Reveal

Marriage is a serious commitment. Before leaping into this territory, you need to make sure that you and your partner are ready before getting married.

But how can you be assured that you’re on the right track? What can you do before saying your vows that will help you determine whether marriage is a good idea?

Relationship experts reveal four things couples should do before getting married.

1.    Have Serious Conversations

The significance of knowing what you are getting into before tying the knot cannot be overstated. You and your partner need to practice positive communication to make sure you’re moving forward on the same page. Here are some things you should talk about:

·         Money

No matter how much positive thinking you have as a couple, the fact remains that, scientifically speaking, financial problems are a chief cause of divorce and have been for decades. You and your partner need to talk at length about economic plans and goals, including ones for the future that seems unimportant to you right now, says Love Inc. founder Brittny Drye. Talk about 401Ks, financial responsibilities, bill-splitting, savings, the division of living expenses, retirement… absolutely everything related to money you can think of.

·         Names

Who’s taking whose name in the marriage, if anyone is? Are you hyphenating? Going for a traditional approach? Not changing any name at all? This topic is an important thing to decide on, according to Emily Sullivan Events’ titular founder Emily Sullivan. Think about your children and the last name they will inherit. What implications may arise for them and your current extended families?

·         Kids

Whether or not you desire to have children – and how many – is a huge point of discussion that needs to be cleared from the beginning. This is a huge step that will significantly affect the direction of your life, says SQN Events owner and event director Beth Bernstein. It involves personal responsibility and financial and emotional commitments. Most couples consider a clash in the desire to have children a deal-breaker.

2.    Open Up Completely

It’s fair to not tell a partner everything early in a relationship. When you’re planning to move forward into marriage though, being open about yourself is crucial. After all, there is little that you can hide from a spouse without it being a severe cause for concern or a breach of trust. Here are some ways to open up to a partner before getting married:

·         Talk About Your Family And Childhood

For some, childhood and family is a fun thing to talk about. For others, it’s a little bit more of a sensitive topic. Regardless of your past, it’s a good idea to talk about it with your partner and listen to their story, too. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Becky Whetstone, Ph.D., consider this crucial in understanding your partner for a more substantial relationship.

·         Reveal Bad Habits

No one is perfect. When you first begin dating, it’s easy to try and pretend that you are, or at least try and soften the reality of your bad habits. Hopefully, that isn’t something you did. But even if you did try and conceal your worst sides before, the chances are that your partner already knows about them to some extent. Be open about the person you are, talk about your struggles and areas you need to improve on and ask your partner to share their own. You need to love each other exactly as you are, without any desire to change the other!

·         Know What The Other’s Values Are

The goal when you marry someone is to spend the rest of your life with them. Though it is possible for people to stay happy and in love when their values differ, it’s still a good idea that you do know if your values are at odds before making these long-term commitments. Get all beliefs, opinions, and potentially controversial thoughts out in the open before tying the knot. This way, you’ll know whether any are deal-breakers, says Drye. If they aren’t deal-breakers, you can then talk about how to handle conflict in those areas and how to respect each other’s values.

·         Discuss Goals

You and your partner probably have your own goals in life. By now, if you’re considering marriage, you should both already know about each other’s plans to some degree. Ideally, your continued partnership will allow both of you to continue to follow your dreams. You shouldn’t give up on those dreams for anyone, and neither should your partner! This is an excellent chat to see if your lives are heading in the same direction.

3.    Do Stressful Cooperative Tasks

What is marriage but a long-term cooperative task? (Yes, we know it’s more complicated than that, but the concept stands!) If you and your partner can’t handle cooperation under challenging times, you may not yet be ready for marriage. Here are some ideas for testing the waters:

·         Learn Together

Sure, it’s not exactly very stressful, but the process of learning together can give you a shared experience that will make you stronger in the long run. You’ll have a bit of fun, learn to support each other as you gather new information, and figure out how you handle success and failure both independently and as a couple. So try attending a class, lecture, workshop, or talk about something you’re both interested in and see where you go from there!

·         Do Some Grocery Shopping

Have you ever seen couples hashing out a big tiff in the middle of a grocery store? You do not want to become a party to that behavior one day! A great way to test if you work in a positive way is to try doing some shopping together, especially of the kind that involves shared purchases. Food shopping and buying necessities for your home is an excellent way to gauge your compatibility on this scale. It’s not the most stressful thing in the world, but it can still be a challenge!

·         Go On A Trip

Traveling is fun, but no one can deny that things can get stressful and heated. Going on a trip with your partner will give you some fascinating insight into how you both deal with the stress of planning, being on time, and organizing, says So Eventful founder and CEO Marisa, Manna Ferrell. If you are unable to have a good time traveling with someone, you probably wouldn’t want to marry them, either.

·         Live Together

The person you truly are is never more apparent than when you’re at home. That’s why cohabitation is a great way to gauge whether or not you are truly compatible with a person, according to Drye. You’ll have to live with this person, their good and bad habits, and their housekeeping preferences, after all. This might be why 59% of adults between the ages of 18 and 44 have lived with a partner before marriage, and an impressive 85% of them have positive beliefs about premarital cohabitation.

Of course, whether you want to do this or not may differ by your belief system and personal values. A similar option would be having regular sleepovers with your partner – whether intimacy is involved or not – to get a similar glimpse into what life with them would be like.

4.    Get Through A Tough Time

Tough times are a standard part of any relationship. They will come and go throughout a marriage. What’s important is that you know you and your partner can overcome them. Here are some tough times that, if you iron out before marrying, point to a better chance of long-term relationship success:

·         Resolve A Big Fight

Fights are inevitable in a relationship. In fact, frequent arguments, when handled correctly and not done in excess, can actually be a sign of a healthy and positive relationship. This is because you learn to communicate, get through the tough times, and work through problems together, coming out stronger.

The key, then, is in learning to fight well, says marriage and family therapist John Amodeo, also an author. Do you speak to each other with honesty, openness, and respect during fights? Do you know when to step back and take time to breathe? Are you able to find workable solutions and fair compromises? You’ll have many fights in your “career” as a couple, so make sure you know how to work through them!

·         Learn To Deal With Fight Aftermaths

When fights are resolved, what’s the next step? Respect, as always. If you were in the wrong, learn to apologize. This proves to your partner that you respect them enough to put aside your pride. Similarly, you should also be able to rely on them to apologize when they are at fault. But what about situations where there’s no blame, but the end result is that you can’t agree? Be comfortable with sticking to your guns and letting your partner stick to theirs. It’s okay to agree to disagree!

·         Experience A Rut Of Intimacy

In an allosexual relationship, it’s typical for intimacy and libido to have its ups and downs, says marriage and family therapist Sheri Meyers. But when a “down” period is prolonged, both parties can feel neglected, undesirable, and even rejected. That disappointment and hurt can build up over time into resentment.

Take the opportunity to talk about your expectations for intimacy, discuss how you can overcome your current plateau, and think of ways to spice things up just outside your usual comfort zone. Sure, it’s not necessary for you to go through this rut before getting married, but that doesn’t mean it’s not good practice for the fact that these ruts will crop up now and then in the future!

·         Be Apart

Being apart can be challenging for partners who have spent so much time together. The inability to see someone can make resolving arguments harder, and it also makes emotions run higher. You need much more positive thinking to stay strong together when you’re long-distance. We’re definitely not saying to intentionally force a long-distance relationship, but spending a bit of time away from one another is suitable for testing the strength of your relationship and uncovering co-dependency issues.

·         Hit A Rough Patch

Love is not always rainbows and butterflies. Hard times are a standard part of relationships. If you and your partner have never hit a rough patch, there’s a fair chance that you’ll struggle to overcome one that you do hit later on in a marriage. Learning to work through wrinkles with positive thinking, love, trust, and communication is very important, says Sheri. Overcoming these hurdles will show you how committed you are and how secure the relationship is as a whole.

Final Thoughts On Some Things Couples Should Do Before Getting Married

Each relationship is unique, but they all share the need for security, trust, respect, and love. By doing the aforementioned four things before getting married, you’ll know that your relationship is strong enough to thrive in the long-run.

A miscarriage is a tragedy for expecting couples. As a friend or family member, it can be hard to see the toll that it takes on them. It’s natural that you’ll want to do all you can to help them get through their grief, but you may not know what to do. Taking the advice of medical experts and therapists can help you with this.

Therapists advise not only grieving couples but loved ones of grieving couples because a tragedy takes a toll on friends and family as well. By following some simple advice, you can help the couple get through their grief in one piece. Here is what therapists say will help a couple who have suffered a miscarriage.

6 Ways to Help Someone Grieving a Miscarriage

So, you’re not sure how to comfort your friends? Here are some tips on compassionate ways to show them your love.

1 – Acknowledge the loss.

Many people often try to avoid talking about a miscarriage because they think it’s too hard for the couple to talk about it. While this is a noble idea, it’s not necessarily the right idea. Talking about grief is one of the best ways to get over it. Perhaps it could be that you don’t know what to say to the couple.

Not acknowledging the loss can make you seem that you don’t care how the couple is feeling. While this is probably the furthest thing from the truth, the couple is probably not thinking straight, and the couple may feel like you aren’t empathetic to the plight. A simple acknowledgment lets them know that you care about what they’re going through.

What you don’t want to do is pretend the incident didn’t happen. The couple is going through a real tragedy, and their grief is there. You don’t have to pretend to be a professional therapist – merely letting them know you’re there for them can be enough.

