The world is full of assertive people that have made their stamp in life. Sadly, these people are often misunderstood, or others feel that they have bad intentions. Just because someone speaks their mind and has moxie, it doesn’t make them a bad person.
How do you know if you’re a bit too assertive? Having a bit of force and self-confidence goes a long way, but you might need to tone it down since many misunderstand you. Here are some signs that you need to watch your self-assertive nature a bit.
Here Are Twelve Signs That Someone Might Be Too Assertive
Be honest. Do you exhibit these behaviors?
1. Assertive People Are Not Afraid to Speak Their Mind
It’s okay to speak your mind and let people know where you stand. What isn’t okay is saying things that are hurtful towards others. Even if you don’t like the dress or suit they’re wearing, some opinions need to be kept to yourself.
Evaluate your statements before you speak. If anything you say might be misunderstood or hurtful towards someone, then bite your tongue.
2. You Scare Some People
Do people fear you because they don’t know what you will say or do? Do others tiptoe on eggshells when you walk into a room? While it’s good to have a commanding presence and others’ respect, you don’t want people to be afraid of you.
People who fly off the handle and have rage might be assertive, and it could be an underlying medical condition and not self-confidence. If you find yourself being aggressive with your assertion, then it’s time to reevaluate yourself.
3. People Listen When You Talk
It’s a good thing when you talk that people listen. However, do they listen because they value what you say as a coworker or family member, or do people look like they’re afraid if they utter a word, you might slaughter them?
Make sure that people want to hear what you say because you’re engaging and not threatening. There is a big difference in why people draw crowds, and it’s not always good ones.
4. You Use Your Clout to Make Things Happen
Are you guilty of using your position to get things done? While there is certainly nothing wrong with dropping names or calling in favors from others to accomplish tasks, you should avoid blackmail and other unscrupulous methods. You want to be a mover and shaker and not someone underhanded like a mob boss.
5. You’ve Been Called Names a Time or Two
Assertive people are often misunderstood, and while some people want to be just like you, others hate the ground you walk on. It’s not uncommon for people with strong personalities to be called names. Even with the best of intentions, you can still ruffle a few feathers.
The real problem comes into play when you people have more hate than like for you. Being assertive and getting the job done is all well and good, but life sure is lonely if people misunderstand you so much that they don’t want to be around you.
6. Assertive People Rarely Ever Sugar Coat or Beat Around the Bush
Have you ever told someone to “Give it to me straight?” You’re not one that likes to beat around the bush or sugarcoat the truth. You will openly say what needs to be said without fear of any backlash.
The good thing about people that “shoot from the hip” is that you always know where you stand with them. The bad thing about people who are so straightforward is that they offend many people along the way. If your assertive nature is more offensive than helpful, then tone it back a bit.
A good rule of thumb to live by is that you should never tell people things they already know. They know the things they need to work on and what’s wrong in their lives. They don’t need you to point it out and offer unsolicited advice.
7. You’re Always a Leader
Have you been a leader since childhood? You would never dream of following someone else’s lead as you always have a clear-cut path to victory. While being a leader is an integral part of society, you need to learn when to step back and let someone else be in charge.
Do you often seem to take over a group of people no matter what the situation? You may even step in and try to control things over someone else that has already been designated as in charge.
Your assertive nature is good for leadership, but you can’t always be the leader. Learn when to follow sometimes too.
8. Your Passion and Opinions Are Often Misunderstood
Do you often feel like people misunderstand your motives or passions?
Let’s look at a real-world example of this.
Imagine this. You are a manager at your workplace and developed a strict policy about not allowing people to take time off, other than for vacation or illness. You cannot fathom workers who want to take their pets to the vet or want bereavement time for a loss is not acceptable.
To others, it may come across that you only care about work and the bottom line rather than your employees. Others view animals as members of the family. The loss of a dog or cat is a painful ordeal. Sadly, what many people don’t know is that you once loved pets. You just got your heart broken when your dog of 15 years died. You vowed you would never have another pet again.
While you’re passionate about the acceptable reasons people call off, you must allow a little leniency for individuality. You must remember that you can have an iron fist as a ruler, but you must still have a big heart.
9. Success is Not an Option
You decide that you want to do something, and you won’t stop until your dream comes to fruition. In your world, success is not an option but a destination. There’s nothing wrong with being goal-driven, and it’s easy to pour yourself 100 percent into your endeavors.
What’s not okay is to step on everyone else on the way to your goal. You can’t use people, play dirty, and even resort to blackmail tactics to get what you want. Sometimes people want something so bad because they cannot have it.
However, once they get the item they longed for, they realize they didn’t want it anyway. How many times has that happened to you with unrequited love? You pine after a man or woman so much that you can hardly sleep or eat.
You may go months or even years in the pursuit of this particular person. You’ve played things up in your mind to the point where you will die if you don’t have them for your own. Then, once you get them, you realize it wasn’t all that you made it up to be in your mind.
Be careful of what you consider a success in your life. Watch the people you must step on to reach your goal.
10. Your Confidence Intimidates Others
Do you find yourself intimidating? Have you ever heard someone has an “icy beauty” but is unapproachable? While the world acknowledges that this person is beautiful, they also want to point out that they are cold as ice on the inside.
Do you want to be so intimidating? True, people don’t climb their way to the top of the corporate ladder by being nice, but you should make friends on your way up and not enemies. Being assertive and self-confident is essential, but you don’t want others to think you’re a bully.
11. You Ask More Questions Than a Reporter
Assertive people often tend to be a bit nosy. Do you find yourself always asking tons of questions? Inquiring minds want to know, but what are you doing with the information that you’ve learned?
Many leaders know that one day they will need the information they have learned to benefit them. So if every conversation you engage in goes filed for later use, you may be too forceful in life. It’s okay to have everyday conversations for no reason but to engage with others.
12. Assertive People Take No Crap, and Everyone Knows It
People wouldn’t dare cross you because they know that you won’t put up with it. They fear what you might do in return. It’s okay for people to have a bit of respect for you that you won’t put up with their garbage, but they shouldn’t fear for their job or life if they are at odds with you.
Final Thoughts on Being Overly Assertive
There are all kinds of people in this world, and variety is the spice of life. However, there are strong personalities, and you or someone you love might be one of them. It’s perfectly acceptable to have a strong character and to be a commanding presence.
What’s not okay is resorting to name-calling, blackmailing, or methods of violence to get what you want. It would help if you never used someone else as part of your master plan to get where you want to be in life. Are you too assertive, or do you have just enough grit to get you where you want to go?