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Therapists Reveal 6 Reasons Perfectionism Can Be Self-Sabotaging

Therapists Reveal 6 Reasons Perfectionism Can Be Self-Sabotaging


It’s healthy to think highly of yourself and to hold yourself to high standards. But these standards have to be reasonable and grounded in reality. Unfortunately, for many perfectionists, that’s not the case for them.

Perfectionism doesn’t sound too bad as a concept. You want the best and are willing to do whatever you can to achieve it. But many times, those perfectionist traits come with their fair share of downsides that can negatively affect you. In a cruel sense of irony, being a perfectionist can jeopardize your progress! Here’s how therapists reveal six reasons perfectionism can be self-sabotaging, and how to fix it.

1.    You Take Ages To Make A Simple Decision

There is no such thing as a perfect decision. No matter what you choose to do, there will be some downsides. If you’re a perfectionist, you might feel the need to excessively obsess over all the possible factors involved in that decision-making process.

What this does is it forces you to spend a lot of energy and time working on these choices, which can wind up burning you out, explains author and published researcher Alice Boyes, Ph.D., who has papers published in leading peer-reviewed journals around the world. She stresses that this can cause you to focus on smaller things instead of more significant priorities, which isn’t great for your energy levels. Here are some tips to get around this form of self-sabotage:

·         Focus On The Most Important Things

Let your brain zero in on only the most crucial tasks first. This focus means you’ll have less to devote to obsessing over minor decisions, and your efforts will go where they deserve to.

·         Put Yourself In Time Constraints

Need to make a decision quickly? Put yourself in a situation that forces you to make your choices in a fast manner. If you have multiple things to make decisions for, or if someone is demanding a decision by a specific deadline, you will often be more motivated to make choices faster or move on.

·         Learn To Prioritize

Use simple rules of thumb to find ways to prioritize tasks quickly. This habit can be referred to as heuristics, a process by which certain things are given priority over others based on a value such as effort, monetary influence, or fluency. This is, by nature, not a perfect decision-making method, but one known for its positive effect on efficiency, short-term goals, and finding optimal solutions without the need for lengthy consideration.

2.    You Procrastinate

Procrastination is often seen as a bad trait, but that doesn’t mean that perfectionists don’t suffer from it. But how can someone who wants to do perfectly put off their work? Well, according to the author and licensed psychotherapist and codependency expert Sharon Martin, LCSW, here are some reasons a perfectionist may procrastinate:

·         Fear

You might be terrified of being embarrassed, of failing, or of not being good enough. This fear paralyzes you, making it impossible for you to perform your work as your anxiety holds you in place. To overcome this, understand that the only way to improve is to make mistakes. If you fear failure, you are, by proxy, fearing something crucial to improvement.

·         Self-Worth

Your sense of self-worth might tie into a possible achievement from this perfectionism. Unfortunately, that means that you can become especially discouraged when you realize you may be unable to succeed and envisioned in a task. Remember, your successes do not define you as a person. Learning to be secure in your identity, not in your goals alone, is crucial.

·         High Stakes

Perfectionists often set very high goals, and the momentous task before you might make it difficult for you to know how or where to begin. Learn to temper the stakes you put in what you do. Keep things reasonable – what can you accomplish?

·         The Cycle

These factors all make you avoid your task, but avoiding your task only increases the emotions attached to those factors. This cycle means it will feel more challenging to complete the job you have the longer you procrastinate.

The common idea that procrastination is the mark of a lazy person is scientifically and psychologically inaccurate, according to research. Instead, it is the factors mentioned above that often lead to this habit putting-off your to-do list, even when you’re not a perfectionist.

3.    You Feel Like You Must Finish Every Single Task

Urgency and importance are two different things, but if you’re a perfectionist, you might struggle to choose between them. Specific tasks have more time to complete but have a much larger impact on your everyday life; these are the important but non-urgent tasks. Other jobs have a minimal window before their deadlines, but failing to complete them wouldn’t significantly affect your life; these are the urgent but unimportant tasks.

In life, you’ll often need to prioritize important things, even if there are urgent tasks around you. For perfectionists, this can be a difficult thing to wrap your head around, says Boyes. You might feel like you have to do every single thing on your to-do list, causing you to rush to finish urgent tasks, leaving less time for essential ones.

You’ll burn out from a cycle and pattern like this one. You’ll never have the energy you need for things that matter. You need to learn to prioritize what is essential and become comfortable with letting some unnecessary tasks slip by. Without that, you’ll fall victim to the same issue many perfectionists face: increased burnout rates, higher stress levels, and decreased positive thinking.

4. It’s Always All-Or-Nothing

If you’re a perfectionist, you might have a very extreme view of situations, refusing to exist on the broad spectrum between “all” and “nothing”. This is commonly referred to as “splitting”, according to Mary Mykhaylova LCSW. Here are some examples of all-or-nothing behavior:

  • If you feel that you cannot achieve perfection, you will elect not to do something at all.
  • You insist on getting “fresh starts” whenever something goes wrong, resulting in your always starting again but never actually finishing.
  • If you fail one aspect of a goal, you might give up altogether and abandon everything.
  • You rapidly swing between the extremes – on some weeks, you’re blasting through all your goals at a ridiculous rate, and on others, you can’t do anything at all.
  • Your identity can only be one extreme or the other – you’re either a failure or a success, stupid or smart, incredible or terrible… there’s no in-between.
  • Your entire self-esteem can be destroyed by one flaw or mistake as you label yourself negatively for any perceived problem.

Remember, balance is essential. You need to learn to make compromises along the spectrums of your life. If you can’t find perfection, then find something close to it. If you fail, you’re not a failure. You’re a successful person who makes mistakes, like any other human being. Learn to use these more positive thinking points!

5.    Your Mental Health Suffers

As aforementioned, perfectionists often find themselves experiencing higher levels of anxiety, depression, and stress. This downside to your mental health isn’t something that should be overlooked. Here are some aspects of mental health that can be affected by perfectionism:

·         A Harsh, Negative Inner Voice

According to an expert on perfectionism and University of British Columbia professor of psychology Paul Hewitt, Ph.D., people who are perfectionists often have a loud inner critic that always tells them they aren’t good enough and that they need to achieve perfection to finally be positive, successful people. Of course, that kind of success isn’t humanly possible, leading to issues such as depression and suicidal ideation.

·         Depression

Your mood can be dragged down significantly by that voice in your head, telling you that your perceived lack of perfection means you’re a failure. Science proves significant links between perfectionism and depression at convincingly obvious rates.

·         Burnout

Being a perfectionist is hard work, and your brain can get tired too. Think about it like exercise. If you overexert yourself, your muscles will be strained, and your body will be too exhausted to move. That can happen with mental exhaustion, too. Overworking yourself can cause your brain to become too exhausted to move, and that loss of productivity and positive thinking is very common in perfectionists.

6.    Your Relationships Are Hurt By Perfectionism

Perfectionism is commonly associated with work, but it can also affect the interactions with others. Being too much of a perfectionist can hurt those around you even more than you might expect, and it also sabotages your life. Here are some ways that this happens:

·         You Refuse Offered Assistance

Even when you need help, you might refuse it simply because you don’t think others will achieve the perfection you seek. Other people’s hands in your work might “corrupt” it, ruining the vision you have of it, says Boyes. But it’s important to remember that outside perspectives and assistance are just as capable of helping your efforts. Sometimes, you’re going to need help, and that’s okay.

· You’re Critical

You notice all the wrong things that everyone else is doing. Your high standards that you hold yourself to are ones you hold everyone else to, as well. You criticize them, nag them to abide by your high expectations, and barely notice their efforts if they don’t achieve perfection. This outcome can make you unpleasant to be around and even damage previously strong relationships, according to Martin.

·         You Have False Ideas About Relationships

As soon as you make a mistake in your relationship with someone – platonic or otherwise – you might spiral into self-loathing. According to Mykhaylova, this can result in defensive or toxic relationship behaviors that push people away. When people begin to separate themselves from you, you might then go on to blame your failure for this phenomenon, not realizing that your own self-loathing became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Final Thoughts On Some Reasons Perfectionism Can Be Self-Sabotaging And How To Fix It

Not all perfectionism is bad. It can, occasionally, be a good thing to chase after lofty goals. But the keyword here is “perfect”, and no one can truly be perfect. To expect perfection out of yourself is to expect the impossible, and no matter how positive your achievements or successes are, they will never be “perfect”. That’s not humanly possible!

