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Therapists Explain 10 Ways to Cope With Heartbreak (+ 10 things to avoid)

Therapists Explain 10 Ways to Cope With Heartbreak (+ 10


Everyone has their unique coping methods for getting over a breakup. However, some may be much more effective than others. It’s essential to go through your grief in the right way to get you back on your feet again. We share ten ways to cope with heartbreak (and ten behaviors to avoid).

10 “Dos” When You Must Cope with Heartbreak

1. Do Seek Support

It’s perfectly natural to want to talk to someone about your breakup. You probably have a lot of feelings festering up inside of you. Look for opportunities to express your emotions in an appropriate setting. Go to the people who are closest to you first. Of course, you want to avoid anyone who may be caught in the middle of the breakup. Venting to them could make them feel uncomfortable.

In the case of life-altering breakups or leaving an abusive relationship, you may want to go to a therapist or support group. The damage inflicted may be more serious than a gab session with your mom or best friend can manage.

2. Do Focus on Your Physical Health

When you treat your body well, you will notice a positive change in your mental health as well. Eat well and exercise. Focus on foods filled with nutrition and not empty calories. Stay away from fried foods and processed foods. You should also make a point to get out and exercise throughout the week. A body in motion stays in motion, so your body will continue to move correctly as long as you work it out.

3. Do Stay Busy

The last thing you need is too much time on your hands. You may end up dwelling on the breakup, causing you to feel bad about yourself. Instead, fill up your calendar with different events to keep you busy. When you are out doing things every night, you won’t have time to think about the person who hurt you.

4. Do Help Others

Breakups tend to bring out the selfish side of us. We wallow in self-pity and talk about ourselves a lot. Instead, it might be more beneficial to go out and help others. Spend time with family members or volunteer at a charitable organization. You will not only be helping others, but it can also make you feel good about yourself.

5. Do Examine Your Dating Practices

While you shouldn’t place blame on anyone (especially yourself), you should take time to think about some of your dating habits. You may be able to make some changes that will help you in your future dating ventures. Do you tend to fall for bad boys? Are you too clingy? Do you flirt with other people outside of the relationship? Look at some things you can change to help yourself succeed in love the next time around.

6. Do Cry

Some people try their hardest not to cry or feel angry about the end of their relationship. However, it’s a natural reaction to feel a certain way. You should not feel bad about your emotions. In fact, it is best to take some time to explore how you are feeling.

Otherwise, you only bottle up your feelings inside of you. Take a night to listen to sad breakup songs with a scoop of ice cream to let it out. When it’s finally all out there, you’ll feel a lot better. Just don’t make it a habit.

7. Do Get a Pet

You may have a lot of love you want to share. Get a cute pet to focus your love on. You can dote on your new cat, dog, or lizard (whatever pet you’re into). Just remember a pet is a big responsibility and commitment.

8. Do Focus on Other Relationships

Your romantic relationship wasn’t the only relationship in your life. Consider all of the family relationships in your life– your parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, etc. Spend some time developing those relationships.

9. Do Find a Creative Outlet

You need to find a way to express yourself in a safe, creative way after heartbreak. Some people choose to start painting, singing, or writing. You can talk about the breakup or a variety of other topics affecting you at the moment.

10. Do Date

You should go out and start dating again–when you are ready.  You may want to give it a couple of weeks or months before going on your first date. Only you know the best timeframe for you, as confirmed by research. But you shouldn’t get too used to staying inside every day. When a new dating opportunity comes up, take it. Take things slowly and casually before you fall in love headfirst again, though.

10 Don’ts When You Suffer from Heartbreak

1. Don’t Overindulge

Some people choose to make themselves feel better by overindulging in certain activities, such as drinking or casual sex. It may make you feel better at the moment, but it won’t lead to long-term happiness. Watch how much you engage in reckless behavior.

2. Don’t Contact Your Ex

Your ex was a large part of your life. It’s hard to entirely and suddenly stop talking to a person who was once so important in your life. When something good or bad happens in your life, your instinct may be to pick up the phone and give your ex a call. You may also want to call just to see how they are doing. Avoid all temptations. Contacting your ex will only lead to a complicated relationship that can prevent you from moving on and even more heartbreak. It’s over. Only talk to your ex when you need to.

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Never send these text messages to your former love.

3. Don’t Talk About the Breakup on Social Media

Social media is an excellent place for people to express themselves. However, you don’t want to tell everyone about what’s going on in your life. Rants about your ex may be entertaining to other people, but it will only make you look crazy and unprofessional.

4. Don’t Stoop to Their Level

Breakups can bring out the worst in people. When someone is emotional, they may do something mean. When your ex starts making your life difficult, you may be tempted to stoop down to their level and retaliate. Don’t do it. You may only make yourself look bad or even get yourself in trouble. Even when your ex goes low, you need to stay high.

5. Don’t Let Yourself Go

After a breakup, you may not shave or do your regular skincare routine. However, you need to keep up on these things more than ever in the case of a new prospect coming along. You don’t want a new potential significant other to see you in your pajamas with no makeup during the day.

6. Don’t Hold onto Gifts/Items

You and your former partner may have gifted each other things throughout the relationship. The items will become a reminder of your relationship when they are gone. You may enjoy a certain pair of shoes or piece of jewelry, but you shouldn’t wear those items if it’s going to be a constant reminder of a failed relationship.

7. Don’t Become a Shut-in

After a breakup, the world may look scary and unfriendly. You may not want to go out and socialize with people. However, you need to overcome these feelings. Some people want some time to themselves after a breakup, but you may start to be depressed staying inside all of the time. You need to go out and experience fresh air. You should also go do things you enjoy and see people in your life. These things will put your life back on track.

8. Don’t Portray Yourself as a Victim

It can be easy to make yourself look like a victim without even trying. This would be especially true if you were cheated on or abused during the relationship. However, you need to make a point to remain strong. You should not lie about what happened, but you do not need to tell your story without provocation.

