relationship progresses through the natural stages, the infatuation wears off and most couples settle into a comfortable rhythm. This rhythm is still romantic and leaves room for great romantic gestures to be made. However, these are not constant.

If one partner is always offering these gestures, it demonstrates that they might be hiding a fear of their partner leaving. They are attempting to buy their affections, trying to prove that they are worth loving because they keep serving their partner. However, this is just a mask to their inner insecurities.

The problem with this sort of behavior is that the relationship will never reach maturity. The partner constantly showering the other with gifts is actually putting up a barrier which keeps the couple from ever reaching a depth of emotional intimacy. So when something truly turbulent happens in the relationship, the gift giver’s fears are finally realized. Either their partner leaves, or they confess their deep insecurity.

If the latter happens, the pair can begin to build towards establishing a true trust based on love and action. If the former, well… sadly the cycle usually continues from relationship to relationship until the insecure party begins to actively pursue individual healing.

Behavior 3: Mutual Identity

A mutual identity is when two partners inextricably wrap themselves in eachother’s lives so you cannot tell one without the other. They attend every single function together, must complete every project together, and it one is out of town the world comes to a crashing halt until they are together again.

This sort of relationship usually stems from each individual being unaware of who they are as a singular person. They do not know who they are, do not know their purpose, or are afraid of one of those two and are running away.

Whatever the reason, these relationships are almost always doomed to fail—or make the couple extremely unhappy—because life requires us to be able to fend for ourselves. Yes, it is healthy to be able to rely on your partner to pick up the slack when you are struggling. Yes, it is healthy to be able to cry on their shoulder when life is just too overwhelming. However, it is never healthy to stop living unless they are there by your side holding your hand through every little thing.

Time apart as partners is good, healthy even. Partners are able to develop their own interests and skills, pursue their dreams. Then when they come back together at the end of the day, they have plenty of interesting developments to discuss.

To overcome insecurities in this requires partners to find out who they are separate from each other. This does not necessarily mean splitting up, but rather pursuing different interests to develop their own skills. Once your individual skills are developed, you will be able to help each other pursue your dreams.

Behavior 4: Constant Interrogation

A small amount of jealousy from time to time is acceptable. However, a jealousy which results in your partner getting angry when you go out, rifling through your internet history, and constantly asking where you’ve been is a little scary. These are the kinds of relationships that result in stalkerish tendencies—the kind that Netflix warns us about.

While most people who struggle with insecurities are no cause for that degree of alarm, someone with a snooping partner needs to have a serious conversation with them. Oftentimes an insecure partner is rifling through your schedule because they are afraid of losing you, and they will do anything to keep you. This fear often stems from a form of childhood neglect.

When your partner is struggling with abandonment issues, you need to be patient, understanding, but firm. Reassure them that you are with them in this present moment. They will want constant affirmation because they do not believe you. Rather than continually saying “I love you,” which they will not truly hear anyway, do your best to bring your partner to the present moment.

Overcoming fear of abandonment requires the partner to return their mind to the present moment. They are drawing on old feelings and mistaking the present for the past. Take your parter through emotional grounding techniques to help them recognize that the present is now and that you are here. In time, they will begin to realize that you are staying and they will begin to calm down. Talk with them about your boundaries, but even more, be willing to serve them by helping them learn to self regulate these fears. If you are in a truly committed relationship, eventually these fears will fade and be replaced by love.

Behavior 5: Constant Apologies

People who struggle with insecurities have no idea why you are with them. Literally no clue. They are thrilled when they find out that someone is interested in them, but that thrill is quickly replaced by a crippling fear that once their partner truly knows their imperfections, their partner will leave forever. Then begins the game of constantly trying to be enough for you.

Which means, they will always be apologizing.

Why?

Because your insecure partner can never live up to their expectations of perfection.

They will apologize for breathing too loud, for buying you the wrong shampoo, for crying when something truly tragic happens to them. They will apologize for every little thing.

Overcoming insecurities requires much of the same tactics as outlined in the previous section. You need to reassure your partner that you love them and reminding them that they are allowed to have emotions, and allowed to make mistakes. Remind them of the grace they give you when you mess up, and encourage them to extend that same grace to themselves.

Final Thoughts to Overcome Insecurities:

Ultimately, to overcome insecurities in relationships requires a great deal of work and determination. Both parties need to be willing to help one another cope with their own emotional baggage. At the end of the day though, the only person responsible for your own healing is you. Your partner can be there to support you—and you them—but it takes two to tango, and the two of you need to provide your own emotional support and regulation to be able to help one another.

The post 5 Behaviors That Reveal Insecurities In Your Relationship appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

10 Warning Signs Of Gaslighting To Never Ignore

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It can be very disorienting to feel like you have done something, but you haven’t. It’s also disorienting to be someone who tries to be a nice person, but is constantly accused of being disingenuous. If you’re experiencing either of these feelings as a result of another person’s actions, it’s possible that you might be a victim of gaslighting.

Though many people have been introduced to the term gaslighting recently, it’s important to understand exactly where it came from. The term has a long and varied history in the public eye, but it mainly takes its name from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which a woman (Paula, portrayed by Ingrid Bergman) is psychologically manipulated by her husband to feel like she is insane when in reality she is perfectly fine.

Despite the fact that her mental state is perfectly fine, she still believes that she is going mad, a worry that gives her intense discomfort and produces legitimate feelings of madness.

It’s important to note that Paula eventually gets out of the relationship after realizing what is happening to her and learns to deal with manipulation, but the situation set a useful precedent for talking about psychological manipulation as it happens in society. Because of this, the term “gaslighting” reference’s the movie’s title as a way of describing the specific method of manipulation.

It might seem easy to understand manipulation as something that simply happened in a movie, but it can occur quite frequently in society. The most damaging thing about the practice is that many people who suffer from it don’t actually know that they’re being gaslit. Instead, they mistake their confusion for legitimate feelings against themselves, leading to lowered self worth and possible situations that make it more difficult to deal with gaslighting, such as Paula’s position in the aforementioned film.

This is why manipulation is important to understand and fight against when you notice that it is happening to you or somebody you know. More often than not, gaslighting occurs between two individuals who trust each other, with one subtly manipulating the other. Because it occurs often within intimate interpersonal relationships, manipulation can be incredibly difficult to spot.

Like with many other conditions, failing to notice manipulation early on can result in the condition getting worse, the victim becoming even more unaware, and potentially more damage in the long run.

To prepare yourself to deal with gaslighting before it’s too late, it’s essential to familiarize yourself with its symptoms. This is why we’re here to help—in this article, we’ll be taking a look at 10 Warning Signs of Gaslighting to Never Ignore.

Before we get into this article, we want to say that if you think that you might be experiencing symptoms of manipulation, it is important to get professional help from a psychologist or therapist. Medical professionals are the people who truly understand manipulation and how to deal with gaslighting, so please be careful and get help if you notice any of these 10 symptoms happening in your life.

#10. It’s Not All Negative

It’s easy to think that abuse and emotional manipulation is simply constant negativity and nothing else. However, abusers often mix in positive comments and what looks like love to make a victim believe that they actually do care about them. This type of hot/cold treatment is a cornerstone symptom of abuse.

Regardless of how it happens, it’s worth noting that positivity does not negate emotionally manipulative behavior and cannot be justified as love no matter how brief the negative behavior was.

