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Pros Reveal 6 Simple Tips To Help You Organize Your Kids’ Closets

Pros Reveal 6 Simple Tips To Help You Organize Your


Are your kids’ closets a jumbled mess? That likely scenario is not at all surprising!

No one is quite as disorganized as a child! With a little understanding of the importance of keeping things tidy, kids can create quite a mess and leave a trail of havoc wherever they go. It can be difficult for parents to keep up – and even more difficult for those kids to find what they need later!

That’s why it’s so vital to teach children to start being organized as young as possible. This way, organizing habits will come naturally to them, and they’ll learn how to keep things neat and orderly as they grow up. But with all the things kids have, how can everything be stored correctly? Here’s how pros reveal six simple tips to help you organize your kids’ closets!

1.    Hang Things Up

Hanging things up is a simple and easy way to keep things off the floor. All you have to do is make sure your children have enough hooks and hangers, and you’ll naturally have things organized in some form! Morevoer, you will help decrease morning-time stress!

Here are several easy tasks you can start with:

·         Figure Out How Hanging Things Works

Help your children create a system for their clothes. For example, their clothes can be organized by color and category. This way, they can grab and put away their clothes quickly later!

·         Use Doubler Rods

Having two rods in your child’s closet not only increases the hanging space in the closet, but they also allow smaller children to put away their clothes with ease too. This will enable them to practice organizing their closet by themselves.

·         Try Using Hooks

Putting on your child’s closet provides more organizational options for your child. They can use these hooks to hang bags, scarves, jackets, or even jewelry – which helps keep their things off the floor and their room free of clutter.

·         Invest In Good Hangers

It may seem strange, but getting the right kind of hangers can make storage easier for your child’s closet. Slimline hangers take up less space than ordinary hangers, allowing you to squeeze in more clothes onto a rack. Some of them come with non-slip designs as well, ensuring that clothes won’t slide off the hangers while in the closet.

2.    Figure Out How A Good Closet Works

To store things well, you first have to invest in a functional closet. Not just in terms of build quality, but also in terms of how usable it is from your child’s point-of-view. After all, it is much easier to encourage cleanliness and orderliness if the act of storing and retrieving their belongings is a positive experience!

·         Make Sure Everything Is Accessible

Your child needs to have a closet that they can use to its fullest. This means making sure that baskets are within reach, and things can be easily seen and retrieved from the open shelves. This lowered height makes it easier for your child to maintain and organize their own space.

·         Invest In A Working Closet System

Not all closets are designed the same. Look for one that has the right number and arrangement of shelves, cubbies, and drawers your child needs.

·         Designate Different Spaces For Different Things

Organizing is easier for your child if they know where things should go. Help your child decide on a “home” for their belongings so that they are encouraged to return the appropriate items to their respective shelves. For example, their shoes’ home can be in a drawer, and underwear can have their home on a specific shelf!

3.    Make Things Convenient

No matter how old you are, cleaning can come across as a menial chore and a drag. For children, this is understandably even worse – which can explain why they may struggle to keep their rooms and closets clean. Here are a few things you can do to help them:

·         Have A Basket Or Bin For Everything

Using a mix of bins and baskets allows you to contain and store things that won’t usually fit onto a shelf or into a drawer. It also gives your children someplace to put the bulkier stuff they love, like puzzles, books, stuffed toys, or even shoes.

·         Make Labels

Teaching your child how to label things can help them keep track of their belongings and their respective shelves. You can then teach them to match items to their labeled shelves for easy cleanup.

·         Coordinate By Color

Color-coordination can turn fixing up the closet into a fun and easy task for your child. Have them put their toys in a basket of the same color, or place their books back onto a shelf with books of similar color.

·         Use Closet Dividers

Closet dividers help divide up a closet into more spaces. This allows your child to get specific with their storage, and control the size of their shelves per their needs or wants!

4.    Unique Storage Options

Typical storage methods may be just what you need for your children. This offers them more options to keep things clean, and may make organizing their closet and space a more exciting experience!

Here are a few helpful hints you can try for your children:

·         Go For Hidden Storage

There’s nothing more exciting for children than a hidden drawer or bin. This can encourage them to put their things away while also doubling the amount of storage space for them.

·         DIY A Hanging Pegboard

A pegboard wall with hooks offers both you and your child more versatility when it comes to storage options. You can use it to store books, knick-knacks, and various miscellaneous items – whatever organizational space you need, you can configure a pegboard for the task.

· Don’t Let The Door Go to Waste

You can quickly put up a set of hooks or a hanging organizer for additional storage space. This not only utilizes an unusual space that would otherwise go to waste, but it also allows your child to easily see and store their belongings.

·         Bring Write Kitchen Shelves In

Kitchen shelves don’t have to be reserved for just your kitchen. You can also utilize them for your child’s storage, allowing you to put their belongings somewhere that’s visible. This not only leaves everything in sight and easy reach for your child but also offers plenty of vertical storage space as well.

·         Mix Laundry Baskets With Shelves

Laundry baskets don’t have to be just for laundry. You can also use them as a shelf of sorts, and have your child use it as a storage spot for all kinds of miscellaneous items they may have.

5.    Make Cleanup Easy

The simplest way to encourage your children to clean up after themselves is to make the task easy! It is often easy to forget just how difficult it can be for a child to remember to clean up after themselves. Lowering the energy and mental requirements for your children solves that issue, and it can be quickly done by:

·         Set Up A Bin Or Two For Toys

Putting down some stackable storage bins for your children creates an easily accessible place for your children’s toys. You can help your child label said containers so that they know what goes where, which further incentivizes them to put things back “home”.

·         Prepare A Laundry Basket

Give your children a place to put their dirty laundry. A basket with handles will not only create a logical place for dirty clothes but can also be carried by your child to the laundry room when full.

·         Have An Open Bin Ready For Quick Cleanup

Simply have a large, open bin for bulky items. Have your child toss everything into it before bedtime – pillows, stuffed toys, throw blankets, etc. No questions asked.

6.    When Losing Motivation, Remember The Benefits

No matter how much work you put in, it bears remembering that this is essentially an ongoing lesson you will have to teach them for the entirety of their childhood. That can seem like a long time on a bad day, and you might find yourself in despair instead!

It’s best to cling on tight to positive thinking, however. Research tells us that with enough time, the organizational skills you teach them scale up to other aspects of their life as well. For example, they become better at:

·         Learning To Follow Directions

It may seem simple, but trying to follow directions is a lot harder for children than you might think. This is because it requires a child to be capable of focusing on the task at hand and mentally constructing a course of action for it. These two things need mental organizational and planning skills – something a child can learn from organizing their closet.

·         Easier Location

With everything placed away from where they should be, you’ll find that it’s easier for both you and your child to find things.

·         Gaining Math Skills

Organizational skills find their place in math, a subject that is also highly organized. So it should come as no surprise that studies have pointed out the relationship between a child’s organizational skills and their mathematical academic achievement. As such, teaching your children how to organize their closet – and by extension, teaching them organizational skills – may have a positive effect on their studies later on.

·         Learning Confidence

The task of rewarding your child for cleaning up their closet may also be what helps build their confidence. Research shows that being specific about praise helps boost their child in the praised area. This means that regularly rewarding and praising your child for organizing their toys and clothing will help them increase their sense of self, their capacity for positive thinking, and their ability to organize!

·         Gaining Literacy

When a child reads a book or writes a story, they have to keep track of several things at once. For example, they’d have to keep track of plot, story concept, characters, and their relationships. This actually all requires organizational skills that they can, fortunately, learn through visually organizing their space, as research has shown.

Final Thoughts On Following These Simple Tips To Help You Organize Your Kids’ Closets

No one expects, wants, or needs children to be the perfect depictions of a filing cabinet. We all know full well that kids will be kids! Being young involves being a little messy. But that doesn’t mean that children can’t begin to learn how to keep things tidy, and what better way to start teaching organization than through their closets?

Lifestyle

15 Character Traits That Reveal Someone Is an Introvert

15 Character Traits That Reveal Someone Is an Introvert


The character traits of an introvert are ones that indicate a life of solitude. Introverts feel most comfortable when they are alone and left to their thoughts and ideas. They come across as shy and quiet, but sometimes that isn’t the case.

They tend to rely on their mind to recharge their energy, whereas extroverts rely on others to recharge. Neither of these methods is wrong, it’s just the differences between the personality types.

Introverts tend to share many of the same character traits. With up to half of the people in the United States being an introvert, you likely know a few of them. It can be easy to identify an introvert if you know the character traits associate with the personality type.

15 Character Traits of an Introvert

1. They Enjoy Being Alone

Introverts look forward to time alone, while other people may dread the thought of alone time. They require solitude often to stay happy. The activities they enjoy tend to be ones that can be done alone because that’s when they feel the best.

This fact does not mean that your introverted pal will never want your companionship. Instead, it means that they thrive when they’ve spent time recharging their batteries–alone!

