Proves

While lasting relationships can’t thrive without love, trust in a relationship may matter most. Feelings of love come and go in long-term relationships, but trust withstands the test of time. Any healthy marriage goes through phases where the couple may fall out of love temporarily. However, if they have trust, it can keep the ship afloat on the stormiest of waters.

Any two people can fall into love, but those feelings tend to fade over time. After a while, relationships form into more of a loving friendship as the honeymoon phase ends. If the couple continues to build trust and work as a team, then the relationship stands a good chance of lasting forever. Simply put, you can have faith without love, but you can’t have love without trust.

In a successful relationship, you have to believe you can trust your partner before giving them your heart. Below, we’ll talk more about why trust predicts relationship success more than love.

Science says that trust matters even more than love in relationships.

In a nutshell, a successful relationship hinges on kindness and trust more than anything else. The feelings of infatuation will fade, but if you have confidence, nothing can take that away. People underestimate this and expect that they’ll feel the same in 20 years as they did in the very beginning. When their love starts to wane, couples assume that their relationship won’t make it.

However, they forget about the importance of trust. Even if you don’t feel in love with your partner anymore, you can still love and respect them. You can still hold onto the positive aspects of your relationship and choose to focus on those. The Gottman Institute says that accentuating the positives in a relationship is one of the most significant predictors of success.

John Gottman, a leader in studying what constitutes a healthy marriage or relationship, believes the little things matter most. After studying couples over the past 35 years, he says the following items ensure success in relationships more than anything else:

Learn your partner’s inner psychological world, such as their biggest hopes, fears, worries, and joy. This will help you bond with your partner and know their needs.

• Share fondness and admiration.

Gottman refers to this as a solution for contempt since it promotes affection and respect for each other. In other words, you want to focus on the positive things about your partner rather than the negatives.

• Lean into your significant other instead of away from them.

State your needs and respond to your partner’s attempts to connect. For example, if he or she points something out to you, or tries to engage in conversation, put your full attention on them. The smallest moments and interactions matter the most in relationship success.

• Maintaining a positive perspective.

Try to have a positive approach to solving problems, as trust in a relationship comes from how you respond to conflicts.

Part of building a healthy marriage or relationship comes from how you deal with conflict. It can either make or break a relationship, so make sure you work as a team. Listen to your partner and try to come to a resolution together. Conflicts are typical in any healthy relationship, as long as you treat your partner with love and respect.

• Work on making each other’s dreams a reality

Let your partner talk openly about his or her desires and dreams. Create an open environment where they feel safe and heard talking about the future.

Every relationship needs something that unites it, whether that means kids or perhaps a shared business. Or, maybe it means getting involved in something you both enjoy, such as biking or hiking. No matter what the trouble is, make sure your relationship involves something that matters to both of you.

Of course, this should remain a priority in a relationship. Without trust, you won’t have a foundation to build upon for a successful partnership. You want to know that your partner will have your back and that you can count on them for anything. Building trust in a relationship takes time, but being vulnerable with your partner will help the walls come down little by little.

Any successful relationship requires a commitment to your partner to make it work. If you want to remain with this person long-term, you need to embrace both their negative and positive qualities. However, you shouldn’t dwell on their negative traits, which will skew your image and perception of them. You will start noticing more of the things that you find annoying about them rather than what you adore about their personality.

In other words, admire them for their positive traits and learn to accept their flaws. If you can do this, it will ensure a successful union for life. Also, make trust your foundation early on in the relationship, as everything else hinges upon it.

So, why is trust more important than love in a relationship?

1. You can’t have love without trust.

If you can’t count on your partner and you feel uneasy around them, you can’t possibly become vulnerable enough to fall in love. Love will fade over time because some days, you’ll get under each other’s skin and take each other for granted. Other days, it’ll feel like you just met and you want to spend all your time with them. However, these feelings will fluctuate with the situations and experiences you go through as a couple.