If you want to go a little more in-depth, or you feel that the couple needs to go a bit more in-depth, London-based psychotherapist Julia Bueno suggests saying something like, “Tell me your story. Start wherever you want.”

Not only does this let them know that you’re there for them, but it opens up the floor to allow them to express whatever they need to communicate. This leads to the next tip – listening.

2 – Listen to them.

Acknowledgment is the first step. When the couple is ready to talk, you should be prepared to listen. It could be just a few sentences they want to say, or it could be an entire speech. Either way, you should be ready to be the ears they need.

Listening doesn’t mean just “hearing” what they say. It shouldn’t be going in one ear and out the other. This means understanding their emotions, reacting to it, and being non-judgmental.

This last part – being non-judgmental – is where a lot of people go wrong. It’s not that they do it on purpose. Sometimes it can seem that you’re being helpful, and no one can blame you for that. After all, you’re not a therapist.

Avoid saying things like, “you were only X weeks along,” or “you’re young so that you can get pregnant again.” Not only is this judgmental, but it’s also insensitive. It’s like you’re telling them that their grief is unfounded.

Of course, you don’t mean any harm, but remember that the couple may not be in the most rational state of mind. They can take your comments and advice out of context and turn it into something that you didn’t mean.

After the acknowledgment, sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing. Allow the couple to do the talking, and you respond only when necessary. Just let them get their emotions out while being non-judgmental.

3 – Refer to the lost baby as a person.

This may seem simple, but it’s especially important if the baby was lost early in the pregnancy. You don’t want to refer to the baby as “it”, or “the fetus”. Remember that to the couple. Their baby was a person, not a failed project.

If the couple had a name picked out for the baby already, use it. When you talk about the baby (which may not often be because you’re listening more than talking), talk as if the baby was already a part of everyone’s life. You may even realize that the baby was a more significant part of your life than you thought.

Just make sure you don’t make unfounded speculations. For example, don’t say something like “baby Sarah would have loved the color pink,” because you don’t know that. Just keep things simple and remember that the lost baby was just that–a baby.

4 – Be prepared for erratic emotional responses.

A miscarriage can cause couples, especially the woman, to have erratic emotions and bizarre behaviors. Many times, the feelings aren’t entirely logical, but depressed people can have strange responses and reactions. Pair this with raging hormones and guilty feelings, and you have a couple that might be nuclear reactors waiting to explode.

You must understand that every couple is different, and there is no right or wrong way to react to such a tragedy. There is also no right or wrong length of time to respond to it. One couple may get over it in a week while another may take years.

It can be challenging as a friend or family member to deal with the ups and downs of an emotional couple, especially if they are expressing anger or frustration, but remember that you need to be there for them. The couple doesn’t mean to take it out on you. Intense emotions, paired with tragedy, can make people behave in ways they don’t mean to.

Another consideration is that one partner may be reacting differently than the other partner. This happens more often than you think. In this case, it’s essential to be there for the partner that’s taking the miscarriage hard.

Women can often take a miscarriage harder than men. According to Rayna Markin, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and associate professor at Villanova University, women can feel desperate, inadequate, embarrassed, or even have guilty feelings. A woman may need a lot of support to get over these feelings.

5 – Be willing to help with physical responses to grief.

The mind and body connect on a spiritual level. It makes sense that when the mind is in distress, so is the body. This can lead to a lot of physical ailments when couples are depressed over a miscarriage.

This means you must be empathetic to their emotions as well as their physical needs.

For women, they’ll already be dealing with the health-related physical ailments of the miscarriage. Their emotions can cause even more problems. These can include:

• Loss of appetite
• Fatigue
• Concentration issues
• Sleeping problems

Women’s emotions and physical ailments can be extreme compared to men. This doesn’t mean that men don’t take it hard, but women tend to take it harder.

Research now reveals that men can be in psychological distress, just like women. For men, their guilty feelings or depressed state of mind can cause some of the same adverse physical reactions that women have.

Depending on how severe their ailments are, they may need a third person to aid in their physical recovery. It could be as simple as making dinner or fetching sleep aids. Whatever they need, you should be willing to help with it.

6 – Don’t rush their grieving process.

Everyone grieves differently, so it makes sense that everyone will take a different amount of time to get over the grieving process. It doesn’t matter if the length of time doesn’t make sense to you. People must have the time they need to process and get over tragic events.

If you’re an impatient person, now is the time to work on that. If you plan to be a good friend or family member, you must be willing to deal with the couple’s grief for as long as it takes. Don’t try to rush them through it.

According to therapists and researchers, women can take up to three years to get over the emotions from a miscarriage. Men usually don’t take as long, but the relationship can be affected by negative emotions. Just be prepared to be the shoulder and ear for the long haul.

Final Thoughts on How to Support a Couple Who Suffers a Miscarriage

Losing a baby is one of the most challenging things a couple can go through. It doesn’t matter if the baby was born or not. The couple had a strong bond with their child, so losing the child can be devastating.

Being a person on the outside of the situation can be tough as well. You want to be there, but you may not know what to say or do. The advice that therapists and doctors offer in this article can get you on the right path.

Above all, remember to be empathetic, non-judgmental, and patient. You can’t put a time limit on grieving, and you can’t streamline the process. The most you can do is be a good friend or family member and be there for them the best way you can.

Are you a forgetful person? Does your mind tend to discard lists, numbers, dates, names, or faces? Do you often forget appointments or pre-planned events? Have you sometimes found yourself merely not knowing what’s going on at any given time, despite knowing before? Today, we are sharing five easy ways to help you to improve your memory.

If you said yes to any of those, you might have a bad memory! Luckily, memory issues don’t have to be permanent, and you can learn to sharpen your mind and prevent cognitive problems. Here’s how experts reveal five simple ways to improve your memory.

1.    Learn Memory Techniques

There are a lot of different tips and tricks for memorizing certain things. Some of these tips and tricks might even expand into something that retain information long-term! If you’re looking to improve your memory, these techniques are the go-tos. Here are five of them:

·         Make Connections

Form connections between new information and information you already had. For example, if you are trying to remember your parking bay of H44, think about your friend, whose name starts with an H and is 44 years old. Connecting the new knowledge to something you already have memorized perfectly makes it much easier for you to remember it later. According to Mount Sinai School of Medicine assistant clinical professor of psychiatry and memory enhancement program founder Cynthia R. Green, Ph.D., who is also an author and the president of Memory Arts.

·         Simplify

It’s effortless for the brain to forget vast amounts of information that all come at you at once. Green recommends that you break down what you receive into manageable, smaller chunks of information that you can memorize one by one and put together later if needed.

·         Create Pictures or Movies

When you have something to remember, try to create a memory picture or a memory movie about it. For example, if you need to remember to buy five boxes of cake mix, imagine five cakes stacked precariously on top of each other. If you need to remember the name Rick, attach the person’s face to the image of Rick and Morty in your mind!

·         Review, Don’t Repeat

Reading the same thing over and over again doesn’t have a positive effect on how much information from it you retain. Instead, you want to review or “retrieve” the memory you have from the first reading if you want the memory to be long term. Memory researcher and University of Louisville professor Keith Lyle, Ph.D. recommends thinking about what you length at regular intervals, with the gaps increasing in size each time. This is much more likely to result in retention than simply relearning everything several times over.

·         Tell A Story

The storytelling technique involves taking a list of information and making them into a story, says Green. It’s the memory picture or memory movie technique expanded. For example, to remember the words “green, truck, violin, duck,” you might imagine a green truck driving by a duck playing the violin.

2.    Hack Your Memory

Hacking your memory isn’t as fancy as it sounds. It merely refers to the ability to use different actions and environmental factors to improve your memory in certain areas. Not sure what we mean? Here are some ideas:

·         Make Memory Spots

In your home, office, or other commonly frequented places, designate a particular spot as your memory spot. It’s where you will put all the things you typically forget, like your keys, your wallet, or your phone charger. It can take some getting used to, but Green suggests putting it into practice. Get used to putting items easily forgotten in these memory spots and visit those spots so you can check if you’ve forgotten anything. The next time you lose something, it’ll be waiting in that spot!

·         Exercise Your Brain

The brain needs to work out, just like the rest of the body, to stay healthy, says Gouras. Regular mental stimulation through puzzles, tests, and the act of learning new knowledge can help reduce cognitive decline’s effects. Over time, it will sharpen your memory and have positive impacts on brainpower. Think of it as a kind of mental training!

·         Write Things Down

Sure, technically, writing something down means you don’t have to remember it, but it’s an excellent way to practice building your memory. It ensures that you do remember what you have to do, letting you practice more memory retention in the future, says Lyle. The act of writing things can also make it easier for some people to commit things to memory – even more so than typing things out, according to studies!

3.    Cut Down On Some Foods

Did you know that certain foods can harm your memory? Through several components, these foods can damage the brain’s natural ability to remember things, often affecting parts of the brain permanently in the long run. Here are some food components to avoid:

·         Carbohydrates

Not all carbs are bad. The ones that can have a negative effect on your memory are the refined kinds. Think of white bread, white rice, white pasta, cereal, and baked goods. These all have a high glycemic index and are digested by the body at a swift rate, causing blood sugar spikes. These carbohydrates can all lead to an increased risk of cognitive function, including dementia and other forms of cognitive decline, according to studies.