9. Don’t Stick to Old Negative Patterns

Many people who are unlucky in love may notice that they tend to make the same mistakes over and over again. You need to examine these mistakes and do what you can to make a change. In some cases, you may want to get professional help to assist you through your issues.

10. Don’t Rush Into the Next Relationship

Some people cure heartbreak by rushing into the next committed relationship. While you want to go out and date, you don’t want to jump a long-term commitment with another person right away. Take the time to get to know somebody. Allow things to happen organically. Otherwise, you’ve just headed toward heartbreak again.

Final Thoughts on Coping With Heartbreak So You Can Move On

These tips make it clear for people to make the right decisions for their emotional and romantic health after heartbreak. A breakup isn’t the end- it’s the start of something new and exciting. You just need to see it that way.

Lifestyle

Therapists Explain Importance of Setting Ground Rules Before Marriage

Therapists Explain Importance of Setting Ground Rules Before Marriage


Marriage is a consensual union where two people love and commit to each other for life. While tying the knot is done out of love, a couple truly does not understand the meaning of the word until they have weathered life’s storms together. Marriage is not for the faint of heart, but setting ground rules can prevent misunderstandings down the road.

Some find that once they are married, they feel more like roommates rather than spouses. The daily grind can get to everyone, and the responsibility that comes with such a commitment can be overwhelming. Ground rules are essential, and they should be established before you walk down the aisle.

Ground Rules for a Successful Marriage

If you want a successful partnership and a happy life, then you need to establish some ground rules early on. You may think that it sounds silly to put requirements on a relationship that has a foundation of love. But nothing can be nastier than a married couple throwing verbal punches during an argument. Here are some ground rules that can help you ensure your union is a long and blissful one.

Also, know that while you agree to these ground rules, they can be flexible–when both parties agree. For example, your feelings about starting a family might change one day. As long as both of you agree to amend these decisions–and play by the new ruling–you’ll do just fine!

1. Don’t Go to Bed Angry

There’s an old saying that states that you should never let the sun go down on your wrath. This is so important because the longer you allow frustrations to boil, the more apt it is to drive a wedge between the two of you.

Most arguments start over silly things, and they should be resolved before you go to bed. You will lie there all night and stew about what happened. As you replay the events in your mind, you will build the situation up to be bigger than it is, and it can easily cause you to resent your spouse.

If possible, don’t go to bed before at least committing to sort things out in the morning and to apologize for any wrongdoing.

2. Vow to Never Allow Family to Interfere

One of the most significant problems in marriages is the in-laws. In many cases, they act like outlaws when it comes to their loved ones. It’s essential to establish firm boundaries regarding the relatives early on.

Never allow your parents or siblings to speak ill of your partner. Additionally, you must ensure that they don’t stick their nose into your business. Your union must be strong, and you cannot let your relatives ruin your successful partnership.

In-laws can quickly destroy your relationship with meddling, especially when you have children. So it’s best that you set firm boundaries with them on what behaviors you expect and what you won’t tolerate.

3. Decide the Financial Stuff

There was a joint checking account in the olden days, and one person handled all the bills. Today’s couples are a bit more diverse in how finances are done. Do you tend to be old fashioned, or do you want to keep money separate?

It’s important to discuss these issues upfront. It can get very messy if two people are trying to pay bills and dipping into the proverbial cookie jar. Finances are one of the problems that can ruin a marriage quicker than anything else, so establish early on how things are done. Decide on a plan that is acceptable for both of you.

Another thing to consider is that neither party should make a significant purchase without talking to one another. Set a dollar limit that you shouldn’t go over without discussing it. The same should be said about opening credit and going in debt.

4. Determine if You Want Children

Another issue that is common among couples is the desire to be a parent. One may want to be a mom or dad while the other one isn’t interested in offspring. It doesn’t matter which side of the fence you are on; you need to voice your desires to your partner.

Don’t skip over the issue because you are afraid to tell your partner how you feel. It could cause a significant rift later.

5. Don’t Bring up the Past

Everyone has a past, and some histories are sketchier than others. When you create a union, you cannot consistently throw your partners past in their face. If your spouse was once addicted to drugs but pulled themselves out of that lifestyle, then they shouldn’t have to live with it being brought up constantly.

You cannot change your past, but you can change your future. Leave what’s behind you alone as it’s not a life sentence.

6. Always Be Honest

Dishonesty can be a quick way to head to divorce court. It’s easy to tell a little white lie now and again, but it can get you in real trouble. Trust your partner enough, to be honest. Make a pact that no matter how upset it might make the other person that you don’t lie to each other.

7. Vow to Keep the Doors of Communication Open

It’s hard to communicate once you’re not dating, and you’re living together. Make one of your ground rules that you keep an open line of communication with each other. Even though life is busy, you should at least have one night a week reserved for date night.

If it helps, keep a list of all the things you want to discuss during that time. Take time for each other, no matter how busy you are in life. Money and prosperity can only get you so far, but if you want true happiness, you will invest in your marriage.

8. Divorce is Not an Option

There may come the point and time in your life when you want to call it quits. Perhaps, you’ve grown apart, or you have had an affair. Life never goes as you plan. Marriages that last more than five years are the anomaly these days.

How do these people that stay married for 40-50 years do it? The key is they don’t quit, no matter how hard they want too. They keep going because they took vows to the other person to have and to hold, through sickness and in health.

While not every union withstands the test of time, don’t be so eager to give up. Make up in your mind that you’re not going to quit, but instead plan to honor your commitment.

9. Don’t Use Harsh Words

Negativity can destroy a bond. For every bit of constructive criticism that you give out, you should follow that with four things of praise. If you’re always telling your spouse all the things they do wrong, you will destroy their morale, and they will avoid you.

Even when you’re amid a heated argument, and you feel like calling names, don’t resort to childish games. Be a grown-up and civilly talk about things. Make a pact and set ground rules that you won’t call names or hit each other no matter what the situation.