If your perfectionism comes in the form of wanting to do the best you can without attaching your self-esteem to it or being unreasonable, that’s perfectly fine. But if your perfectionism involves the acts of self-sabotage talked about here, then you’re doing yourself more harm than good.

It can be not easy to unlearn perfectionism. If you’re having trouble learning to manage your expectations, or if you beat yourself up over failing to meet very high standards, you need to learn to dial down your drive for perfection. Don’t be afraid to talk to a therapist, counselor, or other relevant medical health professional to overcome this mindset.

Lifestyle

15 Reasons Why People With Kind Hearts Live Happier Lives »

15 Reasons Why People With Kind Hearts Live Happier Lives


People with kind hearts lead happier, more rewarding lives.

Think about it.

Does it seem like people have forgotten the “Golden Rule” these days? Wouldn’t it be nice if one of the soft drink companies could come up with a kindness cocktail or a niceness nectar for people who need a boost of humanity? A Harris Poll found that only one-third of the population considers themselves happy.

The study gave a survey to 2,345 U.S. adults. It was shocking to see that two-thirds of the population isn’t content with their lives, jobs, or overall well-being. These numbers are awful, and something must change. A happy person is usually someone who is kind and looks out for others.

Why Kind Hearts Are Happier?

While the number of joy-filled people may be lacking, those who are kind tend to live longer lives. It’s a novel concept to think that showing kindness to your fellow humans could make you live longer.

Why would being happy affect your longevity on the earth? Here are 15 reasons why kind hearts tend to stick around longer than those who tend to be melancholy.

1. Being Kind Boosts Happiness

When you’re doing something for others, it gives you a sense of accomplishment. Everyone is busy and has a hectic schedule, but when you take a few minutes to be kind even when you don’t have to, it gives you a whole different outlook.

Imagine how different the world would be if people automatically loaded groceries for senior citizens, opened doors for mothers with infants, and just did random acts of kindness for no other reason than the feeling of warmth and happiness it brings. It feels good to help others, and it puts a bounce in your joy-filled bounce in your step.

2. Luckier in Love

Have you ever seen a couple that is so in love that they ooze with mushiness? Then there are those people who tend to be so unlucky that they find every narcissist and toxic person along life’s highway. Why are some people so blessed with good relationships while others struggle?

The key to being lucky in life may be having a kind heart. There are all kinds of people that you date when you’re playing the field. However, the one you choose to marry or commit too is always the one that completes you.

It’s the person that makes you want to do better and work harder. Perhaps, it’s the person who is kind to others, and you see their heart before anything else. Generous people tend to be happier in love because they attract people with like minds.

Being kind and having a big heart are attractive features that everyone wants in a spouse.

3. Engage in Philanthropic Activities

Some many charities and organizations reach out to those in need. Doing philanthropy work tends to get your mind off your troubles and focus on what matters most.

It’s hard to complain about your sore knees when you see someone who lost their legs due to a disease. Benevolence helps you to view the world through a different pair of lenses.

When you have a joyous existence, you count your blessings instead of pinning for your wants.

4. Don’t Suffer from many Health Problems

Harvard Medical School recently did a study regarding the health link to happiness. Happy hearts generally don’t have as many health problems as those who tend to be negative and pessimistic.

True happiness is learning how to free yourself from stress. When you are under constant duress, your cortisol and adrenaline levels are too high. Having these hormone levels at accelerated heights causes your heart to work overtime.

Lowering your stress levels decreases your risk of heart attacks and strokes, not to mention other muscle tension issues. A joy-filled heart is like good medicine to the soul.

5. See the Good in all Around Them

How many times do you look at the good around you? You might look at your home and see a dripping faucet, carpets that are worn, and lights that need to be replaced. However, kind hearts and happy people will be thankful they have a place to lay their heads.

You can extend kindness to others when you see the blessings you have and think of those who are less fortunate.

6. Tend to Have Many Friends

When you’re in the market for a friend, you want the kind, loving, and eager person who is willing to help you. No one wants a needy friend who keeps the relationship one-sided.

Kind hearts attract the masses because everyone wants to be their pal. They’re the ones that you can count on when you need to vent, and they will be there at a moment’s notice when you call anytime day or night.

7. Take Time to Enjoy the Simple Things

Kind hearts love to enjoy the simple things. They find grounding in the beautiful aroma of a rose or the splendor of rainbow after a storm. They have an infectious manner that brings everyone into their simple life.

These people tend to be laid back and don’t allow the simplest of life’s pleasures to pass them by.

8. Never too Busy to Help Someone in Need

Martin Seligman wrote a book about how to have a meaningful life. For this story, he conducted a study. He wanted to see who was happier the people who chased after their pleasures or found pleasure in helping others.

He dubbed the study “Philanthropy versus Fun.” The first group sought happiness by self-pleasure, and the second group found contentment by doing charitable acts. The results were remarkable. The group that helped their fellow man was happier for longer than the group that sought to please themselves.

Happy hearts are never too busy to read to the blind, work in a soup kitchen, or run errands for the elderly.

9. Would Give the Shirt off Their Back to Someone

Happy people would gladly give you the shirt off their back. They are not stingy with their possessions, and they will gladly share. They’re the person that always has a small gift or token to give you whenever they see you.

They may make crafts or baked goods for a new neighbor moving in. Sometimes, they are often a doormat because people take advantage of their generosity, but they don’t let these negative experiences stop them from being kind.

10. Forgiveness Comes Easily

Their forgiving heart is apparent in life’s troubles. These people usually don’t hold grudges or stay mad too long. They are easy to forgive and forget about the past because they don’t want to let it affect their future.

11. Believe Life Comes with Purpose

Someone who has joy chooses to live their life with purpose. They are not content with getting up in the morning, going to work, and returning home. They want to live each day to the fullest. Therefore, they look for opportunities to give back and to make an impact every day.

12. Never Stop Chasing Their Dreams

Just because kind hearts want to help others doesn’t mean that they ever stop chasing their dreams. These people are often goal-driven. They can set goals and make sure they accomplish them. Their tenacity and drive are attractive to others.

13. Always Put Their Family First

Family is an integral part of life. A kind person makes sure to see their mom on Mother’s Day. They send cards to everyone on their birthdays, and they would never miss a family function. They put family first and try to be actively involved with their close and extended relatives.

14. Are Accountable for Words and Actions

Being accountable for your words and actions is a big job. Kind hearts would never want to hurt you for anything. If they feel they have hurt you, then they would be the first to apologize. Though they try to do right, they will admit that they’re not perfect, but their ability to quickly resolve wrongdoings makes them a joy to be around.

15. Prioritize Relationships over Possessions

Worldly possessions don’t mean that much to someone who puts their investments in relationships and experiences. They don’t find joy in new cars or bigger homes. Rather, they make connections and people a priority.

It’s a blessing to be around someone who has their priorities straight and doesn’t spend time trying to keep up with neighbors and family members who seem to have more money. It’s refreshing to find someone that can find contentment in the things they have.

Final Thoughts on How People with Kind Hearts Always Seem to Be Happy

Every day when you get out of bed, you make choices. You select the clothes you will wear, decide what cologne or perfume to put on, and pick out your food for breakfast. Additionally, you choose whether you will be happy or sad.

You decide whether you will help the lady struggling to load her groceries at the supermarket, and you choose whether you will blow up at your spouse for leaving their dirty clothes on the floor. Make a conscious choice to take joy over sadness and happiness over sorrow.

You have the power to change your entire life by simply altering your mindset. Be the person that everyone wants to be around and the one that is considered one of the kind hearts.

Lifestyle

10 Reasons Why No One Should Beg for Love from Their Partner

10 Reasons Why No One Should Beg for Love from


Nobody should need to beg for love from their partner. Ever. Period.

If you have to beg for love, you are in a bad relationship. This behavior isn’t something that should have to be done in any relationship. It’s a sign that your partner isn’t as dedicated as you are and that the feelings may not be equal.

A relationship is supposed to be a true partnership, and it requires two people to complete it. Both partners should work together to show affection or overcome issues. If only one partner is doing this, there is going to be a never-ending cycle of negativity.