#9. They Project Their Emotions

Many abusers often project their own problems onto their victims. For instance, if an abuser is having trouble managing money, they might criticize their partner’s financial situation more harshly than their own as a way of getting their partner to doubt their sense of reality.

#8. Confusion is Their Priority

Many abusers will start to gaslight victims by making them feel as though they are perpetually confused. It’s important to see these symptoms as they occur so you don’t fall prey to emotional abuse.

#7. They Get Others to Doubt You

Sometimes an abuser can manipulate the relationship a victim has to others by getting them to also be complicit in manipulating the victim. This is often without the others even knowing, getting them to admit to small personality traits and then blowing it up in the face of the victim.

For example, if an abuser wants a victim to think that they over-exaggerate everything, they might get a close mutual friend to admit that the victim blew one situation out of proportion. After this, they’ll present the findings to the victim in order to make them think they do blow things out of proportion.

#6. They Target Friends

A lot of the time, many people who are victims of gaslighting don’t realize it because they don’t have much contact with others who might be able to see the symptoms. This is often because the abuser makes the victim feel like they can’t trust their friends, resulting in them not socializing as much as they once did.

This can also be done by making their friends seem inauthentic or like liars themselves, causing the victim to believe the abuser and willingly limit their contact.

#5. Using Their Emotions

It’s no secret that being in a relationship involves both partners being able to listen to the other’s needs. However, abusers will often manipulate this relationship dynamic to make the other person do things they don’t want to do without evidence. Similar to what was previously mentioned regarding targeting friends and making the victim feel uncomfortable around those they used to socialize with, abusers can also cite their own personal feelings without providing evidence for something.

For example, if an abuser refuses to let their partner go see a friend on the basis that they hate them (or other aggressively negative feelings) without having any actual anecdotal evidence, that can be a form of gaslighting.

#4. Lying as a Precedent

When people lie, sometimes we have to think a bit to actually see through it clearly. This is why when somebody lies so blatantly, we take notice. Abusers manipulating victims will often take advantage of this dynamic, spewing blatant lies as a means of setting up a precedent.

By lying so directly, they will make the victim assume that everything they say from that point onward is a lie, something that makes manipulation a normal routine.

#3. Denying the Victim Agency

When we think of abusive behavior in relationships, we typically assume that it is something drastic, such as an abuser literally locking somebody into their apartment so they can’t go outside. However, there are more subtle ways this can occur through manipulation without the victim even noticing it, sometimes even being willingly complicit.

For example, if you’re in a relationship with somebody who continually questions your ability to not flirt with others while alone, they might be able to pressure you into feeling guilty for going outside or feeling that you can’t socialize without them by your side.

#2. Repetitive Nature of Symptoms

Many people falsely assume that they will be able to spot manipulation as soon as it begins happening, allowing them to quickly put a stop to the behavior. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth—gaslighting typically occurs over long periods of time, with the abuser slowly introducing more and more tactics into the victim’s everyday life until it has gotten too far to recognize it cleanly.

This is why it’s important to not take certain denials of agency lightly. If somebody is doing a similar action to deny your agency multiple times over, it could be an effect of how manipulation is now entering your relationship.

#1. Deny Something They Said

One of the most distressing symptoms of gaslighting is that the abuser might directly deny something they surely said previously. This is especially insidious as it pushes the victim to start to question their sense of reality.

When somebody says something didn’t happen that surely did happen, what does that mean for the rest of reality? Is it possible to even have an objective sense of reality when someone is lying so blatantly? This is why manipulation is such a harmful form of manipulation, as it can really get into somebody’s head and make them begin to question their entire life.

A way to prevent this can be to create objective proof of certain conversations so when they’re brought up again, you’re able to be sure that the abuser is definitely manipulating you.

Final Thoughts on Gaslighting

Gaslighting is an incredibly harmful form of emotional manipulation that is important to be aware of. By learning how to deal with gaslighting effectively, you can help yourself or your friends to catch the symptoms before it’s too late.

If you’ve noticed that you or somebody you know is experiencing symptoms of gaslighting, read the tips to this article and understand that speaking with a medical professional is the best way to deal with gaslighting!

The post 10 Warning Signs Of Gaslighting To Never Ignore appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

6 Ways to Release Attachment to Toxic People

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We become attached to many things in life. But not all of these things are good for us. This is why non-attachment is a crucial concept. Many people make the mistake of believing that a state of non-attachment is being emotionless and closed off, but this is far from the case.

Instead, non-attachment refers to the releasing of negative thoughts and emotional issues that, when you become attached to them, can cause turmoil and toxicity. It can also mean letting go of toxic people and relationships in such a way that leaves you feeling free and positive.

Non-attachment provides peace, positive thinking, and joy to one’s life when done correctly. The problem is that it can be difficult to start on this spiritual journey, especially if you have to let go of people you’ve become used to having in your life, even if they have been creating toxicity.

This is a difficult journey that can be frightening, but its end results are worth the uphill climb. You will be amazed at how much calmer and happy you feel!

Here Are 6 Ways To Release Attachment To Toxic People

1. Be Kind And Understand Interdependence

Compassion is key to healthy non-attachment, and it’s about kindness to yourself as well as to others. This allows you to desire an end to pain, suffering, and trouble, both for you and the toxic people in your life. This allows you to be gentler to yourself, so you understand that you do not deserve toxicity and begin to melt the attachments that present that problem.

At the same time, this kindness allows you to wish the people you leave behind good things in their lives. You understand that you can live without them, and they without you, and your love for them and desire for their happiness outweighs your attachment to them. This makes it easier for you to let them go and move on, and it also often results in you being the bigger person.

This concept of compassion in non-attachment is rooted in the idea of interdependence. This means that you want happiness and less suffering for everyone because you are able to see that you are all linked through negativity and your quest for a better life. You will then understand that you are all connected – and as such, your desire for physical, forced attachment will dissipate.

  • If you have trouble with this concept, try to distract yourself as you work on it.
  • Move your focus onto others instead of yourself, and project this compassion outwards.
  • Volunteer at a non-profit organization, help someone through a difficult time, or donate to charities and spread love all around you.

2. Focus On Yourself and Your Journey

If you’ve been around a toxic person and spend a lot of time with them, you know how much of your energy winds up being devoted to meeting their every whim. This means you often end up neglecting yourself just trying to appease them. That’s why it’s so important to release attachment to toxic people.

One way you can do so is by shifting your focus away from others and onto yourself. Contrary to what you may believe, self-focus isn’t necessarily selfish. You should be your own top priority, and the concept of loving yourself first before anyone else has a lot of merit to it. Toxic people drain your energy, and you must focus on yourself to restore it.

This isn’t just about making healthy habits and physically taking care of yourself (which you should definitely do). It’s about looking inward and asking yourself what you want.

  • What are your goals, hopes, and dreams?
  • How do you want to feel?
  • What do you want to devote yourself to?
  • How can you achieve these aspirations?

Another question that you can pose to yourself regularly is simply to say “How are you?” Love yourself enough to want the best for your wellbeing. This can help motivate you to make positive changes in your life and cut off those who drag you down.

3. Accept And Allow

Attachment often means wanting things to change. You want a toxic person to become better and treat you how you so desperately want to be treated. But the fact is that this isn’t going to happen – you need to accept that.