10. Make Sure to Keep Personal Things Personal

One of the most significant ground rules in a marriage is learning to keep private things private. If your spouse calls their family or friends and tells them all your personal stuff, it can destroy your union. Make sure these rules extend to finances, romance, children, or any information you don’t want to be shared.

Establish rules about what things should never be shared beyond your union, and make sure you both keep these things out of the public.

11. Don’t Argue in Front of Children or Others

There are very few couples that agree on everything. However, take your arguments to a private area and don’t fight in front of children, relatives, or the public. When you disagree, no matter how trivial, go somewhere that you can discuss it calmly, and don’t get everyone else involved.

12. Make Your Relationship a Priority

Marriage takes work, and it’s not easy. Your union must be a priority every day. Your spouse, their needs, and desires, should always come before your own. When your commitment to your job is complete, your spouse and children get the next priority in your day.

If you want to hang with friends or relatives and do other things, they should be after your relationship needs are met.

Setting Ground Rules for a Happy Life

There’s no rule book when it comes to marriage; however, by establishing ground rules that cover the basics and significant issues, you can take care of many problems before they happen. Love and cherish one another no matter what life throws your way.

There are going to be hundreds of times that you want to throw in the towel and file for divorce. However, there’s something special about those who stick together no matter what comes their way. In sickness and in health are significant vowels to make to a person.

Take advice from older couples that have been married for decades. They can give you the keys to a successful marriage. Don’t take advice or seek wisdom from someone who has been divorced a couple of times. You want to make your union last, so you want all the help you can get.

Lifestyle

Counselors Explain 10 Habits of Parents Who Raise Successful Kids »

Counselors Explain 10 Habits of Parents Who Raise Successful Kids


Raising children is not for the faint of heart. These little wonders don’t come with a manual, and by the time you figure out how to do things right, they are grown and gone. Thankfully, counselors have discovered what things that parents teach to make them grow from successful kids into thriving adults.

10 Habits of Parents of Successful Kids

There are no perfect parents in this world; there are only those who try with everything within their powers to raise good kids. Some children are more complicated than others, and for those challenging kids, you will need to keep reinventing your techniques. If you need a little parental help, then here are ten habits of parents who ensure they’re raising successful kids.

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1. They Help Build Esteem

Successful kids are almost always the product of hard work. They have parents behind them that have helped to build their esteem. It’s easy to become so frustrated with life, even at a young age. Kids face pressures that adults often label as inferior, but in their world, these events are traumatic.

If you want your child to be successful in all aspects of life, then you must build their self-esteem. Even when they hit those rough patches, you will give them the skills and tips they need to overcome. Once they learn they did something once and can do it again, they will feel a sense of pride.

2. They Don’t Let Them Quit

Children are notorious for wanting to start something and then never finishing it. They may want to get involved in a sport or instrument, but they become bewildered after a short period. Parents mustn’t let children quit just because they are tired or have lost interest.

If they learn early in life that they can bow out when things get rough or they simply don’t want to do something, they will continue that pattern throughout life. Raising successful kids always starts with a drive and determination to keep going even when you feel like quitting. It will really be beneficial when they enter the working world.

3. They Teach Them Respect

Respect is taught at an early age. To get your children to respect you, there must be firm boundaries that they are expected to adhere to. Let them know what you will and will not tolerate.

If a child learns at the age of three that backtalking is not permitted, they will grow up with that mentality. Teaching principles such as these early on is the best way to raise successful children. If you want them to respect you, then you must also respect them.

A successful parent will never call names, put them down, or say anything derogatory, no matter how angry they become. Additionally, the child will automatically learn these words and actions are not permitted.

4. They Have Open Lines of Communication

A parent’s first choice is to yell, punish, or get angry when a child doesn’t do what they are told. However, you must step back and look at the situation through their eyes. Your child is subject to mood swings, bad days, and feeling off just like you.

The best way to combat when your child is acting out is to talk to them. Keep those lines of communication open. You must establish that they can easily talk about their feelings and find a resolution. Communication skills will follow them through life, and they are essential for working and having good relationships.

successful kids

5. They Spend Time with Them

Your children need you. They don’t want to see you in passing as you are on your phone or computer all the time. Carve out a specific time that is for them each day. They can say how they want to spend their time.

They may want to play games, color, ride bikes, or watch a movie. If you just designed a particular hour like 6-7 pm every evening, make sure they know that they are important enough to be a part of your day.

You don’t want them to grow up with inadequacies because they were lonely or didn’t have time for them. Successful kids had parents who made time for them no matter how busy their life.

6. They Have Chores

Many parents are divided on the chore issue. Having responsibility doesn’t mean that a child must clean the whole house; it just means that they need to help. Having chores is essential for raising successful kids.

Do you want your child growing up thinking that they don’t have to do anything, and they will be waited on hand and foot? No! You want your child to know the value of hard work and why it’s essential to do an excellent job in the smallest of tasks.

7. They Teach the Value of a Dollar

Some kids are natural savers, while other children tend to love to spend their money the minute they get it. Giving your child an allowance and teaching them about savings accounts and a rainy-day fund is always advisable. They should know how it feels to save and wait to buy the one thing they’ve always wanted.

Children have lots of opportunities to put back money. Think of all the birthday and Christmas funds that they receive. Unless they need something, they should put it all in the bank but a small amount to spend. Many children can buy a nice car when they are 16 years old because their parents helped them to save.

If you just hand everything to your child, they will never know the value of a dollar. Many parents find that when a child must work for something they want, then they tend to respect it a bit more. There’s nothing wrong with a small allowance and utilizing tools to help them save.

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8. They Give Firm Discipline and Direction

Gone are the days of corporal punishment, but you must discipline your children in ways that are effective for teaching. Discipline is a chance to redirect a child from a wrong behavior by showing them what to do that is right. Teach them that for every action, there is a consequence.