·         Sugar

Added sugar has many downsides, but mostly it’s been linked to all sorts of chronic and life-threatening illnesses. Unfortunately, one of the conditions that it has been linked to is cognitive decline. Eating a lot of sugar can shrink the volume of your brain, especially the part responsible for short-term memory, according to research.

·         Cholesterol

High cholesterol levels can increase your risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease, especially at a younger age than typical. This is according to Weill Medical College professor of neurology and neuroscience and Fisher Center for Alzheimer’s Research adjunct professor Gunnar Gouras, MD. The consumption of statins, which can lower harmful cholesterol, has been linked in studies to a lower risk of Alzheimer’s development.

·         Alcohol

High alcohol consumption has been known to lead to many health problems, but binge drinking is especially worrying for the brain. This is because the natural neurotoxicity of alcohol can affect the brain’s hippocampus, which is responsible for many memory-related functions. The memory-shortening effects of alcohol are effective immediately when one becomes intoxicated, and excessively falling into a drunken state can be the cause for eventual permanent memory decline. It’s OK to have a drink once in a while, especially in a positive environment, but do so responsibly!

4.    Add More Of Some Foods

Just like you need to cut down on some consumables to improve your memory, there are some foods you need to add more of. Here are some that the experts recommend!

·         Eat A Mediterranean Diet

Mediterranean diets have been known for years as a memory-boosting, brain-protecting, heart-healthy eating plan. This is likely due to the types of foods involved and their rich vitamin, mineral, and nutritional component content. If possible, try to incorporate aspects of a Mediterranean diet into your daily meals, suggests research.

·         Take Enough B Vitamins

B12 and other B vitamins play a significant role in positive memory functions in the brain. A lack of them can even lead to cognitive decline. Green states that the older you get, the more complicated your body may find it to absorb dietary B vitamins. Make sure you’re getting enough folic acid, B6, and B12. If you need to, you may want to take a supplement, but talk to your doctor about it first!

·         Take Enough Vitamin E

Vitamin E is an antioxidant that fights against free radicals and works to break down fatty substances and cholesterol buildup. It may also help bring down inflammation. With all these factors combined, vitamin E can slow or prevent the onset of cognitive decline and brain issues caused by inflammation, promising more positive memory strength. According to Gouras, you should try to get around 400 IU of daily vitamin E.

·         Get Enough Fatty Acids

Omega-3 fatty acids, commonly found in fatty fish, fish oils, and healthy fat sources, are essential for many bodily functions. This includes cardiovascular health, positive thinking and mood, and even inflammation. On top of that, it has been found to be able to reduce mental decline. Most foods with lots of omega-3 fatty acids are thought to be brain foods for a reason, after all!

·         Stay Hydrated

The brain is full of water; in fact, 85% of it is just water alone! A lack of hydration can cause fatigue and brain fog, potentially affecting your memory in the long run with chronic dehydration. Make sure you’re drinking at least eight glasses of water daily and that you drink water as soon as you feel thirsty.

·         Try Some Ginkgo

Ginkgo is a herb that has been found to have scientific links to brain cell enrichment, meaning it can keep the mind healthy while boosting circulation throughout the body. Just make sure you consult a doctor before going through with supplementation!

5.    Manage Your Mental Health

Mental health and positive thinking can play a huge role in whether your memory stays sharp or not. Those who experience chronic or frequent anxiety and stress have a heightened level of the stress hormone cortisol in their body. A lot of cortisol production means the body goes into fight vs. flight mode, and this means directing energy to your body staying alive, not to more satisfactory brain function. Green explains that this pattern may affect the hippocampus, damage sleep ability, and even directly affect your ability to retain memories.

On top of that, did you know that depression and cognitive impairment have been linked by research? In fact, according to Grouras, many times, depression can be misdiagnosed as Alzheimer’s disease! Many people who are very depressed can completely forget some moments of their life.

If you think you are experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety, or chronic stress, seek mental health aid from a therapist, counselor, or similar qualified professional.

Final Thoughts On Some Simple Ways To Improve Your Memory

Memory problems can range from inconvenient to frightening. Luckily, you can learn tips, methods, and habits that will slowly improve your memory over time until you’re a sharp-minded machine! Of course, note that if you think that your memory problems are degenerative or severe, you should speak to a doctor for an opinion.

A microwave is such a convenient appliance. You can easily pop just about any food item into it, set a good time and temperature, and within just a few minutes or less. It’s warm and ready to consume. But can you put any food into a microwave? The answer, as it turns out, is no.

Certain foods, when microwaved, can produce catastrophic results. These results may affect your health, your safety, or even the lives of others! Here’s why you don’t use a microwave to reheat these 11 foods, as revealed by expert studies and official health warnings.

Eleven Foods Never To Reheat in Your Microwave

1.    Processed Meat

Processed meats aren’t healthy, to begin with, primarily because they’re packed with preservatives and all kinds of dubious chemicals. These preservatives are used to make them last longer, but they’ve never been good for health – and microwaving them makes them so much worse.

When you microwave these questionable substances, you may expose them to chemical changes – especially cholesterol oxidation. Here are some research papers detailing this information:

• “Cholesterol oxidation in meat products and its regulation by supplementing sodium nitrite and apple polyphenol before processing” in the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry (2000). This study showed that microwaving processed meats is likely to result in several different chemical processes, including the oxidation of cholesterol. It also found some potential alternative preservative products that could prevent cholesterol oxidation and be more positive for health overall, though most processed meats do not use them even now.
• “Consequences of Microwave Heating and Frying on the Lipid Fraction of Chicken and Beef Patties” in the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry (2003). This study found that frying chicken and beef patties can cause a 1.5 to 2.6-fold increment in cholesterol oxidation products. It sounds like a lot until you hear about microwaving them instead, which generates 5.3 to 6.1-fold increments!
• “Formation of cholesterol oxidation products (COPs) in animal products” in Food Control (2007). This study revealed that the products of cholesterol oxidation are likely to lead to disorders and diseases that can be life-threatening, including coronary heart disease.

2.    Fresh Mushrooms

The danger in microwaving fresh mushrooms doesn’t come from the process of microwaving itself, but from the context in which you may microwave them.

You see, fresh mushrooms are best consumed very shortly after preparation. Mushrooms have a lot of short-lived proteins that can go bad very quickly. If not eaten immediately, they can harbor harmful bacteria and start to taste pretty terrible.

It’s recommended that you only store fresh mushrooms in a refrigerator for up to a maximum of 24 hours before eating them. Anything beyond that, and it’s safer to toss them out. When reheating, make sure they’re heated to 158 degrees, at least.

Luckily, only fresh mushrooms need this extra-careful treatment. Mushrooms that can be kept and microwaved safely include:

3.    Water

Superheating is an event where certain parts of water can rise to temperatures above water’s boiling point, meaning higher than 212 degrees Fahrenheit. When you microwave water, certain “hot spots” can develop where the water becomes superheated.

When you move a cup of superheated water, even to take it out of the microwave or tilt it to take a drink, an eruption can occur from within it. This eruption splashes out scalding water that can land on you as you move, causing severe burns. In fact, the FDA has a warning about overheating water and recommends the following more positive ways of using your microwave for water:

• Always read the instruction manual of your microwave often and follow its recommendations and precautionary measures, especially in regards to heating times.
• Make sure you don’t use too much time when heating water, or any other kind of liquid, in a microwave.
• Learn to heat your water to the exact desired temperature (never close to the point of boiling) and familiarize yourself with the setting that gets you safe but satisfactory results.

4.    Rice

Rice contains a surprising amount of toxic bacteria known as Bacillus cereus. Even when the bacteria are killed by heat, a lot of its produced spores will remain, according to research. This presence can wreak havoc on the digestive system. This is why rice left at room temperature after being microwaved winds up giving its consumers food poisoning or “fried rice syndrome.”

Why does this happen? It has to do with the warm, humid environment of the rice that is a fertile breeding space for microorganisms. You can avoid this bacterial haven by heating rice to an almost boiling point, then keeping it warm at a minimum of 140 degrees Fahrenheit. This will kill the bacteria and keep its spores from thriving.

5.    Eggs

Eggs are, in a way, self-contained. They are protected by their shell or the thin membrane around them, so when they’re microwaved, a lot of heat can get trapped inside.

This is exacerbated by the moisture that naturally exists inside an egg. When you microwave it, that moisture is heated and causes a high buildup of steam. It almost becomes a sort of pressure cooker in there! This can happen even if the eggs are:

• Raw
• Cooked
• Shelled
• Unshelled

All that steam buildup can, over time, result in the egg exploding in your microwave, leaving you quite the mess to clean up. Worse still, this explosion may not occur in the microwave – but outside. This means an egg can explode in your hand or your mouth, spilling scorching egg on you and even burning you.

If you need to microwave an egg, cut it up first. Still, it’s a better idea not to microwave any eggs at all!

6.    Leafy Green Vegetables

A lot of leafy green vegetables contain nitrates, which are very healthy typically. But when heated in a microwave, nitrates have the chance of turning into nitrosamines. Nitrosamines are organic compounds that some research indicates are carcinogenic. Some examples of leafy greens that contain nitrates are:

It’s worth noting that it’s not just these types of green, leafy veggies that run the risk of converting their nitrates into something more dangerous. Beets also shouldn’t be microwaved for this same reason. For both them and leafy greens, you’ll want to reheat them on the stove for safety’s sake.

