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Therapist Explains How to Grieve the Loss of Your Love Relationship »

Therapist Explains How to Grieve the Loss of Your Love


Breaking up with your partner is like a death. It’s almost impossible to move on as if nothing happened. You both have been uprooted out of the ground into a new chapter in life. It’s okay to feel a range of emotions as you go through the process. We have a few ways to grieve the loss of your love relationship.

You’ll Face Five Stages as You Grieve Your Lost Relationship

The Kübler-Ross model of grief, also known as “The Five Stages of Grief,” explains what happens to our minds during the five stages after we lose something or someone special.

These stages are anger, bargaining, denial, sadness, and acceptance. You don’t necessarily grieve in any specific order. Sometimes you experience a stage multiple times.

During the grieving process, you may deny the person is gone from your life. You might get angry wondering what you could have done differently. Or, you might bargain with a higher power to help them come back to you.

Once you realize this is not going to work, you might feel depressed. You start listening to sad songs and watching old home videos.  Finally, you usually just accept this person is gone from your life. Sometimes we get stuck in denial thinking no one will ever love us again.

These stages have no time limit. It’s up to you when you decide to accept the loss and move on with your life. The truth is that you probably will fall in love again. You just have to give yourself time.

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11 Ways to Take Care of Yourself as You Grieve for the Love You Lost

1 – Don’t Overthink

You may find yourself returning to the relationship a million times in your mind. You might start wondering where you went wrong. When we do this, we start to think we should go back. There’s a reason you broke up. No matter how many good times you had, there’s a reason underneath it all that the relationship is done. Don’t think about it all of the time. It’s time to hang out with yourself and move down the road. This doesn’t mean you won’t feel anything. You will still feel the stages of loss and you will grieve, but it means you don’t start playing the reel of your relationship in your head.

2 – Take Time To Detox

Many people deal with the loss of a love relationship by jumping into the next relationship. This doesn’t help you deal with any of the feelings left behind. The best thing you can do is have a period of detox. This means you take time to reflect and recharge your “love batteries.” You don’t need to date or pursue others at this time. You don’t need to go home with people from the bar. You need to focus on yourself. Before you get into a new relationship, you need to be 100% ready. You need to have a clear head on your shoulders. It’s only fair to you and the next person. If not, you will bring your drama into the next relationship.

3 – It Is Okay to Be Selfish While You Grieve

Love is often selfless. We put the other person above us. It’s time to be selfish once that relationship is over. Get out of bed when you feel like it. Go to the store without telling anyone. Stay out as late as you want. You get control of the remote watching whatever show you feel. You don’t have to answer to anyone. This is one of the only times in life when you get a pass to be selfish.

4 – Lean On Others

It’s okay to feel sadness with your support system. Lean on those you love to get out your feelings and emotions. When you want to cry and grieve, call up your best friend. Get those emotions out. You might need to yell at someone about the anger you’re feeling.

When someone you love passes away, people flock to you in support. They know this is the same during this love loss. They know sometimes it’s important to just be there sitting by you as you vent.

A hug is sometimes the best therapy available.

5 – Do Things You Enjoy

After a loss, it’s always best to find your smile again. Do things you love. Your self-esteem and heart might be bashed. When you do things that you love, you will feel happiness again. You might even forget for a few minutes that you’re going through a tough time.

You’ll actually learn to fall in love with yourself when you do things you love. You get to feel happy and enjoy a smile again. Whether it’s reading a book, going to the movies, playing a game of tennis or singing along with your guitar, do something you love.

6 – Let Go Of Emotional Baggage

Breakups leave big, ugly scars. If you don’t tend to these scars, they just look even scarier. It’s important to not dwell on the negative emotional baggage. You must learn to feel the pain then move on with a positive outlook. You’re able to decrease your amount of suffering by finding the lining in the clouds.

When you can tell yourself that “maybe it didn’t work out for a reason,” you’ll be able to move forward. If you get stuck in the negative emotional baggage of the relationship, it’ll be tough to move forward. You might face depression. You’re going to feel sadness and grieve some days. You’ll get triggered by a couple holding hands.

The important thing is to think of the positives in your break up. Remember why you broke up. By doing so, you’ll help your mind prepare for the next step in life.

7 – Forgive Yourself

Grieving means having to forgive yourself. It’s hard to let go. You blame yourself for every little thing. You might think everything was all your fault when it takes two to tango. Look back and think about both of your actions.