They should know that if they don’t make their beds and take the trash out of their room, they will be punished. Discipline should always be done in love and never in rage. Remember, they are little humans and make mistakes too. They just need a gentle nudging to learn that life isn’t always easy, and you need to do your part.

9. They Teach The Kids to Acknowledge their Feelings

The old philosophy that men aren’t allowed to cry, and girls cry too much is psychically disturbing. Your children should know from the toddler years that it’s okay for them to express themselves.

Now, you may need to show your children appropriate ways of expression, as anger is the most natural emotion to show. However, if you raise a male child to think it’s not okay to cry, then they will build anger and resentment inside. Allowing children to acknowledge their feelings and voice their concerns can help them prepare for the real stress when they get into corporate America.

10. They Enforce the Value of a Good Education

If you don’t make school valuable, then your children won’t value their education either. There should be firm guidelines for school from kindergarten on. Let them know that no matter what schoolwork and their learning come first.

Successful kids almost always have a parent behind them who is pushing them to be all they can be. Teach your children that college is not an option but rather a requirement for a good life. Once they have these things ingrained into their brains, then they will learn that school is an obligation that they must attend.

successful kidsFinal Thoughts on How Parents of Successful Kids Provide Firm Foundation

Raising successful kids is not an easy job. You need all the parenting tips and tricks you can find. Look to others who have raised good kids and ask them their secrets. Maybe they did something that you can efficiently utilize with your children.

Remember that everything you do, either positive or negative, will have an impact on your child and their future. Children require constant care and attention, and you must be steadfast on the rules and discipline for a good outcome.

Above all else, don’t forget to have fun and spend as much time with your babies as you possibly can. You will blink your eyes, and they will be grown. The real regrets happen after they leave the nest. So many people say they didn’t learn how to be a good parent until after their children were raised.

One of the best tips of parenting advice that anyone could give you is not to miss all the little moments as they will soon be gone. You don’t get a second chance at this monumental task. So you must ask yourself, are you raising a successful child?

Lifestyle

Therapists Explain 6 Ways To End A Sibling Rivalry »

Therapists Explain 6 Ways To End A Sibling Rivalry »


There is nothing worse than listening to your children bicker and fight all day long. Sibling rivalry can quickly wear on your nerves. Most parents hear iconic phrases like “I’m telling on you,” and “He took my toy.” While you may want to run away and may have got in your car with the keys on occasion, there are ways to combat this behavior.

As your children bicker, it builds tension in your home, making it an unpleasant atmosphere. Thankfully, you can use these experiences to teach rather than to cause discord. Conflict resolution is a part of everyday life.

Using these disagreements, you can teach your children about how to resolve their issues without nasty tones and harsh words. For the parent, consistency is the key. You must set firm ground rules and not allow them to get away with things on the weekend that you don’t permit during the week.

How Do You Stop Sibling Fighting

The resolution for this common problem begins with you. By ensuring there are household rules, well-defined consequences, and you are fair with all the children. Then you can establish expectations. Keep in mind that it’s normal for children to argue.

However, as an adult, it’s your job to make sure it doesn’t get out of hand. You must keep your temper and your children under control. To help you implement a program in your home that allows for less arguing, here are six ways that therapists suggest ending sibling rivalry between brothers and sisters.

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1. Establish Firm Ground Rules

Most households already have rules in place for arguing. However, if you don’t have these rules established, then take a few minutes to develop a list that your family can use. Call a family meeting and tell the children the importance of following these guidelines.

Consistency is essential. If you don’t give consequences when the rules aren’t followed, then they won’t see the need to obey. Make sure you are clear on your expectations as children love to push boundaries as far as you will allow them.

Remember, some days are going to be better than others, and you must rule with understanding. Kids are going to be kids, and brothers and sisters are going to argue. You are just the referee in their daily encounters.

2. Never Compare Your Children

Did you know that one of the main reasons why sibling rivalry exists is because parents compare children? When one child is doing well, it’s easy to brag about them as you are proud of their accomplishments. However, while the child making the right decisions does deserve praise, there are other children than are feeling insufficient.

Never compare two children against each other; instead, make sure to make a point of good qualities of all. Try to find something to praise each child daily, even if it’s just for helping to bring in the groceries. Remember, that negativity will feed negativity. If you want your children to be positive, then you must set the example.

It’s essential that all your children feel loved and wanted by you. The older your kids get, the harder it is to connect and show your love. It’s easy when they are young and will allow you to hold and cuddle them, but those tactics don’t work on teenagers.

Don’t fall into the trap of comparing your children’s attitudes, behaviors, grades, or general demeanor. When you praise one over the other, you are setting your household up for sibling rivalry. Sadly, most sibling rivalry doesn’t end when children reach adulthood.

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3. Treat All Children Fairly

Another thing that parents often do without realizing it is that they play favorites. It’s easy to love and be close to that child that is doing well and seems to have it together. However, the tides will turn. It seems children rotate, and one does well for a while, then the other one takes a walk on the wild side.

You must create a trust system among your offspring. One of the biggest causes of rivalry is when one child feels that they are not the favorite. They will vie for your attention and use behaviors, both good and bad, to get it.

You must be fair to all your kids and ensure that the rules are not made for one. The difficulty is that each child has unique needs, and your discipline style must vary. While you may use different tactics, you must ensure that all parties get a fair punishment.

4. Rule with Regularity

In parenting, stability is everything. If your children know your weak spots, then they will use them to their advantage. You cannot bend, adjust, or change the rules for any child. To set a good example for your kids, you want them to learn the fine art of being consistent.

Now, on the other hand, parents must remember if you don’t want your home full of sibling rivalry, then you cannot argue with their mom or dad in front of them. Sure, you will have disagreements, but you need to take them to a private room. So if you want your children to learn to get along with each other, then you must learn to do the same.

If the rules say you must make your bed in the morning, then they must receive a consequence when the bed is not made. Thus, if you don’t punish when a rule is broken, then they will break them time and again. Plus, your child will quickly learn you don’t stick with your word, which is a dangerous position to be in a parent.

