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Psychology Explains 12 Causes and Signs of Secondhand Stress

Experts Reveal 6 Simple Strategies That Contribute To Personal Growth


The company you keep not only affects your reputation, but it can affect your emotions. Think about a time when you’ve been around friends, family, or co-workers who were an emotional mess. You likely left the situation feeling a little messy yourself. That’s the insidious nature of secondhand stress.

People are contagious, and we don’t mean illnesses. Secondhand stress is real, and psychologists warn about the dangers of subjecting yourself to it. However, you may not even realize you’re dealing with this extra stress.

Here are 12 causes and signs that, according to psychologists, show you’re dealing with secondhand stress.

What is Secondhand Stress?

It is a phenomenon where your emotions and feelings begin to mimic the emotions and feelings of people around you. You may not realize it, but people’s emotions can inadvertently seep into your aura and pierce your mood before you even realize what hit you. People’s emotions can be as contagious as a cold.

Causes of Secondhand Stress

The cause of this stress is simple – people! More specifically, it’s people that are constantly bombarding you with their emotions. You may be the person they come to when they’re feeling sad, angry, or depressed.

When people place their emotions on you, it’s usually an innocent exchange. They may be your best friend, child, spouse, or favorite co-workers. Unless they’re an emotional vampire, they don’t mean to infect you with their stress.

Unfortunately, it will still happen.

How to Avoid Secondhand Stress

It seems the simple solution is to avoid other people’s stress. Unfortunately, you can’t. There is no way to escape secondhand stress. According to Shawn Achor, a lecturer, and researcher, and the author of The Happiness Advantage, we are so interconnected these days that you can even pick up people’s stress through a cell phone.

While you may not be able to avoid secondhand stress, there are some ways to cope with it better or not to let it affect you so severely. To do that, you need to identify the causes and signs that let you know you’re being involved. The next section has 12 signs to watch out for.

12 Causes and Signs of Secondhand Stress

Be aware of these red flags that could reveal you struggle with this condition.

1. You don’t know why you’re stressed; you just are.

If you’re stressed out for no apparent reason, it could be that someone else’s stress is transferring over to you. It can be challenging or almost impossible to deal with someone else’s stressors on top of your own. If you’re stress-free in your life (congratulations!), keep it that way by not letting someone else’s stress get to you.

2. You continually see the glass as half empty.

If you’re usually a happy, positive person, but you’re suddenly pessimistic about everything, you might be wallowing in other people’s stress. Stress can quickly drown out your positive vibes.

It may even take someone else pointing out to you how negative you’ve become because it may be hard for you to recognize on your own. Letting go of the secondhand stress will get you back to your positive, cheery self in no time.

3. You get constant notifications on your devices.

These days, it’s rare to come across someone who doesn’t have a smart device. They keep you connected and organized, but when you’re continually getting notifications, you’re constantly looking at your phone.

In a survey done by the American Psychological Association (APA), it was found that people who were constantly checking their smartphones, called constant checkers, were a lot more stressed than people who don’t. According to Lynn Bufka, Ph.D., APA’s associate executive director, being a constant checker can have a negative impact on your mental and physical health.

4. You’re always in a rush.

Stress can make you nervous and anxious, and you may be in a rush to do things all the time because your mind is moving a million miles per hour. When you recognize that this is happening, you must slow down and pinpoint where that stress is coming from. There is a good chance that it’s someone else’s stress that’s putting your mind into overdrive.

Know these ten surprising stress symptoms that nobody discusses.

5. You’re always tired.

It takes a lot of energy to deal with stress, and your body may be redirecting all of it to coping with stressful situations. Another reason you may be tired is coping with the stressed-out person, to begin with. It also takes a lot of energy to deal with a frazzled, anxious person. That person may be an emotional vampire who is sucking away all of your energy, leaving you feeling drained.

6. You have trouble concentrating.

It’s no surprise that you would have trouble concentrating if you’re always tired. Stress zaps your energy, and it also impairs cognitive functioning on a chemical level. Your brain can’t focus, and your concentration takes a hit. You may find yourself needing caffeine or supplements to focus, but these are only temporary fixes. The real solution is to shed other people’s stress.

7. Your productivity/creativity is taking a hit.

Stress can stifle your productivity and creativity. Your mind might be moving at the speed of light, but it’s wandering aimlessly, and your body can’t keep up. The lack of focus and lack of energy will leave you unable to think like you usually do. If this happens in the workplace, you could be putting your job in jeopardy, so it’s crucial to shed other people’s stress immediately.

8. You’re always around stressed people.

You don’t have to feel it. If you’re always around stressed people, you can bet that you’re stressed also. As stated before, stress is contagious, so if you’re in a room full of contagious people, you’re catching the vibe.

In some cases, you may not be able to get away from these people. Your job can be one of the most significant stressors, but you still have to go to it. In this case, you need to find ways to block the stress or cope with it.

9. You’re gaining weight.

If you usually eat healthily, exercise regularly, and lead a mostly healthy lifestyle, it can be confusing when you’re gaining weight and seeing extra inches around your midsection. However, stress causes an increase in a hormone called cortisol.

Cortisol is known to make you store fat around your midsection. Therefore, stress can make you gain weight and go up a dress size. If you don’t get it under control, you may go up several dress sizes.

10. You have random crying spells.

When you’re stressed out, your emotions may be all over the place. This is especially true for women because stress can affect hormone balance in the body (as mentioned with cortisol in the previous section). You may be sad and crying one minute, and the next minute you won’t even know why you were unhappy. You’re not crazy, you’re likely just sharing in other people’s stress too much.

11. Your child/children are anxious or stressed.

Children go through a lot of hormonal changes as they grow up. These changes can cause them to be stressed out. This is especially true for teenagers. Studies show that the rate of chronic stress among teens is increasing.

Chronic stress can change your family dynamics. It’s already hard enough to deal with regular teenage drama, but dealing with a chronically stressed teenager can push your family dynamics to the limit.

12. You feel bad, and you don’t know why.

With all these things above happening to you from secondhand stress, it’s no surprise that you’re just going to feel bad mentally, physically, and emotionally. You may find yourself trying to be happy, and it’s just not working. If you’re feeling this way, the first thing you need to do is get away from secondhand stress. You may need to seek therapy or go on a vacation – whatever it takes to reduce those secondhand stressors and bring your inner peace back.

Final Thoughts About Secondhand Stress

Stress is all around you, and there is nothing you can do about that. It seems like a bleak revelation, but it doesn’t mean that things are hopeless. You can’t control other people’s stress, but you can control how it affects you.

There are ways to cope with secondhand stress. A few of them include:

  • Identify the source and see if you can help.
  • Take breaks away from stressed-out people.
  • Have a bigger pool of positive people than stressed people.
  • Keep your health up to par.
  • Change your response to stress.
  • Arm yourself with positivity in the mornings before you start your day.
  • Learn to let things roll off you instead of eating them up.

With practice and patience, you can learn to manage the secondhand stress in your life. In fact, you may get so good at it that you help others manage their stress so that no one is dealing with the fallout of being chronically stressed. If you can achieve this feat, you’ll find that you and everyone around you become so much better.

Lifestyle

15 Signs Your Relationship is at a Turning Point (for better or worse)

15 Signs Your Relationship is at a Turning Point (for


Humans are social beings with an innate desire for a relationship. While you are a complete person in your own right, there’s something magical about finding and cultivating a lasting relationship with a person you love. You may believe in love at first sight, but true love is a decision, and it takes a lot of work for both people to come together.

If you think about your life as a long road towards eternity, you will have many people who travel with you. Beloved family and friends are often at your side, but your soulmate is the one who holds your hand with each step. How do you know if you have the right person?

Your destiny is filled with forks in the road to allow you to make life-altering decisions. You and a potential lover will often come to one of these forks to see if the relationship was meant to be. It becomes the turning point for you both.

Are there common points where couples must decide to stay together or walk the other way? How do you know if the hand you hold is your forever person?

Fifteen Signals You’ve Reached a Relationship Turning Point.

Here are 15 signs that your relationship is at a turning point, be it good or bad.

1. Attraction

While inner beauty out-trumps outer beauty, attraction starts with the outward appearance. Your physical beauty may be the thing that attracts him, but your lovely soul will be what keeps him. The difference between the two aspects is often a turning point for couples, because who cares if he looks like a movie star and has the integrity of a beast?

