Breaking off a relationship involves the same process as grieving many times. One of the worst things about this time of grief is that people show their true colors. These shades might not be very bright. We’ve got the breakdown of why people show their true colors in a breakup.
The Science of The Impact Of Personality In Breakups
A study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin explained how people handle romantic rejection. People reported how the view of themselves changed when their partner broke up the relationship. This research showed how people see themselves after a breakup, which has a direct impact on how they can get on with life.
The true personalities of each partner come through in breakups because these traits are part of the people. Personality traits have a big role in breakups because many people cannot move on for a very long time. They feel haunted and feel as if they did something “wrong.” Being rejected boosts their personality flaws because it brings them to the surface. Many people find their true self must be wrong.
Testing a Relationship Brings Out The Worst In People
When people test their relationships, it’s the time many of them show their true colors. Breaking up is one of the hardest things for many people. It means something went wrong. Many people feel at this time that they’re not enough. When they’re put in the fire, those true colors shine in the light.
They’ve never had to show these colors before because they weren’t at this level of testing. Many people have a fight or flight mentality when it comes to tough times. A side of them comes out that might scare you, or might even surprise you. Even good people will let the worst in them come out when facing a tough time like a breakup.
Negative Behavior
As a relationship ends, some people exhibit negative behavior. They’ve been used to bottling their emotions, but their negative feelings are bubbling over, showing how they feel. Showing these negative behaviors to the partner reveals those emotions coming to the surface. The partner may have never seen this side before. The petty fights finally have a breaking point.
Perhaps the biggest issue here is that those negative feelings when breaking up are how you felt for a long time. These feelings were just hidden until you felt the need to show them. Bringing up these things you dislike about one another won’t change anything anyway. It’ll just make the other person resentful that you never loved their true self.
Dealing With A Narcissist
One of the biggest disappointments to many people when breaking up is finding out you’re dealing with a narcissist. You see the true colors of a person that reveal they’re into everything for themselves.
Your personalities just don’t align because they have no empathy, and they blame everything on you. If you never saw this behavior before, it is because a narcissist is great at luring you in for their good. They tell you what you want to hear.
Everything usually seems great until you hit a pothole. Once you hit trouble, these people show their other face. They only see things in black or white, so it’s either good or bad with them. They think if you aren’t on their side, you’re just wrong.
Thus, they feel if you’re the one leaving the relationship, you’re making the wrong decision because they’re the best thing since sliced bread. The truth is that there might not be anything wrong with you, but it’s all rooted in their personality.
The Mask Comes Off and True Colors Reveal Themselves
Sometimes people show the negative aspects of their personality because they got what they wanted out of the relationship. They don’t need you anymore, so they don’t have to hide their identity. The mask they wore during your relationship doesn’t serve a purpose anymore. They’re able to reveal their face. This face might not be anything like the mask. They don’t care because they’re done with you.
It’s a sad but true part of many relationships. During a relationship, that mask is there to fulfill their happiness. Once it’s over, why would they need it? It’s time to create a new mask for the next relationship.
The Pressure of a Breakup
When you’re going through a breakup, you often feel frayed. It’s as if the pressure of your changing relationship status might make you explode. If someone’s personality is negative, that explosion won’t be pretty. When things are happy and quiet, that pressure is chill. When things start to explode, the volcanic ash can be fiery. Pressure makes it almost impossible to wear a mask. Pressure doesn’t make a person the way they are.
This feeling of pressure just reveals this person’s personality. They collapse under the weight of all of the issues. One cannot hide who they are in pressure. It builds inside them until they have to let it all out in some way.
Pretending Cannot Last Forever
Even if a relationship lasted years and years under a mask, this pretending could not last forever. Sometimes a partner can “trick” the other for years. They show their best self. They say what the other wants to hear. And they might even do what the other person wants. Everything is perfect until the world starts to break.
This person has practiced being the person behind their mask for a long time. This pretending just cannot last forever. The work behind it gets exhausting. They start to crack as the world shakes. In truth, the partner probably saw these little cracks start popping up along the way. These cracks start to look like the world after an earthquake when you breakup. This is because pretending now has now fallen to the wayside. It has nothing to stand on, so it’s thrown to the side.
Controlling The Relationship Breakup
During a breakup, many people try to control and manipulate the other person. Controlling and manipulative behavior comes to the surface because many people feel like they’re falling without a parachute. They’re fearful, so they pull out any stops.
This type of manipulation can be emotionally abusive to the other person. All relationship tools of compromise are suddenly thrown out the window because they feel threatened. This behavior type is hard to change. People have this rooted in their personalities. It can even get worse if you’re going through a breakup where you have to divide things and make big decisions.