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5. Allow Them Some Space to Work it Out

Part of being an effective parent is giving your kids the tools to work through conflicts. If your children start to argue, then you don’t always have to step in to assist. Sometimes, you need to lay down your referee whistle and let them figure it out.

You can encourage them to use their words and take turns talking about the issues, but don’t be so quick to jump in with punishments. Teach them to identify the problem, and you must give them the tools to resolve it. However, just because you don’t step in doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be close by.

Things can take a drastic turn at a moment’s notice, and you may need to get that whistle out and put on your referee cap. When parents teach appropriate conflict resolution, then children learn to have respect for one another.

6. Teach Teamwork in Daily Life

One of the best ways to combat sibling rivalry is to teach teamwork in daily life. Rather than making activities about competition, why not teach them to work together? A team is always stronger than one individual. One of the best exercises to teach teambuilding is relay races.

Make the game where the children are against the adults, and you will teach them the importance of working together. You have many opportunities around your home to teach teamwork. Simple tasks such as mowing the grass, folding the laundry, or doing homework, are all examples of when it’s better to have more hands helping.

sibling rivalryFinal Thoughts: Sibling Rivalry is Normal

Raising children is not for the faint of heart. They can be very taxing and take you to the brink of emotional despair. However, while there are so many difficulties in this significant job, they are the best gift you could ever ask for in life.

Remember, you’re not the only parent struggling with the arguing and constant bickering. When you have both boys and girls in the home, it can be an all-out war zone. You must find useful tools to resolve their conflicts.

Another thing that you can do for your children is to make them feel special. It’s so hard to carve out time each day with all the items on your to-do list, but you should give each child 10-15 minutes of your undivided attention.

Let them talk to you about what’s bothering them and make them feel that their voice is heard. Make sure you put down the cell phone and turn off the television. Give your ear to them and allow them to vocalize their feelings.

As parents, it’s easy to think that your children don’t have issues. After all, they don’t have to go to work each day and provide for your household. However, you cannot diminish the problems in their little world.

An argument with a friend at school can be just as much of a catastrophic event in their world as you are being exhausted from working so many hours. If you want to tame sibling fights or arguments, then you must first listen to them. Lastly, you must set a good example for them to follow.

Lifestyle

Psychologists Explain What Causes Children to Become Narcissists

Psychologists Explain What Causes Children to Become Narcissists


Many people believe narcissists aren’t born that way. Psychologists aren’t sure the exact cause but think children become this way due to their environment. We have a more in-depth look into what causes children to become narcissists.

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Let’s look at the clinical definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This is a diagnosed mental health condition, not just a term to toss around lightly.

Mental health professionals look for signs like the following: arrogance, chronic attention-seeking, manipulation, entitlement, fascination for wealth and power, and hate for criticism.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is hard to diagnose in children or teenagers. At younger ages, humans are always growing and changing. The personality traits of a narcissist usually worsen with age.

So just because a person feels the need always to be right or is selfish, those actions do not mean that they have a mental illness, necessarily.

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The Study Of Narcissism In Children

There was a study in Psychological and Cognitive Sciences done by the University of Amsterdam on narcissism in children. This study helped figure out the levels of children’s self-esteem due to parental involvement. The researchers concluded that narcissism was predicted more by parental overvaluation than by the lack of parental warmth.

Psychologists’ View of What Triggers Narcissism in Children

Psychologists do agree parental behavior is a contribution to developing a narcissistic child. This doesn’t mean all narcissists are created by their parents. We’ll also examine some people are just born with that personality. Some psychologists believe children are more likely to show these traits when parents throw praise on them. Others think they show these traits because they don’t shower them with love and affection. We’ll dive into both of these views.

1 – Need For Approval

There are a few things that can cause children to become narcissistic. It’s normal for children to want their parents’ approval and their attention. Sometimes when a child cannot get that attention because the family is very competitive and only values high achievement, the child gets left behind. Sometimes the child only feels loved when they win. If they don’t get recognition for second place, they feel like a disappointment.

If a child grows up in a narcissistic family, they only see these values. They set up a lifelong pattern of chasing happiness. Other times the child feels defeated as they’re told over and over again that they aren’t good enough. They decide to love themselves and make the world like them since their parents don’t show them enough love.

Sometimes they go as far as to do outlandish things because they crave attention. When they don’t get approval, they push the bar further and further until someone has to “see” them and approve them. It becomes a vicious cycle.

2 – Striving To Be Perfect

When children believe they are only loved and praised when they “win,” they start to feel insecure. They think they’re only valued when they are unique. The child begins to try to be “perfect” to be seen. They strive for perfection to prove they don’t have flaws. The parent continues to put them down when they don’t get all A’s or score goals in a game.

If the child isn’t good enough in their eyes, they are set in a hypothetical corner of the room. The problem with this is the child loses touch with themselves. They don’t even know who they are at the root. They spend their time trying to perfect every activity instead of concentrating on their development as a person. A child should be able to be imperfect at times.

They cannot always score the winning goal. If a parent doesn’t tell them it’s okay to miss a goal, they’ll feel defeated at all times.

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3 – Parents Who Make Kids the Center Of The Universe

Many parents make their children the center of their universe. This doesn’t mean the child will suddenly become a narcissist. Toddlers go through a stage that many call “The Terrible Twos.” If a toddler is neglected through this stage, they sometimes leave the stage without completing it. This scenario may sound like a dream to a parent, but it’s a negative thing.

They will mature into adults with this same perception of the world. During this stage, they should realize there are other people in their world. They understand they need other people, but they want to be independent. This is just a normal stage. Young children need boundaries.

If they aren’t allowed to fail and know their limits, they grow up without any expectations. They learn these limits by throwing tantrums, screaming, manipulating, and making up emotions. If they don’t learn any of these things, they might become narcissists. They expect the world does revolve around them, and they should get what they want.