In general, non-attachment is very rooted in acceptance. This doesn’t mean you don’t feel passionate about current issues or that you don’t want the world to be a better place. It just means that you are at peace in your current moment and are able to accept who you are, what the world is, and who other people are. This gives you a clear head to think about the next step.

In the process, shed your use of phrases like “should have,” “could have,” and “what if.” Put aside ideas of “must” and “or else.” Instead, believe in yourself and believe in others. The person who hurt you could have been better, and they should have treated you well – but they didn’t, and you have to learn to live with that so you can move on.

  • Most important, allow life to be the way that it is.
  • Allow your emotions and thoughts to flow.
  • Allow things to go wrong even when you try your best.
  • Resisting life and its natural changes will do you no good.
  • Allow things to go right when you try your best.
  • Allow yourself to be happy, to move on, and to live life in the best way you know how.

4. Embrace Healthy Habits and Routines

After cutting ties with a toxic person, you may still have an attachment to them even if you no longer contact them. How is this possible? Well, your mind still may be on them. You might have difficulty moving on, feel upset or sad at their absence, or be on an emotional roller coaster due to the troubles involved in cutting them off.

Falling into a regular routine of sorts can help the body and mind the heal and recover. There’s no better time to try adopting healthier habits and using them as a “distraction” while you work to move on. Soon, you’ll find they aren’t a distraction anymore – they’re things you genuinely enjoy doing.

Routines improve overall health, boost positive thinking, and help with stress management. Adding self-care habits to your daily routine is a great way to help yourself in more ways than one. Here are some great ideas for positive habits that you can add to your routine.

  • Eating a balanced diet
  • Exercising
  • Reading
  • Learning to play an instrument
  • Cooking
  • Drawing
  • Writing
  • Homemade self-care routines
  • Taking up a new hobby

Keeping yourself busy will keep your mind off of toxic people, helping you to release your attachment to them more quickly.

5. Reflect On Lessons and Emotions

Self-reflection and critical thinking are crucial in positive personal growth and learning, and it’s a great way to realize toxic relationships and free yourself from them. This is why it’s so important to learn to make observations on your emotions, thought processes, and actions.

Analyze your relationships and the toxic people you’ve had to release your attachment from, and look for lessons you’ve learned from them that will help you as you move forward. This can help you feel at peace with failed relationships with others, as you have emerged a better person from them.

The more you practice thought-awareness, the easier it will be for you to let go of past relationships and stay focused on the now. This will also allow you to process the emotions that led to your attachment so you can grow from them and understand them. It is extremely easy to elect to ignore issues and problems, but bottling up thoughts and feelings is simply not healthy and can cause you to cling to toxicity.

  • Admit your errors, understand the reasons behind them, and find ways to break the cycle.
  • Take note of your emotions, how you reacted to them, and how your actions were influenced by them.
  • Finally, recall which of your needs and desires were ignored or denied with this toxic person, and realize that the person in question wasn’t doing anything good for you.

6. Expand Your Mind And Hope For The Future

Many of us are born with an open mind that becomes narrower and more jaded over time. Expanding your mind and keeping it open and big-picture-focused is crucial to positive thinking and a happier life overall.

The mind is capable of amazing things, and, when wide open, it can see infinite possibilities, goals, and dreams. Think of healing. Reflect on good friends and relationships. Think of the amazing things that await you at the other end of your trials.

One thing to keep in mind is that everything around you is transient. Nothing lasts forever, and many things are temporary, which is why change is such an important part of life. A toxic person was in your life to teach you valuable lessons, and now is the time to enact change and cut them loose.

The idea that nothing is permanent can be a scary and saddening one, but it is the truth, and it reminds us of the importance of living life to the fullest and with those who make us happy. A negative, toxic person will bring you down and stop you from achieving the joy you can find in life.

This can also help you to stop focusing so much on external things, as many of them will not last for your entire lifetime. It’s good to have external things that make you happy and that you love, but know that creating internal peace and joy is far more important and will make you much happier. It’s also a great way to challenge yourself to embrace uncertainty.

  • When you’ve been around someone toxic, you may be reluctant to try and open your heart to others again.
  • But uncertainty is part and parcel of life and resisting it only causes stress and isolation.
  • Instead, learn to be non-attached, instead loving and appreciating the people around you through your natural connection with them.

Final Thoughts On Ways To Release Attachment To Toxic People

Non-attachment, especially to people, takes practice, but it’s worth it. It allows for a sense of freedom, an ability to go with the flow, and lots more positive thinking. Better yet, it allows you to free up space in your life for healthier relationships with others.

When you master healthy non-attachment, you will become like water – adaptable, effortless, and peaceful in your journeys. You will be comfortable taking different shapes when the need arises, yet remain confident in who you are at your core. By releasing attachment to toxic people, you will take your first step in this direction of mental and spiritual positivity.

The post 6 Ways to Release Attachment to Toxic People appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source – powerofpositivity.com

Business

The Apple Card: Apple’s Very Own Credit Card is Coming Out this Summer

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Apple has done it again. This summer, Apple is bringing out its very own credit card.

The Apple Card will be present inside your iPhone and through it you will be able to make purchases in a much easier and simpler fashion. Making your financial life easier.

The Apple Card will make spending and keeping track of your money so much easier. The card will present to you a weekly and monthly summary on your phone so you know exactly where your money is going. This way, people will be able to manage their money better and unlike other smart cards, Apple promises to be crystal clear on where your money goes.

And it doesn’t end there!

Apple will be able to show you where you’ve been spending your money and will show you trends in your spending. Plus you won’t need to log into a separate app to know where your money has been going. The Apple app can also pinpoint where you’ve been spending all your money too, for example, have you been going to that new Chinese place a lot? Time to cut your spending!

You can even see which restaurants, or utility stores, or wholesale stores you’ve been spending on weekly or monthly. You’ll never lose track of your money again.

Apple gives you cash that you can spend too!

Every purchase you make will add an amount to your bank account that you can use anywhere you want, and there is no limit to the amount of money you can get using your card in a day!

The Apple Card might be the next big thing:

With the Apple card in the picture banking and purchasing might be taking a new turn, in fact, it might just become clearer and honest. Suffice to say, we can’t wait for the summer.

The post The Apple Card: Apple’s Very Own Credit Card is Coming Out this Summer appeared first on Born Realist.

Source – bornrealist.com

Lifestyle

20 Couples Who Perfectly Show What True Love Looks Like

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True love can withstand the test of time, and the couples below have certainly passed with flying colors. In life, love seems to happen when we least expect it, but maintaining that feeling for years on end isn’t easy. Sometimes, it takes sheer willpower to stay with the one you love (because part of love means putting up with all those “quirks” you once found endearing but now can’t stand). You have to fight to keep that feeling alive and put in effort every single day.

Of course, for the right one, all the effort will be worth it. We hope you find as much inspiration from these couples as we did!

Here are 20 couples who show what true love looks like:

1. 32 years have passed and they still look at each other the same way.

My parents at their wedding in 1982 and at my sister’s wedding last June from PastAndPresentPics

2. 71 Valentine’s Days spent together definitely points to true love.

Auschwitz survivor, 92, and the Scottish soldier, 96, who saved her as she was being marched to her DEATH celebrate their 71st Valentine’s Day together.

3. From the dance floor in 6th grade to their wedding day, this couple kept the love alive.

Love is crazy.

4. 70 years later and still smiling!