7.    Fruit

There is minimal benefit to microwaving fruit. Most people agree that fruit tastes best cool, cold, or at least at room temperature, and warm fruit can sound pretty unappetizing. But even if you’re in the rare, somewhat odd minority that enjoys the occasional hot fruit, you shouldn’t take to the microwave for that job.

Take, for example, grapes. Some people have a false idea that microwaving them may produce raisins, which it absolutely will not. Instead, the microwaving of two grapes can lead to a significant amount of plasma creation. That plasma is so powerful and substantial that it can melt a hole in plastic dishes or containers, which doesn’t do very positively for your house, microwave, or smell.

Even if plasma doesn’t ruin your bowls or plates, microwaving whole fruit is risky in general because microwaving eggs is risky. Their skin can trap a lot of heat and steam thanks to the added moisture, so biting into that microwaved fruit could burn your tongue badly. The fruit may also explode while you microwave them.

8.    Carrots

Do you know what arcing is? It’s what happens when a microwave begins producing sparks as it reacts to something metallic. Nothing quite saps away positive thinking like the fear of your microwave setting your house ablaze!

Carrots are dangerous to the microwave because many of them contain leftover minerals from the soil. This presence can cause sparking, even when there doesn’t look like there’s any reason for this. It’s OK to try microwaving cut-up carrots, but the second there’s a sign of arcing, stop immediately.

9.    Hot Peppers

Not all peppers are safe to microwave thanks to their crucial ingredient, capsaicin. Capsaicin is a chemical that is responsible for the spicy punch that peppers packed. When you use a microwave to heat peppers, what you’re doing is releasing that capsaicin into the air.

As an airborne chemical, capsaicin can cause a lot of grief. It might burn your eyes or other sensitive parts of your body, and worse still, it won’t just be you who suffers! In 2016, an entire building in New York had to be evacuated after someone microwaved a pepper and ruined everyone’s day ( plus their positive thinking). Residents started experiencing breathing difficulties and coughing fits due to the capsaicin. So save your neighbors, and don’t reheat hot peppers!

10. Baby Formula

It’s not uncommon for breastfeeding parents to decide to pump breastmilk and freeze it for use later. This is a great idea and perfectly fine to do, but make sure you don’t reheat that milk in a microwave!

You’ve probably noticed by now that microwaves don’t evenly heat food, even when that food is spread across a plate. This results in “hot spots” that may develop in a bottle of breastmilk, with uneven temperatures throughout. A baby drinking from the bottle may then accidentally hit a “hot spot” and find their mouth and throat burning up!

This doesn’t even take into account the possible carcinogenic consequences of heating a material like plastic. This is probably why the FDA has their guidelines on reheating breastmilk for positive results. Heat a bottle of milk in a bowl of hot water or reheat it on the stove in a pot.

11. Potatoes

Botulinum is a dangerous bacteria found in potatoes. At room temperature, C. botulinum can survive after a spell of heat from the microwave and affect those who consume it with botulism. It doesn’t sound very likely, but there is a lot that toxic bacteria can do. In fact, some experts refer to C. botulinum as the “most poisonous poison.”

It’s safe to cook potatoes from scratch with a microwave – if you possess the know-how. But for reheating potatoes, stick to using a baking sheet and an oven to do the job. Be sure not to use aluminum foil – that protects the bacteria!

Final Thoughts On Some Foods That Experts Recommend To Never Reheat In A Microwave

We’re all grateful for how much easier a microwave can make food preparation, especially for a busy go-getter. But there’s wisdom in knowing what can and can’t be stuffed into this machine. Be sure that you don’t reheat any of the foods we’ve discussed, and you’ll be just fine!

It’s healthy to think highly of yourself and to hold yourself to high standards. But these standards have to be reasonable and grounded in reality. Unfortunately, for many perfectionists, that’s not the case for them.

Perfectionism doesn’t sound too bad as a concept. You want the best and are willing to do whatever you can to achieve it. But many times, those perfectionist traits come with their fair share of downsides that can negatively affect you. In a cruel sense of irony, being a perfectionist can jeopardize your progress! Here’s how therapists reveal six reasons perfectionism can be self-sabotaging, and how to fix it.

1.    You Take Ages To Make A Simple Decision

There is no such thing as a perfect decision. No matter what you choose to do, there will be some downsides. If you’re a perfectionist, you might feel the need to excessively obsess over all the possible factors involved in that decision-making process.

What this does is it forces you to spend a lot of energy and time working on these choices, which can wind up burning you out, explains author and published researcher Alice Boyes, Ph.D., who has papers published in leading peer-reviewed journals around the world. She stresses that this can cause you to focus on smaller things instead of more significant priorities, which isn’t great for your energy levels. Here are some tips to get around this form of self-sabotage:

·         Focus On The Most Important Things

Let your brain zero in on only the most crucial tasks first. This focus means you’ll have less to devote to obsessing over minor decisions, and your efforts will go where they deserve to.

·         Put Yourself In Time Constraints

Need to make a decision quickly? Put yourself in a situation that forces you to make your choices in a fast manner. If you have multiple things to make decisions for, or if someone is demanding a decision by a specific deadline, you will often be more motivated to make choices faster or move on.

·         Learn To Prioritize

Use simple rules of thumb to find ways to prioritize tasks quickly. This habit can be referred to as heuristics, a process by which certain things are given priority over others based on a value such as effort, monetary influence, or fluency. This is, by nature, not a perfect decision-making method, but one known for its positive effect on efficiency, short-term goals, and finding optimal solutions without the need for lengthy consideration.

2.    You Procrastinate

Procrastination is often seen as a bad trait, but that doesn’t mean that perfectionists don’t suffer from it. But how can someone who wants to do perfectly put off their work? Well, according to the author and licensed psychotherapist and codependency expert Sharon Martin, LCSW, here are some reasons a perfectionist may procrastinate:

·         Fear

You might be terrified of being embarrassed, of failing, or of not being good enough. This fear paralyzes you, making it impossible for you to perform your work as your anxiety holds you in place. To overcome this, understand that the only way to improve is to make mistakes. If you fear failure, you are, by proxy, fearing something crucial to improvement.

·         Self-Worth

Your sense of self-worth might tie into a possible achievement from this perfectionism. Unfortunately, that means that you can become especially discouraged when you realize you may be unable to succeed and envisioned in a task. Remember, your successes do not define you as a person. Learning to be secure in your identity, not in your goals alone, is crucial.

·         High Stakes

Perfectionists often set very high goals, and the momentous task before you might make it difficult for you to know how or where to begin. Learn to temper the stakes you put in what you do. Keep things reasonable – what can you accomplish?

·         The Cycle

These factors all make you avoid your task, but avoiding your task only increases the emotions attached to those factors. This cycle means it will feel more challenging to complete the job you have the longer you procrastinate.

The common idea that procrastination is the mark of a lazy person is scientifically and psychologically inaccurate, according to research. Instead, it is the factors mentioned above that often lead to this habit putting-off your to-do list, even when you’re not a perfectionist.

3.    You Feel Like You Must Finish Every Single Task

Urgency and importance are two different things, but if you’re a perfectionist, you might struggle to choose between them. Specific tasks have more time to complete but have a much larger impact on your everyday life; these are the important but non-urgent tasks. Other jobs have a minimal window before their deadlines, but failing to complete them wouldn’t significantly affect your life; these are the urgent but unimportant tasks.

In life, you’ll often need to prioritize important things, even if there are urgent tasks around you. For perfectionists, this can be a difficult thing to wrap your head around, says Boyes. You might feel like you have to do every single thing on your to-do list, causing you to rush to finish urgent tasks, leaving less time for essential ones.

You’ll burn out from a cycle and pattern like this one. You’ll never have the energy you need for things that matter. You need to learn to prioritize what is essential and become comfortable with letting some unnecessary tasks slip by. Without that, you’ll fall victim to the same issue many perfectionists face: increased burnout rates, higher stress levels, and decreased positive thinking.

4. It’s Always All-Or-Nothing

If you’re a perfectionist, you might have a very extreme view of situations, refusing to exist on the broad spectrum between “all” and “nothing”. This is commonly referred to as “splitting”, according to Mary Mykhaylova LCSW. Here are some examples of all-or-nothing behavior:

• If you feel that you cannot achieve perfection, you will elect not to do something at all.
• You insist on getting “fresh starts” whenever something goes wrong, resulting in your always starting again but never actually finishing.
• If you fail one aspect of a goal, you might give up altogether and abandon everything.
• You rapidly swing between the extremes – on some weeks, you’re blasting through all your goals at a ridiculous rate, and on others, you can’t do anything at all.
• Your identity can only be one extreme or the other – you’re either a failure or a success, stupid or smart, incredible or terrible… there’s no in-between.
• Your entire self-esteem can be destroyed by one flaw or mistake as you label yourself negatively for any perceived problem.

Remember, balance is essential. You need to learn to make compromises along the spectrums of your life. If you can’t find perfection, then find something close to it. If you fail, you’re not a failure. You’re a successful person who makes mistakes, like any other human being. Learn to use these more positive thinking points!