The scary part is that this toddler then becomes an adult having a tantrum. They think they deserve attention.

4 – Parents Heap on Too Much Praise

Many parents overly praise their children. It’s the world of participation trophies we live in. You can work with your child to ensure they don’t go down this path.

As a parent, you have to help them realize they are going to fail. It’s okay to fail. Teach them empathy and kindness to others. Show them with your actions. Set boundaries for them daily. There are a million different “rules” on parenting in the world. Some say you praise too much. Some say you don’t praise enough.

The most important thing is to work with your child, so they understand you love them, but you have to set boundaries for them as well.

5 – Parental Mirror Image

Many times narcissists as children learn from their parents. When the parents treat the child as if they are perfect, the child starts to believe it. Praise is lovely to a child, but praising their every move can be detrimental to their development. When the parent shows narcissistic tendencies, the child might start to act the same way.

They see the parent showing off, living like the rules don’t matter, and treating people with disrespect. Children often mirror what they see in their parents. They start to do these same things without realizing it.

6 – Nature Vs. Nurture

Some children are born with a tendency to fell less emotional empathy than others. By nature, they are simply not as empathetic as other people. They don’t feel much emotion. This doesn’t mean they are a narcissist. It just means they don’t have this emotion as much as others.

Nurture is a learned habit. If narcissists have a mental illness of this sort, they usually are taught relationships aren’t as meaningful. They see people as objects at times because it is learned. They were born with the ability to love, yet don’t feel it because they aren’t shown enough love. Note that this does not mean that every child who isn’t nurtured with love will become a narcissist.

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Noticing Narcissistic Traits In Children

It’s important to watch out for ways the child shows narcissistic tendencies.

  • When they start to act entitled, it’s time to step in and show them who’s boss.
  • They also may become aggressive.
  • When they don’t get their way, watch out. Many times the worst parts of a narcissist will show when they are threatened. Their ego is their protection.
  • Once you push it, they sometimes crumble under stress.
  • They do not like it when their self-esteem is damaged. W
  • hen they feel failure, they often lash out.

The Tough Truth

It can be tough to see these traits in children. Narcissists don’t seem contrary to the exterior. They act how you think they should. A person might seem to have all of the right intentions but always has an angle.

They often deflect blame onto anyone around them. Furthermore, they charm you with their angelic actions, only to later show their true selves. Children and teenagers often show all sorts of these traits just because of their age. They might not have a mental health issue but are just everyday kids. It’s important to watch them closely over time to see if their personality changes in a positive way.

Help For A Narcissistic Child

The problem with narcissistic people is that there is no cure for their behavior. If it’s changed and worked within childhood, they can hopefully let the other positive parts of their personality shine. They have to want to change. Adults must work with children that have these tendencies to protect their future social relationships. Many claim it’s almost impossible for them to have intimate relationships because they see affection as a means to an end.

narcissistsFinal Thoughts on Why Children Grow Up to Become Narcissists

Overall, a narcissistic child can change if they get intervention at a young age. Changing an adult’s perspective is much harder. Children grow and learn by those that guide them through life. It’s great to praise their strange artwork, but only if you do it to an extent. There’s a balance between neglecting your children and overpraising them.

Narcissists create an unfavorable environment for anyone in their path. Therefore, it’s essential to work with children to ensure their future is positive and healthy.

Lifestyle

Therapists Explain Why People Reveal Their True Colors in a Breakup

Therapists Explain Why People Reveal Their True Colors in a


Breaking off a relationship involves the same process as grieving many times. One of the worst things about this time of grief is that people show their true colors. These shades might not be very bright. We’ve got the breakdown of why people show their true colors in a breakup.

The Science of The Impact Of Personality In Breakups

A study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin explained how people handle romantic rejection. People reported how the view of themselves changed when their partner broke up the relationship. This research showed how people see themselves after a breakup, which has a direct impact on how they can get on with life.

The true personalities of each partner come through in breakups because these traits are part of the people. Personality traits have a big role in breakups because many people cannot move on for a very long time. They feel haunted and feel as if they did something “wrong.” Being rejected boosts their personality flaws because it brings them to the surface. Many people find their true self must be wrong.

true colors

Testing a Relationship Brings Out The Worst In People

When people test their relationships, it’s the time many of them show their true colors. Breaking up is one of the hardest things for many people. It means something went wrong. Many people feel at this time that they’re not enough. When they’re put in the fire, those true colors shine in the light.

They’ve never had to show these colors before because they weren’t at this level of testing. Many people have a fight or flight mentality when it comes to tough times. A side of them comes out that might scare you, or might even surprise you. Even good people will let the worst in them come out when facing a tough time like a breakup.

Negative Behavior

As a relationship ends, some people exhibit negative behavior. They’ve been used to bottling their emotions, but their negative feelings are bubbling over, showing how they feel. Showing these negative behaviors to the partner reveals those emotions coming to the surface. The partner may have never seen this side before. The petty fights finally have a breaking point.

Perhaps the biggest issue here is that those negative feelings when breaking up are how you felt for a long time. These feelings were just hidden until you felt the need to show them. Bringing up these things you dislike about one another won’t change anything anyway. It’ll just make the other person resentful that you never loved their true self.

Dealing With A Narcissist

One of the biggest disappointments to many people when breaking up is finding out you’re dealing with a narcissist. You see the true colors of a person that reveal they’re into everything for themselves.

Your personalities just don’t align because they have no empathy, and they blame everything on you. If you never saw this behavior before, it is because a narcissist is great at luring you in for their good. They tell you what you want to hear.

Everything usually seems great until you hit a pothole. Once you hit trouble, these people show their other face. They only see things in black or white, so it’s either good or bad with them. They think if you aren’t on their side, you’re just wrong.

Thus, they feel if you’re the one leaving the relationship, you’re making the wrong decision because they’re the best thing since sliced bread. The truth is that there might not be anything wrong with you, but it’s all rooted in their personality.