Old couple in 1944 and 2014

5. This is what 70 years of celebrating true love together looks like.

Recreated to celebrate my Grandparent’s 70th Anniversary

6. From 6th to 12th grade, this couple never left each other’s side.

6th – 12th Grade from aww

7. 8 years of bliss.

Eight years later.

8. 77 years together, showing that it’s definitely true love!

Congratulations to my grandparents on their 77th wedding anniversary from pics

9. This is what love looks like – smiles all around.

My grandma and grandpa on their wedding day, and one of the last pictures of them together before she died from pics

10. The world might keep spinning, but with your true love by your side, nothing seems impossible.

11. 30 years later and they’re still celebrating life together. On a side note, the woman doesn’t look like she’s aged one bit!

Not your traditional /r/aww but here’s my parents celebrating in 1983 and in 2013. I love them from aww

12. They’ve still got it even after 50 years together.

My grandparents: 50 years apart, still absolutely smitten with each other. from OldSchoolCool

13. If you still love the one you’re with after 75 years, it’s a pretty blessed life indeed.

My grandparents just celebrated their 75th wedding anniversary!

14. When you’re still in love at 90, you know it’s been a good life.

Today we celebrated my grandparents wedding anniversary. 90 years old, still in love, and married for over 60 years. from pics

15. 14 years together and still enjoying the beach life as a couple.

Still together after 14 years! ?? pic.twitter.com/hAtqjxz8lo

— Ashley Fernandez (@AshleyFurnandez) May 24, 2015

16. Celebrating 61 years of true love together. Awww!

61 years together

17. True love doesn’t follow the rules of life; it can happen at any age and any time. When you know, you know.

Both 81 and widowed, my friends grandmother just married her prom date after starting to speak again 64 years later from pics

18. 62 years later and these two haven’t forgotten their vows. Simply beautiful!

My Nana and Papaw, in 1951 when they eloped, and today, 62 years later. Still beautifully and irrevocably in love! from pics

19. The couple who has a skincare routine together, stays together.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by @sweetheart_couple on

20. There’s nothing like the magical day when you get to marry your true love.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Utah Brides || ?? (@utahbrides) on

True love is rare, but when you find it, your whole world turns upside down (or is it right side up?). You start to look at life differently – everything seems to fall into place and you feel whole for the first time. If you haven’t found your soulmate yet, don’t give up hope. Oftentimes, we stumble upon true love when we’re focused on everything but finding a partner.

If you have found your one true love, please share with us in the comments! Tell us how you met your special someone and how long you’ve been together!

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

The post 20 Couples Who Perfectly Show What True Love Looks Like appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

15 Traits Introverts Have That Most People Don’t Understand

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Introverts have some behaviors others might consider odd. If you ask an introvert if this is a good thing, they might chuckle about it. Being an introvert can be a gift, but that would depend on who you ask. To extroverts, the thing an introvert does seems weird. To the introvert, there is a very good reason why they do what they do.

There are many things people would never guess about introverted people. Even an introvert may not know others do the same things until they read about them. Here are some widely unknown facts about introverts.

15 Facts About Introverts Most People Don’t Know

1. They Make Themselves Laugh

They prefer their own company at times. They like their ideas, they love daydreaming, creating, reading, watching a movie, relaxing, and they genuinely make themselves laugh at times. They will make you laugh too, but only if they feel comfortable enough to share their humor with you. Many comedians are introverted, which explains a lot about why they notice things others rarely notice.

2. They Need to Be Alone to Recharge

Introverts need to be alone to recharge. People tend to think that introverts are socially awkward, shy and boring people. Nothing could be further from the truth. They value genuine relationships and will have deep conversations at length. They’re not shy, but they want to avoid meaningless interactions. This is why they dislike having a ton of friends merely for the sake of having friends. They need to be alone because it’s draining to be around numerous people and put on a front.

3. They Like People, and They Don’t

They love the good things in people, getting to know the real them and feel comfortable being around them when nothing is said. They like getting to know the real side of them. What they don’t like are fake personalities, keeping up with gossip, talking about the weather or anything else that is not conducive to creating a better tomorrow. This double-edged sword creates a world of always wondering which category people fall in. An introvert ends up wondering, “Should I get to know you or should I not?” An introvert knows quickly who they want to be a friend and who they don’t.

4. They Wished Others Loved as Deeply as They Do

Since an introvert thinks deeply and cares about genuine relationships, an introvert loves deeply. Most often, an introvert loves their partner more than their partner loves them. It is said that an introvert is usually paired with an extrovert, which explains why an introvert would love their partner more. They think about their partner many times throughout the day, they want to know them better and understand why they are the way they are and think of ways to do little things for them.

5. Loyalty Is a Big Deal to Them

If an introvert takes times to know you, you mean a lot to them. Friends aren’t a dime a dozen for them, which means they invest a lot of time, love, kindness and more in you. They want you to stick around and be a true friend, which means you shouldn’t blow them off, trivialize their friendship or otherwise betray them. This means that if you turn against an introvert, it will cut them deeply. They choose their friends wisely. If you have a friend who’s an introvert, they love and respect you tremendously.

6. They Don’t Like Unexpected Visitors

They don’t like unexpected anything, but they especially don’t like unexpected visitors. They have their time mapped out. They know what they’re doing for the day. They don’t like distractions. They have put a lot of thought into how they want their day to go. If you unexpectedly visit, you throw it all off. They might not have the energy or be ready for someone to visit either. Avoid unexpected visits at all costs.

7. They’re Not Necessarily Bored, Even if They Look Like They Are

An introvert can have fun without jumping all over the place. In fact, an introvert is rarely bored because they’re deep in thought most of the time. Their thoughts keep them from boredom. They’re creative types that get energized and focused from solo activities. Rest assured, they’re not bored. They can be absolutely thrilled while sitting still, and you wouldn’t know the difference.

8. They Love Spending Time With Their Kids, But They Need Downtime Too

Kids come along with their own personalities, which means that they can be extroverted. It’s fun to watch extroverts in action and witness how people interact, but an introvert still needs alone time from their kids to recharge. Being introverted makes one a great parent: They’re able to answer the why’s of life’s mysteries, they are patient, love their kids tremendously and are fun to be around. Just give them some alone time, and they’re good.

9. Every Once in a While, They Need to Get Out

Introverts don’t like to be alone all the time. Every once in a while, they like to go out and see new sights. They like to hang out and have coffee, but they’re not into superficial friendships and small talk. After they’ve been out for a while, they need alone time again. After a few days of being a hermit, they’re ready to get out again.

10. Attention-Seeking Behaviors Annoy Them

They don’t like being the center of attention, and it annoys them when people act fake in order to get attention. It’s a bit ironic too because introverts are deep thinkers and have a lot to teach people. They just don’t like to have everyone’s eyes on them necessarily. However, they make excellent speakers because they’re witty. They generally don’t like talking to people from the crowd after a speech though.

11. They Won’t Answer the Phone if They Don’t Know Who’s Calling

They also won’t answer the phone if they know who it is at times. It’s nothing personal, but there are several reasons they might not want to talk right then and there. They could be going through something and need to think about it. They might be in the middle of a project, or they’re just not in the mood to have a lengthy conversation. They might not answer if the call is not scheduled. They also hate small talk, so they’ll avoid 30-minute conversations about vegetables if they can avoid it. They’d rather text something that will take a couple of minutes rather than talk on the phone about the same thing because it will take abundantly longer. If they take your call, take it as a huge compliment.