If you find yourself in a relationship in which you have to ask for attention and affection, it’s a bad relationship. Your partner should be putting in as much energy as you are. Otherwise, you’ll be forcing the relationship along by yourself.

Aside from making you feel empty and lonely, there are many other reasons you should never beg for love. If you have to beg, it’s a sign that you aren’t their priority and likely never will be. You must think first about yourself and your well-being and decide that it’s time to move on.

Ten Reasons Why Nobody Should Beg for Love

Learning to appreciate yourself will help to boost your self-confidence. Know what you are worth!

1. Someone Else Will do The Things They Won’t

If your partner isn’t doing the things you need from them, it’s not your fault. Don’t beg for them to do something they aren’t interested in. You can find someone else who will be full engaged in the relationship.

Someone who is fully dedicated to the relationship will be able to connect emotionally. Your significant other will be supportive and interested in what is going on in your life. Plus, they will want to spend as much time with you as they can.

The person who wants to be with you won’t leave you feeling like your self-worth is diminished. You will feel happy and fulfilled after spending time with them. Remember, if you have to beg, it’s a bad relationship.

 2. They May Not Be Ready

If your partner isn’t showing love, it could be a sign they aren’t ready for the relationship you need. No matter what you do or say, you can’t force them to be prepared.

Don’t waste your time trying to change someone who can’t be changed. Wait for a partner to come along who is ready when you are and who won’t hurt you in the process. Your well-being is more important than their lack of being willing.

3. They Don’t Appreciate You

If you have to beg, it’s a clear sign they don’t appreciate you, which means they don’t deserve you. You shouldn’t waste time praying for the love of someone who doesn’t deserve it. Eventually, someone who does appreciate you will come along and treat you the way you deserve to be.

Since your happiness is essential, you should never have to beg someone to treat you well. Instead, save your energy for someone who will never have to be asked twice to show you affection.

4. Begging Won’t Make Your Partner Love You

You cannot force someone to love you, and no amount of begging will change their mind. Just like with you, you can’t force an emotion to be happy. So, if this person doesn’t care to give you love, attention, or affection now, they’ll likely never care to.

5. It Extends Your Recovery Time

If your partner isn’t all-in, you’re going to feel sad and lonely often throughout the relationship. Eventually, the relationship will end one way or another. So, you shouldn’t spend your time being upset about the way you feel in your relationship.

You already feel bad that they aren’t giving you love and affection, so you might as well end it instead. The pain will occur in both instances, but do not force this relationship to work. Instead, move on. You will get through the hurt more quickly. By dragging the connection on any longer, you’ll only be pushing back your healing timeline.

6. It Can Stop You from Meeting the Right Person

When you are putting your energy into someone who doesn’t love you, you could be missing out on something better. There is, indeed, someone special out there who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Do not let the right one pass you by because you are trying to gain the affection of someone who doesn’t want it.

If you stay in a poor relationship with someone you have to beg, the right person won’t be an option. Don’t put yourself in this position because you deserve true happiness and love someday.

7. It Can Cause Your Self-Worth to Diminish

Your self-worth, self-esteem, and confidence will all take a massive hit if you beg for love from your partner. It’s demeaning to you, as well, and will make you feel like you are unworthy. You have to remember that you are worthy and that it is your partner’s loss.

A relationship should only make you want to be better, and it should make you happy more often than sad. It should boost your feelings of confidence and make you feel secure about who you are. It should never cause your self-worth to be diminished.

Here are twelve signs that your significant other is ruining your self-esteem.

8. You are Perfect for Someone Else

Even though no one is perfect, you are perfect for someone. Remember this and remind yourself that if you have to beg your partner for love, you aren’t ideal for them. Don’t waste the fantastic things you have to offer on someone who doesn’t see how special you are.

Someone will want to be there for all you have to offer and for your flaws. They will love your imperfections just as much as they love everything else about you. Wait for that person who will accept everything about you and love you just the same, it’s worth it.

9. It Gives Your Partner the Upper Hand

When you beg for love, it makes the other person feel like they are above you. If the relationship continues after you beg, their treatment of you will only be worse because of it. The connection will never be equal, and you will always feel like something is missing.

They may use the begging against you and make it sound like they did you a favor. Or, the person could even use your plea as a tool to hurt you further by creating a joke out of it. Don’t make it even easier on your partner to hurt you.

Even worse, they may use it as an opportunity to use you. They would see that you are willing to do anything to gain their love. This scenario could lead to them, making you do things you aren’t comfortable with or that make you unhappy.

10. You Shouldn’t Have to Prove Your Worth

If your partner doesn’t see your worth, they don’t deserve your time or energy. You are worthy of someone who wants to spend time with you and who loves you. When that special someone wants to be with you and values who you are, they will make every effort to be there.

Instead of feeling so badly in your relationship, it’s better to wait it out until someone amazing comes along. This will help your self-esteem and confidence, and it will give you the chance to meet new people.

What to Do to Avoid Feeling You Must Beg for Your Partner’s Love

If your partner doesn’t answer your phone calls, stop calling them. Plus, if they are never the ones to call first, stop being the one to connect.

Either they will notice that your presence is missing, or you will realize that you deserve better. As your calls go unanswered, you will only feel worse, so avoid it, and it will help you move on.

Don’t wait for your partner, either. If you’re not positive, they’ll come through for plans or to talk. Please do what you want to do and make plans as you feel like it. If they wanted to spend time with you, they would have set up schedules or let you know they wanted to.

Take this time to realize that you will find someone who values you and cherishes your time spent together. You shouldn’t beg for love, because then you’ll never know what real love is like. Someone else will cherish you the way you are looking for.

Finally, learn to love yourself. If you can truly love yourself, you won’t feel like you have to beg for love from anyone. You will know your value and know that you deserve more than you are receiving. Loving yourself will help you wait for the right person to come along, and you’ll be available when they do.

Final Thoughts on Reasons Why Nobody Should Beg for Love from Their Partner

If you feel like you must beg for love for your partner, you have to do what is best for you. Remember to value yourself and give your time to those who willingly give their time, too. Instead, fill your life with people who love you and make you feel happy.

You deserve to be happy and to have everything you ever wanted in a relationship. If you beg for love, you aren’t getting what you wanted and what you deserve.

Lifestyle

Therapists Reveal 13 Reasons Couples Fall Out of Love

Therapists Reveal 13 Reasons Couples Fall Out of Love


Is your union secure, and you feel that you will never fall out of love? Don’t be so sure that you and your partner are solid. You’ve probably heard that 50 percent of all marriages in this country end in divorce.

The American Psychological Association backs up this statistic. Breaking up is hard to do, yet sadly many couples don’t make it beyond the five-year mark. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a way to tell if you and your significant other will fall out of love long before it happens?

Thankfully, there are ways to tell if your relationship will last. You can examine things like your communication skills, bedroom habits, and how often you argue as indicators if you will make it for the long haul.

Here are thirteen signs that point to a rocky relationship that might not make it to forever.

1. You Take Your Anger Out on Each Other

Did you know that when you love someone, you are more likely to take your anger out on them? The key is that you interact more with your partner than you do anyone else, so it’s only natural to take out some of your frustrations on them. A study conducted in 2014 showed that this aggression is harmful to a relationship, and it pushes your lover away rather than bringing them closer to you.

2. There’s No Gratitude

Do you appreciate it when your partner spends the whole day cleaning and making a home-cooked meal for you? You should always pay attention to the smallest of things, and make sure you thank them for their efforts. Did you know that when you take a partner for granted, you undermine your relationship?

When you forget to say how thankful you are for their efforts, then you can compromise the physical and emotional health of the relationship. Gratitude should always be a part of your love language.

3. You Try to Change Each Other

One of the easiest ways to fall out of love is when a person won’t align with your perfect idea of a mate. Did you get together with your partner in the hopes that they would become someone else? Having a long-term relationship with someone who you want to change is never going to work.

Have you ever heard the old saying that a tiger doesn’t change their stripes? It’s because they can’t change who and what they are to appease you. Sure, some natural changes occur when you’re in love, but don’t expect to make them an entirely new person to fill your needs as it won’t work.