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The Mask Comes Off and True Colors Reveal Themselves

Sometimes people show the negative aspects of their personality because they got what they wanted out of the relationship. They don’t need you anymore, so they don’t have to hide their identity. The mask they wore during your relationship doesn’t serve a purpose anymore. They’re able to reveal their face. This face might not be anything like the mask. They don’t care because they’re done with you.

It’s a sad but true part of many relationships. During a relationship, that mask is there to fulfill their happiness. Once it’s over, why would they need it? It’s time to create a new mask for the next relationship.

The Pressure of a Breakup

When you’re going through a breakup, you often feel frayed. It’s as if the pressure of your changing relationship status might make you explode. If someone’s personality is negative, that explosion won’t be pretty. When things are happy and quiet, that pressure is chill. When things start to explode, the volcanic ash can be fiery. Pressure makes it almost impossible to wear a mask. Pressure doesn’t make a person the way they are.

This feeling of pressure just reveals this person’s personality. They collapse under the weight of all of the issues. One cannot hide who they are in pressure. It builds inside them until they have to let it all out in some way.

marriage counselor

Pretending Cannot Last Forever

Even if a relationship lasted years and years under a mask, this pretending could not last forever. Sometimes a partner can “trick” the other for years. They show their best self. They say what the other wants to hear. And they might even do what the other person wants. Everything is perfect until the world starts to break.

This person has practiced being the person behind their mask for a long time. This pretending just cannot last forever. The work behind it gets exhausting. They start to crack as the world shakes. In truth, the partner probably saw these little cracks start popping up along the way. These cracks start to look like the world after an earthquake when you breakup. This is because pretending now has now fallen to the wayside. It has nothing to stand on, so it’s thrown to the side.

Controlling The Relationship Breakup

During a breakup, many people try to control and manipulate the other person. Controlling and manipulative behavior comes to the surface because many people feel like they’re falling without a parachute. They’re fearful, so they pull out any stops.

This type of manipulation can be emotionally abusive to the other person. All relationship tools of compromise are suddenly thrown out the window because they feel threatened. This behavior type is hard to change. People have this rooted in their personalities. It can even get worse if you’re going through a breakup where you have to divide things and make big decisions.

It’s Not Your Job To Fix Your Ex-partner

When your former partner shows their personality, don’t try to fix them. When they walk away showing off the worst parts about themselves, it isn’t your job to help them find their way back. They show themselves because they are scared.

They’re in a corner, they’re upset, and they want out. Your ex wants happiness, so they’ll do anything to get it. This desire could mean hurting you with unkind words or behaviors. Know that it isn’t your job to fix these things. You can’t fix who they are. It was never your fault that they wore a mask.

Don’t Become Uncomfortable In Your Skin

Sometimes you don’t see the personality of your partner until it’s too late because they simply aren’t being who they are. Some people are just afraid of being your true self, which is a bad thing in a relationship.

When you’re uncomfortable in your skin with another person, the relationship is built on a lie. Once you hit waves, those true colors splash out of the relationship boat. If someone doesn’t love those colors, they aren’t worth it. It’s not worth it to be someone else for years in a relationship. It’s exhausting for most people to try to please the other person by putting on a facade.

true colorFinal Thoughts about Someone Revealing Their True Colors During a Breakup

Sometimes after breaking up, you try to see through the negative behavior to who the person was during the relationship. You try to justify their actions. The truth of the matter is that you have to believe this person when they take off their mask. When they reveal their true selves, believe them. Don’t go back to the good times. These times weren’t real.

When this person was kind to you, yet they were only doing it for their good, it was never truthful. Many people want to believe in the good. Once someone shows you who they are on the inside, don’t go back. It will only hurt you in the end.

Overall, people reveal their true colors during a breakup because everything is stripped away. You might feel as if you lost all of the bright, happy times. But it is up to you to paint a new picture of the future that looks happy and bright.

But always remember–breaking up is a type of loss.

People have their ways of dealing with loss and grief. It’s impossible to change them, so it’s best to move on without them. If you don’t know the true colors of a person from the beginning, it’s only going to end in a storm.

Lifestyle

Experts Explain 6 Reasons To Stop Proving Yourself To Others

Experts Explain 6 Reasons To Stop Proving Yourself To Others


The world we live in can be competitive. It’s like a big race, with everyone scrambling to get to their destination first, no matter the cost. It can all be very overwhelming, and it’s easy to get swept up in that mindset. Spending energy proving yourself to others becomes a drain on your psyche.

This mindset often involves acts designed to impress others. As you compare yourself to your peers and strive to do well in the eyes of your superiors, you may feel as though you must prove yourself worthy to the people around you.

But your worth isn’t dictated by how well you play the part of “being proven.” If anything, it’s quite the opposite. Your value is something you inherently have and that you build upon, regardless of what everyone says about you.

Still, resisting the pull of society’s self-worth traps can be difficult. If you need more convincing, you’ve come to the right place. Here are six reasons why you should stop proving yourself to others.

6 Reasons to Stop Proving Yourself to Others

Gandhi quote about happiness

1.    Societal Norms Don’t Have To Dictate Your Life

Societal norms rule the world, just as their name suggests. They’re the norms that we accept as standard, even when they shouldn’t be. Some criteria may be helpful, but many of them are restrictive, and when we’re expected to prove ourselves, we often follow those patterns. Here’s why that’s unhelpful:

·         A Lot Of Ideas Of Worth Are Materialistic

Typical indicators of success can be quite materialistic. People may attempt to measure your worth based on your possessions or wealth. However, the facts are simple – these items matter very little when it comes to your worth!

·         People Will Think They’re Above You No Matter Where You Go

No matter where you wind up in the world, there will be people who act like they are above you. Spending your life trying to prove yourself to people is essentially setting yourself up for failure from the get-go. Why give in to their flawed ideas when you can make your way?

·         You Can’t Please Everyone

It is impossible to please all people, and it is even more impossible to please society. Society asks different things every day and multiple contradictory ideas at the same time. It is simply not possible to please the world, so learn when it’s best to walk away and stop wasting your time.