2. They Need Quiet to Concentrate

When there are things or sounds happening around them, introverts will struggle to focus. They may begin to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. Introverts become distracted more often than extroverts do, which is why they need quiet.

3. They Take Time to Make Decisions

Making decisions right away is not something an introvert can do. They have to think about it, weigh the options, and reflect on their feelings first. Then, after thinking about it and making a plan, they will be ready to make a decision.

4. Social Interaction Drains Introverts

Some people want to have plans every weekend, whereas introverts are the opposite. An introvert may still go out of go to a party, but they won’t stay as late and they won’t go every time. By the end of the night, they are ready to be comfortably back in their own home.

Introverts will feel exhausted after they’ve spent time around a crowd of people. They may feel stressed out and need a quiet day to themselves afterward to recuperate.

5. They are Often Thought to be Shy (and this misconception happens often!)

By people who don’t know them well, introverts are often described as being shy. This is because they prefer to be quiet and reserved.

They think about what they want to say and consider it heavily before speaking, so they may not speak much. Small talk isn’t something they will enjoy, so they would rather sit quietly instead of participating in a conversation.

6. They are Introspective

Introverts are often daydreamers who plan things out in their mind before things into action. They won’t begin on any project until they have had a good amount of time to think it through.

Often, they spend time self-reflecting and learning more about the things on their mind. This allows them to understand themselves and their feelings better. They are highly interested in making progress on their interests, and they prefer to feel prepared and ready.

7. They Learn by Watching

Introverts prefer to learn by watching the task be done. Through repeated observation, they can focus on the motions until they can do the task on their own. If they are required to learn in a hands-on way, they prefer to do it alone until they perfect it.

8. They Work Better Alone

Introverts dread group projects and can become overwhelmed quickly when they have to participate in one. They can work better on their own because they can focus better, allowing them to work more effectively.

It’s not that introverts don’t work well with others, it’s just that they can focus better alone. Some of this could come from the socialization aspects because it can cause anxiety or distraction for an introvert.

Due to this, they tend to look for jobs that allow them to always work alone. They gravitate toward careers such as being a writer, accountant, programmer, graphic designer, or artist.

9. They Love Deeply

Introverts might shy away from falling in love quickly. But when they finally find someone special, look out! They love deeply and genuinely care about the people in their life. They keep their group of friends and loved ones small, and they highly value those relationships. This is one of the reasons that they love more deeply than extroverts.

Since they think things through so much, introverts like to show people how much they love them. They tend to do this by surprising their loved ones with small acts of kindness.

10. They Zone Out Often

This could be related to their introspective qualities. When they can, they will zone out to escape their current situation.

They let their mind wander from what they are supposed to be doing to what they would rather be doing. This happens most often when they are feeling overwhelmed or uncomfortable in the present environment. Others may think it means they are unfocused or being rude, but it’s a way of survival for the introvert.

11. They are Loyal

Introverts take a long time to get to know someone. They also keep their group of friends small. So, when you become close to them, they will always be loyal to you.

Since they have invested so much into the relationship, you can expect they won’t blow you off or betray you. They will also be extremely hurt if you betray them or end the friendship.

12. They Have a Close Group of Friends and Like to Keep it That Way

While they prefer to be alone, introverts do have close friends who they enjoy spending time with. They will keep their group of friends small, and will often resist new friends. It’s normal that they only have relationships that make them happy and are quality relationships.

13. They Like People to Make a Plan Before Coming Over

Introverts don’t like anything to be unexpected, but unexpected visitors are a big issue for them. Since they think things through so much, they tend to have plans for themselves. Unexpected visitors throw off their plans, and they may not have the energy to host anyone.

They want to plan for visitors and they have to prepare themselves for the company. It’s a big source of discomfort and annoyance to them when this isn’t how it works out.

14. Their Preferred Method of Communication is Through Writing

They are more comfortable writing their words than speaking them. This is especially true when they haven’t had time to prepare what they are going to say. They like to focus on their words and consider how it sounds, which is only possible through writing.

So while you won’t get many phone calls, expect lots of long text message to keep in touch!

15. They Don’t Answer the Phone

If they don’t recognize the phone number, they won’t ever answer the phone. Sometimes, even when they do recognize the number, they still won’t answer. They don’t like to talk in certain places or situations, so they’ll avoid all phone calls during those times.

Another reason they may avoid phone calls is that it could be interrupting a personal project they are working on. They also won’t answer if they are in a bad mood or thinking something through.

Plus, you have to remember that introverts don’t enjoy small talk. Oftentimes, phone calls require small talk and it makes them feel uncomfortable just thinking about it. To get ahold of them quickly, you will want to send a text message so they know what it’s about.

More to Know About Introversion

There are Different Levels

Not all introverts will exhibit every character trait associated with it. Sometimes they will have a few characteristics that are common to extroversion, but more of the qualities of an introvert. Their characteristics may also change as they grow older and they process things differently.

What Causes Introversion?

While no one is certain about what causes someone to be an introvert or extrovert, there are some ideas. There is some evidence that supports the idea that genetics plays a role in someone’s characteristics. Evidence also shows that it can depend on a person’s childhood and their environment.

Research shows that introverted brains work differently, and these folks have more blood flow to the frontal lobe of their brain. This is the part of the brain that helps with memory, problem-solving, and planning.

Introverted people are also affected by dopamine differently than those who are extroverted. Dopamine is a chemical in the brain that is directly related to pleasure and reward. For introverts, it creates a feeling of exhaustion and stress while extroverts become excited by it.

Final Thoughts on Character Traits That Reveal an Introvert>

Introverts share many of the same character traits, although they may not have all of the traits on this list. Knowing these character traits can help you understand introverts better, allowing you to communicate and interact appropriately.

Although they are much different than extroverts, introverts still like to spend time with extroverts. They enjoy going out once in a while, although they may want to be back home earlier. Even if they love solitude, they will participate in fun events and socialize regularly.

They tend to be more reflective, thoughtful, and loyal. Plus, they seem to love more deeply. If you have an introvert in your life, you should value the relationship and keep them around.

Lifestyle

Hospice Nurses Reveal 5 Regrets That People Make on Their Deathbeds

Hospice Nurses Reveal 5 Regrets That People Make on Their


You probably don’t sit around thinking much about death. Not many people do. But some nurses come face to face with death every day. They hear a great deal of dying people’s regrets. Rarely do nurses hear a dying person express sorrow over their living room color choices or the kind of car they drove. Their deathbed regrets are usually closer to the heart than this.

Hospice workers are often the last people to interact with the dying in their final moments. Here, hospice nurses reveal some of the musings of people who are making that transition.

What are the Top 5 Regrets People Make on Their Deathbed?

Here are some of the revelations that people make as they slip from the universe and into their next destination.

1 – Dying people have family regrets

One of the top regrets expressed by people on their deathbeds has to do with their family members. Dying people frequently wish they had spent more time with their kids, or their wife, or their siblings or their parents.

According to palliative care nurse Bonnie Ware, they wish they spent more of their time on family vacations instead of working all the time. They wish they had gone to visit their siblings in another state instead of making the excuse that it was too far away. These regrets are heartbreaking because many times, the people who need to hear these expressed regrets aren’t around anymore.  Or if they are still around, by now, the relationships are so broken that these last-minute regrets sound hollow to them. Family relationships are always messy, but when you don’t value your family, it gets even messier, and it ends up in endless regrets.

Lesson learned:

The take away from this regret, of course, is that you don’t need to end up with these regrets on your death bed. Learn from what nurses say is the most common regret shared by their dying patients. Value your family, take time off work to go on that family vacation or to play with your kids.

Visit your siblings in another state, even if it’s expensive and inconvenient. Be the one who initiates instead of waiting for the other person. Give your family your time and energy now while you still can so that in the end, you will have a free and clear conscience. You won have regrets because you did the best you could to make your family feel loved by you.

2 – People on their deathbed wish they had been a better person

It’s often not until it’s too late that people wish they had been nicer people. It’s weird how they don’t think about it until it’s really too late to do anything. Perhaps they wish they’d been a kinder, more patient, and more loving person.  They may apologize for their bad behavior towards their kids or wife for their failures. It brings them peace knowing their family heard their confession, but for the family, it’s often too little, too late. The years of being kinder, patient, and gentle are lost.

Some dying patients also express that they listened to their doctor and followed better health habits before it became too late. Nurse Jaime Lynn notes on Quora that this regret is prevalent among drug addicts and alcoholics in their final hours.

Lesson learned:

You never hear someone complain about their parent or spouse being too kind or too loving. “If my wife would just stop being such a caring person, I’d be much happier in my marriage,” will never be said. Sadly, you typically hear the opposite being said.  It’s never too late to begin being the kindest, most loving person you can be. Today could be the day you begin to love your family members more.  Perhaps you need to apologize to someone. Today is as ideal a day as any to do it. Don’t wait until you’re dying to say you love your kids or wife.