4. You Forgive, But You Don’t Forget

Every relationship has issues that require you to ask for forgiveness. While you forgive your partner, you must also forget the matter. Now, your brain can’t forget, but you can’t bring up the previous issues every time they make you mad in the future.

When one person is keeping score of the other’s wrongdoings, it sets a negative relationship dynamic. Part of loving and forgiving your spouse means that you release the issue and don’t use it to browbeat your partner with in the future.

5. There Are Trust Issues

When there are trust issues in a union, it makes for a rocky relationship. Sure, trust is not an easy thing to build, mostly if you’ve been burnt in the past. However, you must have a little faith in the person you are with if you want to grow old together.

When the foundation of your relationship is shaky from mistrust, then you can ensure that there will be physical and emotional problems with your union. At one point, you can almost guarantee that your partner will become tired of the trust issues and walk.

6. The Relationship is Full of Secrets

Do you have secrets that you keep from your partner? When you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s no fun to keep secrets. Sadly, many secrets cause you to lie.

When a partner tells the other that you can’t handle the truth, then they are saying that they don’t trust you with everything. Secrets in a relationship are one sure way to fall out of love.

7. There is No Compromise

What fun is a relationship if you never get any say? If you pick the restaurant this week, then your partner should get to choose next time. When one person dominates the union and makes all the decisions, it’s hard for the other person to feel important. Relationships are all about give and take, and compromise is essential.

8. You’re Not on The Same Page

For a relationship to be successful, you must both be going in the same direction. While you may think that love conquers all, it doesn’t. You must agree on the fundamentals, like if you want kids, saving money, and where you will live.

It’s easy to fall out of love when your goals don’t align. The differences between you and your spouse may start as a small annoyance, but they can fester into a significant wedge if allowed.

9. You Won’t Take Any Blame

Remember, as a kid, when nothing was ever your fault? You would always point your finger at your sibling or a friend to keep from getting into trouble. Sadly, this behavior can carry on with you into adulthood, causing you all kinds of problems.

You are not perfect, and your spouse can’t expect that you will be. However, it would help if you took your share of the blame with household and relationship issues. Let’s assume that you go over your grocery budget by $500 this month.

Rather than putting all the blame on your spouse, you must also take your part in the responsibility. Even if your partner does all the grocery shopping and cooking, you still have a hand in the matter. It may be that they need help with this aspect and rely on fast food and fancy eateries to cope with a lack of time.

Since groceries and eating is something you both enjoy, you must equally take responsibility in matters such as this one. Don’t be so eager to blame shift, or it’s one of the signs that you will fall out of love.

10. There Are Unrealistic Standards

Humans make mistakes, as no one is perfect. Your spouse is doing the best they can, but they are not infallible. If you expect your partner to be 100 percent perfect all the time, then you have unrealistic expectations.

When one person has such high requirements of the other one, it’s easy to become frustrated. Your partner will think that they can never please you, and you will feel that your partner doesn’t measure up. Stop playing the judge and quit expecting perfection.

11. You See Your Partner as Inferior

Relationships, where one person elevates their worth above the other is a recipe for disaster. When you have contempt for your significant other, it’s a telltale sign that divorce is looming. Do you continuously criticize what they do, show disrespect, are defensive, and stonewall them?

These are all indications that there is a deep rift in the union. A study in 2010 found that when one party shows content for the other, then it’s the “kiss of death” in a relationship.

12. Your Emotions Share No Similarity

Everyone has different emotions, but it can complicate things when conflict arises. If one person cries when they feel rage while the other hardly sheds a tear, it can be hard to be on the same page. Your emotional ranges don’t have to be the same, but they need to complement the other one.

For instance, if one person tends to shout and call names when you’re arguing, it can make the timid person who would never say anything wrong about you feel awful. You should have emotional similarities, or the imbalance can cause you to fall out of love.

13. You Stop Going on Dates

It takes a lot of hard work to keep a relationship alive, and it’s easy to fall into old routines. Once you commit to living together, you must try hard to make sure that romance doesn’t become automatic. Most couples waste their time on mundane tasks like grocery shopping, paying bills, or working.

However, everyday life can be far from romantic or exciting. You must make a special effort to ensure that you still do all those little things to keep the spark alive. Take your partner to the movies or out to a nice dinner.

You must put as much work into your relationship to keep your spouse as you did to attract them. Yes, you must still go on dates, even if you’ve been together for 20 years.

Final Thoughts on Recognizing the Traps That Cause Couples to Fall Out of Love

Do you see things on this list that show that you are in a rocky relationship? You can alter the course of your union by making some changes now. If you can’t seem to get on the same page with your partnership, then ask a counselor to help you sort things out.

It’s easy to fall out of love when massive issues make everyday life together challenging. So, if these issues exist, then you must work hard to alter then for the sake of your relationship.

Technology

Top 5 Reasons to Choose AngularJS Web Development

Top 5 Reasons to Choose AngularJS Web Development


Today every business wants to make a strong online impression. To make your customers fall in love with your online business it is not enough to create an appealing website but you have to work hard to enhance your customers’ experience when they visit your online business. There are different web development platforms available out there to create websites. If you are considering creating a web application then AngularJS development is a helpful way for you. AngularJS is a popular JavaScript framework that offers extensive features to create advanced web applications. Here are the top 5 reasons to go for AngularJS web development. 

1. Backed by Google

AngularJS is backed by one of the world’s leading tech giants Google that makes it a reliable web development framework. This framework has a solid codebase and it is one of the most stable JavaScript frameworks. Due to its reliability and stable code, most developers and companies prefer to work with this framework for developing high-end web applications. 

2. Seamless integration

When it is about the collaboration of the framework with other libraries for AngularJS web development, it offers seamless integration. If a web developer wants to work with varied object-oriented MVC frameworks for developing server-side solutions, AngularJS serves as an easy way for developing client-side code. 

3. MVC architecture

AngularJS works with the principles of MVC architecture to build interactive and robust web applications. When it comes to working with many other frameworks, web developers are required to divide the code into components. The developers write code for different components and combine them. In the case of AngularJS development, javascript developers deal with different code components that are readily available with this framework. As it follows MVC architecture, so the code is divided among Model, View, and Controller components. 

4. Excellent data binding

A major reason why developers choose AngularJS for developing web apps is due to the two-way data binding capacity. As a result, any change that you make in the interface is immediately reflected in the app’s interface. This is important for saving development time as you can easily see the effects of changes you make in your app. Developers can know the effects of any change that they want to commit in their apps and ensure a greater quality of web applications. 

5. Use of directives

HTML is utilized as the pattern language is AngularJS web development that also comprises directives. These directives help in promoting good conduct for coding. They help you focus on creating logics that influence you to work more beneficially. You can reuse them that enable you to ensure code readability. By creating a readable and reusable code, you can create a more robust and high-performance web application. 

Final words

These are a few reasons that make AngularJS a popular front-end development framework. When it comes to web development you have to deal with both front-end and back-end. Front-end is the part of a website that you can see and interact with – the user interface of a web app. To accomplish front-end development, you need to use frameworks like AngularJS that allows creating interactive and appealing user interfaces for web apps. Although there are lots of front-end web frameworks, AngularJS is one of the most used frameworks, 

We have discussed some of the top reasons for why you should choose AngularJS development for creating web apps. There are several other reasons that make it an ideal choice for developing web applications for all kinds of businesses whether small, medium, or large enterprises. It offers a quick and convenient way of developing web apps. 

Lifestyle

10 Reasons Why You Should Count Your Blessings to Boost Positivity »

10 Reasons Why You Should Count Your Blessings to Boost


An ancient tradition suggests that everyone should count at least one hundred blessings a day. It’s good advice since there are so many benefits.

Have you ever known a person who radiated positivity? They attract people from all around to them with their cheerful nature and friendly disposition. You, too, can be like that person whom you so admire. What does it take? You should cut the negativity out of your life and usher in more positive thinking.

To achieve this, you can start by taking inventory of all the reasons why you should be more grateful every day.

Let’s explore ten reasons why you should count your blessings every day.

1 – Positive people have a happier view of life

When you count your blessings, you have a happier view of your life. You’re more grateful for what you have and for those around you. Researchers suggest that being thankful changes your brain for the better. It boosts your happiness and makes you a more positive person.

regain your happiness
Learn tips on how to overcome pessimism and become a happier person.