2. Lying

Nobody is above stretching the truth a bit to save face. However, chronic lying can destroy even the best relationships. If you find out your lover is dishonest in one area, what other lies is he weaving that you don’t know?

3. Wandering Eye

You shouldn’t be so insecure in your relationship that neither of you can say someone else is attractive without causing a war. But if your love interest looks beyond you with a constant wandering eye, it could be a turning point that says something is amiss.

If you both decide that you are in an exclusive relationship, you have a right to expect that your partner will be loyal to you. Be suspicious if your beau can’t keep his eyes on you and is constantly texting and talking on the phone to “nobody in particular.” His “nobody” may be the third person in your relationship.

4. Bonding Experience

After your first initial attraction, dating each other provides the ideal bonding experience. You get to ask questions and eventually learn about what makes the other tick. Taking time to date and bond can lessen the chances of getting married and finding you have nothing in common.

5. Birth of a Child

Is there any greater joy than for a couple to be blessed by the birth of a child? This precious life is the ultimate result of your love and can bring you even closer as a couple. However, unplanned births or a baby born from unfaithfulness can often destroy a relationship.

6. Moving in Together

You never honestly know someone until you move in together. When you share a common space, you see each other at your best and worst moments. Maybe you will find that you can work things out with time, or that you are entirely incompatible.

Some couples won’t move in together unless they are married due to religious obligations. You can still learn a lot by visiting each other’s homes and seeing how you live. If you can’t come to a compromise about your different lifestyles, your future as a couple may be bleak.

7. Your First Big Argument

After you have your first big fight, you will probably think the relationship is over. Be assured that the most devoted couples have arguments but still know how to make up using compromise. If there are never any disagreements, then one of you is giving in and not being genuine.

It’s possible to disagree or even have an argument without crossing a line. Many committed couples say that the secret is to talk it out and never go to bed angry at each other. Should arguments become physically or verbally abusive, it’s time to walk away.

8. Lack of Communication

One of the top complaints of couples who are in therapy is that they never communicate. When was the last time you and your lover sat down and really listened to each other? A healthy relationship is based on trust and honest communication.

Practice improving your listening skills. A good listener will keep an open posture, display neutral body language, and will mirror the speaker’s emotions. When you and your partner listen to each other, you aren’t as likely to have miscommunications.

9. In-Law Issues

Another turning point in your relationship can be how you relate to each other’s family. It’s not always easy to strike a balance and create boundaries with in-laws. If he hesitates to introduce you to his family or doesn’t seem interested in meeting yours, it may be a red flag.

It’s beneficial when you have a good rapport with both families. While you try to be friendly and respectful, it doesn’t mean that you must be treated like a doormat. If need be, distance yourself until the other family can learn proper boundaries and accept you for who you are.

10. Creating New Traditions

As individuals, you both had family traditions that you hold dear to your heart. When you become a couple, you may have to compromise on how to celebrate the holidays, special occasions, or religious obligations. You bond even more when you create new traditions of your own to pass on to your children.

11. Knowing the Other’s Thoughts

A relationship isn’t going anywhere unless you can be empathetic with one another. Sometimes, you become so close that you intuitively know how your sweetheart would feel about something. If you find that you are often completing each other’s sentences, it could be a beautiful turning point in your relationship.

Being empathetic also means that you care about what the other thinks. Maybe you won’t agree on everything, but your person should respect your thoughts and opinions. When you can work together, you know that you can withstand the problems that life will throw at you.

12. Substance Abuse

When your lover has a substance abuse issue, every aspect of your relationship is adversely affected, such as finances, health, and stability. In these cases, it takes a lot of love and professional intervention if your relationship will survive. The worst mistake you can make is to stay in such a toxic relationship with the idea that you can change the other person.

Alcohol and drug abuse alter people’s minds, and a once loving person can become abusive or even dangerous. If you live with someone who smokes, breathing secondhand smoke is more hazardous to your health than smoking the cigarette. Gambling isn’t a substance abuse, but it is a common addiction that can break a relationship.

13. Lack of Intimacy

Let’s face it; if you have a romantic relationship without intimacy, you just have a roommate. Talk to your lover about your concerns because depression, some medical conditions, and many medications can cause a lack of sexual interest. It can also be a sign that he has taken his affections elsewhere, which can be a negative turning point in your relationship.

Communication is vital when it comes to intimacy. Men usually aren’t as adept at discussing their feelings or knowing what women need. Don’t be shy about talking about your need for intimacy, love, and quality time together.

14. Making Each Other a Priority

When two people are in a committed relationship, you should be each other’s top priority. Mutual trust assures you that he’ll always have your back and will be there for you and you for him. If you consistently find yourself at the bottom of his list of priorities, perhaps finding someone else should be at the top of your list.

15. Financial Issues

Other than cheating, nothing can decimate a stable relationship more than financial struggles. Yes, every couple has a few rough patches here and there, but chronic money problems tear people apart. Although money can’t buy love, being financially secure can minimize fighting and worry about how the bills will be paid.

If you are having financial issues, take an honest look to see where the problems lie. Is it just poor money management, or does one or both of you have a spending addiction? For a relationship to prosper, you also must be on the same page concerning your financial goals for the future.

Final Thoughts on Recognizing That Your Relationship is Reaching a Turning Point

Since nobody is perfect, there’s no such thing as an ideal relationship. As your relationship matures, you may come to many situations that will make or break it. Remember what’s best for you and when you’re in for the long haul, or know when it’s time to say goodbye.

Lifestyle

School Counselors Explain 5 Signs A Teen Is Under Peer Pressure

School Counselors Explain 5 Signs A Teen Is Under Peer


Peer pressure is commonplace today, especially among teenagers. The pressure can come from verbal or nonverbal influences. Additionally, a little bit of external force can be a good impact, or it can have a detrimental effect.

Since this is such a powerful influence in your child’s life, it’s something that you need to understand to help them. Under the control of this pressure, your child can make bad decisions that can cost them dearly. How does peer pressure affect your teenager, and how do you, as a parent, know when to step in and help?

Let’s assume your child suddenly takes an interest in working out at the local gym to bulk their muscles. This once couch laden teen has joined a group of kids at school who want to better their health. In this scenario, the influence of others is positive because your child is making changes to better their body.

Now, what if your child is caught smoking cigarettes or vaping behind the school with her friends? She felt the pressure from others to do something that can have a detrimental effect on her health.

Yet, she willingly did it because she succumbed to the urgings from others to try something new and dangerous. It’s easy to see that peer pressure can have different effects on your teen, but why is it such a powerful influence?

The Power of Suggestion

Your child goes through various developmental phases as they grow. As a baby, your son or daughter learned that you would take care of all their needs, and they trust you. However, when children reach their teenage years, they try to break away from your influence to form a sense of self.

Your child no longer holds your values in the same light as they did before, as now, they are more inclined to listen to their peers. Your kid needs to fit in at school. Teenagers are at a developmental stage where friends are of the utmost importance, making them more influential than you.

Why is Peer Pressure so Nerve-Wracking?

Let’s assume that your daughter is very wasteful and likes to litter. If she starts hanging with a group of earth-conscious friends, they will pressure her to change her ways. She may change and begin to recycle, picking up any trash she sees lying on the ground, and stop her wasteful habits.

In this instance, the social pressure she feels has influenced her to make positive changes. However, when you find a vape kit in your son’s backpack, you are sure that peer pressure is the invisible enemy you fight. He’s making a very destructive choice.

He knows that smoking and vaping can be harmful to his system. While his brain can register the danger, he can’t comprehend the risks he puts his body in at this point. As your children are growing, their brain is still incredibly young, and you should think of it as a work in progress.

Your teen is going to seek new experiences as they grow and develop, but their brain can’t rationalize what they’re doing. Young people have a higher need for stimulation more so as they age. Inadvertently, new, exhilarating, and powerful encounters many times, transform into high-risk actions.

It’s difficult for a parent to deal with a child who is continuously seeking new stimulation. You won’t always be there to prevent them from doing crazy things or stop their friend’s suggestions to do something dangerous, just so they can “have fun.”

While painting graffiti on the local restaurant wall may seem like a bad idea, the gratification and temptation to “live a little” causes them to ignore the consequences.

5 Signs Your Teen is Dealing with Negative Peer Pressure

Regardless of all the people around your son or daughter, you’re still a powerful influence. While it appears that they are rebellious and not listening to what you have to say, they hear you. Now, whether they listen or not is another story.