Trust will remain steady throughout your relationship as long as you don’t do anything to betray it. If you stay faithful to your partner and put their needs first, you’ll never have a doubt in your mind if you can trust them or not.

2. It allows you to have boundaries in the relationship.

If you have love without trust, it may lead to codependency and attachment issues. However, if you cultivate trust, it brings a sense of security into the relationship. You can each go your separate ways at times without having to worry about each other’s whereabouts constantly. This way, you can develop a strong marriage by having your alone time as well as time spent together.

3. You’ll have a sense of peace when you have trust in a relationship.

Without trust, you constantly feel on edge or just unsure of where you stand with your partner. Will they suddenly break up with you or say they’ve been seeing someone else? Do they want a future with you? If you cannot answer these questions honestly, you need to have a serious talk with your partner and communicate your needs.

Everyone deserves to have a loving, supportive relationship where they can fully trust their partner. The person you love should eliminate your stress, not add to it by being unclear about their intentions. When you find a secure partnership, you’ll have a sense of peace.

4. Trust allows you to gauge how much you give of yourself to others.

If you don’t trust someone, you won’t want to open up to them about the details of your life. Trust gives us a way to decide the level of emotional intimacy we wish to experience with someone. It helps us control our emotions, in a way, because not everyone gains access to the deepest parts of ourselves. Trust in a relationship helps peel back our layers, slowly showing our partner more vulnerable sides of ourselves.

5. Love is blind, but trust never fails you.

You can love someone who might not love you back in the same way. You could bend over backward for someone you’ve fallen head over heels for, but that doesn’t guarantee they’ll reciprocate. Many people get involved in one-sided relationships where the other person doesn’t have their best interests in mind, unfortunately. When you jump too quickly into a relationship out of loneliness or desperation, you may not see the person.

However, if you build upon the relationship slowly and get to know the person, you can establish trust. This way, you can gauge if your partner deserves your time, commitment, and heart. While love can overpower and blind you, faith will illuminate your path and steer you in the right direction.

Final thoughts on why trust is more important than love in relationships

Any healthy marriage or relationship requires trust as the foundation; without it, love cannot grow. You can’t plant a garden without tending to the soil; similarly, you can’t have a thriving relationship without establishing trust. All successful relationships require this faith because it helps you grow closer to people. It enables you to realize how much of yourself you should give away based on their input.

If someone only gives you 50%, why should you bother giving them 100%? If you care about trust in a relationship, make sure of your partner’s intentions before committing fully to them.

Negativity is toxic for many reasons: 1) it destroys your mental health, 2) it can actually make you physically sick, and 3) it just brings the mood down for everyone else around you. Negativity just can’t exist if you want to create a positive life. That doesn’t mean you can never have a bad thought, but for the most part, concentrating on the positives in life helps you attract more of the same. If you only focus on everything going wrong, you miss out on the beauty right in front of you.

Many people wonder how to find this elusive happiness that everyone talks about. It doesn’t actually exist tangibly, so this means it comes from our own minds. Therefore, we can feel happy whenever we choose because we get to control our emotions. With that said, this doesn’t mean that feeling good all the time happens overnight. It takes practice to train your mind to see the good in bad situations and circumstances.

Below, we’ll talk a little more about why negativity is toxic, and how you can engage in positive thinking to turn things around.

Science proves that negativity is toxic

“You can’t litter negativity everywhere and then wonder why you’ve got a trashy life.” – Unknown

If you’ve ever been around someone at work or school who just seems down in the dumps all the time, you know how it can affect everyone around them. In a work setting, it brings down the mood of the whole team because people can feel that energy. Just as positivity is contagious, negative moods are as well. You might think that negative moods or thoughts don’t really cause harm, but science proves otherwise.

Negativity is toxic because it can cause mental health problems.