3 – People wish they had taken more risks

Hospice advocate Jaime Garrison mentions on Quora that some patients on their deathbed express regret over the things they didn’t do.

As people age, they often reminisce about what their life could have been. What f they had taken that overseas job, or went to medical school? They have lots of time to sit around to think and to wish they’d done some things differently. They regret not making some decisions.

Maybe they were dissuaded by their parents, who thought that risk-taking wasn’t wise. Or they were afraid of the unknown. These regrets are heard by nurses all the time. It’s sad because there’s nothing to be said except to reassure the dying person that they did their best they could at the time. No one gets a second go-around in life; no one gets a do-over.

Lesson learned:

It’s hard to know when you’re in the middle of making a decision whether you will wish you’d done things differently later on.  You weigh all the options, but making decisions isn’t a clear cut process every time. All you can do is to decide what seems right at the moment. If you’re making your decisions based on what you see and feel is right at the moment, you shouldn’t feel regret.

Evaluate your decision-making process. Are there things you’re not doing because of fear of taking a risk? Is there something you’d like to learn or do, but you’ve been putting it off? Take a tip from these dying people’s regrets. Don’t wait until it’s too late.  Do that thing you’ve been dreaming about.  If you fail, so what? Failure is not the worst thing that can happen in your life. Don’t be afraid to take risks. You will be glad you did when you’re older. You don’t want to be that person on your death bed full of regrets about all the what-ifs in your life.

4 – They missed opportunities to express their feelings

Drying people frequently have loose tongues. All at once, they are open about their feelings as well as regrets. Perhaps it’s their medication doing it,  but they suddenly wish they’d expressed their pent-up feelings to their loved ones. Sometimes people fear being honest with their family members, or they just don’t know how to express themselves. Some people are raised to keep feelings inside.

Whatever the reason, deathbeds are like confessionals. The dying have important things they want to say, and oftentimes, it’s just the nurses around to hear them. They want to share all the things they neglected to say for decades. Nurses can comfort these patients by telling them they did the best they could. But this won’t erase their regrets.

Lesson learned: 

It’s always better to say something than to hold your feelings inside. Not being honest about your feelings never helps anyone. Honestly, sharing your feelings doesn’t give you a license to vent your anger at people. It simply means you honestly but gently share how you honestly feel.

Maybe you’ve been disappointed that your friends or family didn’t support you through an especially difficult time in your life. Or perhaps there is someone in your life who you appreciate, but you’ve never expressed it to them to their face. Being open about your feelings can result in deeper, stronger relationships with people. Don’t wait until you are on your deathbed! Go ahead and express your feelings now.

5 – People on their deathbed wish they could offer forgiveness of an old wrong

People often carry old grievances well into their elderly years. Injustices, whether real or perceived by family members or friends, embitter their hearts and minds. It’s often not until they become sick on their deathbeds that they begin to view these grievances in a new light. Maybe cutting off that relationship wasn’t worth the pain? What if they had forgiven that person? Would they feel this regret?

Lesson learned:

Nurses say that dying patients say time and again that they wished they had forgiven someone. It’s one of the top five regrets these nurses hear. The lesson here, of course, is to consider your own relationships. Is there a person or people you need to forgive? Could you take the first step in healing a broken friendship? We can all learn from dying people’s regrets about forgiveness. You can work hard not to have this same kind of regret in your life.

Final Thoughts on Learning Lessons from People on Their Deathbeds

Rarely do you hear that someone’s dying regrets had anything to do with what their house looked like or what kind of clothes they wore? The importance of material things fades away when you are close to death. You have regrets about people in your life, rather than the things in your life. Your lingering thoughts and regrets drift to how you lived your life and who you loved and cared for.

The lesson learned from this list of five regrets is that life is short. Love your family and those around you the best you can. Take risks when appropriate; don’t fear failing.

Be a forgiving, kindhearted person. No one will ever complain about that. And last of all, say what you’re feeling instead of repressing it. Be generous in sharing your feelings of love and care for people. You’ll never have regrets about that.

The lessons learned from these dying patents’ lips should motivate you in how you live your life so that someday when you are in their position, you’ll be regret-free.

Lifestyle

Therapists Reveal How to Stay Positive When Your Partner is Irritating You

Therapists Reveal How to Stay Positive When Your Partner is


There’s something beautiful about having a partner that you’ve committed to for life. You get to spend every waking morning together and go to bed beside them at night. All that togetherness can be a bit too much for some people–sometimes ever irritating.

The cares of life can weigh heavily on your relationship, and there are times when your partner is getting on your nerves. It may not be about his or her actions. But it has everything to do with what’s going on in your life. How can you stay positive when your partner is irritating you to the point of an explosion?

Therapists work with people every day who have relationship problems. The tiniest of infractions can fester, causing arguments that last for days. Many people break-up and move on, and they don’t know what the problem was in the first place.

If your partner is getting on your nerves, you need to learn positivity in dealing with these situations. Here are some tips to help you keep from going over the edge.

•Realize Why They’re Irritating You

You’re human, so it’s only reasonable to shift the blame from one person to another. For instance, if a coworker made you upset at work today, then you may come home and take it out on your partner. Sometimes, even their heavy breathing can make you want to scream.

You must realize where your frustration is coming from, and never take it out on anyone else. Anger is the most natural emotion to show, and it’s so easy to show it to the wrong person.

•Do Not Resort to Childish Games

When someone is on your last nerve, it’s easy to want to call names, yell, or even not speak to them at all. Instead, why not effectively communicate the issue. If your partner leaves his or her dirty clothes on the floor beside the hamper rather than inside it, you can simply tell them how this is bothering you.

Never avoid speaking to them, leave angry, or make the situation worse. Act like an adult and get to the crux of the matter. Many people don’t even realize why they are getting on their partner’s nerves until the other person says something about it.

•Set Aside Time to Discuss Frustrations

One of the reasons why so many couples don’t make it is because they don’t have a good communication line. If your partner has little habits that drive you mad, you need to have an open dialogue about it. You should set aside a time each evening to talk.

Now, this time should not be reserved to point out all the wrong things that they’re doing, but it should be a time to talk about anything and everything. You need to tell them about work frustrations, problems with the kids, and the things that you both can improve on as a couple.

However, you mustn’t nitpick your partner. You don’t want to send them a text at work and tell them about the cap being off the toothpaste once again. Save all these little frustrations for discussion time. You can quickly drive them out of the door if you are constantly badgering them.

If you don’t have an active line of communication, don’t be surprised if your relationship doesn’t make it. Most conflicts can be resolved with effective communication. It helps to keep positivity in the union.

•Take Care of You

If your partner is annoying you, it might be because you haven’t had time to take care of yourself. You may tend to make mountains out of molehills when all you do is work. If you’re not getting enough sleep, meeting your deadlines, and feel like life is passing you by, then it’s easy to be aggravated by the smallest things.

Schedule a massage or a night out with your friends. With some rest and relaxation, you will be amazed at how much better you feel. The things that seem to bother you when you’re stressed out will probably be lessened when you are in a better place.

•Address an Underlying Mental Health Issue

Some things can be irritating to you because you have an underlying anxiety disorder. Did you know that anxiety can make you moody, irritable, grouchy, and a bear to be around? If you feel that you’re on edge often, it’s worth seeing a therapist.

You may have an anxiety issue that is causing you to be irritated by everything your partner does. In the spirit of positivity, you want to make sure their irritating ways aren’t only bothering you. For instance, do they drive you mad when they are crunching on potato chips or eating popcorn?

Misophonia is an anxiety-based condition that is aggravated by noise. So that chomping isn’t them being annoying, it’s your disorder kicking into overdrive. You can learn effective ways to manage this condition.

• Take a Walk

If your partner is doing something irritating, like turning the television up too loud, you may need to remove yourself from the room. The reason they may have the TV volume up so high is that they cannot hear it. While they may need hearing aids, it’s not something that you can take care of right now.

The best thing to do in this situation is to remove yourself. Go outside, take a walk, or sit on the porch and talk to one of your friends. When you take yourself away from the noise and chaos, then you will be able to refocus.

It’s not easy living with another person, and you will find that some days are worse than others. If they aren’t trying to annoy you, then just take a break. You will feel refreshed when you come back.

•Address Some Issues in the Moment

While you don’t want to be a nag, some things need to be addressed at the moment. For instance, if your partner is wearing shoes through the house, explain why this bothers you. There’s no need to wait for a specific time to talk when it’s something that you can address right now.

Rather than telling them all the reasons you’re upset, you can use science to back you up. Saying something like, “Did you know that when you wear shoes in the house, you are dragging in fecal matter and urine from dogs, not to mention all the other toxins on the ground?” You’re taking the focus off you and telling them a scientifically based reason why wearing your shoes in the house is terrible.