5.    Your Mental Health Suffers

As aforementioned, perfectionists often find themselves experiencing higher levels of anxiety, depression, and stress. This downside to your mental health isn’t something that should be overlooked. Here are some aspects of mental health that can be affected by perfectionism:

·         A Harsh, Negative Inner Voice

According to an expert on perfectionism and University of British Columbia professor of psychology Paul Hewitt, Ph.D., people who are perfectionists often have a loud inner critic that always tells them they aren’t good enough and that they need to achieve perfection to finally be positive, successful people. Of course, that kind of success isn’t humanly possible, leading to issues such as depression and suicidal ideation.

·         Depression

Your mood can be dragged down significantly by that voice in your head, telling you that your perceived lack of perfection means you’re a failure. Science proves significant links between perfectionism and depression at convincingly obvious rates.

·         Burnout

Being a perfectionist is hard work, and your brain can get tired too. Think about it like exercise. If you overexert yourself, your muscles will be strained, and your body will be too exhausted to move. That can happen with mental exhaustion, too. Overworking yourself can cause your brain to become too exhausted to move, and that loss of productivity and positive thinking is very common in perfectionists.

6.    Your Relationships Are Hurt By Perfectionism

Perfectionism is commonly associated with work, but it can also affect the interactions with others. Being too much of a perfectionist can hurt those around you even more than you might expect, and it also sabotages your life. Here are some ways that this happens:

·         You Refuse Offered Assistance

Even when you need help, you might refuse it simply because you don’t think others will achieve the perfection you seek. Other people’s hands in your work might “corrupt” it, ruining the vision you have of it, says Boyes. But it’s important to remember that outside perspectives and assistance are just as capable of helping your efforts. Sometimes, you’re going to need help, and that’s okay.

· You’re Critical

You notice all the wrong things that everyone else is doing. Your high standards that you hold yourself to are ones you hold everyone else to, as well. You criticize them, nag them to abide by your high expectations, and barely notice their efforts if they don’t achieve perfection. This outcome can make you unpleasant to be around and even damage previously strong relationships, according to Martin.

·         You Have False Ideas About Relationships

As soon as you make a mistake in your relationship with someone – platonic or otherwise – you might spiral into self-loathing. According to Mykhaylova, this can result in defensive or toxic relationship behaviors that push people away. When people begin to separate themselves from you, you might then go on to blame your failure for this phenomenon, not realizing that your own self-loathing became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Final Thoughts On Some Reasons Perfectionism Can Be Self-Sabotaging And How To Fix It

Not all perfectionism is bad. It can, occasionally, be a good thing to chase after lofty goals. But the keyword here is “perfect”, and no one can truly be perfect. To expect perfection out of yourself is to expect the impossible, and no matter how positive your achievements or successes are, they will never be “perfect”. That’s not humanly possible!

If your perfectionism comes in the form of wanting to do the best you can without attaching your self-esteem to it or being unreasonable, that’s perfectly fine. But if your perfectionism involves the acts of self-sabotage talked about here, then you’re doing yourself more harm than good.

It can be not easy to unlearn perfectionism. If you’re having trouble learning to manage your expectations, or if you beat yourself up over failing to meet very high standards, you need to learn to dial down your drive for perfection. Don’t be afraid to talk to a therapist, counselor, or other relevant medical health professional to overcome this mindset.

As a woman, there are certain things that you don’t want to discuss with anyone, not even your doctor. If you have an embarrassing health problem, you will suffer in silence. When you’ve had children, it can do strange things to the pelvic floor and cause urinary incontinence. However, you don’t need to give birth to have issues with bladder control.

Alarming Statistics of An Embarrassing Health Problem

Did you know that there are more than 25 million people in this country that suffer from a form of urinary incontinence, and of those people, 75 percent are females? It’s an extremely uncomfortable subject to talk about, let alone buy products to prevent a humiliating accident.

It takes about 6.5 years for a woman to seek help for this embarrassing health problem. Yet, the trouble is so common that it affects millions of people worldwide. Over 20 percent of women between the ages of 18-44 will struggle with the loss of control from UI, which is about one in four. However, after 60 years of age, the number dips to 23 percent.

Did you know that women are twice as likely to have problems with UI than men? The chief cause of these issues is childbirth, but it’s not the only reason. You must arm yourself with knowledge about the subject so that you can do something about it.

Common Causes of UI

Many things can cause the bladder area to misfunction. Some of the most common are as follows:

•Persistent Coughing
•Constipation
•Being Overweight or Obese
•Frequent Urinary Tract Infections
•Obstructions of the bladder
•Weak Muscles Loss of Sphincter Strength
•Nerve damage
•Neurological Disorders
•Cancer

Understanding the Different Types of Urinary Incontinence (an embarrassing health problem for many)

Yes, some people are cured of their incontinence, while others find methods to manage their difficulties. The first thing you should understand is the four different types that plague a woman.

Once you know the kind of incontinence you’re dealing with, you can take proactive steps to handle it. Here are the different varieties.

• Stress Incontinence

You may experience stress incontinence when you laugh, sneeze, or cough. A small amount of urine leaks out of the urethra and spills out of your body. Of all the varieties of incontinence, SI is the most common. Doctors typically see this problem in older women, though it can happen to you at any age.

The muscles in the pelvic floor have become weakened, or the sphincter muscle in the bladder is not functioning as it should. The risk for those with SI is obesity, smoking cigarettes, and those who chronically cough. Though this is an embarrassing problem, the amount of urine that leaks is usually not significant.

Most women can control SI by wearing a pad or disposable brief throughout the day. Thankfully, you can correct this by doing Kegel exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor as well as trying bladder training. In bladder training, you learn to hold your bladder longer by not giving in to those frequent urges to urinate. If these methods fail, then there are surgical remedies to consider.

• Urge Incontinence

Urge incontinence, unlike SI, is an indication that there is a problem within the bladder system. Women who experience this variety feel a sudden urge to urinate and may lose control of their bladder before getting to the bathroom. You may hear your doctor refer to this condition as an overactive bladder.

UI occurs when the bladder contracts abnormally. In a healthy bladder, the sphincter muscles effectively control the flow of urine. However, when these muscles become damaged, they contract more often than they should, which causes the bladder to be overactive. The force from the contraction is enough to override the muscles found in the urethra, so the urine inside your bladder leaks outside the body.

Why does the bladder experience these premature contractions in UI? The most common causes are from:

•Stroke
•Parkinson’s Disease
•Diabetes
•Multiple Sclerosis
•Spinal Cord Damage
•An Irritated Bladder

Your bladder can become irritated by many things, including drinking too much soda and avoiding water. They can use many different treatment forms for UI, depending on the cause. If there is damage caused by a significant illness, electrical stimulation to the bladder may help.

They can also use behavioral treatments to try to minimize the damage and bring relief. Unlike stress incontinence, this one is a bit trickier to treat.

• Mixed Incontinence

Roughly 14 percent of women who have incontinence will face a mixed variety. The condition is diagnosed when you face two or more types of bladder control issues, like stress and urinary incontinence. Experts surmise that when the muscles become weak in the bladder area that it sets off a chain reaction in the region that causes two varieties.

When you have mixed incontinence, you can leak when you laugh, cough, or exercise at the gym. Additionally, you may also have urgency problems and feel like you can’t get to the bathroom quickly enough.

• Temporary Incontinence

Yet another type of incontinence is the temporary variety. Sometimes, things can irritate the bladder or cause temporary damage, but the body can soon heal and overcome them. For instance, a urinary tract infection irritates the bladder area, and the disease makes things out of whack.

With temporary incontinence, the symptoms go away as soon as the situation is resolved. So, when you treat the underlying condition, like the UTI, then the bladder leakage will go away.

• Overflow Incontinence

Overflow incontinence is leakage that comes about from a loss of strength from the bladder muscles. It can also be the cause of an obstruction in the bladder where the urine empties. The most common problem with this UI is that women cannot empty their bladder completely, so they retain urine.

You may find yourself having the urge to go to the bathroom frequently, but you may not be able to fully empty all the urine that’s in there, causing further issues.

• Functional Incontinence

Functional incontinence is an embarrassing health problem that is observed in people with psychological issues. It affects children and adults on the autism spectrum and those who suffer from social anxiety disorders and other mental disturbances.

A woman who is afraid to go into the public restroom may hold her bladder all day until the bladder leaks under pressure. She may only feel comfortable using the facilities at home. Another angle with FI is that a person cannot get to the bathroom in time.

For those with arthritis and reduced vision, it may make those trips to the bathroom difficult or nearly impossible. Having a portable potty-chair might be helpful when a person cannot get to the restroom in time.

• Complete Incontinence

No one likes to feel a loss of control from their bladder, especially when they’re not close to a bathroom. Sadly, when you have a CI, you cannot control your bladder functions at all. These are often people who have went years with an undiagnosed problem that never got treatment.

Additionally, CI is often seen in older people who have weak muscles, which affects the muscles in the bladder area. Some surgical maneuvers may be helpful, but it’s usually not something that can be treated. Many people live with this embarrassing health problem and never talk to anyone about it.

Final Thoughts on Treating This Embarrassing Health Problem

Treating incontinence is not always straightforward, especially if you have a couple of varieties. The first step is to identify which type you have so that a treatment plan can be formulated. Even though this is an embarrassing health problem, you must reach out to your doctor for help.

When you have bladder leakage, you don’t know if it’s caused by childbirth or cancer until you are checked. One of the first things that a doctor will do is a cystoscopy. A cystoscopy is a non-invasive test that looks at the walls of the bladder.

During this test, your doctor will be able to see if you have a muscle problem or damage to the pelvic floor. Your medical history will also play a significant part in your diagnosis as conditions like Parkinson’s, and MS can affect your nerves in this area.