12. They’re, Usually, Not Judging You

An introvert is quiet, observant and in deep thought most of the time. When they’re out in public, they usually look around at everyone. They might people-watch to see what’s going on. At times, it’s amusing. At other times, they’re getting a feel for what’s going on. This causes extroverts to think an introvert is secretly judging them. Most of the time, this isn’t the case. On a rare occurrence, an introvert might be annoyed by a behavior so it’s possible that they’re judging another. An introvert doesn’t like wasting a lot of energy on matters like this, and the annoying behavior is quickly forgotten about.

13. They Get Distracted Easily

Too much stimuli is not a good thing for introverts. They enjoy working in quiet environments, away from others. They get distracted by certain noises, which can include water dripping from a faucet, non-rhythmic clatter and a variety of sounds that become annoying. Soothing sounds don’t bother them. Movement in their range of sight can serve as distractions too. People staring at them or standing behind them while they work also serves as distractions and annoys them. Don’t stand behind an introvert when they’re doing something.

14. They’re Not in a Bad Mood

An introvert is usually thinking about something. They think about things all day long. Their brains are constantly on the go. When someone sees an introvert, they invariably form an opinion that they’re in a bad mood when nothing could be further from the truth. If you ask an introvert if they’re happy, they’ll usually tell you that they are. If you get to know an introvert and they consider you as a true friend, they’ll be one of the most interesting people you’ll ever have a conversation with.

15. They Can Be the Life of the Party, Sometimes

It doesn’t mean that they necessarily want to be the life of the party. They might do so out of politeness, because of needing to be a good host or because of some other obligation. An introvert has the ability to entertain people. They just don’t always like doing so. It takes effort to do because it does not come naturally, which is why they appreciate genuine friendships and real conversations. You have to talk about trivial things and resort to surface material to entertain a crowd at a party. It requires grand gestures and exaggerated facial expressions. An introvert is capable of all of this, but it can make them cringe over having to do it.

It’s important to realize that you can’t say “all” introverts or extroverts do this or that. Some people are more introverted than others. You might find that you share some of the above qualities. Celebrate whatever makes you unique. Both introverts and extroverts can be amazing people. You just need to have patience with an introvert to discover what lies beneath. It’s worth waiting for. You might get a kick out of their “weirdness” too.

The post 15 Traits Introverts Have That Most People Don’t Understand appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

Scientists Explain 8 Things That Help You Wake Up Happy Every Morning

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Before diving into how to help you wake up happy, we would like to ask…

”Are you an early bird or a night owl?”

As if there’s one of two ways to “feel” in the morning, “A” or “B.” As if the time of day were the only variable in a nigh-understood equation.

Let’s talk about Marcus Aurelius for a minute. Talk about someone who had every reason to hate mornings. Glossed as “the last of the five good emperors,” Aurelius had to contend – day in and day out – with deadly plagues, brutal wars, barbaric invasions, and a disloyal, traitorous political climate.

Nevertheless, the last good emperor was by all accounts a kindly, benevolent ruler with a deep love for his people. What do you think the man had to say about the mornings?

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”

Considering what Aurelius – and millions of others, including in the present-day – had and continue to deal with on a morning-to-morning basis, do you think it’s at least possible for you to wake up happy and in a better state of mind? Bonus: You don’t even need to confront plague, wars, invasions, or political rivals!

Regardless of how you may feel about the mornings, you can adopt a better state of mind. You can put yourself in a better state of mind and being. You merely have to, like Mr. Aurelius, believe in the possibility.

Regarding these points, we’re going to discuss the rationale behind the “morning person or night owl” debate. We’ll also lean on a bit of science to give you eight tips for waking up in a better mood every morning. Let’s do this thing!

(Important note: the writer is referring to the attitude – and other mentioned controllable factors – that people bring forth when discussing the topic at hand. Medical or otherwise scientific reasoning is, for the most part, beyond the scope of the article. If the latter in any way describes you, consider seeking the advice of a trained professional.)

The Circadian Clock: It’s Everything

Most oxygen-breathing critters, including we homo sapiens, operate off of a 24-hour cycle called the circadian clock (or “circadian oscillator”). The circadian clock is a biological adaptation that evolved in living things as a response to living in the Earth’s 24-hour solar cycle. It’s the job of our clock to serve us cues that permit us to anticipate environmental changes.

There are a few theories as to what makes someone an owl or lark, which often plays a part in whether you wake up happy; they all have to do with your circadian rhythm. While it is beyond the scope of this article to reproduce these findings in detail, suffice it to say that it has everything to do with your genetic makeup and how your genome influences your circadian rhythm.

Fortunately, the genes that control circadian rhythm can be at least somewhat influenced by environment. If you happen to fall more into the night owl category, there are some actions that you can take to feel happier when the sun begins to shine. To reiterate: your “morning or night genes” do have an influence, but they do not have the final say. You do. (Again, the caveat being some underlying medical or scientific trigger.)

So, what are these things that can influence your biological clock? Read on, friend!

8 Things That Help You Wake Up Happy

Here are eight science-approved ways to wake up a happier person:

1. Handle simple stuff the night before

This one’s rather simple, isn’t it? What rather mindless task do you slog through upon waking up? Do you take up too much time rummaging through your closet for something to wear? Are your car keys missing every morning because you don’t keep them in the same spot?

No need to keep hammering on this point. Remember, when it comes to making yourself a happier morning person, half of the battle is knowing what can be controlled. Lay out your clothes, auto-brew the coffee, hang up the car keys, and pack up your office supplies. Complete these simple tasks so that when you awake, you’re free to direct your mind elsewhere.

2. Adopt an attitude of gratitude

In the hustle and bustle that is the modern workday, it’s super easy just to ignore our blessings. This near-universal human tendency isn’t the product of some character flaw. It’s just biology. Our bottom-up circuitry is wired to have us thinking one step ahead. (Damned amygdala!)

Instead, use the prefrontal cortex just a bit, and slow things down. Take a deep breath or five and bring to mind something for which you’re grateful. That’s right, in your attempts to wake up happy, adopt an attitude of gratitude.

A good practice: when you realize that you’re awake, keep your eyes closed. Now, bring to mind the face of someone near and dear to your heart. Rest in your loving and grateful emotions for this particular person for a couple of minutes before going about your morning.

3. Use the right alarm clock (read: no smartphones!)

If you guessed that this suggestion is all about not plunging down the rabbit hole of technology, you’re partially correct. It also happens that waking up to jolting noise may not be good for your heart. And unless you’re a really deep sleeper, such cacophony is probably unnecessary.

If you’ve never tried waking up without an alarm clock, give it a go. Waking up at the same time every morning may nullify the need for an alarm.

4. Practice some visualization to help you wake up happy

A fascinating fact about the human brain: it cannot tell the difference between what is real and “unreal” – at least on a subconscious level. What does this have to do with mornings? Everything!

If you can quiet your mind and get into a mode where you can picture yourself having a happy, productive, and successful morning, you will eventually find that your mornings are much more pleasant. As the genius neuroscientist Donald Hebb so famously said, “Neurons that fire together, wire together!” Rewire your neurons, baby!

5. Don’t “Eat the Frog” too early

Listen, if you find that tackling something difficult first thing in the A.M. works for you, go for it. The words “works for you” implies that this activity – whatever it is – manifests no worse than “neutral” feelings.