Plus, it’s incredibly irritating to have to clean up mud and shoe marks from the floors but blame it on science for the sense of positivity.

• Get Professional Help

Just because you’re in love with someone doesn’t mean that you will always like them. There may be times when you downright can’t stand them. If your union is worth salvaging from their irritating habits and the constant bickering, you need to see a therapist.

Therapists have a way to get to the crux of the matter and help you find effective methods for conflict resolution. Some issues are damaging to the relationship if they’re not dealt with immediately. Other situations boil and fester and put permanent wedges between people that are not repairable.

Therapy isn’t something that can fix everything, and it doesn’t work overnight. You both must commit to finding positive ways to deal with the irritations that are in your relationship.

• Learn Meditation

Meditation is a widely accepted Eastern treatment for what ails you. It helps to put the mind and body in perfect alignment as you learn to control your breathing. Did you know that you can learn simple forms of Meditation to stop a panic attack?

If you’re new to this art form, then using guided audio from the internet is easiest. However, Tibetan singing bowls are becoming increasingly popular in this country too. These bowls have a harmonious sound that brings an immediate focus and calm to your body.

Meditation helps you to rid negative energies that attach themselves to you during the day. For instance, you may have argued with a person at work, and all that negative drama is plaguing your mind when you get home. You can wash away the effects of that by simply meditating for a few minutes.

Final Thoughts on Overcoming the Irritating Parts of Your Relationship

There is no relationship without conflict and irritants. However, you must learn how to deal with these times positively for your union to last. When you look at people who’ve been married for 20 years or more, they have mastered the art of conflict resolution with their partner.

Lifestyle

12 Signs That Reveal You Are A Helicopter Parent

12 Signs That Reveal You Are A Helicopter Parent


Parents need to be involved in their child’s life. However, you can become over-involved, and it can do more harm than good. Don’t become a helicopter parent.

Did you know that you can stunt your kid’s development as well as damage their self-confidence when you do too much for them? You should enjoy parenting rather than be a bundle of nerves at every move they make.

You’ve probably heard of the term “helicopter parent.” However, it was a saying derived from a book written by Jim Fay and Foster Cline. The book’s goal was to highlight how a child’s development can suffer when a parent is overly involved in things that they should be doing for themselves.

Do you think that you’re a helicopter parent? Well, no one wants to admit their shortcomings. When did Americans become such hovering people? Gone are the after-school specials that scared children into walking the straight and narrow paths.

12 Signs You’re A Helicopter Parent

Has such negativity been ingrained into your brain that you’re afraid your child will open the door to a dangerous stranger, turn to drugs, or eat raw cookie dough and become deathly ill?

The cause isn’t as important as what these hovering, helicopter ways are doing to the next generation. If you think you may be suffocating your children? Here are some signs that you’re a helicopter parent that needs to get their anxiety in check.

1. You Pick Out Your Kids Clothes

It’s okay to pick out your children’s clothes for the first few years, but if you’re still picking out your preteen or teenagers’ clothes, you need to stop! Give your children a choice in what they wear to school or daily. While parents need to give some input about clothes for modesty, let them have the power to choose what they wear.

2. Your 5-Year-Old Has a SmartPhone

There is almost no reason that a young child needs a smartphone. If you gave your kindergartener a phone so that they can call you when you get to school, then your anxiety is in overdrive. Giving a child a phone at such a young age is only asking for trouble.

Additionally, do you know how many times they will lose or break a cell phone? It’s just not a good move to give a young kid a phone. Studies show that kids are ready for a phone between 10-13 years of age.

3. You Do Your Child’s Homework

Parents should always help their children with their homework. You must also realize that they are not going to do that art or writing project with the quality that you would. However, it would be best if you don’t do their work for them.

You must help them and show them what needs to be done on any assignment, but you should take a step back and let them do the work. If you’re completing your child’s work because you feel that they aren’t doing a good job, you may be a helicopter parent.

Science explains how lax parenting links to emotional disorders.

4. You Never Leave Your Kid Alone with Anyone

During the first couple of years of a child’s life, it’s reasonable to be at their beacon call. However, when your child is 12, and they still have never stayed with anyone but you, then there’s a problem.

You must understand that your anxious nature is keeping them from experiencing things beyond your control. Leave them with grandma, grandpa, or their other parent. You’re smothering this kid.

5. You Don’t Let Your Child Go to Anyone’s Home

The day and age we live in are scary. Sure, you must be cautious about turning your child loose at another person’s home. However, visiting a friend for playdates is an essential part of being a child.

While every household in your neighborhood is not safe for your child to be, there are plenty of other good parents who will watch over your little one. If your kid’s friends can only come to your house to play, you may be crossing the line.

Children need to experience how other people live, and you deny them some great memories if you don’t let them have these experiences.

6. You Placed Cameras All Over the House

Do you have cameras set all over the house, and there’s no good reason? It’s acceptable to have a couple of security cameras in your entrances for protection. However, there should never be a camera in the bathroom or your child’s bedroom.

Your children deserve some privacy. There is nothing that screams helicopter parents like watching your brood on HD 24 hours a day. It’s just not healthy behavior (for you or them!).

7. You Cut Up Your Preteens Food

Some foods should be cut into smaller bites to prevent a child from choking. It would be best if you never gave a three-year-old big piece of steak, chicken, or pork chops. However, if you’re still cutting the meat for your 13-year-old, then it’s an issue.

Teach your child the appropriate way to use a knife. Yes, they may cut themselves, but the chances are slim if you show them and let them do it in the right direction. Do you expect your child to go through life, never using a knife to cut their food?

8. You Don’t Let Your Child Ride the School Bus

Some younger kids love to ride the big yellow school bus. When they turn into teenagers, they would instead be taken to school. If your child is not allowed to ride the school bus because you are afraid of what might happen to them, you’re smothering them.

If there is a situation where they are being bullied or have an extra-long ride because you live far from the school, then those situations are different. You can’t live in fear of all the “what ifs” in life. Let them experience what it’s like to ride the bus, and let them decide if they like it or not.

9. Your Kid’s Teacher Frowns When You Enter the Classroom

You can and should be concerned about your child’s education. Teachers want more parents to be involved in the aspects of their kid’s schooling. However, they don’t want to hear all the 100s of things that they should do differently.

They also don’t want a weekly call or letter because you feel you must tell them all about how they give too much homework, or your child is uncomfortable in their classroom. Be involved, but not too involved in your kid’s education. Your behavior could backfire and make your child miserable.

Know the seven signs that expose childhood anxiety.

10. You Have CPS on Speed Dial

Helicopter parents often have CPS on speed dial as they are continually reporting minor offenses with other children. Of course, these offenses affect your child as this is a student or friend, and you feel it’s your civic duty.

While some situations should be reported when a child is in danger, someone giving a child a soda and candy bar for lunch is not worth calling the authorities.

11. You Clean Their Room

Your child needs to learn the responsibility of keeping their room clean. It’s acceptable to help a child under five with making their bed and such, but they can pick up their toys even at a very young age.

They need to know how to keep their room tidy as it will help them when they have their home in adulthood. You’re not always going to be there to pick up their dirty clothes and make their bed. Give your child the power to clean their space and hold them accountable for it.

12. You Fight Your Child’s Battles

Some children will keep bullying and other social situations from their parents because they’re afraid of how you will react. There are absolutely some situations where a parent must intervene on behalf of their child. However, you also need to allow them to work out their problems without your interference.

Remember, they will have to learn how to put the bully in their place as they will face them throughout life. You can’t always be there, and you won’t be there when they’re grown and facing the same situations at work. They must learn to tackle their giants without your interference.

Final Thoughts on Breaking the Cycle of Being a Helicopter Parent

You want your children to be well-rounded and successful in life. If you do too much for them and don’t allow them the freedom to make mistakes, you are doing them a great disservice. Many parents are smothering because they feel that they are not needed and want to be as important in their child’s life as they were as an infant.

Other parents are so full of anxiety and tension that they cannot imagine letting their child go regardless of age. You must get your hovering tendencies in check as you can cause your child development problems and socially stunt their growth. These harmful behaviors will follow them through life.

Your child will always need you, but you must learn how to step back and let them grow and learn as well as make mistakes.

Lifestyle

11 Behaviors That Reveal A Control Freak

11 Behaviors That Reveal A Control Freak


Are you a control freak? Chances are that if you have controlling ways, you don’t even realize the way you act. You probably believe that you are offering advice or constructive criticism to others that is necessary, but you don’t see your methods as dictating.

Do you tend to take over projects because you feel like no one else will do them right or as good as you? Controlling people have inner fears that they don’t know how to process, and they’re plagued with irrational thoughts.

The need to control comes from internal problems. These people feel weak, inferior, or not needed, so they must manage every aspect of their life. Do you or someone you love have issues with being controlling? Here are some signs that can help you to relate.