Just as positive thinking can promote a healthy mindset, negative thoughts can do the opposite. When you constantly entertain negativity, you start to seek out experiences and people that reflect your mindset. The quote from Buddha that says “What you think, you become” very much applies here. Everything in life comes down to your mindset and the way you approach obstacles.

As they say, it doesn’t matter so much about the situation you face. Instead, it’s the attitude you have about your circumstances. A positive attitude can help you overcome any challenges. But negativity tends to drain your energy, rendering you powerless and stagnant. Studies have shown that a negative disposition can actually cause some of the world’s most common mental illnesses, like anxiety and depression. In fact, a U.K. study of more than 30,000 people, the largest of its kind, found that traumatic life events played more of a role in mental illness than even genetics or life circumstances.

The study

“Whilst we know that a person’s genetics and life circumstances contribute to mental health problems, the results of this study showed that traumatic life events are the main reason people suffer from anxiety and depression. However, the way a person thinks about and deals with, stressful events is as much an indicator of the level of stress and anxiety they feel,” said lead researcher Peter Kinderman, Head of the Institute of Psychology, Health, and Society.

So, now that you know that ruminating about the past is the main predictor of mental illness, perhaps this can offer some perspective. We often look at past experiences as a way to define ourselves, but really, they’re just stories. The things that happened to us may have shaped our character, but they don’t have to negatively affect our life moving forward.

Remaining in the present moment helps clear the chatter from your mind and keeps you focused on all the wonderful stories you can create right now. Negativity is toxic because it destroys your inner peace and takes away your strength, so try to choose positive thinking instead.

Negativity is toxic because it can harm your physical health.

It is well-documented that a negative mindset can actually cause physical health problems. Most people think negativity only affects the mind. Additionally, chronically sour moods can increase cortisol levels, which leads to all sorts of diseases. A passing negative mood probably won’t cause much harm, but making it a permanent part of your disposition can lead to problems.

Emiliana Simon-Thomas, Ph.D., science director of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, said in an article on Health.com: “Many negative emotions such as anger, fear, and frustration become problematic when those emotions turn into a more permanent disposition or a habitual outlook on the world.” Some studies have shown exactly what can happen to our bodies when we maintain this habit of worry, anxiety, and stress for years on end.

The study

A 2014 study published in the journal Neurology linked high levels of cynicism later in life, i.e. a general distrust and skepticism of people, to a greater risk of dementia compared to those with a more trusting attitude. This remained true even after accounting for lifestyle factors such as smoking, age, sex, and heart health markers. Speaking of the heart, a negative outlook may affect it as well.

A 2009 study from the journal Circulation looked at data from nearly 100,000 women and found that the risk of heart disease increased in the most cynical patients. The more pessimistic women also had a higher chance of dying over the study period in comparison to those with a more optimistic outlook.

“We know that neural pathways are changing every minute of your entire life and that your brain is generating new cells throughout your life. And this neurogenesis is not only associated with the formation of new memories, but with mood stability, as well,” said Simon-Thomas.

She went on to say, “We can be deliberate about shifting our habits of feeling and thinking in the world.”

So, not only does negative thinking cause mental health problems, but it can wreak havoc on your body as well. Plus, being around negative people just brings down the mood of everyone in the surrounding area.

Negativity is toxic because it can affect other people.

In general, people don’t want to hang out with others who constantly complain or engage in negative thinking. Bad moods can easily infect everyone in a workplace or school environment, causing discord and poor morale. Of course, no one can feel happy all the time, but in general, it helps everyone when the overall mood remains positive.

If you struggle with this, it helps to block out everything except the present moment, and focus on the task at hand. You may not always feel like being at work or school, but positive thinking and staying mindful can help smooth out any tension you feel.

Now that we’ve talked about how negativity can harm your mental, physical, and emotional well-being, let’s discuss how to combat this toxic frame of mind.

How to boost positivity:

Positive thinking doesn’t always come easily, but in time, you can make it a habit instead of having to force it. Below, we’ll list a few ways that you can bring more positivity into your life.