It’s essential to stay involved in their lives so that you can help them make better choices. How do you know if your child is under peer pressure and may need help? Well, here are five warning signs to indicate an issue.

1. Sleep Habits Change

Sleep habits naturally change as your child ages. They will sleep more than ever when they hit those puberty years. However, when your child feels pressure from those around them, they can either sleep too much or too little.

You may notice signs like dark circles or bags under their eyes if they aren’t getting enough sleep. You may see their social media time increase as they are on it all night. If they are sleeping too much, you may have problems getting them out of bed or doing things they once loved.

These alterations in behavior can develop into depression if it goes on for too long. You must be careful because of peer pressure and bullying walk a fine line in some instances.

2. Loss of Appetite

Have you noticed a change in their weight? Are they eating too much or too little? A loss of appetite is not uncommon with someone who is under pressure or strain. If their weight plummets or takes a dramatic increase, then it could be a sign that there is emotional upset going on.

3. Moodiness

What teenager isn’t moody? However, you know your child better than anyone else. Hormonal fluctuations can cause Their moodiness, or it can be caused by being unhappy, not eating right, and not getting sufficient sleep. If you can’t even say “good morning” without them biting off your head, then you should investigate further.

4. Withdrawn

Social isolation is a big thing for teens as they develop and change. They may be socially withdrawn from the family and prefer to eat their dinner in their bedroom alone.

However, when you only see them for a few minutes each day, even though they don’t leave home, it’s a warning sign. It would be best if you interact with your child on some level each day.

5. They Have New Friends

Is your teen running with a new crowd? Usually, if there are significant changes in behavior or they become risk-takers, then new friends may be at the crux of the issue. If you’ve noticed that the friends they’ve had since elementary school don’t come around much anymore, you should question their absence.

A new crowd can bring about either a positive or bad influence. Consequently, if you see any of these signs that something is amiss, you can assume that the new friends aren’t the best of characters.

Here is what teenagers who inflict self-harm are trying to tell you.

Common Peer-Pressured Activities

Your child may be a level-headed person that uses common sense to make decisions. Sadly, when hormones begin to rage during puberty, they can be an emotional wreck and make questionable choices. They will push the limits as they try out new personas. Never assume that your teenager is immune from the influence of peers; they just need your positive influence to be stronger.

You know your child better than anyone, and you know if he or she is a leader or a follower. Some teens won’t be swayed by temptation, while others will follow their friends to say and do just about anything. It would help if you were on guard, and here are the five most common things your teen will feel pressured to do.

1. Shoplifting

Remember, teens need to feel an adrenaline rush. They may not need to steal that candy bar at the store, but it gives them the “rush” to do something dangerous. If your child has developed “sticky fingers,” then it could be a sign of pressure from peers.

2. Sexual Encounters

Since their hormones are raging and they are going through puberty anyway, it’s not uncommon for them to have sexual encounters. Sadly, they can use sex as an outlet for their frustration, which can lead to teen pregnancy. Parents need to be observant of abnormal sexual promiscuity as it can get teens in trouble.

3. Smoke, Vaping, Trying Drugs

You may remember smoking in the bathroom when you were in high school. Times change, but some problems remain the same. Smoking, vaping, and trying drugs is the number one temptation that your child will feel pressure to do.

4. Engaging in Risky Behaviors

Life is all about taking chances, but it may cause them to take more significant risks when it comes to the uncertainty of the teenage years. If you’ve noticed that your child is engaging in downright dangerous activities, outside influence could be blamed.

5. Bullying

If one teen starts picking on a peer, then others will jump on the bandwagon. Bullying is never okay, but your child may feel outside influences to torment or taunt another student.

IKEA’s Bully a Plant project proves the power of positivity can alter an outcome.

Final Thoughts: Prepare Your Teens for Peer Pressure Before It Happens

It’s essential to keep the communication lines open with your teenager. If you see any changes in behavior such as inappropriate language, clothing style alterations, social isolation, or disrespectfulness, then you need to keep an eye on them and their friends.

The truth is that if you keep a close relationship with your child that you can usually quickly spot problems and help steer them back in the right direction.

Lifestyle

12 Signs Your Partner Is Killing Your Self-Esteem

12 Signs Your Partner Is Killing Your Self-Esteem


Your relationship seemed so right, but now you’re having doubts. You feel like your partner isn’t 100% behind you. They are preying upon your insecurity, making you feel vulnerable. Could your partner be killing your self-esteem?

If you’re feeling like this is happening to you, it may be time to step back and evaluate your relationship with this person.

Check out these 12 signs that point to your partner killing your self-esteem.

If your partner makes you feel wrong about everything, you probably also feel a drop in self-esteem. Here are the indicators that you should re-evaluate your relationship.

  1. Controls everything in the relationship

If your partner makes every decision without consulting you, that’s a sign your relationship may be breaking down. When your partner feels the need to control the budget, the bills, the household decisions, it means they don’t trust your opinions or care what you think. They are, in essence, saying you have no voice in the relationship like you’re don’t existent.  They aren’t interested in you but need to feel powerful and in control.

According to one NIH study, this behavior is a classic red flag in a relationship. In some partnerships, this need for control can morph into physical abuse down the road.

Please take note of what’s going on, because it looks like your relationship is headed for failure.

  1. No effort to encourage you

In a strong and healthy relationship, two people work together to make their relationship secure. When one partner isn’t contributing to the relationship, it’s noticeable. A partner who doesn’t show interest and doesn’t encourage you is withholding love.  Encouragement means the person loves you and wants you to thrive. Lack of support is a sign your partner doesn’t genuinely care for you.

  1. Doesn’t try to understand

Does it ever feel as if you’re speaking to the air when you’re trying to communicate with your partner?  Do they seem to care less about what you’re saying? Perhaps they don’t try to understand your feelings but brush them aside. You may feel like you should keep your opinions to yourself because they won’t know what you’re telling them, anyway. You may feel less confident in yourself.

According to NIH, this lack of confidence is a symptom that you are losing your self-esteem. Over time, it can worsen if you don’t regain control of your life.

Ask your partner a few questions, such as the following:

  • You don’t seem interested in me, is something wrong?
  • Does our connection mean anything to you anymore?
  • Why aren’t you not listening to me?

If they respond humbly to your questions, that’s a good sign. But if they are defensive and try to push back at your concerns saying you’re imagining things, they aren’t being honest about how they feel. You may not get a straight answer out of them.

  1. Talks down to you like you’re a kid.

There’s nothing worse than seeing one partner talk down to the other like they’re a little kid. No reasonable adult likes to be treated like a child. When one partner mocks or belittles their partner in public, it’s embarrassing. You feel demeaned and worthless. If your partner speaks to you in this way, they aren’t showing you the proper respect you deserve.

  1. Demeans you, even in front of other people

When a partner treats you like you’re below them, it’s humiliating. They act like you’re in their way, almost a burden to the relationship. This treatment makes you feel insecure and unsure of how to respond. You lose your confidence in yourself.  Studies found that when one partner is emotionally abusive, it causes an immediate relational breakdown. Demeaning your partner is not a sign of love, it’s a sign of a dying relationship.

  1. Shows conditional love

If you feel as if you need to earn your partner’s love and approval, it can cause you to feel as if you are not good enough for them. You begin to work hard to keep the peace, trying to do the right things. This behavior does not indicate a healthy relationship. Your partner is acting unloving towards you. Don’t settle for a relationship where you need to perform to be loved. You deserve to be loved for who you are, not what you can do.

  1. Criticizes your every move

A critical partner corrects everything you do. They don’t like the way you cook, how you dress, or wear your hair. You’re never good enough for them. They treat you with disrespect, making you feel like you’re inadequate as a person and a partner. They make you feel unappreciated and unloved. A relationship with a critical person steals your confidence. You begin to feel like you can’t do anything right. This red flag is a sign your self-esteem is dying. You must start to stand up for yourself and stop allowing your partner to kill your confidence.

  1. Blames everything on you

Blameshifting is blaming someone or something for your failures. When your partner refuses to take responsibility for their actions, blaming you instead, it ruins your feelings of being loved. Blameshifting is abusive. If your partner blameshifts you, don’t stand for it. This habit isn’t normal behavior in a loving relationship. You must refuse to be blamed for things you didn’t do.