1. They Must Have the Last Word

A person with a controlling nature tends to be a know it all. Though they don’t say it, they believe that they are more intelligent and educated than everyone around them. They will never let you win an argument because they can’t be wrong.

These are the people that must always have the last word, and if they don’t get the final word in a conversation, then they will feel that the situation is unresolved. When trouble arises, they want to be the one who comes up with the solution. Being superior in everyone’s eyes is essential for their ego.

2. Their Schedule is the Only One That Matters

Do you get angry when there is the slightest change in your plans? One of the main signs that someone has a control issue is that they want everything done according to their schedule’s needs. Other prominent symptoms include having everything in place at home, and things must be done their way or the highway.

3. Correcting People is Essential

Errors are not allowed in a controlling person’s life. If a blunder should happen around this person, they will feel compelled to point out the error. Mistakes and things going wrong makes them feel extremely anxious, angry, and frustrated.

Whenever you’re in the presence of a control freak, they will use this as an opportunity to correct you or point out your wrongs. They won’t hesitate to let you know about anything you do that is incorrect, even sending misspelled words on a text. They won’t mind embarrassing you in public if it means making themselves look superior to you.

If they should find something you do as an error, you will never hear the end of it. Sadly, they don’t want to see you improve your life, so their advice isn’t coming from the right place. Rather, they want to show how they are exceptional in all ways, as they’re always right.

4. They Don’t Delegate

Controlling every situation is hard work, but these people aren’t good at delegation. They feel compelled to do everything themselves as they think no one else is qualified. These behaviors stem from trust issues.

If they should delegate a task, then they feel that it won’t be done with the same expertise that they can do it. Even if they should ask for help, they will probably show you how to do it and end up doing it all anyway. Or, they can also delegate a task and then pick apart the work you do.

A control freak will go over something time and again looking for errors. You may hear them make remarks like, “Am I the only person who can get things done right around here?”

5. They Want to Change Others

A control freak believes that they know the best way for everyone, and they tend to be a bit narcissistic. They want everything done their way, and they are not against using manipulation tactics to accomplish their goal. They are superior at micromanaging others as they have a strict set of expectations.

Sometimes this person comes off as forceful when things aren’t done their way. They use passive-aggressive tactics to discourage you from doing things that they don’t approve of. Their words of advice come off as they care about you when they only want you to conform to their methods.

6. They’re Not Team Players

Working as a team player can be hard when you are controlling. Individuals working as a group doesn’t allow the control freak to assert their authority. These people are usually the leaders in any group, and they will dictate how others in the unit should behave.

7. They’re Moody

You may notice mood fluctuations if you or someone you love is a control freak. The mood swings come from being on edge and stressed out about frustrations in life. Remember, these people have underlying insecurities that cause them to feel chronic failures. Their desire for perfection can take them to the breaking point.

8. They’re Judgement and Critical

You will find that control freaks are judgmental and critical. There’s almost nothing they don’t have an opinion about. They don’t view their thoughts as thoughts, but they are fact.

Anyone who doesn’t agree with the person who must control every situation is wrong. No one can ever live up to their high expectations, and even if they try, they will find a reason to criticize it. People may view this person as hypocritical.

In defense of the controlling person, they have no control over their demeaning methods. It’s an instinct, and they don’t know any other way. Many people will see them as negative, so having a relationship with them seems to be impossible.

9. They Will Never Admit They’re Wrong

One of the most annoying traits of a controlling problem is that they will never admit that they are wrong. Even if they have been caught, getting them to realize it is next to impossible. Rather, this person will shift the blame onto others to make themselves look good.

While they won’t hesitate to call you out on your wrongdoings, when the shoe is on the other foot, they can’t take criticism. Their bruised and frail ego must be protected, so admitting they’ve done wrong will never happen. They worry about how others perceive them, so they will never admit a mistake even if they’re caught.

10. They Micromanage Others

Do you need to know what everyone is always doing around you? If so, then you are probably a controlling person. As a manager, this individual needs to be copied on every email and take the time to read each one. They are often demanding and will stop at nothing to have their expectations met.

11. They’re Perfectionists

Controlling every situation often makes these folks a perfectionist. They fear what others think about them, so the quest for perfection is driven by the desire to be superior. They must achieve flawlessness in their eyes so that others also see them that way.

The only way they can accomplish this goal is by controlling every aspect of their life. Their lawn must be the most manicured and greenest on the block, and they will only drive the latest and greatest automobiles. It’s all about keeping other’s perceptions in superior lighting.

Final Thoughts on Dealing with the Control Freak in Your Life

It’s easy to be resentful of people who are controlling. Someone who is controlling is fighting inner demons that you cannot see. Do you see some of these characteristics in your life?

The need to control almost always comes from previous traumas that have left a person vulnerable. They may have been abused as a child and have developed coping mechanisms to get through adulthood. How others view them is extremely important to these folks because they felt inferior and substandard somewhere in their lives.

If someone you love is displaying these manipulative behaviors, then you need to talk to them. The longer these behaviors continue, the more resentment you will build towards this individual. If you find that you have these cunning ways, then you should explore the reasons why.

Belittling people and exerting control over others are signs that a fundamental issue must be handled. Thankfully, a controlling person can tackle the problems that bother them and learn to let go of the need for perfection.

Life is not perfect, nor will it ever be. There are always going to be things that are beyond your control. However, you can learn coping skills to handle these situations in a positive manner. You don’t want to hurt or belittle people as it only cuts down their self-worth.

When things feel like they are out of control, it’s okay to ask for help. It’s also okay to admit when you think that you’re in over your head or that you don’t know how to do something. People don’t look at others as inferior when they need assistance; rather, they look at them as human beings.

Lifestyle

4 Behaviors That Reveal Someone Is Acting Like A Victim »

4 Behaviors That Reveal Someone Is Acting Like A Victim


Victim mentality refers to a state of continually feeling as though the world has wronged you. This mindset often comes with a self-centered view. Worse, it indicates that every bad thing that occurs stems from something that is “out to get you.”

This way of thinking is extremely unhealthy and toxic. Furthermore, it’s unfortunately common among those who have been at the hands of abuse or other toxic situations. Still, dealing with someone who continually considers themselves a victim can be draining. Moreover, it is not something you have to put up with. Here are four behaviors that reveal someone is acting like a victim.

1.      They Have Lots Of Negative Self-Talk

Low expectations of oneself and a habit of “putting oneself down” are surefire signs that someone has a victim mentality. People who do this usually end up with a “why bother?” approach to life, simply not caring enough to do things for themself. They instead rely upon other people to do something for them, draining the energy of those who try to help. Negative self-talk causes people to expect failure, and positive thinking is nearly impossible for them.

·         Negative Self-Talk

Those who have a victim mentality often believe that the challenges they face are direct reflections of their inability. This idea usually becomes internalized, with thoughts such as “I’m just unlucky, nothing I do works” and “Why bother, I can’t succeed anyways.” becoming a core part of their psyche.

The more negative events happen, the more deeply these beliefs are entrenched in the outlook of the victim. Eventually, they will become unable to get back up again after being knocked over because they erode their self-confidence with constant negative self-talk.

·         Self-Sabotage

Usually, self-sabotage links closely to negative self-talk. Through constant negative self-talk, the victim begins to believe that they are simply unfavored by fortune.. And so they start to sabotage their actions to reinforce that belief subconsciously.

However, positive self-talk has the opposite effect – the person begins to believe they can succeed, and so they do reach for the stars. This confidence is the basis of the adage “fake it ’til you make it.”

·         No Self-Confidence

A lack of self-confidence is another sign of a victim mentality. Those who view themselves as victims may think things such as “I’m not good enough to get a better job” or “I’m not smart enough to succeed.”

This mentality may prevent the victim from even attempting to improve and develop, causing their lives to become stagnant, which causes further self-victimization.

·         A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

A person with a victim mentality may, through force of will, attempt to improve. Usually, this results in them breaking through their self-imposed limits through positive thinking and becoming free.

However, if the victim fails, their mentality may become worse. The failure maybe because they expect to fail. This mindset sets up a self-fulfilling prophecy through self-sabotage. Their negative outlook may make it difficult for them to envisage a scenario in which they succeed, meaning that many victims cannot succeed simply because they don’t believe they can.

2.      They Compare Everything

Those who have a victim mentality often compare themselves to others, for various reasons. Often, they exaggerate differences between themselves and others, claiming that they are disadvantaged or that another person has it much better than them. These people loathe acknowledging that they are not as badly off as they think they are.

·         They Criticize Everything

Those who have a victim mentality frequently put others down in addition to putting themselves down by comparing others to an impossible ideal instead of appreciating how things are. This communication is similar to negative self-talk but directed at others. This dialogue occurs because the victim feels pleasure and a sense of superiority from masking their insecurities with insults and criticism of others.

To be more positive, the victim should instead take their energy and build others up, instead of tearing them down – what goes around, comes around!