As should be apparent by now, shifting your mindset often involves switching up your routine. Don’t voluntarily do something just because you think you have to – at least not first thing in the morning. This change will help you wake up happy.

6. Get your sleep game right

Sleep deprivation is on the brink of becoming a public health crisis. Besides the potentially irreparable damage that lack of sleep does to the body, poor sleeping habits are very damaging to our mind-body equilibrium.

Clinically, there is a direct correlation between sleep deprivation and depression as well as other mental health conditions. You can go a long way towards preventing such problems by adopting a disciplined sleep routine. Getting out in front of sleep deprivation is a must for anyone trying to make their mornings better.

7. Give yourself plenty of time

Put that new alarm clock to good use by setting it 15 to 30 minutes early! Most of us put unnecessary stress on ourselves by not allocating just a bit of extra time in the mornings.

If you don’t think that this slice of time will make any difference, ask yourself:

– How much time does it take to find your keys when lost?

– When the traffic is delayed, how late do you usually get into work?

– What would you do if things went to plan and you had an extra 15 minutes?

If you’re feeling ambitious, try heading to bed a few minutes early. You should find that your mornings go much smoother. Also, notice how the simple act of getting up (and/or heading to bed) a bit earlier carries with you throughout the day!

8. Be mindful to wake up happy

Of all the prescriptions for morning woes, the practice of mindfulness is probably the closest thing to a miracle cure. For the uninitiated, mindfulness is the simple (though not easy) act of directing your attention to the present moment.

Mindfulness also involves allowing distressing feelings and thoughts to come and go without your interference or rationalizing. When you become a capable mindfulness practitioner, thoughts and feelings may arise in the morning, afternoon, or evening – when you’re at work, home, or in transit – and you’ll merely brush them off and move on.

The post Scientists Explain 8 Things That Help You Wake Up Happy Every Morning appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

Science Explains 12 Reasons Why Being An Optimist Is Great For Your Health

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If you’re not familiar with the term dispositional optimism, it is used to measure the extent to which an individual believes that positive outcomes will occur in the future not only for themselves but also for others. To help put this into context, several decades of scientific research has shown that the positive benefits of optimism can reverberate throughout an individual’s life, affecting everything from their disposition to their overall health. In fact, there is sufficient data available for one to conclude that being an optimist could very well contribute to a longer life, improved cardiovascular health, reduced stress, and much more. In this article, we will explore the many benefits of being optimistic and how it can change your life.

While most people will agree that a positive, healthy outlook is a great way to reduce stress, many find it hard to believe that being optimistic can combat disease or speed recovery following surgery. That said, scientific data is turning many of those naysayers into believers. For example, a study published by the American Psychological Association shows that patients who were optimistic about undergoing a major surgery like a coronary artery bypass, for example, experienced few complications and often recovered faster than those who were pessimistic. The same was also shown to be true of individuals diagnosed with life-altering diseases like cancer, diabetes, and HIV. Those who were optimistic about their treatments improved significantly over those who were either pessimistic or apathetic. All in all, the nexus between good health and optimism can be attributed to the following four factors:

OPTIMIST ARE CONCERNED ABOUT THEIR HEALTH

Not surprisingly, those who are optimistic are also very health conscious and will make it a point to stay on top of their physical, emotional, and psychological health. According to a 2002 study published by Sage Journals, individuals who are optimistic are twice as likely to lead a healthy lifestyle compared to those who are pessimistic. In most cases, they had a higher propensity for exercise, got more sleep, had fewer sexual partners, and were less likely to smoke or drink excessively. Lastly, the healthier actions of those who are optimistic have been shown to give way to even healthier outcomes, which often includes fewer health problems and living longer.

OPTIMIST ARE KNOWLEDGEABLE ABOUT THEIR OWN HEALTH

Statistically speaking, individuals who are optimistic are knowledgeable about what it takes to achieve and maintain good health. As such, they tend to monitor their health more closely than those who are pessimistic or have an otherwise negative outlook on life. To further illustrate this point, according to a 2002 study, which was conducted by psychologists Nathan Radcliffe and William Klein, optimist generally had a broad knowledge base when it came to factors that can increase the risk of a heart attack like excessive alcohol consumption, stress, and smoking, for example.

OPTIMISM AND SETBACKS

Research shows that those who are optimistic are better equipped to deal with setbacks and stress. They often adopt approach-focused coping strategies that enable them to confront problems head-on, which, in turn, limits the effects that they can have on their physical and emotional health. For example, an optimist diagnosed with cancer is more likely to invest time in learning more about cancer and the treatment that are available. Also, they are more inclined to seek advice from oncologists and other healthcare professionals before starting a specific cancer remediation treatment. Unlike pessimist, individuals who are optimistic tend to take an analytic approach toward dealing with problems as opposed to becoming overwrought with emotions like fear and sadness, for example. Studies show that adopting this mindset enables optimistic individuals to control and take ownership of problems that they are confronted with and finding solutions that work best for them.

OPTIMISM AND SOCIAL NETWORKS

One of the best ways of growing your social network is by being optimistic. After all, people are more inclined to not only like but also gravitate towards those who they believe are optimistic and have a healthy outlook on life. That aside, they also maintain a stronger bond with the people in their lives, which includes platonic and romantic relationships.

Now that we have a general understanding of how optimism correlates with good physical and emotional health, let’s take a moment to highlight a few specific examples:

1. ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION

Not surprisingly, our level of optimism dictates how we will react to stressful situations. Statistically speaking, those who are exceedingly optimistic struggle less with anxiety or depression when confronted by negative people or circumstances. It is also worth noting that optimism has been linked with feelings of invulnerability, which helps to boost self-confidence and reduce feelings of anxiety.

2. HEART HEALTH

According to a study published by the Psychological Bulletin, a publication covering evaluative and integrative research reviews as well as interpretations of issues in scientific psychology, optimism can improve heart health and lower the risk of cardiovascular disease, regardless of an individual’s weight, age, and smoking habits.

3. REDUCED STRESS

When it comes to reducing stress, being optimistic can go a long way. In fact, multiple studies have shown that there is a strong correlation between thinking positive and reduced stress. In contrast, those who are pessimistic or have an overly negative outlook are not only more stressed but also more susceptible to prolonged bouts of depression and anxiety.

4. IMPROVED APPEARANCE

While improved physical health and reduced stress are both significant benefits, being optimistic can also help you age gracefully, according to data compiled by the University College London, a London-based public research university. Researchers concluded that fine lines and wrinkles are far less prominent among individuals with a positive outlook on life.

5. BETTER SELF-CARE

There is more than enough sufficient evidence to suggest that optimist do a better job when it comes to self-care in comparison to those who are pessimistic. According to Carver and Scheier’s theory of self-regulation, individuals who think positively often make it a point to take care of their bodies by eating healthy, taking vitamins, and practicing safe sex. All in all, these practices go a long way towards contributing to a longer, healthier life.

6. LOWER BLOOD PRESSURE

Along with reducing your overall sodium intake, an optimistic mindset can help lower your blood pressure, which can potentially lead to a stroke as high blood pressure is known to damage and weaken the brain’s blood vessel, often causing them to become narrow, leak and, in extreme cases, even rupture.

7. HIGH TOLERANCE FOR PAIN

Of course, for some people, this may be construed as a negative, but studies show that optimists tend to have a higher tolerance for physical and emotional pain. This higher tolerance means they are less apt to wave the proverbial white flag in the face of difficult or challenging situations.