  1. You feel trapped by your relationship.

If you’re beginning to feel trapped in your relationship instead of feeling loved and appreciated, it might be the ideal time to step back and evaluate. Feeling trapped causes you to lose confidence in yourself. You feel vulnerable and unable to control what’s happening. Find a trusted friend to talk to about what’s going on in your life. If you need expert advice, seek the aid of a professional therapist.

  1. Won’t listen to your thoughts

If your partner refuses to hear your concerns about your relationship, it’s a bad sign. Being shut down and denied the chance to talk out your thoughts is frustrating. Are you making excuses to stay away from your partner? Do you avoid them because it’s so stressful? You must decide next if you want to continue exposing yourself to the abuse of this unhealthy relationship.

  1. Looking at others or flirting

When your partner stares or flirts with others in front of you, it’s a sign of their lack of love. It shows you that you aren’t enough and they don’t care if you know it. It’s outright disrespectful. You should not have to deal with this kind of insult, don’t allow yourself to live with someone who acts like this. Tell your partner you’re disappointed in their behavior. If they admit it and apologize, that’s good. But if they deny or minimize your concerns by saying you’re just overreacting, then it’s probably time to work your way out of this relationship. No one deserves this kind of disrespect.

  1. Preventing you from following your dreams

If your partner crushes your dreams, they aren’t a loving person. They don’t care for your thoughts or ideas. They may feel competitive and want to push you back because they’re jealous of your successes. This kind of attitude eats away at your self-esteem and self-confidence. You feel like giving up your dreams. Don’t allow your partner to steal your joy and happiness. You deserve to pursue your dreams and enjoy your successes. A healthy, loving relationship involves the encouragement of the other person’s accomplishments. It means having someone in your corner to encourage and help you.

Final Thoughts on Looking After Your Self-esteem

If you sense your relationship is crushing your self-esteem, it may be time to re-evaluate your commitment. Living with a partner’s criticalness, demanding language, and blame-shifting isn’t right for you. Don’t allow yourself to feel trapped. You have a choice, even if your partner makes you feel like you don’t. You are strong and able to make your own choices.

Remove yourself from this toxic relationship and begin the healing process. Talk to a trusted friend or counselor to help your self-esteem recover. Begin discovering who you are as in an individual. Renew your dreams and find joy again in your life. You deserve to be happy and have a healthy, loving relationship.

Lifestyle

10 Signs of Compatibility Between Partners

10 Signs of Compatibility Between Partners


When selecting a partner, there are many things that you must consider. Finding the one that you want to share your most intimate moments with is just a dream to some. How do you know if you share compatibility with a person?

Fairytales depict that you will make this journey towards finding the right person only once, so you want to make sure that you get it right. The person you want to share your life with must check all the boxes, and your chemistry must be off the charts. Compatibility is the key, but many things fall into that category.

How do you know if your compatibility is where it needs to be? If you want a life-long partnership, then you must make sure you both are well-suited.

10 Signs of Compatibility Between Partners

Here are ten things that will show if you and the one you love have excellent compatibility.

1. They’re the First Person You Want to Share Things With

Before you walk down the aisle or commit to someone, they should first be your best friend. Your BFF is someone that you want to share everything with, whether it be good or bad. Do you find yourself wanting to call this person just to tell them about the smallest of things?

When they are your person, then they know everything about you. Additionally, there are no secrets between the two of you. If you can’t wait to get home and share all the happenings of your day with them, then you know that they hold a special place in your life and heart.

2. You Both Take Responsibility for Your Actions

Research published by the Journal of Marriage and Family confirms that accountability in a relationship is vital for its success.

Part of having a mature relationship is being responsible for your actions. If you do something wrong, then you must be man or woman enough to admit it. Part of taking responsibility for wrongdoings means being able to say the words “I’m sorry.”

If your love interest cannot admit they’re wrong and will never apologize to you, you may want to reconsider a lifelong commitment.

3. Your Views on Raising Children is the Same

If you’re at the age where children are a possibility, you need to make sure you’re both on the same page. If you want children and the other party doesn’t, then it can make things complicated. Consequently, you should also have the same views on child-rearing.

It doesn’t work if one person takes a strict military stance while the other party is more lackadaisical.

4. You Both Can Argue Without Taking it to a Dangerous Level

It’s completely normal to have arguments and disagreements in a relationship. However, it’s what you do in those moments that count. Do your disputes escalate into name-calling and throwing objects?

It’s healthy to argue about important issues, but you must make sure that it doesn’t go to a dismal place when you disagree. No two people can agree on everything all the time. If you don’t argue at all, then someone isn’t completely honest about their feelings.

Make sure that when you have disagreements that you don’t let it soar to a place that is unhealthy for your relationship. Establish ground rules for your union before you commit.

Those who can successfully banter without making it personal have an excellent compatibility level. The last thing you need is someone with anger management issues that makes your life miserable.

5. Your Interests are Parallel

Do you both have the same interests? If one person is an adrenaline junkie who wants to ride roller coasters, visit haunted houses, and explore the paranormal, the other person should like or be open to them.

Though opposites attract, there should be enough similar interests between the two of you to keep things exciting. If one person is into the art scene and wants to live at the theater and museum while the other is living for clubs, bars, and rock n’ roll concerts, it might not work.

While you can bend a bit for the sake of your relationship, you must have enough common interests to make you compatible.

6. Your Upbringings are Similar

Couples don’t realize how vital their past is until they try to build a future. Marriage counselors will tell you that the values instilled in you from a child mold who you are as a person. If you were born in a strict religious family who values a conservative lifestyle, then the person you marry should understand and respect those beliefs.

However, the ultra-conservative and the liberal might not work well together. Someone who is against abortion, goes to church every Sunday, and is deeply devoted to their spirituality might not mesh well with someone who is pro-choice is against organized religion. While these issues won’t seem significant at first, they can cause division as time goes on.

If you want to raise your children sitting on a church pew on Sundays and your spouse prefers to sleep in, it might be hard to compromise. It’s these little issues that can fester into a major rift.

7. You Both Feel the Same About Drugs, Alcohol, and Cigarettes

Some people are adamantly against drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. If the other person has a glass of wine with dinner and a beer on occasion, then it might be offensive to the other party. When a person has seen the destruction that these vices can do, they may take a stand against it.

Your spouse must understand and be open to your views. If you grew up in a home where your mother or father was an alcoholic and did drugs, it might be a substantial issue if your significant other has any of those traits. Respecting these boundaries is one of the things that makes a union thrive.

8. Your Core Values are Compatible

Every person has core values that make them who they are in life. These core values are things that aren’t easily changed. These standards are a combination of your upbringing, your religious beliefs, your morals, and your views on life itself.

Both of you must have similar goals and be going in the same direction. If you have two people walking different paths, then it’s hard to be united as a couple. Your compatibility comes down to your core values and being flexible to compromise for the sake of the other person.

9. You’re Both Committed to Growth

Marriage is an investment, according to the NIH. Success stems from an investment in time and in the ability to evolve together.

You must realize that the man or woman that you marry today is not going to be the same five years from now. Ten years from now, you won’t even recognize yourself. You both must be on the same page throughout the changes that occur in life.

You want to learn and grow as a couple. The best couples are the ones that are driven for personal growth as well as keeping objectives as a couple in mind. A Swiss study suggests that you must be able to keep an excellent work-relationship balance.

Additionally, it should be a goal to heal and move past any unfinished business that may be left from your childhood, as these scars can often be the key to undoing any union.

10. You Find Each Other’s Quirks Charming

Some annoyances come along with commitment. The aggravations you will experience as a couple goes far beyond leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to put your dirty clothes in the hamper. Some quirks are damaging to a relationship.

For instance, if one person believes that “a clean home is a happy home,” while the other prefers to clean once a month, it can be an issue. You must learn to find the quirks of the other person charming even if you get annoyed sometimes. There must be enough good to balance the bad.

Final Thoughts on Considering Compatibility in Your Relationship

Now you’ve established the things that prove your compatibility–excellent! According to therapists at the non-profit agency loveisrespect.org, you need rules and boundaries that keep your union healthy. Here are some things that can help you ensure you have a happy life.