·         They Are Always Comparing Themselves To Others

The victim may also compare themselves to others, usually viewing themselves in a pitying and negative light. They perceive their flaws as much more significant and debilitating than they are, and ignore others’ shortcomings. This thinking provides a platform for the victim to claim that life is simply unfair to them.

The truth is that everyone has some flaws, but everyone also has their strengths. To think more positively, the victim should try to recognize that they have their talents and abilities, and use them to their full potential.

·         They View Their Life As Lacking

A person with a victim mentality will usually look for the worst aspects of an event – be pessimistic, in other words. Instead of enjoying what they have, someone with a victim mentality frequently compares reality to what may be. This causes bitterness and resentment when the victim should be celebrating.

The victim ignores the positive sides of what’s happening and focuses exclusively on what’s missing. The victim then complains about what’s missing, then complains about complaining because of their negative self-talk, and so on. This is a very vicious cycle and only through positive thinking can one break free from a victim mentality and see the brighter side of life, and truly appreciate what one has.

3.      They Never Take Responsibility

Never taking responsibility is a classic sign of a victim mentality. The victim refuses to accept the possibility that they contributed to their problems, preferring to cast the blame on others instead. They deflect any accusations or suggestions that they are responsible for their issues and ignore that they contribute to their problems. The victim does not overtly say that they are a victim of circumstances, but they instead indirectly suggest that they are.

Often, bad things do happen, even to people who have done nothing to deserve them. Everybody is likely to face at least some difficulties in their lives that are not of their own doing, but those who face many challenges usually begin to believe that the world is “out for them.” This may become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and this often results in the victim refusing to take any responsibility for their circumstances when they are the only person to blame for their failure.

Losing jobs is an excellent example of this mindset.

People frequently lose jobs through no fault of their own, as the company merely is laying off employees. However, it is also the case that there might also be underlying factors in play. For example, the employee may have lost their job because they are the least productive amongst their peers, or have a poor attitude. Someone who refuses to acknowledge these underlying factors is someone who cannot grow as a person, unless they change their perspective and embrace positive thinking, instead of feeling entitled.

In life, every happening is an opportunity to learn and improve. People with a victim mindset cannot see this, and instead, cause themself to believe that they are entirely innocent and that they are a victim of circumstances. If the victim stops deflecting blame, the victim will become a more positive person and will be able to avoid similar situations in the future.

4.      They Are Stuck

Someone with a victim mentality is usually stuck in the past. They view themselves as unable to enact change, or that the effort required to change isn’t worth the outcome. Therefore, they make no attempts to improve or advance in their life, instead preferring to embrace familiarity and stagnancy. The victim always makes excuses for why they’re stuck. That’s because they blame external factors such as family or the economy. Rarely do they admit that they simply aren’t willing to put the effort in to improve.

The victim refuses to let the past go, instead deciding to hold onto grudges and past grievances like a concealed weapon. They play a grievance like a card when someone tries to hold the victim accountable for something. The victim will usually bring up the past as an excuse for why they cannot change. This prevents the victim from moving on with their life, as they are shackled to the past and mired in memories. They can release themself by:

·         Letting Go Of Grudges

By letting go of their grudges, the victim can finally heal and improve. Being positive instead of bitter is one of the only ways to learn from mistakes and become a better person.

Bitterness is just holding the victim back and preventing them from moving on with their life. This anger does nothing to hurt the people who the grudges are against. Whilst this may be difficult, seeing a therapist may help the victim get out of their negative mentality. Counseling might help them embrace a more positive way of thinking.

·         Ceasing Blame

Blaming others removes control from the victim, whilst letting go of the past returns it to the victim. Getting their power and control back allows the victim to escape from their self-imposed prison and enjoy life again. So releasing the pent-up resentment is one of the best ways for a victim to get back on track and start living in the present again.

If the victim brings up the past, hold them accountable for their flaws and actions. Also, try to convince them to hold themselves accountable, too.

·         Being Aware Of Small Efforts and Results

The victim needs to be aware that even a small effort can yield an enormous improvement, instead of believing that trying is useless. To help the victim, help the person make a shortlist of small, achievable goals that they can make to get on track to a healthier mindset.

Final Thoughts On Some Behaviors That Reveal Someone Is Acting Like A Victim

People who play the victim with regularity are often passing on the toxicity from their former experiences onto their current relationships. Though many of these issues come from understandable and sympathetic causes, that doesn’t excuse current behaviors of entitlement or negativity.

Being able to recognize when someone is acting like a victim can help you avoid difficult situations with regular victim-players. You are under no obligation to do so. However, you can also help them to overcome their victimhood with some of the methods outlined with each behavior. Just remember to keep your own mental health in check before attending to the needs of others!

 

Lifestyle

Therapists Reveal 14 Red Flags of a Doomed Relationship

Therapists Reveal 14 Red Flags of a Doomed Relationship


You’ve seen it happen–what looks like a relationship made in heaven suddenly fizzles. You wonder what happened. How can you prevent this from happening to your relationship?  So, what are 15 red flags of a doomed relationship?

Love is healthy for you. According to one study, love activates parts of your brain that reduce your stress levels and gives you a sense of pleasure. That’s powerful. But sometimes a relationship goes wrong, turning into a toxic relationship. This process doesn’t happen overnight. Like a balloon slowly losing air, the bond deflates over time.

Here are 14 red flags that reveal a doomed relationship

Here is advice on how to cope with your toxic love life.

1 – Loss of friendship

Many people dismiss the idea that you can be good friends with your partner. They assume that means there’s no romance. But you can maintain your passion and be good friends with your partner. In fact, these kinds of relationships last longer because of their deep friendship. Friendship involves respect, care, and loyalty. These qualities are beneficial to romantic relationships as much as they are to friendship. Often, the longer couple is together, the more their friendship and romance grows.

2 – No honest communication

Studies show for a relationship to be long-lasting, there must be honest communication. Shallowness reveals a lack of genuine desire to grow the relationship. Talking honestly about your feelings makes you vulnerable.

If your partner isn’t willing to go deep, it could be a sign they’re not in the relationship for the long haul. There is the possibility your partner isn’t comfortable talking about their feelings. They may want to go deeper, but they don’t know where to start.

You can help by asking the right questions. Don’t try to ask all of them at once. Ask one or two questions at a time.  Don’t interrogate, have a desire to learn and listen. Here’s a list of 12 talking points to spur more in-depth conversations with your partner.

  • What part of our relationship makes you happy?
  • What’s your biggest fear related to our relationship?
  • What does love mean to you?
  • What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? Why?
  • What’s your favorite memory of our relationship so far? Why?
  • What’s one thing you want to ask me, but are scared to ask? (I promise not to get angry)
  • What do you think is a strength in our relationship? A weakness?
  • If you could change our relationship in one way, what would that be?
  • What bad thing has happened to you that has turned into a positive blessing?
  • If you had a billion dollars, what would you do with it?
  • What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you? Why?
  • What’s the best thing that’s happened to you? Why?

3 – Secretive emails, phone calls or text

Keeping secrets is never a good sign in a relationship. Hidden conversations make you feel left out and not valued. It’s tempting to think your partner is cheating on you. Being secretive hurts your relationship’s trust and sense of protection.

If your partner is sending or receiving secretive texts or emails, ask them if you can talk to them. In an inquiring, calm way, ask them about the secrets. If they say it’s not a big deal or accuse you of stalking them, they’re not taking you or your relationship seriously. Secrets divide, they don’t promote faithfulness.

4 – Make decisions without talking to your input

If your partner makes a big decision without talking to you first, this is a sign of a doomed relationship. Decisions like large money purchases, or a vacation, buying or selling a house, or where to spend the holidays are significant.  Big decisions should be discussed between a couple because they affect both people.

Independent decisions like these are often a subtle way of saying they’re disinterested. If your partner is doing this, ask them why. Don’t accuse, but calmly tell them what they’re doing is hurtful and confusing. If they defend their right to be independent, you may want to rethink for you to reconsider the relationship.

5 – Loss of respect

Respect is a foundational part of any relationship. Respect means to admire or esteem. If you respect someone, you consider their feelings, rights, and wishes. Respecting one another builds trust and loyalty in your relationship. Toxic relationships lack respect. A partner who doesn’t respect you will try to control you. Don’t stay in a relationship that lacks mutual respect. It’s headed for disaster, and you will eventually get hurt.

6 – Sarcasm and toxic humor

Having a good sense of humor is vital in a relationship, but toxic jokes at the expense of your partner do harm. Sarcasm about your partner’s looks, abilities, or feelings causes deep wounds. This kind of humor is toxic to a relationship. It tears and destroys. Some people bring this type of sarcasm into a relationship because they’ve never seen a relationship built on mutual trust and love.

If you’re doing this, it may be helpful to seek professional counseling to help you heal from your hurts and learn how to relate in a healthy way to your partner. If your partner is using sarcasm or toxic humor against you, you may need to draw a line.