2.    Failure And Falling Behind Are Part Of Success

People often say that failure is a stepping stone to success, but few realize the full extent of how true that is. Until you learn what doesn’t work, and until you’ve learned from experiences, your chances of having anything more than fleeting success are slim. Failure can have a substantial positive effect on your future trajectory for success, provided that you learn from it!

On top of that, let’s not forget that human beings are, in general, ever-changing. This transformation means that you’ll go through all sorts of different situations in your life in your journey, and during some of them, you will be wrong, and you will find yourself struggling.

That’s all just part of the overall process. Striving for constant perfection is unrealistic and unhealthy. Plus, it can cause you to be so afraid of failure that you stop taking risks and give up on trying. Learning to embrace failure and accept that it’s going to have to be a part of your life allows you to find silver livings and positive thinking, even in less-than-ideal times.

3.    Your Life Is About You

Your life is yours and yours alone. It’s for you to decide all its intricacies, and while you can listen to the advice and input of others, they should not have the ability to dictate the result. It’s fine to keep in mind outside assistance as long as it doesn’t control your entire life – because your life only belongs to you! Consider these points:

·         You Get To Define Yourself

No one has the right to judge you or decide what you are. It’s your privilege and responsibility to define yourself. Consider your values, your opinions, and your goals, and think about who you want to be. No one can take that from you.

·         You Have To Deal With The End Result Of Your Actions

Let’s say someone is being especially tedious about trying to make you do what they want. Before you give in, stop and think about it. This person’s life is separate from yours. At the end of the day, you’re the only one who has to deal with the end result of what you do in most cases. If this doesn’t affect them, why should you listen to them first over your thoughts?

·         It’s Really No One’s Business

Plenty of people like to poke their noses in the business of other people. If someone’s doing that to you, remember that they aren’t entitled to that privilege. They can think what they want, but so can you. It’s your life, and therefore you get to decide who influences it.

proving yourself
Here are some great quotes to positive thinking.

4.    Everyone Is Different And Complex

People are unique. They come from all walks of life. As such, it’s impossible to keep proving yourself as each person you meet will have a different set of experiences, beliefs, and opinions. The complexity of humankind is such that proving yourself to them is a futile task. Here’s why:

·         What Works For Others May Not Work For You

Sometimes, you may feel tempted to prove yourself by showing someone that you can do what they do. The issue is that you may get a completely different result than them, even if you imitate them completely! Things that work for other people may simply fail to cut it for you because of how different each individual can be.

·         Others Can Project Onto You

People who you want to prove yourself to may just be projecting their thoughts and insecurities onto you. It’s not that they genuinely, with their entire being, believe you should be better – it’s that they can’t stop themselves from using you as their reflection or canvas. Proving yourself to anyone like that would be pointless!

·         You Don’t Know What Others Are Thinking Or Doing

Caring so much what other people think is a risky game because you can never tell for sure what’s going on in their heads. Do they have ulterior motives? Are they manipulating you? Are they trying to change you? If you don’t know their motives, it’s tough to follow through.

·         People Change, Often

People constantly grow, change, and evolve. Plenty of philosophers have even stated that the world and our selves are constantly changing in a “flux” of sorts. This means people’s thoughts and opinions of you and what you do will change over time, so why bother proving yourself when they’ll likely want something different soon? This also speaks of something to fill you with positive thinking: even if you aren’t happy with yourself now, you can transform yourself naturally, however you wish.

5.    The People Who Matter Don’t Need You To Prove Yourself

The people in your life who are worth proving yourself to are often, ironically, the people who don’t want you to prove yourself to them. They care for you, trust you, and even love you for who you are, and they would never want or need you to change or act differently just to “pass” in their eyes.

These people would never expect you to change who you are, but they would also never stifle your growth. You would be able to quickly improve and develop over time, and these people will always stick by you – though they will call you out for wrong or harmful actions, of course!

Besides, after you realize all of that, you’ll likely realize something else – most people aren’t as concerned with your shortcomings as you think. So put on that positive thinking! People are often too worried about their selves to focus so much on the people around them.

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6.    Only You Have The Power

The power to control your life is 100% in your hands. No one can take that from you. This ability comes with its fair share of urgency, and that can be scary, but it’s also a powerful and beautiful thing. Here are some things to consider:

·         You Are Responsible For Your Life

All the situations you have ever been in have one thing in common: you. You have the responsibility to realize your urgency and ability to control your behavior, actions, how you react, and what you do next. No matter what, you have the power to do something about the situation you’re in. Why should you spend your time proving yourself when you have all that ability within you?

·         You Know The Path You Want To Walk

You are the only person in the whole world who really, truly knows what path you want to walk. The people who you want to impress have no idea what your true desires are, so why waste the effort trying to show off to them? Take steps that make sense with your goals instead.

·         You Determine Your Abilities

It’s your choice on how to spend your energy and time. This leads to the skills you pick up, the achievements you reach, and your overall positive steps forward. Those around you who you want to prove yourself to don’t have any power over what you’re capable of.

·         You Deserve To Be True To Yourself

Proving yourself to others can often involve a degree of fakeness. But that’s unfair to the great person you are. Even if it’s frightening, don’t be afraid to be yourself and speak your truth. Others may not agree with you, but wasting your time on proving yourself to them would be a disservice to yourself!

proving yourself
You hold the power to choose a negative or positive path in life. Choose positivity!

Final Thoughts On Some Reasons Why You Should Stop Proving Yourself To Others

No one has any right to change you or dictate who you’ll become or how your life will be. So be confident in your identity and stop trying to prove yourself to others. Hinging your self-worth and success on the thoughts of others is unhealthy and ultimately ineffective.

So hold your head high, grab the opportunities you want, and don’t let anyone tell you that who you are is wrong. It can be difficult at first, but don’t worry; eventually, your actions will speak for themselves!