Once the problem has been identified, then the goal is to treat the issue. Sometimes, a simple fix is strengthening those muscles with Kegels, while other times, the bladder might need to be tucked. Additionally, any extra weight that you carry around can put pressure on your mid-section and affect the bladder. Losing weight may be the simplest way to end this embarrassing health problem.

The key is not to wait until the damage is severe. Don’t be like statistics, and let years pass with no answers. Call and make an appointment today so that you can live your life without fear of embarrassment. There are treatment options that can reduce or eliminate the difficulties you’re having.

Is your union secure, and you feel that you will never fall out of love? Don’t be so sure that you and your partner are solid. You’ve probably heard that 50 percent of all marriages in this country end in divorce.

The American Psychological Association backs up this statistic. Breaking up is hard to do, yet sadly many couples don’t make it beyond the five-year mark. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a way to tell if you and your significant other will fall out of love long before it happens?

Thankfully, there are ways to tell if your relationship will last. You can examine things like your communication skills, bedroom habits, and how often you argue as indicators if you will make it for the long haul.

Here are thirteen signs that point to a rocky relationship that might not make it to forever.

1. You Take Your Anger Out on Each Other

Did you know that when you love someone, you are more likely to take your anger out on them? The key is that you interact more with your partner than you do anyone else, so it’s only natural to take out some of your frustrations on them. A study conducted in 2014 showed that this aggression is harmful to a relationship, and it pushes your lover away rather than bringing them closer to you.

2. There’s No Gratitude

Do you appreciate it when your partner spends the whole day cleaning and making a home-cooked meal for you? You should always pay attention to the smallest of things, and make sure you thank them for their efforts. Did you know that when you take a partner for granted, you undermine your relationship?

When you forget to say how thankful you are for their efforts, then you can compromise the physical and emotional health of the relationship. Gratitude should always be a part of your love language.

3. You Try to Change Each Other

One of the easiest ways to fall out of love is when a person won’t align with your perfect idea of a mate. Did you get together with your partner in the hopes that they would become someone else? Having a long-term relationship with someone who you want to change is never going to work.

Have you ever heard the old saying that a tiger doesn’t change their stripes? It’s because they can’t change who and what they are to appease you. Sure, some natural changes occur when you’re in love, but don’t expect to make them an entirely new person to fill your needs as it won’t work.

4. You Forgive, But You Don’t Forget

Every relationship has issues that require you to ask for forgiveness. While you forgive your partner, you must also forget the matter. Now, your brain can’t forget, but you can’t bring up the previous issues every time they make you mad in the future.

When one person is keeping score of the other’s wrongdoings, it sets a negative relationship dynamic. Part of loving and forgiving your spouse means that you release the issue and don’t use it to browbeat your partner with in the future.

5. There Are Trust Issues

When there are trust issues in a union, it makes for a rocky relationship. Sure, trust is not an easy thing to build, mostly if you’ve been burnt in the past. However, you must have a little faith in the person you are with if you want to grow old together.

When the foundation of your relationship is shaky from mistrust, then you can ensure that there will be physical and emotional problems with your union. At one point, you can almost guarantee that your partner will become tired of the trust issues and walk.

6. The Relationship is Full of Secrets

Do you have secrets that you keep from your partner? When you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s no fun to keep secrets. Sadly, many secrets cause you to lie.

When a partner tells the other that you can’t handle the truth, then they are saying that they don’t trust you with everything. Secrets in a relationship are one sure way to fall out of love.

7. There is No Compromise

What fun is a relationship if you never get any say? If you pick the restaurant this week, then your partner should get to choose next time. When one person dominates the union and makes all the decisions, it’s hard for the other person to feel important. Relationships are all about give and take, and compromise is essential.

8. You’re Not on The Same Page

For a relationship to be successful, you must both be going in the same direction. While you may think that love conquers all, it doesn’t. You must agree on the fundamentals, like if you want kids, saving money, and where you will live.

It’s easy to fall out of love when your goals don’t align. The differences between you and your spouse may start as a small annoyance, but they can fester into a significant wedge if allowed.

9. You Won’t Take Any Blame

Remember, as a kid, when nothing was ever your fault? You would always point your finger at your sibling or a friend to keep from getting into trouble. Sadly, this behavior can carry on with you into adulthood, causing you all kinds of problems.

You are not perfect, and your spouse can’t expect that you will be. However, it would help if you took your share of the blame with household and relationship issues. Let’s assume that you go over your grocery budget by $500 this month.

Rather than putting all the blame on your spouse, you must also take your part in the responsibility. Even if your partner does all the grocery shopping and cooking, you still have a hand in the matter. It may be that they need help with this aspect and rely on fast food and fancy eateries to cope with a lack of time.

Since groceries and eating is something you both enjoy, you must equally take responsibility in matters such as this one. Don’t be so eager to blame shift, or it’s one of the signs that you will fall out of love.

10. There Are Unrealistic Standards

Humans make mistakes, as no one is perfect. Your spouse is doing the best they can, but they are not infallible. If you expect your partner to be 100 percent perfect all the time, then you have unrealistic expectations.

When one person has such high requirements of the other one, it’s easy to become frustrated. Your partner will think that they can never please you, and you will feel that your partner doesn’t measure up. Stop playing the judge and quit expecting perfection.

11. You See Your Partner as Inferior

Relationships, where one person elevates their worth above the other is a recipe for disaster. When you have contempt for your significant other, it’s a telltale sign that divorce is looming. Do you continuously criticize what they do, show disrespect, are defensive, and stonewall them?

These are all indications that there is a deep rift in the union. A study in 2010 found that when one party shows content for the other, then it’s the “kiss of death” in a relationship.

12. Your Emotions Share No Similarity

Everyone has different emotions, but it can complicate things when conflict arises. If one person cries when they feel rage while the other hardly sheds a tear, it can be hard to be on the same page. Your emotional ranges don’t have to be the same, but they need to complement the other one.

For instance, if one person tends to shout and call names when you’re arguing, it can make the timid person who would never say anything wrong about you feel awful. You should have emotional similarities, or the imbalance can cause you to fall out of love.

13. You Stop Going on Dates

It takes a lot of hard work to keep a relationship alive, and it’s easy to fall into old routines. Once you commit to living together, you must try hard to make sure that romance doesn’t become automatic. Most couples waste their time on mundane tasks like grocery shopping, paying bills, or working.

However, everyday life can be far from romantic or exciting. You must make a special effort to ensure that you still do all those little things to keep the spark alive. Take your partner to the movies or out to a nice dinner.

You must put as much work into your relationship to keep your spouse as you did to attract them. Yes, you must still go on dates, even if you’ve been together for 20 years.

Final Thoughts on Recognizing the Traps That Cause Couples to Fall Out of Love

Do you see things on this list that show that you are in a rocky relationship? You can alter the course of your union by making some changes now. If you can’t seem to get on the same page with your partnership, then ask a counselor to help you sort things out.

It’s easy to fall out of love when massive issues make everyday life together challenging. So, if these issues exist, then you must work hard to alter then for the sake of your relationship.

Do you ever wake up in a bad mood? It doesn’t matter how much sleep you get or how good you feel; your spirit is off. Sometimes, you wake up feeling great, but the smallest thing can tick you off and put you into a negative mood. However, you will live a happier, more fulfilling life by shifting gears into a positive mindset.

Someone at the office may make a snide comment, or you may find that you’re out of coffee, and it’s only 10 am. All the negative things that you must deal with within a day can affect your mood. However, you can’t stay in this mood as it’s not productive or beneficial for a happy life.

Why Do Your Moods Fluctuate?

Did you know that your moods can have everything to do with your ego? Research suggests that folks use up their determination to prevent temptation, but they drain rational resources.

Each person has a stress-threshold that dictates how much they can take without blowing a gasket. Once you get beyond that threshold, it alters your mood. You may become grouchy, irritable, or syndical of others.

While you see what’s going on outside your body, do you know what’s going on inside to make these changes? Your blood pressure goes up and down as you encounter stressors from the day. With these blood pressure fluctuations come the increase of cortisol, which is also known as your body’s stress hormone.

Since each person’s threshold is different, it can be a small thing that alters your mood, or it may take something significant. If you need to change to a positive mindset and put the moodiness aside, there are some things you can do.

Five Ways to Change the Negative to a Positive Mindset

A negative mood comes from strong feelings that you’re having that you cannot shake. Rather than face the issue and deal with the feelings, you choose to react. Thankfully, when you resolve your problems and face the things that are bothering you, it helps change to a positive mindset.

Even if the coffee container is empty in the morning, take a 15-minute break and run to a store to get more. Sure, it’s an inconvenience, but rather than stewing about such a minor issue, you can fix it. Here are some ways to help you stay optimistic.

1. Catch up on Rest

According to the Center for Disease Control, one out of three people in this country does not get the required hours of sleep they need. Do you know what happens to your body when you don’t get sufficient sleep? It increases your chances of developing mental distress, high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart problems.

If you’re not getting at least seven hours of sleep each night, it can put you in a negative mindset. When you don’t feel good in your body, it can affect your mood. If you’re having problems sleeping, then you need to talk to your doctor.

There are many herbs and things that can also help you get a restful night, such as melatonin. When you get your sleep back on track, it’s easier to keep a positive mindset.