Here are a few easy tips to boost your feelings of gratitude:

Keep a gratitude journal.

Write everything you’re grateful for every day. Look back on your lists whenever you’re feeling down or struggling to be thankful.

Practice gratitude

Make your goal to be grateful at work or at school or at home. Make an effort to smile and say thank you to the people around you. You will be surprised at the positive impact it has on them and you.

Send a gratitude message-Send someone in your family or friends an email, text, or letter telling them how much you appreciate them. Thank them for some way they’ve made an impact on your life.

2 – You will feel less stress

Counting your blessings makes you feel less stressed. It’s not that you don’t have problems in life, but you’re able to bounce back from difficulties because your point of view is upbeat and positive. You can rebound quickly when times are tough. Stress has many adverse side effects on your mind and body. Here are just a few.

  • Stress blurs your view of life because you see everything through the lens of your stress. Small things seem much more significant than usual. Stress overshadows everything in your life.
  • Stress ruins your relationships. You do not want to be around people, and when you are, you’re distracted or cynical.
  • Stress causes you to gain weight because you’re eating to alleviate the burden you feel.
  • Stress makes you look older. Stress causes worry, which shows in your face. You feel exhausted and lack the motivation to take care of yourself.
  • Stress weakens your immune system, so you’re more prone to illnesses.

3 – Positivity might mean you will live longer

Upbeat, positive people worry less, feel less stress, and generally feel more optimistic about life.  One study found that individuals who are confident live longer than most people, up to 85 or older. They age in a healthy way because they tend to take better care of themselves with exercise and good eating. They feel positive about their future, so they live life to the fullest.

4 – Improved friendships result from a more positive outlook

Nobody likes to spend their time with a pessimist who pulls everyone down with their negative views. Negative people expect the worst, and nothing is ever right about their life. Counting your blessings makes you a happier person. People enjoy being around you because you’re not down on life. You can laugh and enjoy being around your friends because you feel hopeful about your experience and want to enjoy your friendships.

5 – Sleep better when you count your blessings

Being grateful is a side effect of counting our blessings. Grateful people worry less, and consequently, they sleep better for a more extended amount of time. Researchers suggest that you should write down several things you feel grateful for in life every night. They say the things you wrote down fills your mind with positive thoughts, making you feel less burdened and able to fall asleep and get a good night’s sleep.

It may take you a couple of attempts, but it’s worth a try. Plus, it’s always good to shut off your cell phone, computer, or television an hour before you retire, so your mind and body can relax. It’s also helpful to get away from the blue screen because they affect your brain function so you can’t fall asleep.

6 – Positive thoughts arise from positivity

Counting your blessings influences your thinking, so your thoughts dwell on what you’re thankful for instead of what’s wrong right. Even if you have difficult situations going on in your life, positivity helps you feel like you can get through them. It boosts your confidence so you feel like you can cope even in the toughest of situations.  Dwelling on bad things that can happen only brings you down and makes you feel depressed.

7 – When you count your blessings, you feel more peaceful

Peace of mind and feeling happy are two incredible side effects of counting your blessings. Feeling peaceful gives you a positive view of life. Indeed, you will see in time how the cup will be half full instead of half empty. A quiet mind makes you feel peaceful and calm. You’ll be able to problem-solve finding creative ways to get things done because your brain won’t be encumbered with your burdens and fears. Peace is a precious treasure to have in good times and bad times. No one’s life is perfect,  but there is always something good to be found.

8 – Positive people feel more hope for the future

The simple act of counting your blessings increases your hopefulness. Hopeful people are thankful and content. They feel a sense of purpose, and they are willing to help others. Their peace and positivity are demonstrated in their life. You’ve probably read about an elderly person who keeps working well into their later years. They’re often very hopeful people who see the good in others and life. Hope is contagious. When you are around someone who is optimistic for the future, it inspires you to be hopeful, too.

9 – Enjoy a healthier lifestyle

When you count your blessings, the act makes you feel grateful and optimistic. One study suggests that optimists are less apt to develop coronary heart disease than pessimists. They are also less prone to have high blood pressure. Besides, a grateful attitude helps you want to be more physically active and healthy. Gratitude improves your attitude. Doctors say that optimism gives you more flexibility and the ability to adapt to changing situations because you can think through issues.

10 – You’ll boost your ability to cope

Being aware of your blessings doesn’t mean you ignore the hard things in your life, but you see problems as opportunities to overcome. You see yourself as able to get through. You have an emotional toughness. Studies found that optimists are more successful at facing bad situations than pessimists, even if it means their life goals get interrupted.

 How can you count your blessings?

It’s often helpful to write down your blessings. Seeing the list is a tangible reminder of all the things you have to be thankful for. Here’s a list of ten simple blessings to get you started.

  1. Food
  2. Clothing
  3. A place to live
  4. Your neighborhood
  5. Your car
  6. Your yard
  7. Your town
  8. Your family
  9. Your friends
  10. Your work

What gets in the way of you counting your blessings?

It’s surprising that not everyone counts their blessings. But it happens. Even though you know, it can make you feel healthier and happier. Sometimes you just don’t feel like it. So what can you do?

  • Watch a sad movie- That’s right. For some reason, a tragic film tends to make you feel happier than a happy movie. So, give it a try.
  • Think about your worst times-Looking back at the most challenging times in your life can help you gain perspective of the present.
  • Think about death-It’s, not a happy thought, but death is inevitable. Think about how you want to live now so you won’t have regrets later.

Final Thoughts on How You Will Benefit from Counting Your Blessings

Counting your blessings isn’t hard, but it can change your life. When you keep track of all the good things in life, you’ll be more optimistic. Optimism makes you feel more positive about your experience and hopeful for your future. Being confident and grateful goes hand in hand. They make you healthier, enable you to become happier and boost your positivity. These attitudes can even change your brain. That’s powerful. So why not begin counting your blessings today? Who knows, you may also make it all the way to one hundred blessings.

Lifestyle

7 Reasons Cancer Is The Best Zodiac Sign

7 Reasons Cancer Is The Best Zodiac Sign


If you have a Cancer in your life, you probably consider them one of your most loyal friends. Being the 4th zodiacal house from the 12 signs, anyone born from June 21st to July 22nd is a Cancer. As a water sign, Cancer understands deep emotions and takes time to process them, yet they may appear calm on the surface.

Although Cancer coincides with the hot season of summer, they have a very calming, cooling effect, much like their water element. The symbol for Cancer is the crab. This zodiac sign may seem tough on the outside. But they hide a lot of their vulnerability on the inside. Before we get into the reasons why Cancers are simply the best, we will give you a little background on this watery zodiac sign.

Cancer Facts

  • Element: water
  • Polarity: negative (referring to the yin and yang, Cancer reflects the yin, or more hidden, passive qualities)
  • Quality: cardinal (leaders or visionaries of the zodiac)
  • Symbol: crab
  • Mantra: I Feel
  • Ruling planet: moon
  • Ruling house: 4th
  • Birthstone: ruby
  • Main qualities: intuitive, emotional, caring, passionate

Now, let’s get into some of the main traits of this sign that make Cancers stand out. If you are a Cancer or know one well, you will probably note that these characteristics seem very familiar to you.

Here’s why Cancer is the best zodiac sign:

  1. They make compassionate leaders.

While Cancers may seem passive, they have excellent leadership capabilities. They use their intuitive, emotional nature to deeply understand people and situations, which gives them great insight into solving problems. Cancer thinks with their heart and not their head, and while this may seem like an unwise approach, their compassion takes them far in life.

They make sure everyone gets their needs met because they genuinely care about the well-being of others around them. A deeply maternal, nurturing sign, Cancer uses their emotional acuity to take care of people’s hearts. You may see them in professions such as counseling, gardening, political positions, artists, musicians, or nurses.

If you need a listening ear, you can count on this sign to provide one. They will drop whatever they’re doing to help you because that’s what they do best. They live to serve others and lift them when life brings them down, and because of this, we consider them the best zodiac sign (and their friends will wholeheartedly agree).

No one can comfort others quite like a Cancer, because they have a way of seeing into people’s hearts and offering wonderful advice. They will put you before themselves because they want to make others happy no matter what.