Never stay in a relationship where you are belittled, mocked, or made fun of. This feeling isn’t healthy. Your partner may apologize or say they were just kidding, but this is weak. Toxic humor is never a joke.

7 – Anger or manipulation

Another component of a toxic relationship is anger and manipulation. Anger tears down relationships. It’s a profoundly destructive way to relate, leaving fear and mistrust in its wake.

Manipulation is forcing someone to do what you want without them realizing your real motive. It’s deceitful and just a desire to have power. Manipulation is sometimes seen in the way a man relates to women. But women aren’t exempt.

They may manipulate with pouting or being overly sensual. It’s still an attempt to get what you want using different methods. It’s immature, and a shallow way to treat your partner. Both anger and manipulation are big red flags of a doomed, unhealthy relationship.

8 – Differing values

Many relationships start excellent, but as time goes on, differing values get in the way of the relationship. Things like family, religion, self-discipline, i.e., exercise and eating, self-improvement in career or education, money, and children are significant values you bring into your relationship.

When you get past the early stages, you may find yourself on different pages when it comes to family or going to church or career choices. Your values are part of who you are. If your partner doesn’t value what you value, it may work out.

Instead of being a couple, you will be two independent people living together. If you and our partner lack common values, this could be a red flag that your relationship won’t last.

9 – Not resolving conflicts

Minimizing conflicts, or pretending like everything is okay, isn’t healthy in a relationship. Over time, things will start to decay and erode your affection towards one another. All couples have conflicts. It’s a normal part of being in a relationship.

What’s important is how you solve your conflicts. Learn how to have a fair fight. Fair fights have boundaries. These boundaries include

  • Stay calm, don’t erupt into anger.
  • Don’t use the word “always.” No one “always” does anything…
  • Never threaten to leave or move out.
  • Don’t change topics, stick on a theme for each conflict even if you think another issue relates.
  • Never name call or belittle the other person.
  • Listen, don’t interrupt even if you don’t like what they’re saying.
  • Repeat back what you thought they said, “I think I heard you say…” If you aren’t getting it right, have them explain again what they meant.
  • Say you’re sorry, then ask them to forgive you.
  • Find common ground where you agree.
  • Pick what’s worth arguing about and what isn’t. Putting someone’s dirty dishes in the dishwasher may not be worth having a significant conflict over.

If everything you discuss turns into a big conflict, this is a red flag that you’re in a domed, toxic relationship.

10 – Not willing to sacrifice

Being in a relationship involves self-sacrifice. Self-sacrifice isn’t a dirty word. It’s defined as giving up one’s self-interest to help others. It means you care for someone else besides your self. It could be demonstrated by you giving up your favorite television show to help your partner with paint the livingroom.

Or you coming up with some great craft ideas for your partner’s children who come over for the weekend. Giving up your time, energy, and love for your partner’s sake deepens your relationship. If your partner isn’t willing to give up things for your sake, it should be a big red flag.

11 – Being critical

Partners who are picky about your clothing, your hair, or your career, aren’t in love with you. They are in love with the image they want to project. True acceptance means loving a person for who they are, not what you want them to be. It doesn’t mean you can’t make suggestions or share ideas, but being critical about these things shows you aren’t accepted.

Critical people are never happy. They critique everything you do and say. This nit-picking is deadly to a relationship. Sadly, negative people rarely see their faults, because they’re too busy pointing out everyone else’s flaws. You can try to point this out, but you will probably get corrected for it. This habit is a red flag that you’re in, a toxic relationship that is sure to fail.

12 – Flirting with other people

Flirting with other people while in a relationship speaks volumes. It’s a red flag if your partner is doing this. Never think that’s just the way she is, or it’s not that bad. Public flirting with someone else is a slap in your face.

Never accept a weak excuse like, “I was just having fun” or “it’s nothing, why are you making such a big deal of it.” This excuse is deflecting and being dishonest. Your partner is showing you they aren’t as committed to the relationship as you are.

13 – Acting single

If your partner acts like they’re single, that’s a red flag. If they more I more than we, it reveals they aren’t into the relationship. Going places without inviting you along, or choosing to do things without telling you indicates your partner isn’t ready for a committed relationship but probably want to stay single.

14 – Loss of affection

If your relationship lacks affection, it’s headed in the wrong direction. Affections and intimacy is a big part of a genuine connection. Hugging, kissing, cuddling, or snuggling up with your partner is healthy and demonstrates love. If this is lacking, you are little more than roommates. Don’t fall into this trap; find ways to initiate affection with your partner every day.

If you are the only one initiating affection, it may be useful to find out why. Some people had poor examples of a healthy relationship growing up. They need to learn how to be affectionate. But if your partner is unwilling to be tender, this could be a bad sign of a doomed relationship.

Strong women will never accept these behaviors in a relationship.

Final thoughts on recognizing that you are in a doomed relationship

If you recognize these signs, all hope is not necessarily lost. If both you and your partner can commit to reconnecting and strengthening your bonds, you can try to heal. However, sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to recognize that it is time to cut the cord on a doomed relationship.

Lifestyle

15 Red Flags That Reveal a Toxic Relationship

15 Red Flags That Reveal a Toxic Relationship


Relationships are supposed to be a safe place, full of love and acceptance. However, that’s not always the case. Some people are in relationships full of toxicity and don’t even know it for fear of being alone or simply not knowing what real love feels like. If you are questioning your relationship, here are 15 red flags that reveal a toxic relationship.

15 Things That Reveal You Are in a Toxic Relationship

1. Constant Arguing

There is arguing in every relationship. That’s normal. However, when you start to notice you and your partner arguing almost every day, that’s the sign of a toxic relationship. You and your partner should be able to interact civilly in just about any situation.

It’s also a serious problem when you keep arguing about the same thing every single day. It shows that you have continued issues that aren’t getting better.

2. Walking on Eggshells

How do you feel when your spouse comes home every day? Are you excited, or does your stomach drop when you see their car pull into the driveway? This, in itself, can offer a lot of information about the relationship. When your partner is home, you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable around them for fear of triggering them in some way.

You should be able to say and do what you would normally do when they aren’t there. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them constantly, you need to find a healthier situation.

3. Diminishing Your Education/Career

You have put a lot of work into where you are at this point in your life. You should feel proud of your accomplishments. Your partner should also feel proud of your accomplishments and encourage them.

It’s a sign of a toxic relationship if your partner constantly puts down your progress in life or discourages continued progress, such as going back to school or fighting for that promotion. Some mates do this to remain in control, and you need to find someone who isn’t threatened by your success.

4. Intimacy Makes You Uncomfortable

It can be fun to experiment in the bedroom. However, your partner should never try to talk you into sex that you aren’t 100% on board with. If you feel odd or don’t like the idea at all, that should be the absolute end of the discussion. If they continue to try to get you to do things you don’t want to do, that’s sexual abuse.

Plain and simple. even if you find yourself giving in, you should not blame yourself.

However, you should avoid doing it again in the future. Make your desires clear. If your spouse isn’t okay with your comfort level, you may not be meant to be together. Also, you should feel okay ending any interaction you are not happy with, even if you agreed to it in advance.

5. Forgetting Important Dates/Events

When something is important to you, such as a birthday, anniversary, or graduation, it should also be important to your significant other. If your partner forgets these important dates regularly or makes absolutely no effort, it could be a sign that they just don’t care about you very much.

If they cared, they would put in the effort to make you happy. This can be especially frustrating when you go out of your way to be there for their big days.

6. A Toxic Relationship is Emotionally Draining

A relationship should feel light and easy. It shouldn’t be especially draining and difficult. If it feels like a struggle to keep the relationship going for more than just a couple of instances, that’s the sign of a toxic relationship.

The truth of the matter is certain things don’t fit together. No matter how hard you try, you will never get a square to go through a circle. If the relationship feels draining and difficult, it might be time to move on.

7. Constant Criticism

No one is perfect. However, your partner should emphasize the good parts of you instead of the bad. Your partner shouldn’t criticize you regularly about your appearance or anything else. They especially shouldn’t do this in public. It shows a lack of respect for you. It can also be embarrassing. However, this doesn’t mean they can’t ever offer constructive criticism when alone if you ask for it.

8. Isolation From Friends and Family

Friends and family are your support system. When you are in a toxic relationship, your friends and family may notice before you do. They may even voice these concerns. When this happens, your significant other may attempt to limit your communications with these people. You need someone who encourages your relationships and does what they can to get into their good graces.

9. Failure to Take Responsibility

Everyone needs to take responsibility for the things they do. This includes both you and your paramour. If your partner refuses to take responsibility for their part in any of your arguments, it can mean you are in a toxic relationship.

Your spouse should be okay with admitting when they do something wrong during an argument. However, saying sorry doesn’t always make the situation better if they take things too far.