• Keep a positive circle of friends. They say you are the five people you hang around the most. So make sure you enjoy the people you spend time with. Try to seek out friendships with people who have qualities you admire or wish to have yourself. Being around negative people will only bring you down. Therefore, try to distance yourself from those who engage in these types of attitudes.
• Recite positive affirmations or mantras every day. You can either keep sticky notes on your mirror with positive sayings or write them in a journal. Be sure you read them aloud each day. A positive mindset starts with what you feed to your brain; just like you nourish your body with wholesome foods, you have to take care of your mind as well.
• Challenge negative thinking. No one in this world can say they’ve never had a negative thought about themselves. It’s just a part of being human. However, you don’t have to agree with what your mind tells you. When a negative thought creeps into your mind, simply acknowledge it and then choose to focus on something else.

Final thoughts about how science proves that negativity is toxic

Negative thinking patterns such as rumination and overreacting can cause mental and physical health problems. It can also destroy other people’s moods and morale in a work environment. You may not think negative moods can really have that much of an impact. But science shows the harm in long-term pessimistic mindsets.

Studies prove that chronic pessimism can lead to heart problems, dementia, and mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression. If you want to increase your chances of living a long, healthy life, make sure to engage in positive thinking. Recite positive affirmations, challenge your negative thoughts, and keep yourself motivated by surrounding yourself with positive people. Just remember, a positive attitude can make even the worst situation seem like a walk in the park!

Girls tend to favor their dad while boys tend to latch on to their mother. These patterns are something observed throughout history. A daughter needs to have a healthy relationship with her father. Psychologists have now proven that it’s essential for the child to develop these relationships to form positive self-esteem.

Why is this relationship between a father and daughter so important? First, little girls all see daddy as their hero and rightfully so. He is the first male figure in her life that she depends on. A daughter develops a relationship with her parents early on as they are her entire world.

Traditionally throughout history, here what happened. Mothers played a pivotal role as the nurturing and caring one. However, a father’s role was just as important. He made sure his daughter was safe and was eager to protect her. These vital roles were based on historical perceptions. Of course, modern parents can cross over into the other position or serve as both.

It’s essential for a child to feel a bond with both parents. However, psychologists have found that when the father-daughter relationship struggles early on, it can cause many emotional challenges. Additionally, a skewed view of dad can cause problems with dating and even marrying a man.

The Formative Years

The father-daughter relationship develops around two years of age. Since the formative years are defined as ages 2-4, this male role needs to be in her life. The bond that develops in these years will last a lifetime.

When a child is going through their formative years, they need both the female and male role. The toddler is asking internal questions such as:

• Am I okay to be me?
• What can I explore today?
• Will mommy or daddy play with me?
• Who will feed me?

They learn quickly which parent will do specific roles in their care. For instance, if mom feeds the child, then when they are hungry, they will go to mom. However, if mom isn’t around, then they learn dad is a backup. Additionally, they learn the roles that dad plays in their life.

Forming a Sense of Independence

As your child is growing and learning to be more self-sufficient, they use repetition. It’s how they form a sense of independence. They find comfort in knowing that daddy will fix their doll’s arm or take care of their bumps or scrapes.

Safety and security are a significant factor to a young child, especially as they’re learning to walk and talk. Many changes are going on in their lives, and they need the united force of their parents to make them feel safe.

Should dad be demanding with the child and push them too far, it can cause them to doubt their new skills. Both parents must allow a child to use the repetitive nature that comes along during the formative years as it’s essential for growth. Your child needs everything in place so they can master their environment.

Avoiding Self-Doubt

When a child has a skewed father-daughter relationship, it can cause self-doubt to occur. Doubt can cause a child to place limits on themselves as they grow. These kids usually make derogatory statements such as:

• I’ll never be good enough to try out for the school play.
• Everyone else is better than me.
• I can’t do that spelling bee because I am afraid I will mess up.