8. BETTER LOVE LIFE

From a purely statistical standpoint, optimistic individuals generally have better luck when it comes to finding and holding on to love. This good fortune can be the byproduct; however, it is generally because male and females are more accepting of individuals who have a sunny disposition. Also, optimists derive a certain degree of satisfaction and fulfillment from being in a healthy relationship over those who are pessimistic.

9. IMPROVED EMOTIONAL HEALTH

Although one’s physical health is important, emotional health can provide you with clarity and a clearly defined sense of purpose. To help contextualize this statement, a study published by Very Well Mind, an online resource that provides health and wellness information from healthcare professionals, cognitive therapy, which encourages individuals to adopt a healthy and positive way of thinking, can be more effective than many antidepressants and similar drugs.

10. GREATER SENSE OF ACHIEVEMENT

Individuals who are optimistic derive a greater sense of accomplishment in completing tasks, especially when it comes to group activities. In fact, these findings have prompted many major corporations to go out of their way to recruit individuals with this mindset.

11. PERSISTENCE

One of the most common attributes of an optimist is persistence, which goes a long way for those in the business world, a prime example being Donald Trump. Before becoming the 45th president of the United States, Trump faced considerable adversity, which included filing for bankruptcy; however, he was able to persevere and became one of the wealthiest men in the country.

12. LONGEVITY

Although last on the list, the biggest benefit of being an optimist is living a longer life. Because individuals who are optimist are health-conscious, they are generally less susceptible to disease and other serious health conditions that can lead to an abbreviated life expectancy.

The post Science Explains 12 Reasons Why Being An Optimist Is Great For Your Health appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

9 Signs Your Partner Is Unfaithful To You Without Being Aware Of It

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Infidelity is a difficult subject. No one wants to be cheated on, and good people don’t want to be unfaithful to their partners. But being unfaithful isn’t just what happens when you sleep with someone else. It comes in many, many forms.

The problem is that a lot of these types of cheating aren’t considered cheating by the people doing them. This is a phenomenon known as “micro-cheating” – but don’t let the name fool you. It can be just as hurtful to your partner as more commonly condemned forms of infidelity.

It’s important to understand the concept of micro-cheating, how hurtful it can be, and what behaviors accompany them.

Here Are 9 Signs Your Partner Is Unfaithful To You Without Being Aware Of It

1. Complaining About A Partner

It’s okay to need to rant about a fight or negative trait sometimes, but for the most part, your relationship problems should be kept between the parties in a relationship. It’s the respectful, mature, and positive way to handle relationship issues.

If your partner constantly complains to their friends about every single little thing you do or is spilling details about your private life to them without your consent, it can be considered a form of unfaithfulness. The same goes if you act in the same way among your friends.

This isn’t just bad because you’re backstabbing your partner. It’s bad because your friends and others you complain to are getting a negative idea of your partner, and your partner can’t defend themselves. So if your partner’s friends seem to know nitty-gritty details of your arguments, it’s time to talk about some boundaries.

If there are some serious issues that you really need to hash out, seek help from a couple’s counselor or therapist. This way, you can have an impartial listener who is aiming to help you improve and grow stronger, not take sides and point fingers.

2. Hiding Financial Activity

Arguing is part and parcel of being in a relationship. Of all the things couples fight about, money accounts for a shocking 70% of the total – a good enough reason to make sure your relationship has positive views on financial situations.

If your partner is hiding financial activity from you, they are being intentionally deceitful and breaching your trust. We’re not just talking about major problems like gambling. We’re also talking about small things, like hiding receipts, pretending not to have spent money on something, secretly moving funds into a private account, or lying about your income.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to have your own money kept safe in a separate account. If you do want that to happen, though, you should bring it up with your partner – and they should be allowed to do the same thing. In other words, it should go both ways.

If you or your spouse has a spending problem that is causing you to hide your financial activity, seek help from a relevant professional, whether an accountant or addiction therapist.

3. Emotional Dishonesty

One of the most important parts of being in a relationship as an adult is emotional openness. You have to be honest with each other in order to be on the same page. After all, you’re not mind readers; you can’t know for sure what your partner thinks or feels unless they tell you the truth.

If your partner answers that everything is fine when you ask if something is wrong, but this clearly isn’t the case, it’s a type of micro-cheating. It creates a space of distrust where you can’t believe the things that your partner says and have to constantly second-guess everything. This isn’t healthy and it can be very damaging.

Communication is crucial in all relationships. If your partner – or you – can’t be honest about emotions, it’s a major red flag. If something is bothering you, you should be able to talk about it – and they should be able to do the same when they have something on their mind.

4. Communicating With Someone In Secret

Does your partner delete all chat and call history, as if they have something to hide, but you know they aren’t physically cheating? Do you find out months later that they’ve had a friend they intentionally kept a secret from you?

Similarly, do you hide your call logs and delete your text messages to and from a certain someone? Do you feel like you have to keep this person a secret from your partner? It goes both ways, and this is a form of emotional cheating.

The first person you might think of when you talk about secret correspondence is an ex. Many, many people don’t cut ties with their exes, and this is fine if you’re open about it with your partner. But there are many people out there who do this in secret, claiming that telling their partners would just make them jealous and upset – even if they give their consent.

Studies have found that people are much more likely to keep in touch with ex-partners who they maintain some positive, more-than-platonic feelings for. Some have also found that there are links between current relationship satisfaction and ex-communication.

But it isn’t just exes who might get this treatment. Maybe there’s a family member you promised to cut ties with whom you still talk to. Maybe your partner has some people he hangs out with that he feels like you shouldn’t know about. If there’s something you’re trying to keep secret from each other, it’s never harmless: it’s always because you have something to hide.

5. Investing Effort Into A Crush

An emotional affair may never get sexual or even remotely physical, but to some, it’s even worse – likely because intimacy can just be intimacy, but emotions run much deeper. It’s a huge deal-breaker of the signs your partner is unfaithful to you without being aware of it.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with having a crush. After all, settling down with someone you love doesn’t mean you lose your sense of sight. You’ll still find other people attractive sometimes, and so will your partner; what matters is that neither person acts on that attraction.

How does an emotional affair tie into all of this? Well, this occurs when someone takes an extra step to get closer to a crush. They began to expend energy and time on this person and may even start paying a lot of attention to them constantly.

They might dress up extra nicely when they know they’ll bump into that crush. Perhaps they enjoy secret chats that they don’t tell their partner about. They may share intimate secrets and details with this person. That’s when someone’s investment in that person goes way beyond platonic interest.

6. Casual Flirting

Some people are natural flirts. For some, it’s part of social interaction and they do it for fun, not because they actually have feelings for those they flirt with. For others, they’re legitimately attracted to the other person but feel that flirting is harmless. And for many, they don’t even realize they’re flirting!

Unfortunately, all forms of casual flirting can be considered a way of being unfaithful. Even if your partner doesn’t mean to flirt, chances are that the other person is getting the flirtatious vibes loud and clear. This can make things pretty awkward even in the best-case scenario, and the other person can get the wrong idea.

There are also some people who intentionally flirt because they like the attention it earns them. This can be caused by self-esteem issues, a desire to be more attractive to others, or simply out of boredom. Although some consider casual flirting harmless, it betrays the trust of the partner they are committed to.