10. Financial Abuse

Money can be quite problematic in a relationship. One person may make significantly more than the other person. When this happens, the person who makes less may even take advantage of the other person’s money. If you end up paying for everything, that can cause resentment. It’s even worse when the partner has their own money but simply expects you to pay for things.

It’s financial abuse, and it’s a drain on you. In the end, you’re likely better off without someone spending all of your money for you without contributing to the relationship yourself.

11. Codependency and the Toxic Relationship

Not all toxic relationships have a strong disconnect. In fact, some toxic couples are extremely close- too close. You and your significant other should have some independence in the relationship. You should be able to do things on your own and have your own life.

When you get too caught up in a relationship, you may lose yourself along the way. This can lead to you not doing things to improve your own life.

12. Lying

Couples should be honest with each other. This is the only way to promote trust. Trust is absolutely necessary for a relationship. If your partner lies constantly, how are you possibly going to be able to trust them? One innocuous lie doesn’t necessarily mean that you are in a toxic relationship.

However, serious lies and continuous lies are actually a form of emotional abuse. You do not need to have someone play with your head in that way regularly.

13. Addiction

When your significant other struggles with addiction, you may not want to give up on them right away. You may choose to fight with them and be a support system. However, you can only put up with so much. You shouldn’t be forced to deal with someone who steals, lies, and continues to relapse after countless broken promises.

At a certain point, the relationship isn’t fair to you. You need to let them continue their journey on their own. Hopefully, losing you will be a wake-up call for them and help encourage them to get sober.

Remember, they make a choice to use drugs or drink alcohol. So it is their addiction and not yours!

14. Controlling Behavior

Some relationships have someone who likes to “wear the pants.” Sometimes, the person who sees themselves as in charge may use this power to establish control over the other person. This control can come in the form of checking your phone constantly or telling you what to wear.

They may also demonstrate some serious jealousy issues that result in problems when you talk to coworkers or friends they may see as a threat. The controlling behavior is a sign of emotional abuse, and you should make some serious changes or leave the relationship immediately.

15. Physical Violence

Physical violence should never be tolerated, especially not in a relationship. A relationship should be a safe and comfortable place- not dangerous. If your partner hits you or threatens physical violence, you should leave immediately. Do not question it or try to work on things.

There are a number of resources for people who need to leave an abusive relationship, so don’t think you are stuck. There are ways to leave, no matter how bad the abuse may be. Stay strong and do it for yourself and any children.

Final Thoughts on Identifying You’re in a Toxic Relationship

If you experience a number of these red flags, you need to make a change right away. One of the first things to do is determine if the relationship is worth working on. Any physical violence should be a sign that you need to leave immediately. If you do think the relationship is salvageable, consider going to therapy. If things don’t change soon, it may be time to look for someone you are more compatible with.

Lifestyle

10 Behaviors That Reveal Someone is a Manipulator (And How to Defend Yourself)

10 Behaviors That Reveal Someone is a Manipulator (And How


Life is hard enough without having a negative person always around putting down you and everyone else. You want a friend that can pick you up and make you feel better about yourself and situations. Additionally, relationships can never be one-sided. You need someone that cares as much about what you have to say as you care about them. A manipulator is a master at the game.

It may be exceedingly difficult for you to identify their character from your first meeting. However, the best way to spot someone who uses manipulation is by the way they make you feel.

Usually, the process goes on, and you’ve become so trapped in their lives that you don’t know how to cut ties and run. Though you want to get away, these people will do anything they can to keep you entangled into their web. Sadly, one of the biggest problems with becoming involved with this person is that they won’t let you go.

They continue to use their games and tricks to keep you entwined in their messy life. If you are involved with a person that you think maybe manipulating you, then here are some signs.

10 Behaviors That Reveal a Manipulator

1. They Justify Their Actions

If you are involved with a toxic person, then they make all their wrongdoings seem like the only option they had. They have a way of winning you over because they make you feel that they made the right decision.

The problem is that most of them aren’t truly listening to what you had to say, they just want you to see their point of view regardless of what you think or feel.

2. They Play The “Dumb” Card

Toxic people need constant help, and they will drain the energy right out of you. When someone calls them out on it, they will act like they haven’t the faintest clue what you are talking about.

If they solicit your advice about a situation and you give them an answer they don’t like, they may take the stance that they can make whatever choices they want as it’s their life. They would never value your advice anyway as it might damage their high self-confidence level.

3. They Lie and Tell Half-Truths

A half-truth is a whole lie. A manipulative person will use the truth to their advantage. They will leave out the information that might expose them or their misdeeds. They justify this in their mind feeling that it’s better than just lying straightforward.

They will skirt the truth more than a person facing a life sentence in a court of law. They don’t want to pay for their crimes or have themselves exposed as anything less than perfect. Remember, at the crux of most of these people’s lives is trauma that has changed their brain patterns. Some might say it’s a defense mechanism.

4. They Will Put You on A Guilt Trip

A manipulator loves to put you on a guilt trip by making themselves look innocent. If you’re busy with work or your family and don’t have time for this person, they can turn on the guilt and try to make you feel that you’re not there when they need you.

Many people find that they put their own needs on the back burner to attend to this toxic person and their desires. The schemer needs someone to give them advice and soothe their guilty conscience, which they are not going to listen too anyway.

narcissist

5. They Redirect and Change the Subject Often

All the lies that the con artist tells you will come back and bite them at some point. If you confront them on something they have said or done, they will try to change the subject into something else. Their goal is to steer the conversation to what they want to talk about and their needs.

Even if you start to talk about your life, they will quickly change the subject back to themselves. Though they may like having you listen to them, their needs are the only ones that they care about fulfilling.

6. They Are Full of Insults About Others

Some people don’t like to be around a manipulator because they are rude and sometimes abrasive. It’s not the same kind of fun that you would have when you are poking at someone. Instead, they take their jabs and blatant insults to the extreme level, and it seems that they don’t know how or when to stop.

They often use this uncouthly tactic when they are in a social setting. They are like a high school bully that still loves to make fun of others and make others feel smaller than them by using harsh words. They are not an excellent person to hang around within a social environment.

7. They Play the Victim

A manipulator loves to turn things around and make themselves the victim. They can talk or guilt you into doing or buying something that you wouldn’t ever consider. The fact is that they are using you, and they are not a true friend.

Their lies only have one goal: to manipulate you to give them what they want. They may borrow money, ask you to buy things for them, or even ask you to babysit or do other significant tasks consistently.

8. They Alienate Many People

Because a manipulator is a bully, they will often have few friends. Additionally, they may have few family members that are involved in their life either. When they spread rumors, call names, and act immaturely, it causes many people to alienate themselves from them.

There are many different ways that a person establishes their dominance. The sad fact is that this person is suffering from low self-esteem and needs to make others feel bad to make themselves feel good.

9. They Always Blame Others

Should you ever have a concern about this person or their behaviors, you will find that they blame someone else for the issue. It’s always someone else’s fault. It can be mind-numbing trying to deal with a person that will not accept any guilt.

These people are so adamant that they are innocent that even if you catch them red-handed, they will still find someone else to blame. Schemers are faultless.

10. They Can Turn on You Quickly

While you may like the person who has manipulative ways, don’t ever think that they are your friend. If you don’t see things their way at any time, they can turn on you in an instant.

They will use any dirt they have learned about you to make you take the fall for ending your relationship. Remember, they are not capable of loving and having a healthy connection with anyone until they get help.

Comebacks for The Manipulator

If you are in a situation where you have no choice but to deal with a manipulative person, then you may want to learn some techniques to handle them. Here are a few things you can say to put them in their place kindly.

1. Use the Words “I Need”

“I need you to stop insulting me, and you will speak to me with kindness, or we won’t speak at all.” By using the term “I need,” you are throwing them for a loop. They see everything in this world revolves around their wants and needs, so when you turn the tables, you will show them how you expect to be treated.

2. Give Directions with the Words “You Need.”

A great way to put someone in check is to tell them that their emotional state is off. When you start any sentence with “You need,” then they are going to listen. A manipulative person doesn’t want to hear about what they need to do.

You should let them know that you are not going to engage in their behaviors unless they calm the fear or anger down.

3. Say Nothing at All

If you find that a person has crossed ethical barriers and has made you feel bad, then the best thing to do is walk away. You could stand there and defend yourself, but you’re wasting your breath.

They have a skewed view of the world where everyone is against them. They promote themselves from within to make up for this low self-worth. Sometimes, you say it best when you say absolutely nothing at all.

Final Thoughts on Handling a Manipulator

It’s difficult dealing with a manipulator. You want to be their friend and try to like them, but they give you 101 reasons to walk the other way. If you have no choice and the manipulator is a relative or colleague, then using some of the techniques above can help you to put their behavior in check.

Life is hard enough without having a negative person always around putting down you and everyone else. You want a friend that can pick you up and make you feel better about yourself and situations. Additionally, relationships can never be one-sided. It would be best if you had someone who cared about what you have to say as you care about them.