  • Never go to bed angry
  • Don’t keep secrets
  • Always put your partner first
  • Never let relatives or friends come in between you
  • Don’t push buttons
  • Never let an argument escalate to name-calling
  • Make decisions based on your union and not just personally
  • Take time for each other
  • Don’t let the cares of life drive a wedge between you
  • Value each other’s opinions, feelings, and concerns

Finally, an essential thing that you can do as a couple is never to stop dreaming. No matter how bad the storms you weather in life, no matter how rocky your relationship becomes, if you ever stop dreaming, your relationship won’t last.

Committing to one another is based on compatibility and a whole lot of other things. The good thing is that you found someone who truly makes you happy and completes you. The rest is just kismet. Marriage counselors will tell you that If you’ve found a person that checks all the boxes in your proverbial checklist, then you’ve found a gem to treasure for all your days.

Lifestyle

10 Signs Your Relationship Is Being Forced to Last »

10 Signs Your Relationship Is Being Forced to Last »


Relationships are always hard work. Sometimes, no matter how incredibly hard you try to keep your relationship going, it fails. One of you may decide to resurrect the relationship, but if your partner isn’t willing to do the same, it’s a waste of time. You’re just forcing it. So, precisely how do you know when (or if) your relationship is failing? What are the signs your relationship is being forced to last?

Here are ten red flags that your relationship is being forced to last

  1. Not “we” anymore

When one or both partners begin saying, “I” rather than “we” it’s a sign the relationship is in trouble. A relationship involves two people living life together. Their lives are intertwined, making them a couple. They hang out together, shop together, and do things with friends as a couple. This closeness doesn’t mean they never do things independently, but generally, couples like to do something together.

Dropping “we” from your vocabulary is the first sign of a troubled relationship. It’s easy to miss this sign as nothing more than wanting more independence. Why should you make a big deal out of it? But take note, it’s a sure sign of something broken. Be honest with yourself, don’t naively force your relationship if you notice this subtle sign.

  1. Avoidance

Couples that never have time for one another aren’t living as a couple. Staying busy seems like an innocent thing, but it’s a way to avoid talking or interacting with your partner. It’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting to prevent severe talks about your relationship. Couples fall into this trap all the time, especially if they don’t want to face the truth that their relationship is failing.

You may tell yourself that things will work out. You just need some space. That may be true, but if there’s constant avoidance, this is a bad sign. Here are some subtle avoidance techniques that happen in failing relationships.

  • You choose to stay home instead of heading out with your partner (every time they ask)
  • You make plans without mentioning it to your partner.
  • You’ll get up early and leave for work before your partner is up.
  • You get home late at night after your partner has gone to bed.
  • You keep a busy schedule, so there’s no time to interact with your partner.

If avoidance is a regular part of your relationship, It’s time to stop pretending and sit down for a talk with your partner. Your relationship isn’t healthy, it’s being forced by either one of you or both of you.

  1. Argue about everything

When everything you and your partner talk about turns into an argument, that’s a sign your relationship is floundering. Perhaps you never used to argue about things like money, sex, or family, but suddenly those topics are hot issues between you. When couples can’t talk about their problems, it erodes their relationship. In healthy relationships, partners respect one another enough to allow for a difference of opinion.

Healthy couples can find common ground on issues. But when a relationship fails, neither side wants to compromise. There is a desire to stand your ground because you feel the need to protect yourself. Don’t try to force any relationship that has gotten to this point. Sit down with your partner or spouse–have an honest discussion, hopefully without an argument, about the state of your relationship instead of staying around in what seems doomed to failure.

  1. Lack of intimacy

The loss of affection and intimacy in your relationship is never a good sign. Romantic relationships build from affection and intimacy. When the sparkle is gone, and there’s little to no affections between you two, it should be a concern. All couples can get into a rut. Kids, work and the busyness of life can cut into times of intimacy, but long periods without sex isn’t healthy.

Other examples of affection, such as hugging and snuggling, are also important in a relationship. If your relationship lacks these signs of romantic love, it could mean that one or both of you are forcing your relationship. Perhaps it’s time to have a long talk with your partner about what’s going on. Encourage your partner to be honest. Tell them you promise not to react to what they say, no matter how difficult it is to hear. Ask them good questions such as

  • How do you think our relationship is going?
  • How do you feel about our relationship?
  • Are you still sexually attracted to me?
  • Do you feel uninterested in intimacy in our relationship?
  1. Irritations grow

Little things about your partner that never used to bother you suddenly feel very irritating. In the past, you overlooked their habits or quirks, thinking they were rather cute, but not anymore. Back then, you didn’t mind it when your partner didn’t like the dog on the furniture, but now you feel like they’re being picky.

You feel tired of adjusting your lifestyle to fit their preferences. When irritations grow with no resolution or discussion to work them out, a relationship is sure to fail. Forcing a relationship to work out won’t help change these feelings.

  1. Silent treatment

The silent treatment isn’t quiet. It speaks volumes. Refusing to talk is a form of rejection. You’re pretending the other person doesn’t exist. It’s a loud and clear sign of a dying relationship. Forcing a relationship that is this far gone is hopeless.

If you can’t talk to your partner, there’s no way to resolve issues. It’s easy to pretend like things aren’t that bad, to live in the comfort zone day today. But you must take the scary first step and encourage your partner to talk to you. Tell them you want to talk about the condition of your relationship. If they aren’t willing, it’s time for you to pack up and go. By their refusal to talk to you, they have essence given you their answer about where they stand in the relationship.

  1. Lack of communication

When a couple acts like two people existing under the same roof with little communication, the relationship is doomed. You are acting like roommates, but not very good roommates. At least roommates communicate. Communication is one of the most necessary ingredients in a romantic relationship.

Without it, couples can’t work on improving and growing as a couple. A lack of communication means there isn’t a desire for one or both partners to invest in the relationship. You can try to communicate more with your partner, but you’ll figure out soon enough if they truly want to continue the relationship or if it’s time to end it.

  1. You forget about your partner.

Making decisions without your partner could mean you’ve lost interest in being with your partner. Couples do things together because they enjoy one another’s company. If you decide to head off to your parent’s house for a long weekend and you don’t bother to include your partner, you should take notice. Something isn’t right. Step back and assess how you feel about your relationship.

Don’t pretend the relationship is okay if you’re leaving your partner out of your weekend plans. It’s easy to live in the comfort zone of a familiar relationship, but you need to step back and stop forcing things. Have an honest and heartfelt chat with your partner about how you feel.

9.. Lack of dedication and commitment

Studies found that commitment in a romantic relationship means you both have a desire to have a future together. There is a sense of dedication, and both partners exert the energy needed to stay together. If one or both the partners begin to feel they don’t care about doing the hard work, it’s a sign the relationship is breaking down. It’s easy to feel guilty about a failing relationship. It’s hard to be the person who says it’s over. You may like the person, but just don’t see any future with them. It’s best, to be honest, and reveal the truth. It’s the kindest thing to do.

  1. Lost loyalty

Way back when your partner was the only one you wanted to spend Friday night with. But lately, you feel like you’d rather hang with your friends. They’re more fun, anyway.  If you feel more loyal to your friends than your partner, something is broken in your relationship. When you’re committed to one another, even though you don’t need to spend every minute together, your first choice is to be together.

You are good friends and enjoy one another’s company. But if you start to feel yourself feeling less than interested in spending time with your partner,  it could mean you’re not being honest about how you feel. Maybe you do not want to hurt the other person, but your actions speak louder than words. It’s time to quit forcing a relationship where you don’t feel loyal to your partner.

Final thoughts on knowing when your relationship is being forced to last

When a romantic relationship runs into trouble, there are obvious signs. It’s easy for the couple not to notice these signs or refuse to believe the truth of the failing relationship. It’s easy to pretend that everything will get better over time. Relationships don’t get better without both partners working to make this happen. When you see the signs, it’s best to get out of your comfort zone and talk honestly with your partner about your relationship.

Lifestyle

10 Signs Your Best Friend is Your Soul Sister

10 Signs Your Best Friend is Your Soul Sister


If you have a soul sister, consider yourself lucky! Indeed, not everyone gets to experience such a special friendship in this lifetime. Soul sisters may not have grown up in the same family. However, they connect on such a deep level that it seems like they’ve known each other forever. You’ll find that no friendship compares to the one you have with your soul sister. She will just “get” you, without you having to translate your soul.