  1. Cancers are the voice of reason.

Despite their deeply feeling nature, they will not hesitate to tell you the truth about a situation. Don’t underestimate a Cancer’s ability to reason; they don’t just go off blind emotion. They take their time to respond, taking in all information in order to come to the best conclusion for everyone involved.

Perhaps their mothering nature allows them to offer sound advice. Taking a cautious approach to life, Cancer will bring you back down to earth when you’ve spent too much time in the clouds. This zodiac sign can help calm your anxieties and fears, using their water element to cool you down and soothe you.

No matter what life throws at you, a Cancer will come to the rescue and do whatever it takes to make you feel better. Cancers relate deeply to the feelings of others, and many consider themselves empaths because of this. They can easily put themselves in the shoes of others and see many sides of a situation. Their friends usually call them first when they find themselves in trouble.

  1. Deep emotions don’t scare them.

No one knows emotions like a Cancer, so they don’t shy away when others express their deep feelings about a topic. Ironically though, Cancers usually don’t show their emotions unless they really trust you, so if they happen to bare their soul, take it as a huge compliment. Cancers would rather listen to someone else’s problems than share their own because they often feel so deeply that they have a hard time translating it into words.

However, because of their deep understanding of the human condition, they make the best listeners and advice-givers. You can always count on them to offer a shoulder to cry on, and they will make sure you leave their company feeling taken care of. Cancers will encourage you to spill your feelings and will never judge you for them because they’d rather you get everything on the table than bottle up your emotions.

  1. They pay attention.

Out of all the zodiac signs, Cancers pay the most attention to detail. Even when you think you’re rambling on and they’ve lost interest, they pick up on the subtle hints and unspoken words. They’re the sign most likely to surprise you with your favorite dessert after a long work week or buy you a thoughtful gift just because. They love putting a smile on people’s faces and will go to great lengths to take care of you.

Cancers love getting to know people to their core, and because of their attentive nature, you will always feel loved and seen by them. They can’t stand to see others upset and will cross oceans just to make you happy.

  1. This zodiac sign is a rock for the people in their lives.

Don’t underestimate the strength of a Cancer. While they have a lot going on internally, they will hardly show this to the people close to them. They don’t like feeling vulnerable, so they present their tough crab shell to the world most of the time. They have a turbulent nature but appear calm on the surface, much like their water element. Always poised and collected, they stand firm for themselves and the people they care about most.

Cancer doesn’t like to burden others with their problems, so they try their best to solve them internally and remain resolute and stoic. Their emotions fluctuate with the cycles of the moon, but they have an outer resolve that many of their friends admire. You can always count on a Cancer to stay strong in the face of adversity.

  1. They’re very loyal friends.

Caring and compassionate, a Cancer will never leave your side once you’ve earned their trust. It takes a while for them to open up, but once they feel comfortable, you will gain a friend for life. No matter what time of the day or night, this zodiac sign will come to your side when you need them most. They will never leave no matter what you’re going through because they know what it feels like when people abandon them. They couldn’t live with themselves if they hurt someone close to them.

While Cancers typically enjoy flying solo or having a small group of friends, they don’t take their friendships lightly. They usually prioritize friendships as much as romantic partnerships as they prefer to have deep, lasting connections with people.

  1. Cancers will always protect you.

This zodiac sign is very protective of their loved ones, so you don’t want to mess with their friends and family. If you get on their bad side or threaten them in any way, beware the wrath of a Cancer. They appear sweet and gentle to most people, but they won’t hesitate to show their fierceness to anyone who crosses them or their loved ones. Being in the company of a Cancer means always feeling safe and secure because you mean the world to them.

Who should you date, according to your zodiac sign?

Final thoughts about why Cancer is the best zodiac sign

Cancers make the best friends and partners because of their nurturing, compassionate demeanor. They can seem quiet and shy at first, but once you get to know them, you have a friend for life. Cancers have huge hearts and often put others before themselves. They love to love, and you will always feel safe and protected in their company.

Cancer will get to know you extensively and will listen to your every word during a conversation. They value deep relationships and have no interest in shallow or superficial connections. When they open up to you, that means they really trust you to spill their deepest secrets. They don’t let many people in because they wear their hearts on their sleeves and have a fear of getting hurt.

Cancer will give people many chances because they know that people make mistakes and don’t judge them for it. However, once you’ve lost their trust, don’t count on getting it back. They have a forgiving nature, but they don’t allow people to walk all over them. Cancers are much like cuddly, soft teddy bears on the inside despite their guarded, tough appearance.

They’re huge softies at heart even though they don’t like many people to know that about them. They will give you their all in a friendship and relationship, and will never leave your side when you really need them. If you have a Cancer in your life, consider yourself lucky, because you will never meet anyone quite like this sweet zodiac sign.

Lifestyle

7 Reasons to Stop Seeking Permission (and do what makes you happy)

7 Reasons to Stop Seeking Permission (and do what makes


If you are always seeking permission from others in order to feel good, then you haven’t found true joy. Happiness comes from within, not from gaining the approval or validation of other people. You can’t count on external influences for everlasting contentment, because people come and go with the seasons. Someone who you considered your world could leave tomorrow and the light in your soul will follow right out the door with them.

Of course, we need other people in our lives, but we shouldn’t put all our eggs in one basket. Finding contentment and fulfillment within ensures that you’ll always have your peace no matter what happens outside you. Below, we’ll go over why you should just do what makes you happy regardless of what others may say.

“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” – Epictetus

7 Reasons to Stop Asking Others for Permission

Here are 7 reasons to stop seeking permission from others and just do what you want instead:

  1. You are the one in the driver’s seat of your life.

When you seek permission from others about every decision, you invalidate yourself. Always needing other people’s approval will diminish your own light and power within, and you will start to second-guess your intuition. Remember that no one can truly make you happy but yourself, so it doesn’t make sense to rely on anyone else for validation. Any time you feel unsure about your life and future, simply go within and get in touch with your higher self for wisdom.

Many people have good intentions, but they can only speak from their own experiences and perspective about the world. They don’t know your heart as well as you do, so they can only offer advice based on their own opinions. Trust in yourself and allow the universe to guide you along your path. Other people can certainly help if they’ve been in your shoes before, but don’t make plans based on only their approval or disapproval of your choices.

  1. You create your own joy.

Like we said in the beginning, relying on other people for happiness will only result in misery if that person decides to leave one day. Even if they stick by your side forever, no one person can fill all the holes in your soul. You must do the work yourself to find inner fulfillment. Whether that means following the dreams you’ve been too scared to go after, creating a business that gives you more free time, or training for a marathon, you should always do what makes your soul ignite with passion.

Of course, others can enjoy the ride with you, but they can’t steer the course of your destiny. You must take the reigns and charge full speed ahead toward what makes you come alive. So many people look outside themselves for answers and wonder why they can’t find them. Truthfully, the answers look different for everyone, so you must get in touch with your own soul if you want clarity about your life.

  1. Seeking permission from others takes up valuable time.

If you always need permission from others, you will spend countless hours trying to get them to see things from your perspective. Instead of simply doing what you want, you’ll have to consult with them first and potentially waste time arguing with them about your plans. However, they may never see things from your point of view, which may lead to you giving up your dreams before you even take the first step. Needing validation creates an additional unnecessary step in the decision-making process.

You can inform other people about your plans or dreams, but don’t feel the need to engage in further conversation, especially if they want to argue. As long as you have made the choice that feels right in your heart, you don’t need anyone else to agree. Use your time wisely and work on your dreams rather than talking to others about them.

Jim Carrey

  1. You’ll feel great freedom when you depend only on yourself.

It makes you feel empowered when you decide you don’t need anything but yourself to feel happiness. You don’t need permission from anyone to feel happy; it is your birthright. So, go ahead and claim what’s yours, and don’t let anyone squash what makes your little heart feel full. When you wake up to the realization that you create your reality, you’ll never have limiting beliefs again.

As the grand designer of your life, you’ve created everything you see around you. The job you have, your relationship and friendships, and the places you go everyday have all been a part of your masterpiece. Your own energy and vibrations attracted these experiences into your life, whether you knew it at the time or not. Since we all create our own realities, you simply need to align yourself with what you want, and then take action to manifest it.