2. Practice Gratitude

Gratitude is the ability to switch your mind from a pessimistic state to an optimistic one. Today’s society makes it extremely easy to get sucked into a negative mindset. However, you don’t have to live in a place of discontent when you can change your brain’s molecular structure by using gratitude.

Did you know if you focus on your blessings instead of the things you don’t have, then you will be healthier and happier? There have been many studies that have proven that when you have an attitude of thanksgiving that it stimulates the hypothalamus in your brain to improve your mood.

If you find it hard to do a 180-degree turn on your gratitude level, start with small things first. Notice the beauty in your child’s face, or be appreciative of the lovely, cozy bed you climbed out of this morning. Did you know that gratitude can be just as addictive as being negative and grumbly?

3. Calm Down with Meditation

If you can’t seem to master a positive mindset, then you should try meditation. It can be overwhelming to find time to fit everything you need to in a day, and all the stress can affect your mood. So, you can fix this by taking the time to channel positive energy and release the negative.

Sometimes, you need to breathe. Scientifically, there is a reason why mindful breathing and the relaxation that comes with meditation works. When you experience stress or have mood fluctuations, the prefrontal cortex in your brain goes into an overactive state, which can lead to depression.

Thankfully, meditation is the key to change those brain regions that are linked to the blues. When you’re using mindful breathing, you retrain the brain to focus on your success and not your failures. When physical sensations intrude on you, you will feel negative emotions like stress.

The rhythmic breathing that occurs in meditation helps you work yourself out of a bad mood, no matter what comes your way. It’s because you are taking time to stop, and you’re sorting out all those feelings that are causing you problems.

Did you know that there are specific mood-boosting meditations that can assist you in your goals? These meditations are especially beneficial for those who are new to this ancient practice.

4. Use Your Support System

You need a support system to make it in this life. People don’t realize how incredibly important it is to have someone that you can call when the whole world seems to be going wrong. When you feel negative, reach out to a friend or family member to talk too about what’s going on.

A third party can look at the situation from the outside and put things into perspective. You can make a bigger deal of the situation often because you compound it with all the other stressors you have in your life. Getting good advice and support is much needed to keep you in a positive mindset.

Psychologists did a study and used brain imaging to see how your brain is affected by your moods. They found that people who verbalize how they feel often have fewer problems with sadness and anger than those who try to keep it all inside.

When you avoid talking about the troubling things, you give them power. However, when you vocalize these issues, you release the energy they have on you.

There’s all this noise inside your head that gets louder as your stress level rises, and you become overwhelmed. When you find somewhere and someone that is your safe place, you can release all the noise and have clarity.

5. Exercise

You already know that you need to get so much exercise each week to maintain a healthy weight. However, research shows that your mental health benefits just as much from a workout. The evidence and studies that have been done on this subject are overwhelming.

When you exercise, your body begins to release neurotransmitters like norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine. It also releases endorphins, which all work together to make you feel good. When you are depressed, it’s likely caused by an imbalance in these neurotransmitters.

However, a doctor will give you a medication, or you take some herbal treatments to rebalance them. Many people don’t realize that exercise is so powerful that it can be the equivalent of taking anti-depressant medication.

When you’re struggling with negativity, you need to go for a walk, run a mile, or do some intense cardio. You will release those happiness chemicals to put you in a positive mindset.

Final Thoughts on Living a More Fulfilling Life by Shifting into a More Positive Mindset

No one likes to be in a bad mood. Consequently, you are responsible for your actions and your attitudes. The smallest of things can trigger you and put you in a negative frame of mind, but you can control how you respond to those triggers.

You have the power to move beyond the problem and live in optimism. Thankfully, your bad mood won’t last forever. If you need something to help prod you to give you some perspective, then you should look to the future and not the past.

Do you remember that day in 2018 when you were so angry you could spit nails because you were late for work? No, of course, you don’t remember. The good news is you won’t recall these little mood fluctuations because they are a fleeting moment in time.

Focus on your future, and live in a mindset where you count your blessings and not ruminate on everything that is wrong. You will be surprised at what a difference it will make in your life when you focus on the positive things.

Some people are so structured and seem to plan every detail of their day. Yet, others tend to fumble around, hoping they don’t miss something vital that they need to do. If you want to learn how to get everything you need to do in a day, there is no secret or magic trick.

It’s not difficult to plan your day, but it takes some determination and a few life-changing tips. Why should you plan your day? Well, here are a few reasons.

Four Excellent Reasons to Plan Your Day

Here are some useful planning tips for implementing today.

1. You’re Better Prepared

When you have everything planned, then you know what to expect. Your goals for the day are clear, and unless something unforeseen arises, you’ve got things covered. When you have a prepared mindset, you will have a higher chance of having a good and productive day.

The problem comes into play when you don’t have a clue what’s going on. You will struggle through the day fighting hard and have a low chance of success. When you wake up ready to tackle the day, you will be motivated and drive to accomplish the tasks at hand.

Your brain needs to be prepared to be able to have full motivation. If you’re in doubt, you should know that this method works, and it will help you finish the tasks you have to do promptly.

2. You Prioritize

How many times have you worked all day long and haven’t seemed to accomplish anything? You might feel like a dog chasing its tail around in circles. You must know that this is a rookie mistake, and it must be avoided.

When you plan, you have the chance to prioritize the tasks you must complete making sure each one is fulfilled. If you don’t have a plan, then you can run in 100 directions and do whatever comes to mind first. When nothing is connected or coherent, your entire day is run very haphazardly.

It’s essential that you give time to the things of the highest priority. When you start your day armed with a plan, then you can make sure that all the urgent tasks are handled. If you need to see a doctor or attend your child’s school play, then you can ensure those tasks get worked into your day too.

The fact is that you can get where you need to be, and you don’t have to compromise your responsibilities to yourself or your family to do so.

3. Improves Time Management

Your day and productivity level come down to your time management. Do you need to manage every second of the day? Well, no one is perfect, and it’s hard to have a life so scripted.

Thankfully, you can schedule your day and make good use of every minute of it. The most important task should go into slot one, followed by the next important thing, an hour for lunch, and so on until you’ve filled your schedule.

Make sure that you have a list and don’t let anything overlap. You have deadlines, personal commitments, and you must ensure that everything is planned out for 24 hours so that you don’t waste any time or feel burdened.

4. Create Structure

Do you have days when you seem to wing everything? Spontaneity is the spice of life, but you can’t live every day in that manner. It sounds fun to throw caution to the wind and not let life become too structured and regimented, but did you realize that living like that will take a toll on your mental health?

It’s not fun to deal with surprises and urgencies as they can affect your personal life and your work efficiency. When you plan your day, it brings order to an otherwise chaotic time. Planning gives you structure and order, and it will make your life seem more systematic.

Now, you shouldn’t mentally confuse a scheduled day with an uninteresting lifestyle. Having composition means that you have a plan and know what you need to do to be successful. Your routine must be pre-planned and thought out clearly.

You can boost your productivity and keep a structured life, but this type of lifestyle can help you get rid of all your bad habits and strengthen your good ones.

When you are accomplishing tasks and reaching goals, then it gives you a boost in your step. It does incredible things for your self-esteem to mark items off your checklist as accomplished.

5 Tips to Planning the Perfect Day

If you want to plan your day and boost your results, you need an effective method. Here are some tips for you to consider.

1. Begin with Clear Goals

You must first start each day with clearly defined goals. Never start a day without a plan. It’s essential to keep your daily goals on track to achieve all you need.

While setting precise daily goals, you must also keep in mind your plans for the week. You want to make sure that one day flows into the next, and you’re not left wandering around.
When you have not only your daily but weekly goals in mind, you can plan in advance. Your goals must allow you to accomplish all you need to do and allow time for the unforeseen events.

2. Each day must Be Part of the Bigger Picture

Please don’t get so caught up on a single day that you forget it’s part of the bigger picture. Remember, Monday is only one-seventh of your week, so you can’t single it out over the whole week or month. Everything you plan must take into consideration the week, month, year, and your life.

Having a cohesive plan is advisable, and it should fit into what you want to achieve for the long term. Additionally, keep the events from yesterday and those from tomorrow in the back of your mind. If you have unfinished business from Tuesday, and it’s not Wednesday, you must consider what’s left and what’s on the list for Thursday.

When you have deadlines in both the business and personal parts of life, you need to be mindful of them daily rather than waiting until the last minute.

3. Classify

Your day should be about much more than your job. In every life comes the need for socialization, personal commitments, chores around your home, and family time. You must ensure that you include all these things in your schedule and learn to make time for each classification.

Self-care is an item that many people don’t make time for in their day. You are more important than dusting the furniture, paying the cable bill, and making a work deadline. Yes, all those things are essential, but if you don’t take care of yourself and your needs, you will never accomplish all you need to do.

You should have no less than 30 minutes each day to reflect, create, and boost your mental strength. When you have it all planned according to then, it’s easier to balance your day.

4. Allow for Flexibility

When you plan your day, you don’t want to make the time restraints, so regimented that there is no time for flexibility. Life is full of surprises, and you never know what each day will hold. You must have room for adjustments.

Your boss may throw a surprise assignment on you, or your child may wake up sick. There always needs to be a plan b or backup to your day. You must be able to move things around so that you can handle life’s unexpected challenges.

5. Sustain Balance

You only have 24 hours in your day, so you don’t want to put so much onto your schedule that it’s not humanly possible to do it all. When you plan your day, you want to give yourself about one or two major tasks.