In other words, you will speak the same language and feel that your hearts come from the same place. If you can find a best friend and soul sister in the same person, you’ll never have to feel misunderstood or alone in this life anymore. This world can seem like an overwhelming, scary place at times. But having someone who will support you always, no matter what, makes the journey so much easier to bear.

So, if you have someone like this friend in your life, you’ll probably notice the following characteristics of your friendship.

10 Signs Your Best Friend is A Soul Sister

“Soul Sister – a female friend not related by blood who shares a bond that transcends time, distance, and space.”

1 – You feel like you’ve known them for lifetimes.

At the very beginning of your friendship, you’ll feel an overwhelming familiarity. It might feel you have met them somewhere before. You can’t quite explain it, but they just feel like a very old friend who you haven’t seen in a while. When you cross paths, it seems as if you’re picking up where you left off and not meeting as strangers for the first time. When you talk to them, you’ll notice that you don’t have to wear a mask, and you feel comfortable being your authentic self.

You’ll quickly realize this almost magnetic connection because it feels effortless and gives you a great sense of comfort. The conversation will come naturally because you speak the same soul language, and even if you sit in silence for a while, it won’t feel awkward or uncomfortable. Your connection with them seems very natural, and you’ll feel like you have many memories together.

2 – You have similar energy and personalities.

A soul sister will vibe and relate to you like no one else, and you won’t have to worry about your energy getting drained around them. You can talk with them for hours and never feel bored or tired of the conversation, and you never run out of topics to talk about. Both of you may have similar interests and thinking patterns, which makes it easy to understand each other. Your personalities also mesh well together, and you just enjoy being in their company or talking on the phone with them.

Even if you talk every day, you don’t feel suffocated by the friendship because they genuinely make your heart happy.

3 – It feels like you met them for an important reason.

Even if you don’t consider yourself a spiritual person, it feels like the universe had a special meaning for bringing you together. You may get this feeling right when you meet them as if they’re an essential piece of your puzzle somehow. Soul connections don’t just happen randomly. Perhaps they’ve come to teach you a soul lesson or help you along your journey somehow. You may not be able to put your finger on it, but you know this friendship feels different than the others in your life, and you feel linked to them in some otherworldly way.

4 – You’ll feel comfortable talking about anything with your best friend.

It may feel as if you haven’t been truly seen or heard before you met your soul sister. From the beginning of your friendship, you’ve felt comfortable sharing some of your deepest secrets because you thought you could trust them early on. You know they’d never judge you or make you feel uncomfortable, so no topic of conversation is off the table.

You speak the same soul language also, so you just get each other without having to explain anything. Even if you come from varied backgrounds, you may find you’ve had similar life experiences, which help strengthen your understanding of one another and bring you closer together.

5 – They love and accept you as you are.

One of the best things about a soul sister is you don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not or change anything about yourself to feel accepted. With your best friend, you can truly come as you are and not have to worry about living up to certain expectations. You can be vulnerable and real with them, and they wouldn’t have it any other way. Meeting them will feel so refreshing to your soul because you’ll feel understood in a way you probably haven’t before.

6 – You consider them part of your family and would do anything for them.

You may not have known them for a long time in this life, but they’ve quickly become significant to you. You don’t even want to imagine life without them because your best friend brings such joy and comfort to your soul. While you might not be blood-related, you treat them as part of your family since you can always count on them for real support and guidance in life. They’re your ride or die for life, and you never have to wonder where you stand with them.

7 – Your soul sister brings out the best in you.

Some people believe that certain divine friendships help bring out real soul qualities, like selflessness, unconditional love, compassion, joy, and peace. If you notice these traits in each other, the universe may have brought you together to help your soul’s evolution. You look up to your best friend and feel lucky to have them in your life because of the amazing person they are. It feels like they want you to become your best self, and you wish the same for them.

8 – You met at a difficult time in each other’s lives.

A lot of soul friendships form during challenging times in life. That’s because the universe likes to send support when you need it the most. Also, if you have a similar karmic path as your soul sister, this could explain why you met at a certain point in each other’s journey. Your intuition might even urge you to talk to this person because the universe always sends precisely who you need at the right time.

Almost immediately, you felt like you could share the struggles in your life with them, and they helped you get through the dark days. A soul sister won’t turn her back on you when you need her the most, and because of this, she’s earned your trust. They uncanningly know exactly what to say to make you feel better, and you genuinely appreciate them for giving such unconditional love and support.

9 – You can have a good time just sitting around and talking.

You can just sit in each other’s companionship and not have to say much to have a good time. You don’t have to stress out about them getting bored around you since you have similar energy and don’t need constant conversation. Additionally, you also do not need to go out to a bunch of places to keep each other entertained, because you can have just as much fun doing nothing at all. These types of friendships where you can just relax and not have to worry about impressing anyone don’t happen often. If you should happen to be fortunate enough to find someone who understands your energy, you’ll probably never get tired of being around them.

10 – Talking to them, feels therapeutic in some way.

When you talk with them, your soul finally feels understood, and you don’t feel as alone anymore. With other friends or family, you might feel they just don’t get you or that you have to censor yourself in some way. With a soul sister, you can talk about your weirdest, darkest thoughts or feelings and not feel embarrassed or ashamed about them. The connection you have with them feels therapeutic and healing for your soul in a way you can’t quite explain, but you just know it deep down.

Final thoughts on signs your best friend is your soul sister

Every once in a lifetime, you might meet someone who feels so familiar and comforting to your soul that you know you’ve crossed paths before. A soul sister changes your life for the better because of the guidance and support they offer, and you can’t imagine life without them anymore. You will feel an overwhelming sense of pure joy and love when you meet them because of the strong bond you share across many lifetimes. They genuinely feel like a soulmate friend, and you connect with them in a way you haven’t with anyone else.

You feel a deep love and care for them, even if you haven’t known them for long in this life. If you have this soul connection in your life, you have truly been blessed by the universe.

Lifestyle

5 Signs Of Bad Communication In A Marriage

5 Signs Of Bad Communication In A Marriage


Any divorce lawyer will tell you that one of the most common reasons that a marriage fails is bad communication. People just don’t talk or express themselves as they used to. While some of this can be blamed on phones and other devices, a lot of it is simply two people who are unwilling to see eye to eye until it’s too late.

The good and bad news is that this poor communication doesn’t just “jump” to the end result of divorce. There are usually plenty of signs of communication problems in that way. Many couples may not even be aware of the symptoms.

According to a study published by Dr. Mary Ogechi Esere and other colleagues of The University of Illoran, Nigeria, a marriage without effective communication will crumble. Because of this, it’s essential to recognize and fix communication problems before the union gets to the point of collapsing. Here are five signs of bad communication in a marriage that you can begin to recognize and fix before they get out of control.

1. You have replaced listening with talking.

One of the most significant indicators of a failure to communicate is when communication becomes a one-way street. Sure, there is plenty of talking happening. The two of you aren’t missing a beat when it comes to sharing information.

You may share the details of your day or talk about any activities or chores that need to be done. You may speak about childcare concerns or bills, or even ask how work is going.

One person may even be expressing deeper concerns like how they’re feeling about certain things. This is where the real disconnection comes in. The other partner may simply respond with more talk.

The problem is that it’s all talk, just something that’s filling the air. Either one or both parties are simply not listening to the other. You hear each other, but you’re not processing what’s being said and taking the time to truly understand your partner’s feelings.

It’s like the wants, needs, and desires of each person are being tuned out. This type of dismissive behavior must be nipped in the bud early before it can have lasting damage to a marriage.

Each person must understand that merely hearing the other person isn’t enough. You must each think about what your partner is saying and process it. Only then can effective communication be restored, and a solution to whatever other problems are happening can be found.

2. You find yourself assuming how your partner is feeling.

It’s every person’s dream – to find someone who is on the same wavelength as they are. They want someone that’s so “in tune” with them that the person just automatically knows how they’re feeling.

On the surface, that sounds nice but, that only works in the cupcake stages of a relationship. This is because you’re only dealing with a limited range of emotions. However, keep in mind that we’re all a sophisticated container full of emotions brimming beneath the surface.

By the time you get married, you should have made it past all those initial, easy-to-read emotions. You should understand that there is more than what you can see. This means that you aren’t going always to be able to “read” your partner’s feelings.

That’s okay! It can be considered as healthy. After all, you’re most likely not a psychiatrist or a psychic. This is where communication comes in. You absolutely must be able to talk to each other about your feelings.