7. Imagining Someone Else In Bed

We all have fantasies, but your intimate time in bed with your partner is meant to be focused on them. It’s a celebration of your bond, your love, and your passion for each other. If your partner seems to be having an amazing time but was actually thinking about another person throughout the whole ordeal, it can be insulting and feel like a betrayal.

Many people consider intimacy to be a very important component of their relationship. It’s disrespectful to think about someone else while it happens, and you and your partner deserve better than an absent lover.

8. Lying About A Relationship Status

There are very few reasons to fib about being taken. If your partner tells people that they are single when they’re dating you, it definitely falls into the unfaithful territory. It’s hard to imagine any other reason people would do this, after all.

Some people might feel uncomfortable admitting to their relationship status in certain settings, but again, it’s hard to come up with any reason why this would be the case. The best option if your partner knows they will feel this way is to tell you about it beforehand so you know it’s out of their own anxiety or nervousness, and not a way to denounce you.

9. Keeping Dating Apps

When you’re off the dating market, there’s no need to keep your membership. Deleting your dating apps is one of the many modern ways that someone says, “I’m now taken and committed!”

Of course, sometimes people can forget to delete them. But for those who just feel like keeping them around, you can’t help but wonder why. Are they keeping their options open? Are they really as committed as they claim?

Even worse are people who still have their dating profiles completely up and running, actively. Sure, there’s something entertaining about fooling around and chatting on Tinder or Bumble with strangers, but it definitely seems shady and can be classified as cheating.

Final Thoughts On Signs Your Partner Is Unfaithful To You Without Being Aware Of It

Every couple is different. For some, these types of “micro-cheating” aren’t a big deal. If both parties are aware of and consent to these actions, then it is not a form of unfaithful behavior and you’re fine.

But the truth is that a lot of people do feel bothered by these behaviors. It can be confusing to the partner performing them to be accused of behaving negatively when they think their actions are completely fine, and that’s why it’s good to be aware of what may be bad for a typical romantic partnership.

All relationships are unique and all people have different perceptions of what crosses a line and what doesn’t. As a couple, it is important to communicate boundaries, expectations, and feelings surrounding these actions so you know what is okay and what isn’t.

The post 9 Signs Your Partner Is Unfaithful To You Without Being Aware Of It appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source – powerofpositivity.com

Lifestyle

Researchers Reveal Why People Should Take A Break Every 90 Minutes

12-Step-Self-Care-Practice-For-Your-Mind-Body-And-Soul-1-1024x576

The basic rest-activity cycle (BRAC) is a mechanism proposed by the “Father of sleep medicine,” Nathaniel Kleitman. More commonly referred to as the ultradian (alt-ray-dee-in) rhythm, Kleitman suggested that our sleep and wake cycles occur in 90-minute intervals. The Journal of Sleep Research & Sleep Medicine

Nathaniel Kleitman is considered the father of modern-day sleep science. Born in 1895, Kleitman immigrated from Russia to New York City, where he arrived penniless at the age of 20. By the age of 28, Kleitman had a Ph.D. from the University of Chicago.

Dr. Kleitman etched his name into this history books with his book Sleep and Wakefulness, published in 1939. In 1953, Kleitman and Eugene Aserinsky, one of Kleitman’s graduate students, published their findings on rapid-eye movement, or REM sleep.

Aside from the discovery of REM sleep, Kleitman’s findings on “rest-activity” cycles may be his most notable work. The Basic Rest activity cycle, or BRAC, states that human beings possess an inherent biological clock that operates in 90-minute intervals.

BRAC is more commonly referred to as the ultradian rhythm, which influences how the brain operates when we are both awake and asleep. For the purpose of this article, we’re going to focus on the effects of ultradian rhythm during wakefulness.

Researchers Explain Why You Should Take Work Breaks Every 90 Minutes

The underlying principle of everything Dr. Kleitman studied is that the human brain goes through different stages every 90 minutes. These stages, also referred to as ‘cycles,’ determine our levels of alertness. This principle has a more far-reaching impact than most people realize – and is something that we can use to our advantage.

Tony Schwartz is the president and CEO of the Energy Project, a company “that helps individuals and organizations fuel energy, engagement, focus, and productivity by harnessing the science of high performance.” Schwartz’s company has achieved success through the modern-day implementation of Nathaniel Kleitman’s research.

“The human body is hard-wired to pulse,” Schwartz says, “To operate at our best we need to renew our energy at 90-minute intervals – not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally.”

Compare what Schwartz (and indirectly, Kleitman) is saying and then compare it to the modern workplace. Instead of implementing any kind of science-based work/rest schedule, most companies insist on draining every ounce of “productivity” out of their workers. There’s just one problem with this approach: it’s completely wrong. The problem, according to Schwartz is “that more, bigger, faster generates value that is narrow, shallow, and short-term.”

The solution: 90 minutes of focused work, followed by 20 minutes of rest. Researchers have discovered that this is the best way to work.

Schwartz and his team at The Energy Project have rightfully critiqued this antiquated approach to work – and have had success. They’ve attracted clients from sectors ranging from hospitals and police departments to Google and IBM.

What this means for you (Recommendations)

Firstly, it is important to understand and accept the universal truth that the brain works in cycles. No prominent neuroscientist alive would deny the science of brain rhythms and sleep/wake cycles.

Second, you must take into account your work environment. Hopefully, you have a bit of wiggle room when it comes to taking breaks. If so, set a timer on your computer or phone (plenty of free apps) for 90 minutes. Absent these resources, simply jot down the time you start work and the time 90 minutes after.

If you’re in an office environment that is more restrictive, here are some suggestions:

– If you’re a manager or someone who carries some clout, talk to someone who will listen.

– If you have “flex breaks,” as in you can take your allotted break times whenever; use them strategically. Here’s an example for a typical 9-6 workday with an hour lunch period:

9 am: Start work and schedule your break for 10:30

10:30-10:45: Break

10:45-12:15: Work

12:15-12:45: Meal time (reserving 30 minutes for second half of the day)

12:45-2:15: Work

2:15-2:30: Break

2:30-4: Work

4-4:20 or 4:30: Break (using up “flex time”)

4:30-6: Finish strong!

– Inflexible environments are a bit trickier, but with some creative time-management (bathroom breaks?) and determination to stick with the 90 minutes on, 20 minutes off (at least 15 minutes off), you can do it!

Try to incorporate the “90/20 rule” into all of your longer tasks, both at work and at home. You’ll feel more refreshed, more productive and, most importantly, much happier and fulfilled.

Tom Gibson, a digital strategist and author, eloquently states:

“We need to incorporate ‘off time’ – the outward breath, the ebb – into our working patterns. Not with simple lip-service like ‘you need to sleep better,’ but as an integral, affirmed part of the process of working…We need to understand that ‘on’ is impossible without off,’ and that the distance between the two needs to be made closer: like the beats of a heart or the steps of a runner.”

Readers, have you ever experimented with a time-management technique? Do you plan to incorporate the 90/20 principle? Tell us about it!

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
References:
http://chronicle.uchicago.edu/990923/kleitman.shtml
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/author/tony-schwartz
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tony-schwartz/work-life-balance-the-90_b_578671.html
https://www.fastcompany.com/3013188/why-you-need-to-unplug-every-90-minutes

The post Researchers Reveal Why People Should Take A Break Every 90 Minutes appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.

Source – powerofpositivity.com