Other people can help you reach your goal, but you hold the power within to enact change all by yourself. You don’t need anyone’s permission to initiate change or create a life you love. This brings us to our next point…

  1. You can’t possibly please everyone, so why bother?

Scientists have found that people who want to please others all the time tend to experience higher levels of mental stress. They usually dislike confrontation, so they simply go along with the status quo just to keep the peace. People-pleasers also tend to have low self-esteem, so they don’t want to say anything that will cause the group to look down upon them. Wanting to make others happy doesn’t mean you have to neglect your own happiness in the process.

Seeking to make everyone happy only leads to misery, because it usually means you have given up your own opinions and beliefs in order to avoid guilt or shame. Those who engage in chronic people-pleasing tend to have an intense fear of rejection and will do anything to make sure people like them. However, if everyone likes you but you don’t feel the happiness within, you’ll only feel resentful and empty.

Other people must take responsibility for their own happiness, so don’t make another job for yourself by catering to their needs. Take care of yourself, and everything else will fall into place. Those who want the best for you will stick around, and those who took advantage of your kindness will leave once they’ve realized they can’t use you any longer.

happier
These 20 lifestyle changes can help you become a happier person.
  1. You’ll lose yourself by seeking permission from others.

When you do everything to ensure others’ happiness but neglect your own, you will surely lose yourself in the process. As we said before, making other people happy doesn’t have to come at the expense of your own joy. First, you need to cater to your own health and fulfillment, and once you’ve filled your cup, you’ll be in a better position to truly help others.

People pleasers tend to have problems setting boundaries and remembering their own needs. However, you’ll start to get burnt out if you always put everyone before yourself.

  1. You drain your own energy by giving away your power.

When you put other people’s opinions above your own, you give away your inner fire. Some people who don’t have the best intentions may take advantage of this, seeking to take control of your life. To avoid this, you should never ask people’s advice unless you really trust them and know them well. Even then, only ask permission from people whose lives will become affected by a decision.

For example, if you’ve been asked to move across the country for your job, you would obviously need to talk it over with your spouse or family first. However, if you don’t have anyone relying on you, you don’t owe them anything. It will only drain your energy reserves if you constantly need validation from other people.

Final thoughts about why you shouldn’t seek permission from others

Needing approval from others about every little thing leads to disempowerment and unhappiness. If you have a goal of being happy, you’ll only create more steps toward the final destination by relying on others to give you this feeling. In other words, you can’t count on anyone else to bring you happiness. However, when you depend on solely yourself, you find the freedom and wisdom you’ve been seeking.

Asking the advice of others doesn’t necessarily cause problems, but requiring someone to validate your choices will steal your power. If they don’t approve, then your dreams have just been canceled because the person you needed permission from didn’t agree. So, why even ask for others to approve of your decisions? If you’ve thought them through and have made them from the heart, then you’ve done the best you could.

Remember, others can walk the path with you, but they can’t walk it for you.

Lifestyle

10 Reasons That Prove Living Single is Better Than a Bad Relationship

10 Reasons That Prove Living Single is Better Than a


Are you in a bad relationship? If so, you should consider the benefits of some alone time. Living single can be a freeing experience that allows you to discover things about yourself you never knew. In fact, there are a lot of reasons that being single is attractive. Plus, being in a bad relationship is pointless since it probably won’t survive in the long run. Why subject yourself to the emotional abuse of a failing relationship?

Being in a bad relationship is a very draining experience. It affects you mentally, physically, emotionally, and sometimes even financially. Your spirit, along with your bank account, can get drained down to zero. You may end up feeling worse than you have ever felt before.

Instead of being in a relationship that makes you unhappy and unhealthy, you should consider a happy, single life. Being single can prepare you for the next relationship, which, hopefully, will be a lot better than the bad one you’re in. Plus, there are plenty of other benefits you will gain from being single. Here are ten reasons that single life is better than staying in a bad relationship.

Ten Reasons Why Living Single Beats Staying With a Poor Partner

1. When you’re single, you’ll have peace of mind.

All the constant fighting in a bad relationship can take a severe toll on your psyche as well as your physical body. A bad relationship puts continuous stress on you. As plenty of doctors will tell you, stress can cause cognitive decline, a decrease in overall health, and can even lead to an early death.

You do not have to deal with your psyche being in turmoil. All it takes is a decision to be by yourself so that you can repair yourself. By choosing a single life, you will have peace of mind and spirit.

2. You can focus on your own goals.

Achieving goals is hard enough as it is. When you must split your focus between your goals and someone else’s goals, that will make your goals even harder to attain. After all, you are only one person.

It may sound selfish to be single so that you won’t have to worry about your significant others’ goals, but it’s not. Before you can help someone else, you must help yourself. Imagine how much stronger your relationship would be if you have already achieved some goals in life, and you and your significant other both have something to bring to the table.

3. No one can hurt you.

When you enter a relationship, you take a risk on love and, unfortunately, a chance of getting your heartbroken. A bad relationship often results in the latter. Being hurt can do severe emotional damage, and it can take a miracle to get over the pain.

Being single shields you from being hurt again. This situation does not mean you should be alone forever. However, you should fly solo for as long as it takes for you to heal. There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself from the pain of a bad relationship and do not let anyone rush you to get over it. Take all the time you need.

4. You can work on loving yourself.

No one is perfect. In a bad relationship, you might feel pressured to be perfect to make things work. You may think that the relationship will improve if you are smarter, prettier, stronger, more prosperous, etc. Dealing with this sense of not being good enough can cause you not to love yourself. In fact, it might even make you hate yourself.

You cannot love someone else until you love yourself first. Being single allows you to rediscover self-love without the feelings of being inadequate for someone else. You will only have to make yourself happy, so it will be easier to love yourself on your own.

5. You’ll be free to go where you want whenever you want.

When you are in a bad relationship, you may feel like you need to leave. However, distance can make a bad relationship even worse. One of the best solutions to this is living single.

When you’re single, you can go wherever you want and stay as long as you want. You can move, travel, or stay right where you are. You do not have to check in with anyone, and you don’t have to consider the effects of your traveling on the relationship. Being free to move around on your terms is much better than being in a bad relationship.

6. You won’t have to compromise.

When you are in a great relationship with someone you love, compromising is tolerable and sometimes even welcomed. In a bad relationship, it can feel like you are giving up a little more of yourself each time. You can begin to feel like you’re never getting what you want or need, or that your feelings don’t matter.

When you are single, the world is your oyster. Your wants and needs come first, and you can fulfill your desires. You can be selfish without, well, being selfish. Living single means that you don’t have to compromise until you meet someone worth you putting them first.

7. You’ll have more space at home.

In the grand scheme of things, having less space in your home due to a relationship isn’t one of the biggest problems you can have. However, if the relationship is a bad one, what’s the point of being unhappy and cramped?

When you’re living single, you have your home all to yourself (unless you live with parents or a roommate). You don’t have to make room for decorations you hate or split up valuable closet space. If you live in a major city where apartments are the size of shoeboxes, this is even more of a reason to be single. Space is a commodity. Don’t sacrifice it for a bad relationship.

8. You’ll be free to meet the right person.

If you’re in a lousy relationship, chances are you’re probably with the wrong person. The right person wouldn’t make you feel so bad. Knowing this, why stay with the wrong person?

It can be hard to stay single and wait for the right person to come along. You’re human, and human nature makes you desire love, bonding, and attraction. However, you don’t want to settle for a bad relationship just to satisfy an instinct.

No matter how hard it is, choose to be single until the right person comes along to fulfill your innate need. After all, you don’t want Mr./Mrs. Right to pass you by because you are taken.

9. Your health will improve.

The first section touched on how a bad relationship can affect your health negatively due to stress. Stress, especially chronic stress, can have devastating health consequences. While stress can come from many areas of your life, a bad relationship is guaranteed to produce a large amount of it. Some health consequences of stress include:

  • Headaches
  • Anxiety
  • Fatigue
  • Depression
  • Diabetes
  • Heart problems

The list doesn’t end there. You can avoid having stress-related health problems from a bad relationship by not being in a bad relationship. Embrace living single. It might save your life.