It’s Not Your Job To Fix Your Ex-partner
When your former partner shows their personality, don’t try to fix them. When they walk away showing off the worst parts about themselves, it isn’t your job to help them find their way back. They show themselves because they are scared.
They’re in a corner, they’re upset, and they want out. Your ex wants happiness, so they’ll do anything to get it. This desire could mean hurting you with unkind words or behaviors. Know that it isn’t your job to fix these things. You can’t fix who they are. It was never your fault that they wore a mask.
Don’t Become Uncomfortable In Your Skin
Sometimes you don’t see the personality of your partner until it’s too late because they simply aren’t being who they are. Some people are just afraid of being your true self, which is a bad thing in a relationship.
When you’re uncomfortable in your skin with another person, the relationship is built on a lie. Once you hit waves, those true colors splash out of the relationship boat. If someone doesn’t love those colors, they aren’t worth it. It’s not worth it to be someone else for years in a relationship. It’s exhausting for most people to try to please the other person by putting on a facade.
Final Thoughts about Someone Revealing Their True Colors During a Breakup
Sometimes after breaking up, you try to see through the negative behavior to who the person was during the relationship. You try to justify their actions. The truth of the matter is that you have to believe this person when they take off their mask. When they reveal their true selves, believe them. Don’t go back to the good times. These times weren’t real.
When this person was kind to you, yet they were only doing it for their good, it was never truthful. Many people want to believe in the good. Once someone shows you who they are on the inside, don’t go back. It will only hurt you in the end.
Overall, people reveal their true colors during a breakup because everything is stripped away. You might feel as if you lost all of the bright, happy times. But it is up to you to paint a new picture of the future that looks happy and bright.
But always remember–breaking up is a type of loss.
People have their ways of dealing with loss and grief. It’s impossible to change them, so it’s best to move on without them. If you don’t know the true colors of a person from the beginning, it’s only going to end in a storm.
The world we live in can be competitive. It’s like a big race, with everyone scrambling to get to their destination first, no matter the cost. It can all be very overwhelming, and it’s easy to get swept up in that mindset. Spending energy proving yourself to others becomes a drain on your psyche.
This mindset often involves acts designed to impress others. As you compare yourself to your peers and strive to do well in the eyes of your superiors, you may feel as though you must prove yourself worthy to the people around you.
But your worth isn’t dictated by how well you play the part of “being proven.” If anything, it’s quite the opposite. Your value is something you inherently have and that you build upon, regardless of what everyone says about you.
Still, resisting the pull of society’s self-worth traps can be difficult. If you need more convincing, you’ve come to the right place. Here are six reasons why you should stop proving yourself to others.
6 Reasons to Stop Proving Yourself to Others
1. Societal Norms Don’t Have To Dictate Your Life
Societal norms rule the world, just as their name suggests. They’re the norms that we accept as standard, even when they shouldn’t be. Some criteria may be helpful, but many of them are restrictive, and when we’re expected to prove ourselves, we often follow those patterns. Here’s why that’s unhelpful:
· A Lot Of Ideas Of Worth Are Materialistic
Typical indicators of success can be quite materialistic. People may attempt to measure your worth based on your possessions or wealth. However, the facts are simple – these items matter very little when it comes to your worth!
· People Will Think They’re Above You No Matter Where You Go
No matter where you wind up in the world, there will be people who act like they are above you. Spending your life trying to prove yourself to people is essentially setting yourself up for failure from the get-go. Why give in to their flawed ideas when you can make your way?
· You Can’t Please Everyone
It is impossible to please all people, and it is even more impossible to please society. Society asks different things every day and multiple contradictory ideas at the same time. It is simply not possible to please the world, so learn when it’s best to walk away and stop wasting your time.
2. Failure And Falling Behind Are Part Of Success
People often say that failure is a stepping stone to success, but few realize the full extent of how true that is. Until you learn what doesn’t work, and until you’ve learned from experiences, your chances of having anything more than fleeting success are slim. Failure can have a substantial positive effect on your future trajectory for success, provided that you learn from it!
On top of that, let’s not forget that human beings are, in general, ever-changing. This transformation means that you’ll go through all sorts of different situations in your life in your journey, and during some of them, you will be wrong, and you will find yourself struggling.
That’s all just part of the overall process. Striving for constant perfection is unrealistic and unhealthy. Plus, it can cause you to be so afraid of failure that you stop taking risks and give up on trying. Learning to embrace failure and accept that it’s going to have to be a part of your life allows you to find silver livings and positive thinking, even in less-than-ideal times.