When you find yourself in a situation where you can’t or won’t talk to each other about your feelings, there is a severe breakdown of communication. There should never be a time where you’re assuming your partner’s feelings and vice versa. When this starts happening, it’s time to get together and work on the communication between the two of you.

3. You find yourself being irritated at even the smallest issues.

It may seem like your partner can do nothing right lately. You may find yourself wondering how he can be such a screwup. I mean, simple things aren’t even being done, simple needs aren’t being met, and you just too annoyed to even mention them.

When you stop to think about it, a lot of these situations are just that – situations. Not issues. You might not even be able to put your finger on why these things irritate you so much.

There may have even been a time where you thought these little nuances were cute. Those were simpler times. Times when it seemed your partner could do no wrong.

Those times don’t have to be gone forever. You can fix the issue of being irritated at everything if you fix the real issues that’s going on between you. There is only one way to fix those practical issues, and that is to change the bad communication.

You must be willing and able to express what’s irritating you. This doesn’t mean petty stuff. This means the real stuff that’s slowly chipping away at you. You also must be able to listen to your partner if they want to express what’s irritating them.

4. You feel more comfortable talking to someone outside of the marriage.

When you are more comfortable talking to someone outside of the marriage instead of your spouse, there is a clear issue with bad communication. Your spouse should always be the first person you can go to whenever you need to talk. You should feel comfortable in confiding in your spouse, and your spouse should feel the same way about confiding in you.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t ever confide in friends or family. It’s healthy to be able to talk to others outside of your relationship. Sometimes a fresh perspective on situations can help to open your eyes to specific issues.

However, they should never be a substitute for talking to your spouse. When you begin to avoid talking to your spouse in favor of talking to others, that’s when it’s not okay. That’s when you and your spouse need to talk more than ever, no matter how uncomfortable it can get.

There shouldn’t be any subject that you can’t talk to your spouse about. Even if specific issues push both of your buttons, you should still be confident in knowing that you can speak to your spouse even in disagreement. If not, you may both need to seek outside help together instead of individually.

5. Your sex life is terrible.

Sex might not be everything in a marriage, but it does count for a whole lot. When there is any type of problem in a marriage, you can be sure that it will be reflected through your sexual chemistry. If you’ve noticed a change in your sexual habits with your spouse, bad communication may be the blame.

Poor communication leads to a breakdown in other aspects of the relationship. This can include emotional, mental, and even spiritual elements. Once these things have been broken down due to lack of communication, what you have left is sex.

Sex alone doesn’t keep a marriage together.

You’ll begin to notice that physical bond breaking between you and your spouse. One or both of you may simply “not be in the mood” more often. By the time you’ve reached this point, you’ve probably let the lack of proper communication go too far.

According to Chris Kraft, Ph.D., a director of clinical services of the Sex and Gender Clinic at John Hopkins Medicine, there are plenty of sexual roadblocks that occur in marriages. It’s not necessarily even malicious roadblocks, just everyday circumstances like kids, bills, careers, and more.

The problems mainly occur when there is no communication between spouses about how they’re feeling about all of these things. “You need to talk about it because the resentment that builds up around feelings of inequality is one of the biggest killers of intimacy and sexuality,” says Dr. Kraft.

It’s time to rush into fixing your bad communication problem before it’s too late. It takes two to tango, so if you’re feeling the results of poor communication through your sex life, your spouse is feeling it also. Just sit down and have an honest conversation with each other.

Final Thoughts on Signs of Bad Communication in a Marriage

You got married for a reason. That reason had to have been worth it, right? If your answer is yes, then it’s time to fix the poor communication between you and your spouse.

Communication is what keeps a marriage secure. Sure, times may get tough, and your spirit may get drained from time to time, but this is when you need your partner the most. Use the five signs above to recognize when bad communication has become a problem in your marriage so you can fix it before it becomes a more significant issue.

Lifestyle

Therapists Explain 7 Signs You’ve Found Your Partner for Life

Therapists Explain 7 Signs You've Found Your Partner for Life


When you’ve finally found your partner for life, you’ll feel it in your bones that you no longer have to search for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Everyone deserves love, but that doesn’t mean it comes easily. Usually, we stumble upon it when we’re not looking for a relationship in the first place. Not everyone believes in soulmates, of course, but studies show that people have happier relationships when they view their partner as the only one for them.

This makes much sense because if you feel that no one else could ever compare to your sweetheart, you won’t feel the need to wonder “what if” about other potential mates. You’ll have that peaceful satisfaction of knowing that you’ve found the ultimate love in your significant other. However, we don’t always know when we’ve met the right person. Your intuition may tell you that you’ve found your ideal partner, but you might need some more affirmation than that.

Below, we’ll go over some common signs that you’ve met your partner for life so that you don’t let them slip through your fingertips!

Therapists explain seven signs you’ve met your soulmate:

  1. You feel a connection with them you’ve never had before.

Perhaps you may feel an almost otherworldly connection with them. You feel as if you’ve known your love before in previous lifetimes. When you’re not speaking to them, the silence feels comfortable instead of awkward. However, during a conversation, you feel fascinated and stimulated by what they have to say, and you don’t need to hide or hold back your thoughts or feelings. Everything fits, and it feels like the pieces of your puzzle have finally started to come together.

You feel at home in their company and could talk for hours with them about everything and nothing at all. Being physically attracted to someone naturally happens all the time, but below the surface, we all want and need a deeper connection. When you’ve found this genuine bond, you know you have your partner for life.

  1. You can see a future with them.

Soulmates usually have the same outlook or perspective on life, and may even share similar goals. When you have wildly opposing views about politics, religion, marriage, or any other significant ideologies, it makes it very difficult to make the relationship last. So, when you meet your forever partner, you will find it easy to mesh with them about important issues. Because of your compatibility, you can see a future with them, even after just a few dates.

Also, we’d like to add that having similar goals in life may help the longevity in the relationship. Not to mention, when you have the same interests, it enables you to bond in a more profound way and possibly create businesses and other pursuits together.

  1. You speak the same language.

Having a partner that understands your emotions and way of explaining things helps you feel more seen and heard in a relationship. If you continuously feel misunderstood and alienated by your partner, you probably won’t want to stick around too long. However, when you’ve met your partner for life, they will never make you feel neglected or alone. They make it a priority to ask the deep questions and listen to you intently in conversations.

You both may have the same sense of humor or perhaps a similar way of looking at the world, which gives you a connection like no other.

  1. They make you feel safe.

You no longer have to hide pieces of yourself or wish you could meet someone who understands you. In this person, you’ve found everything you need, and they make you feel safe physically, mentally, and emotionally. They talk problems out with you, listen to you when you’ve had a bad day, and protect you to the end of the Earth. When you meet your soulmate, you’ll know it based on how seriously they take the relationship.

Your partner for life will want to do everything they can to make you happy because they genuinely love and care about you. They have no desire to hurt you and would do anything in their power to give you the life you deserve. You have a sense of inner calm in the relationship, and insecurities you used to have just melted away. When you meet that person who wants to go all-in and will stand by your side through the good and evil, you know you’ve bonded with your special someone.

  1. You feel that the challenges you face make you stronger as a couple.

Upon meeting your partner for life, you’ll notice that any obstacles you face together bring you closer together as a couple. Some people tend to clash in personality or have different conflict managing styles that make it challenging to come to a solution. However, when you’ve met your soulmate, you’ll find that you meet challenges with ease and complement one another nicely.

For instance, if you want to start a business together, they might know about finance, whereas you know more about advertising and marketing. So, you come together to use your skills and create something beautiful as a couple and utilize each other’s strengths. However, your partner doesn’t criticize you for your weaknesses; they guide you gently if you need help with something.

  1. Everything works.

Of course, no relationship comes in a perfect little package of rainbows and butterflies, but in general, you don’t have too many hangups. You take care of conflict in a mature way and make sure you hear each other’s opinions without becoming overly defensive or critical. You enjoy one another’s companionship. Plus, you can’t wait to spend time together on weekends or when you get home from work. You never get tired of one another, because they feel like home to you.

You feel stronger with them than before because they’ve helped you become a better person. A healthy, beneficial relationship will always improve your life, not cause you more problems and misery. If you feel happier and more at ease with yourself and life in general upon meeting your significant other, you might have found your partner for life.