Once those big tasks are handled, then you can schedule about three or four smaller ones. Remember, some jobs will take more time than others, and you need to allow for interruptions, phone calls, and other things that can get you off schedule.

You also need to have some sort of balance. Your day cannot be all about work, or you won’t have time to relax and read a book or watch your favorite television program. Don’t cram so much into one day that it stresses you out and take the rest of the week to recover.

Final Thoughts on How You Can Achieve Better Results When You Plan Your Day

Are you convinced that planning your day is worth the effort? Make sure you make those plans the day before to wake up knowing exactly what you face that day. It’s all about keeping things into perspective and seeing yourself reach each goal that you set.

Don’t feel pressured to tackle all of these suggestions at one time. Small steps will equal big changes in due time. So start with little goal-setting and work up from there.

The goal is to see growth and development in your life, which can happen when you plan your day and make time for all the things you must do.

You may know of the importance of caring for yourself physically. You are likely aware of the need to eat well, exercise often, and live a healthy lifestyle. But did you know that these habits are not the only way you should care for yourself?

A commonly overlooked aspect of looking after yourself is about your mental health. Sure, you might be careful about things that can trigger depression, but how compassionate are you to yourself? Did you know that acts of kindness directed internally can be even more beneficial for your overall health? Here’s how experts reveal nine powerful health benefits of being kind to yourself.

1.    Stronger Immune System

When you’re under stress, the body experiences the fight vs. flight instinct, causing the body to focus all its efforts on survival instead of ensuring individual organ and function strength and power. Everything gets slowed down, and you can suffer as a result.

According to research spanning three decades, immunity is considerably impacted by stress, meaning a lack of positive thinking can lead to a higher risk of contracting all sorts of diseases.

According to the University of Texas professor and author Kristin Neff, Ph.D., this means that self-compassion can successfully increase or improve the function of your immune system. There’s a chance you’ll experience:

• Fewer colds and illnesses
• Fewer symptoms of illnesses
• Lower stress reactivity
• A better balance of hormones and microorganisms
• Healthier appearance and body

In fact, self-compassion “meditation” is a real way to help promote healing. Simple meditation allows for mindfulness practices that can teach you to be kind to yourself and exert more control over your thoughts and emotions.

2.    Stress Reduction

When you’re too hard on yourself, you’re constantly criticizing yourself and, potentially, everything around you. This kind of criticism leads to stress and – as you’ve probably guessed – a fight or flight response, says Stanford University Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education science director and author Emma Seppala, Ph.D.

When you critique yourself, you cause your body to release the stress hormone, cortisol. Cortisol is fine in small amounts and when needed, but when released chronically, it can lead to health issues such as:

• Acne
• Easy bruising
• Weight gain
• Thinned skin
• Reduced rate of healing
• Irritability
• Concentration loss
• Headaches
• Weak muscles
• High blood pressure
• Fatigue

According to studies, it’s possible to use positive techniques of self-compassion to break the cycle of negativity, stress, and cortisol production. This is because thinking good thoughts can lead to surges of the feel-good hormone dopamine, says Adelphi University psychology professor and award-winning author Deborah Serani, PsyD.

3.    Changing How You Think

When you’re kind to yourself, you begin a new cycle and process of thinking. With long-term practice, you can completely change the way your brain usually functions, allowing for a more efficient structure and a more positive overall thought pattern, says Neff.

This is because being kind to yourself can thicken the cortical, which is the brain portion responsible for communication across the brain. Actions such as meditation can further rewire the brain to be more beneficial to you and your everyday life.

On top of that, self-compassion is crucial to social connection. Essentially, Seppala states that being kind to yourself is a great way to connect with others, and her research shows us that this can help you find common humanity. Instead of losing itself in wrongs and flaws, the brain learns to observe, relate, and empathize.

4.    Healthier Heart

You’re probably already very familiar with how stress affects fight vs. flight responses, given the fact that we’ve talked about this multiple times! Naturally, that extends to more than just the cortisol production that we’ve mentioned again and again. After all, that kind of stress response isn’t limited to only one function.

When your body is in this fight or flight mode, you:

• Experience spikes in blood pressure
• Have an accelerated heart rate and pulse
• Cardiovascular strain

Just like with cortisol, this isn’t a bad thing when it only happens when your heart needs the boost – like in a real emergency situation where the rush to your heart helps you survive. On a chronic basis, though, it indicates that your body is attempting to solve its problems by attacking itself, says Neff.

Learn to relax and be kind to yourself instead of allowing stress to take over your body. Your heart will, in the long run, thank you.

5.    Exercise Motivation

People often falsely believe that they need to exercise to feel good about their bodies, their appearance, and their overall selves. Ironically, for most people, it works the opposite way. The act of pushing yourself to work out and succeeding in completing that task can give you a massive boost to your self-esteem.

So instead of hating your body and demanding exercise to ease those negative feelings, love your body instead. Sure, it is easier said than done. However you can take baby steps by being kind to yourself. When you care about your body and your mind, you’ll be much more motivated to do things that are good for them, says Neff. Here are some tips to make this happen:

·         Do Mirror Exercises

Every day, look in the mirror and repeat positive affirmations to yourself. Positive self-talk has been proven to work wonders for you and your self-perception. Instead of pointing out your worst features, tell your reflection, “I love you.” Appreciate the parts of you that you do love!

·         Understand What A Real Body Is

Social media is full of people using angles, editing apps, and careful photo selection only ever to show their best side. The media is full of celebrities with expensive personal trainers and professional chefs at their disposal. Your body is real, and it’s realistic. It is beautiful and doesn’t need to measure up to these unreal, unachievable standards. Remember that!

·         Be Grateful

Thank your body for the wonders it does. Appreciate it for keeping you healthy. Acknowledge it for your talents. Thank it for its strength. Thank it for being beautiful, Expressing gratitude towards your body is a huge step forward in being kinder to yourself and reaping the exercise benefits that follow.

6.    Reduced Vice Dependency

A lot of times, a lack of self-love can cause someone to depend on external factors to help them feel happy or better. This type of co-dependency is quite unhealthy and can be very toxic, especially if you find yourself relying on other human beings to feel satisfied. Vices can include:

• Smoking or vaping
• Taking drugs
• Drinking alcohol
• Eating in excess
• Self-harming tendencies
• Obsession and hyper fixation with fantasy
• Co-dependency with loved ones

When you’re kind to yourself, you learn to be self-dependent. You learn that you’re a great person to rely on. As such, you’re less likely to turn to unhealthy vices. Studies indicate that even severe addictions can be helped through kindness.

7.    Mental Resilience

One of the very, very best benefits of self-compassion is that you become mentally stronger. It’s much harder for the world to bring you down when you are your support system.

Does this mean you’d never seek out help from external parties? Of course not! Everyone needs help sometimes. But, according to Seppala, when you practice self-compassion, you:

• Don’t burden yourself with excessive criticism.
• Can keep a more definite peace of mind
• Manage to retain emotional energy
• Are more mindful of how you speak to or think of yourself

These factors combined contribute to your mental fortitude when you’re more self-compassionate, so it’s a fundamental trait to try to maintain!

8.    Pain Management

Chronic pain and other similar conditions and issues can be debilitating. Worse still, they’re known for having less than stellar effects on positive thinking. In fact, considerable, untreated, or difficult-to-manage pain levels can contribute to and be affected in turn by symptoms of anxiety and depression.

According to Serani, acts such as meditation and mindfulness, which work to improve your self-compassion, prove to help relax the body enough to reduce chronic pain of all kinds. In fact, because self-compassion is so deeply interwoven with chronic pain – as found by plenty of studies – it’s not an exaggeration to say that they do go hand-in-hand.

When your self-compassion is low, your pain is worse, and when your pain is worse, your self-compassion gets even smaller. You need to break the cycle! Aside from focusing on being kind to yourself, you can also manage chronic pain and your kindness by:

·         Therapy

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Cognitive Behavior Therapy are both typical go-tos for those dealing with chronic pain, according to Ted Jones, Ph.D., CPE. This kind of thinking shifts your thoughts from self-loathing or self-pitying to considering future options, which puts the power back in your hands.

·         Pacing Yourself

When you’re not kind to yourself, feelings of guilt may cause you to push yourself extra hard. You may work yourself down to the bone, even when your body needs a break. Jones encourages the act of learning your body and pain’s limits and respecting them with the knowledge that you deserve to rest, too.

·         Chill Out

Holding tension in your body due to stress is often a clear sign that you’re not kind to yourself. Worse still, holding that tension causes stiffness that can further worsen chronic pain.

9.    Diabetes Management

Diabetes is a severe condition, and it’s not something any proper mindset can cure, of course. This fact is not to say, though, that positive thinking can’t aid in overall management. In fact, according to Neff, a lot of the additional problems of diabetes can come from stress and distress. Learning to manage those emotions can lead to more stable glucose levels.

Considering the concept of cortisol and how cortisol presence boosts blood sugar, this isn’t a surprise at all. As such, though it sounds a little outlandish to say, being kind to yourself can indirectly help with the management of diabetes!

Final Thoughts On Some Powerful Health Benefits Of Being Kind To Yourself

Self-compassion is a crucial skill, not just for your mental state, but for your physical one as well. The overall effects of kindness on your whole being go to show just how crucial it is to care about yourself on a deeper level. Never be ashamed of loving the person you are!