3. Your Life Is About You
Your life is yours and yours alone. It’s for you to decide all its intricacies, and while you can listen to the advice and input of others, they should not have the ability to dictate the result. It’s fine to keep in mind outside assistance as long as it doesn’t control your entire life – because your life only belongs to you! Consider these points:
· You Get To Define Yourself
No one has the right to judge you or decide what you are. It’s your privilege and responsibility to define yourself. Consider your values, your opinions, and your goals, and think about who you want to be. No one can take that from you.
· You Have To Deal With The End Result Of Your Actions
Let’s say someone is being especially tedious about trying to make you do what they want. Before you give in, stop and think about it. This person’s life is separate from yours. At the end of the day, you’re the only one who has to deal with the end result of what you do in most cases. If this doesn’t affect them, why should you listen to them first over your thoughts?
· It’s Really No One’s Business
Plenty of people like to poke their noses in the business of other people. If someone’s doing that to you, remember that they aren’t entitled to that privilege. They can think what they want, but so can you. It’s your life, and therefore you get to decide who influences it.
Here are some great quotes to positive thinking.
4. Everyone Is Different And Complex
People are unique. They come from all walks of life. As such, it’s impossible to keep proving yourself as each person you meet will have a different set of experiences, beliefs, and opinions. The complexity of humankind is such that proving yourself to them is a futile task. Here’s why:
· What Works For Others May Not Work For You
Sometimes, you may feel tempted to prove yourself by showing someone that you can do what they do. The issue is that you may get a completely different result than them, even if you imitate them completely! Things that work for other people may simply fail to cut it for you because of how different each individual can be.
· Others Can Project Onto You
People who you want to prove yourself to may just be projecting their thoughts and insecurities onto you. It’s not that they genuinely, with their entire being, believe you should be better – it’s that they can’t stop themselves from using you as their reflection or canvas. Proving yourself to anyone like that would be pointless!
· You Don’t Know What Others Are Thinking Or Doing
Caring so much what other people think is a risky game because you can never tell for sure what’s going on in their heads. Do they have ulterior motives? Are they manipulating you? Are they trying to change you? If you don’t know their motives, it’s tough to follow through.
· People Change, Often
People constantly grow, change, and evolve. Plenty of philosophers have even stated that the world and our selves are constantly changing in a “flux” of sorts. This means people’s thoughts and opinions of you and what you do will change over time, so why bother proving yourself when they’ll likely want something different soon? This also speaks of something to fill you with positive thinking: even if you aren’t happy with yourself now, you can transform yourself naturally, however you wish.
5. The People Who Matter Don’t Need You To Prove Yourself
The people in your life who are worth proving yourself to are often, ironically, the people who don’t want you to prove yourself to them. They care for you, trust you, and even love you for who you are, and they would never want or need you to change or act differently just to “pass” in their eyes.
These people would never expect you to change who you are, but they would also never stifle your growth. You would be able to quickly improve and develop over time, and these people will always stick by you – though they will call you out for wrong or harmful actions, of course!
Besides, after you realize all of that, you’ll likely realize something else – most people aren’t as concerned with your shortcomings as you think. So put on that positive thinking! People are often too worried about their selves to focus so much on the people around them.
6. Only You Have The Power
The power to control your life is 100% in your hands. No one can take that from you. This ability comes with its fair share of urgency, and that can be scary, but it’s also a powerful and beautiful thing. Here are some things to consider:
· You Are Responsible For Your Life
All the situations you have ever been in have one thing in common: you. You have the responsibility to realize your urgency and ability to control your behavior, actions, how you react, and what you do next. No matter what, you have the power to do something about the situation you’re in. Why should you spend your time proving yourself when you have all that ability within you?
· You Know The Path You Want To Walk
You are the only person in the whole world who really, truly knows what path you want to walk. The people who you want to impress have no idea what your true desires are, so why waste the effort trying to show off to them? Take steps that make sense with your goals instead.
· You Determine Your Abilities
It’s your choice on how to spend your energy and time. This leads to the skills you pick up, the achievements you reach, and your overall positive steps forward. Those around you who you want to prove yourself to don’t have any power over what you’re capable of.
· You Deserve To Be True To Yourself
Proving yourself to others can often involve a degree of fakeness. But that’s unfair to the great person you are. Even if it’s frightening, don’t be afraid to be yourself and speak your truth. Others may not agree with you, but wasting your time on proving yourself to them would be a disservice to yourself!
You hold the power to choose a negative or positive path in life. Choose positivity!
Final Thoughts On Some Reasons Why You Should Stop Proving Yourself To Others
No one has any right to change you or dictate who you’ll become or how your life will be. So be confident in your identity and stop trying to prove yourself to others. Hinging your self-worth and success on the thoughts of others is unhealthy and ultimately ineffective.
So hold your head high, grab the opportunities you want, and don’t let anyone tell you that who you are is wrong. It can be difficult at first, but don’t worry; eventually, your actions will speak for themselves!