  1. Your friends and family approve of your soulmate, too.

Now, we do not want you to think that you must have your family’s approval before marrying someone, but usually, your family can tell when someone’s good for you or not. If the people closest to you have only good things to say about your partner, then it reaffirms your own feelings about him or her. They may mention how you light up when you talk about them or are in their company, or how much happier you seem.

Your significant other soon will be spending a lot of time with your loved ones, so their opinion of them does matter to some extent. You want a partner who will mesh well with the people who matter to you, so if they do, this is certainly a positive sign. Make sure you pay close attention to how your loved ones communicate and respond to your partner, and listen to them if they spot any red flags.

Sometimes, our family or friends can see potential problems in a different light than we can since they have an outside perspective.

reveal love
Here are fifteen hopelessly romantic ways to show your girlfriend some love.

Final thoughts on signs you’ve found your partner for life

Everyone wants to find that special significant someone, but how do you know when you’ve met them? Usually, if your family and friends really adore them, you connect with them on an insanely deep level, and you can look into the future and see them there, you have probably met the one. Other signs include feeling safe and peaceful in their presence, speaking a similar soul language, feeling understood and heard, and just meshing well in most areas of your life. It also helps if you hold a similar worldview and can overcome obstacles together with ease.

Not to mention, when you’ve found The One, other people will notice. They might even feel a little jealous and wonder where they can find a partner as wonderful as yours. You’ll want to show them off because you feel so enthralled with who they are as a person. Even if you don’t believe in soulmates, however, as long as you communicate well, make each other happy, and put equal effort into the relationship, you can make it work for the long haul.

Finding your partner for life will make you feel whole and complete in a way that nothing else compares, and it will likely happen when you least expect it. If you haven’t met this person, don’t worry; they might cross your path in an unlikely place, like the grocery store or the gym! Love finds us when we’re ready, so as long as you focus on making yourself happy and following your heart, it will come to you.

Lifestyle

9 Signs That You Are Being Contacted By A Spirit >>>

9 Signs That You Are Being Contacted By A Spirit


Many people have reported being contacted by a spirit through various means. They might feel a rush of cold air upon entering a room or hear a song on the radio that their loved one used to play all the time. Some people may interpret these as coincidences, but others feel that an angel or spirit guide from beyond wants to send them a message. These guides help us along our path in life and make sure we choose only to allow things that support our highest good.

Here are nine signs a spirit is trying to contact you:

Sometimes you might see repeating numbers or notice signs on a billboard that seem to have a message you need to hear. Other times you might just read a page in a book that jumps out at you. No matter where or how you receive the message, know that if it resonates deeply in your soul, the universe wanted you to know about it. Below, we’ll go over some surefire signs than an angel or spirit wants to connect with you.

1 – You feel deeply moved by something you read in a book or elsewhere.

Sometimes, spirits try to get our attention through written words, either on a billboard, in a book, or maybe even in an advertisement. Spirits operate in higher realms, and since they can’t physically talk to us, they must use different mediums such as technology or books to communicate with us. Have you ever read a passage in a book that just moved you to tears or made you feel overwhelmed with joy? Maybe your guides know that you’ve been looking for a sign of hope lately and decided to bring you some reassurance through the novel you’ve been reading.

Perhaps the universe wants you to bookmark that page for future reference because it contains such an important message for your journey here on Earth. Or, maybe your angels or guides directed you to turn the TV on a particular channel and hear a message from an actress at just the right time. Another scenario might have you driving along the freeway and noticing a billboard with an inspirational or motivational message such as “Just keep going.” Some people pay to put those messages up because they know so many people need hope and encouragement in today’s world.

No matter how you get the messages, written words can serve as a powerful way for spirits to communicate with you. If you do get the feeling that they’re trying to send you a sign, make sure you pause for a moment in your day and reflect on what your guides want you to know.

2 – You find bird feathers in your driveway or yard.

Any bird feathers, especially from a hawk or eagle, signify that an angel or spirit wishes to grace you with their presence. Feathers serve as tokens or presents from your guides, letting you know that you are not alone and that they’re watching over you. You can take comfort and peace in knowing that you have an angel nearby who wants to reassure you as you make your way through this often cruel and confusing world.

In the Native American culture, feathers symbolize a gift from the Creator and high honor. It also embodies the qualities of trust, wisdom, power, strength, and freedom. Native Americans earned a feather when they won a battle or showed bravery in war, and if a feather falls from the sky, they believe it carries with it powerful energy from the Great Spirit. They think that eagles, in particular, have a lot of power and good energy because of their strength and bravery. Therefore, they hold eagle feathers in high regard if one happens to fall on their land.

3 – Small amounts of change like pennies, nickels, and dimes.

Sometimes, angels like to give us encouragement and comfort through monetary means. This gift shows they want to support you emotionally and financially because of the good karma you’ve incurred. So, if you see a penny or even quarters nearby, take that as a sign from your spirit guide that you have chosen the right path, and your kind thoughts and actions have been rewarded.

4 – You smell certain scents when you walk into a room.

Sometimes, our angels like to overwhelm our senses with a powerful aroma to help perhaps us recall fond memories or remember our loved ones. Maybe you walk into your house and immediately smell your mom’s favorite perfume. You think she is there, only to find the house empty just as you left it. How can you explain this? Well, most people can only point to the spirit world as a way of making sense of this phenomenon.

Spirits love to give us comfort through certain smells, such as those of aromatic roses or gardenias. If you smell something out of the blue without any other explanation, you probably have a spirit guide nearby.

5 – You have powerful, vivid dreams.

Spirits love to convey messages through our dreams, and this mode of communication comes most readily to them. As one of their favorite tools, our guides like to deliver powerful messages when our subconscious mind can better absorb them. During our sleeping state, the usual stimuli of life gets shut off, and our dreams get our full attention. Some common ideas that spirits like to give us include the following:

  • hopes of seeing a deceased loved one
  • fantasy dreams, perhaps where we’re a hero that gets to save the planet
  • thoughts about dying (usually interpreted as the end of a chapter in our life)
  • dreams about flying
  • end of the world dreams (maybe you feel uneasy about certain aspects of your life. These usually mean there’s a level of uncertainty you think)

Any time you have vivid dreams such as these, make sure to write them in a notebook when you wake up. Dreams can carry powerful messages from beyond that spirits deliver into our subconscious.

6 – You see orbs.

While some people believe that orbs are nothing more than pieces of dust reflected in the sunlight or flash of a camera, others believe that spheres are spirits. If you notice these in a recent picture you’ve taken or just while walking through your house, take note of any other sensations you feel. Maybe the room gets a little chilly, or you sense a presence with you.

7 – Certain songs keep replaying on the radio.

Spirits also love to communicate through music. If a spirit wants to contact you and knows that you deeply resonate with songs, it will direct your attention to a particular station or song that speaks to you. When you hear a song that moves you or stirs up positive emotions, know that an angel wants you to listen to the message in the music for a reason. The vibrations in the music can affect us in either a positive or negative way, so if you feel joy after hearing a song, your angels or guides want to send you comfort and good energy.

8 – You feel a spirit near you when you enter a room.

Do you sometimes feel light touch or caress on your shoulder but don’t feel freaked out by it? A benevolent spirit will make you feel at ease when it enters a room and will want to draw near you to send specific messages. Usually, spirits reserve these close encounters for times you feel deep sorrow or depression, perhaps over the recent loss of a loved one. If you feel the room getting hotter or colder with no explanation, or you feel a subtle touch on your shoulder, know that a spirit wants to contact you for a specific reason.

9 – More synchronicities happening in your life.

Maybe you see repeating numbers on a clock or notice the right people keep showing up in your life at just the right time. These synchronicities happen when we tap into the flow of the universe, and everything simply seems to fall into place. As we increase our frequency, things just seem to flow much easier, and we don’t have to put in as much effort for things to go our way.

If you often see ravens, this might be why.

Final thoughts about signs a spirit is contacting you

Spirits love to communicate with us in different ways to deliver specific essential messages that our souls need to hear. Standard methods of communication include books, songs, coins, dreams, certain scents, bird feathers, and visual light energy like orbs. Spirits may also choose to show themselves through manifesting synchronicities, lightly touching you on the arm or shoulder, or making a room hotter or colder with their energy.

No matter how a spirit or angel chooses to contact you, just remember that any of these signs have a positive connotation. You have selected the right path in life, and your guides have come to reassure you!