The self-doubt that starts in the formative years either from a poor father-daughter relationship or other outlying factors can turn into low self-esteem. When children make such comments as listed above, some say that they are shy or afraid to explore things.

The real problem is that the child is making these statements hoping that someone will give them advice on the matter. A daughter desperately longs for the approval of her parents, and she doesn’t feel free to try new things without a gentle nudge in the right direction. A child uses the rules they’ve learned early on to set the patterns for life.

If a father doesn’t allow children to explore, experiment, and be adventurous, they won’t be curious or welcome experimentation in life.

Negative Patterns Follow Throughout Life

When a parent sees an issue with the child’s esteem, they need to correct the dynamics. If these issues are allowed to flourish, they will be a constant problem well into adulthood. The father-daughter bond is essential, but any negative patterns from childhood must be corrected to change their self-doubting nature.

A self-doubting child turns into an adult who is afraid to go for a job promotion as they are fearful; they can’t keep up with the work. Many are so scared to try anything new or move too far away from their homestead. Girls that don’t have a good father-daughter dynamic may be scared to do anything even in adulthood that might be a little risky.

A father must be encouraging his daughter. They should motivate them to try new things and be adventurous, and they should be on the sidelines, cheering them on in life. Remember, they are going to make errors, but you just need to be there to pick up the pieces. Mistakes are a part of life and how you learn.

Both mothers and fathers need to be supportive of their children as they grow and make blunders. When required, offer advice, but make sure you are a support system and a shoulder to cry on.

Setting The Stage for a Happy Life

Children are a product of their environment. Have you ever heard the statement, “She has daddy issues?” While it’s natural for a girl to want to marry someone like her dad, if the father-daughter dynamic was toxic, it causes problems.

On the flip side, a boy who never had a mother be there for him can have issues in trusting women in life. The most significant gift that a dad can give to their daughter is to teach them respect. Respect is not something that comes freely as it must be earned.

You can show your daughter the true meaning of respect by treating her mother and other siblings well. Being that constant positive in her life sets the stage for how her husband and sons treat her in the future. She will know what to expect and won’t settle for anything less.

Mothers and fathers can both put the wheels in motion for healthy patterns. Girls tend to gravitate to what is familiar to them. It doesn’t matter if her father was a positive or negative force in her life; she will look towards comfortable things.

Being a father is one of the biggest job titles that come with the most significant rewards, so dads have a lot of pressure not to mess up.

Promoting Father-Daughter Bonding

Some dads have a hard time relating to their daughter, as it’s easier to relate to males. However, it would help if you found a way to bridge the divide and do things that your daughter likes to do. For instance, take her to a movie and out to ice cream.

No one is going to refuse a good flick and a sweet treat. Most cities have those daddy-daughter dances around Valentine’s day. While it may be out of your comfort zone, you must go for the sake of your daughter. The memories you will make with her will be priceless.

Try building something together, and you may find that your little girl has a liking to power tools. You can take a cooking class and then use your skills to create dinner for the family. Many girls love to shoot hoops or take a drive in the evening with the music blasting.

When you think about it, you and your daughter would like to do tons of things together. It doesn’t matter what you do, just make sure you let her be a part of the selection process, so you validate her opinions.

Final Thoughts on the Father Daughter Relationships and Developing Healthy Esteem

Thankfully, it’s never too late for you to work on your relationship with your daughter. Even if you weren’t there for her in her formative years because of divorce or work, you could be there for her now. Did you know that women who grow up and have positive relationships with their parents are generally more confident and well-rounded in life?

Women with confidence choose better partners, have emotionally healthy ways to deal with stress and drama, and often have well-balanced relationships with both males and females. The joy of raising a good child is one of the most significant accomplishments you can have in life.

It’s imperative to work on your father-daughter relationship as it means everything to raising well-adjusted girls that don’t have “daddy issues.”