10. Being in a bad relationship is just not worth it.

No one deserves to constantly be unhappy. This goes for you as well as your significant other. Being in a bad relationship can destroy your self-confidence, your self-worth, and your self-respect. When those things are destroyed, it can be hard to build them back up. It’s just not worth losing yourself to a bad relationship.

Being single allows you to live your life and build yourself up. While some people might look at single life as a lonely life, it’s better than dealing with the sacrifice you’ll make by trying to save a failing relationship. Plus, when you’re single, you can focus on all the right things so that when you get into your next relationship (a good relationship), you have everything you need to make it work.

Final Thoughts on Living Single vs. Staying in a Bad Relationship

There are a lot of bad relationships in the world. In many cases, it’s not because the people are bad, it’s because they aren’t right for each other. No matter what the reason is, it’s just not going to work without you sacrificing yourself.

If you’re in a bad relationship, you should give some serious thought to living single. A failing relationship can take a severe toll on you in the form of physical, mental, or emotional abuse. Choosing to be single over staying in a bad relationship is choosing to love yourself enough to put your well-being first. Doing this also helps the other person in the relationship because they are free to do the same.

Don’t look at living single as a bad thing. It’s an experience of self-discovery. You’ll learn so much about yourself while simultaneously strengthening yourself more than you ever thought possible. When the next relationship comes around, you’ll be ready. And hopefully, it will be a relationship that lasts a lifetime.

Lifestyle

10 Reasons Never to Accept Body Shaming »

10 Reasons Never to Accept Body Shaming »


Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the perfect body of them all? Why, of course, you do! There has never been anyone quite like you in the history of humans, nor will there ever be. Then why is our society so caught up in body shaming when we each have unique qualities that make us individuals?

Thanks to global media, you are continually being assaulted by images of what they consider the perfect body. Of course, they fail to mention that these models are often malnourished, and the photos are tweaked with light, makeup, camera, and computer tricks. These fake silicone-injected models display expensive goods and services and suggest that they will make you just as beautiful, successful, and wealthy.

These images and advertisements subliminally promote body shaming, and we continue to buy into the sham. Average Americans sink billions of dollars annually into the beauty and diet industry, hoping for miraculous results. It’s a slippery slope that can bankrupt you financially, emotionally, and spiritually.

How can you boost your self-confidence and finally discover self-acceptance? Many Hollywood stars are speaking out against body shaming and are sharing their stories of overcoming poor body images. Although former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt was often cruelly criticized for not measuring up to society’s beauty standards, she remarked that nobody could make her feel inferior without her permission.

10 Ways to End Body Shaming and Love the Skin You’re In

It’s time to start accepting and loving yourself just as you are. You don’t need a product or service to make you just as good as anyone else, because you already are. Consider these ten reasons why you will no longer need or tolerate body shaming in your life.

1. You are Unique

Even identical twins have unique fingerprints and genetic makeup. Nature abounds with countless variety and individualism, so why would humans want to be any different? Instead of fighting against having a diverse body, embrace it.

You must revel in the body you have. If someone has a problem with your body, it’s their problem and not yours. You must love you to the fullest.

2. You have Redefined Beauty for Yourself

Each era and culture have their definition of beauty, so why can’t you? Not every culture values skinny figures, overly processed hair, or artificially plumped bosoms. You will be hard-pressed to find any of these fake images in an average crowd at the grocery store.

Make it a habit to notice people when you are in a group. Notice how different colors of skin, eyes, hair, and body shapes weave an intricate quilt of beauty. Take a cue from nature and find joy and grace in being different.

3. You’ve Made Friends with Your Body

Body shaming creates a culture of self-loathing with negative consequences. Eating disorders are still a life-threatening epidemic, especially among young women. The hallmark of these often- fatal mental diseases is a distorted body image.

Talk to your professional healthcare provider about the diet and lifestyle that is right for you. Make it a habit of looking in the mirror every day and love yourself. If you need to lose a few pounds, do it out of love and appreciation, not hate.

4. You Show Gratitude Every Day

It’s normal to feel a little blue and down on yourself occasionally. One way to start loving yourself again is to practice gratitude. Since it’s a practice, you must do it regularly to see positive results.

When was the last time you were grateful for your life and who you are? These blessings are more important than any material gain. If you think you’ve nothing to be thankful for, then visit a few hospitals and nursing homes and talk to folks who would give anything to have your health and vitality.

Consider keeping a gratitude journal or write positive affirmations on sticky notes to place around your house. Whenever you enter your journal or see a happy note stuck to your mirror, you will be reminded of all the beautiful things that make you unique.

grateful people

5. You’ve Learned to Eliminate the Negative

Body shaming is a devastating force that thrives in a negative environment. Once you have decided to defeat it with self-confidence, you will discover other negative influences that must go. Cultivating a loving and positive atmosphere takes work and determination, but you are up for the challenge.

You work too hard for your money and resources to waste it on things that make you feel bad about yourself. Unsubscribe to any magazine or media outlet that promotes body-shaming and a false sense of beauty. While you can’t eliminate negative influences, you can choose what to believe.

How about friends and family in your close circle? Are they positive influences in your life, or do they burden you with criticism? If someone can’t love you for the beautiful soul you are, then don’t waste any more energy to keep them near.

6. You Want to be Healthy instead of Skinny

Since obesity has been an epidemic in America for a while, most of us could lose a pound or two for health’s sake. How many times have you watched the late-night infomercials on tv about popular weight loss programs? Most of these gimmicky programs promise to make you skinny in little time with minimal effort.

After you lost a ton of money and a few pounds, you probably gained the weight back plus some. Body shaming and fad diets go hand in hand, and they’re a lucrative ploy. In those cheesy infomercials, you will probably see skinny actors prancing around who never even had weight issues.

If your healthcare provider has recommended a sensible weight loss and fitness regimen for you, the goal is to be healthy, not necessarily skinny. Did you know that many rail-thin people are often malnourished and have as many health risks as those who are overweight? Your body size will never dictate your beauty or worth as a person.

7. You Accentuate Your Inner Beauty

We all know the saying that beauty is only skin deep, but that saying is only partially true. Humans are hardwired to be attracted by the lust of the eye, so beauty is beauty at first. However, it is originality and a beautiful spirit and attitude that will solidify the attraction.

Did you know that your most beautiful accent piece is your smile? Even if your neck is ornamented with diamonds, your pearly whites will be what stands out the most. How you feel about yourself and the world will be evident in your expressions and how you carry yourself.

inner beauty
Learn the habits of people who have genuine inner beauty.

8. You Create Your Sense of Style

Back in the day, you often found clothing tags that falsely proclaimed one size fits all. Even when clothing manufacturers revised it to one size fits most, it still isn’t so. No color, style, or shape is flattering to everyone who tries to wear it.

Don’t put a lot of credibility into fashion trends. As you learn to build your wardrobe around your styling sense, trendiness won’t matter as much. Buy classic pieces that will mix and match with other things in your closet. When you buy the best quality you can afford, these pieces will allow you to dress for several seasons.

Refuse to allow current fashion to dictate your wardrobe choices. Wear colors and styles that flatter your figure and make you feel beautiful. Dress age-appropriate and learn how to use accent pieces to your advantage, remembering that understated is often most attractive.

9. You No Longer Need a Mask of Makeup

The same rules apply when you use makeup, which should be used only to accent your natural beauty. When you lean heavy on the cosmetics, you may appear more like a clown than a queen. Don’t hide your lovely radiance behind a mask of makeup.

A genuine smile and an attitude of self-acceptance are worth far more than overloaded lashes or artificially plumped lips. Nobody is happy all the time, so you needn’t glue a smile on your face if you aren’t feeling it. As a beautiful person, you let your soul shine through and are true to your feelings.

10. Be an Advocate for Yourself and Others

An effective way to fight the plague of body shame is to let your voice be heard. Stand up for yourself if someone says something inappropriate or hurtful, even in jest. Let these people know that you won’t tolerate their judgmental attitude.

Your money is a powerful force in the market, so refuse to patronize businesses and companies that promote false body perception and exclude customers who are different. Instead, buy goods and services from those who value individualism, freedom of expression, and multiculturalism.

Final Thoughts: Stop Body Shaming Yourself and Wear Self Confidence Instead

It’s been said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. When you are self-confident, you don’t accept body shaming in any way. You become your definition of beauty in body, mind, and spirit.