Think of the reasons why it didn’t work out. Even if you did things wrong, you have to let go of the blame. You cannot move on until you forgive yourself and grow from the experience as a whole.

thinking about the past

8 – Don’t Shut The Door On Love

Many times people that get out of a relationship will say they’ll “never” date again. They swear off all relationships. You should never speak in absolutes.

It didn’t work out with your ex for a reason. This doesn’t mean love isn’t going to work in the future. You’re burned right now. You have to get through this tough time and leave love open in the future. If you lose faith, you could be missing out.

There is a right time for your love.

One day you might find them when you least expect it. Until then, you focus on yourself. Don’t turn your head to anyone that tries to set you up. One day you’ll realize you’re ready again. In the beginning, it’s natural to think of speaking in absolutes.

9 – Don’t Seek Revenge

When you’re grieving, you often feel anger. You just want to hurt the other person because you’re hurting. Don’t seek revenge. Being angry and seeking revenge will not solve anything. It will make you seem petty and immature. Don’t trash talk them to your friends and family. Just accept they are gone, and accept that you don’t need to do anything about it. There’s a reason they aren’t with you anymore. You don’t need to go out and hurt them to dig the dagger even deeper into both of your hearts.

10 – Comfort Yourself

Remember there is no time limit to grieving. In the beginning, you might find it hard to even get out of bed. Take it a second at a time. Eat that pint of ice cream if you feel. Watch that sappy movie. Let your friends come over while you cry into their lap. You don’t have to be okay.

One day you’re going to be able to get out of bed. And, of course, someday you’re going to smile again. Your life was thrown into a blender. It’s okay to feel that pain. Always remember it’s okay to grieve.

11 – See The Differences

One of the best things that happen once you get through the grieving, you’ll realize there is a difference between a breakup and a death. When someone dies, it’s final. When you break up with someone, you get both get through it alive. You get to rise above it. One day you might see them walking along the street, and you won’t cry.

You’ll realize one day that you’re able to move forward. This breakup was the demise of that particular love relationship, but it’s not the final stage of love for you. One day soon, you’ll embrace living life to its fullest once again.

Final Thoughts on Taking Time to Grieve a Lost Love Relationship

It’s important to take time to grieve after any loss. A breakup is a loss that turns your world upside down. Once you face the truth of this loss and think through it, you’ll be able to move on. It might feel like you’re dying inside, but you’re about to live in the next chapter. Take time for yourself, then turn the page to the next chapter in life.

Lifestyle

Therapist Explains How to Restore Emotional Intimacy After a Fight With Your Partner

Therapist Explains How to Restore Emotional Intimacy After a Fight


Conflicts, arguments, and disagreements are bound to happen in the course of any relationship. Sometimes, it gets so bad that the discord escalates from a moderately annoying dispute to a full-blown heartbreak. You or your partner are bound to say harsh and hurtful things to the other that create obvious issues in your love paradise. And afterward, it can be challenging to return to your previous emotional intimacy.

While both physical and emotional bonds are instrumental in making any relationship healthy, after a fight, it can be quite challenging to want to share your body and emotions. Recovering from a bad conflict or any form of betrayal from your partner is a long healing process. It’s possible to get back to where your relationship was before the conflict or even make it better, but it requires patience and wisdom.

Which begs the question in this piece’s segment: How do you restore emotional intimacy in your relationship after a bad conflict? The experts in relationship matters will guide you through a few steps that can help you salvage your relationship and bring your partner closer.

Step to restoring emotional intimacy after you fight with your partner

Keep these things in mind as you move forward after an argument.

It starts with you

The need for change has to start from somewhere. You might want to begin the healing process from within yourself. Take some time to reflect on the happy times, the sad times, the mistakes, and begin to forgive yourself first.

Healing a broken relationship requires multiple gentle and open moves while thinking about your partner. Release all the anger and start working on committing to the relationship rather than trigger another argument. Avoid getting defensive, justifying your mistakes, and ignoring the real problem.

Change your mindset from blaming to forgiving and moving on. It will help you stay calmer.

Someone has to make the first move

As earlier discussed, healing a broken relationship requires gentleness and patience. It also needs someone to save that relationship, drop the ego, and take the responsibility of protecting it. It’s common for both parties to feel like the other party needs to admit to their mistake.

You will need some wisdom to overcome this challenging phase where you get to make the first move. If you are the voice of reason in your relationship, then it’s your responsibility to approach your partner and remind them of your attachments and connections. Consider making the first move when things are calm, and when your partner seems to be in the right mood.

Communication is paramount

Therapists insist for the longest time now, that communication and comprehension work hand in hand in a relationship. Looking at things, you could spend the entire day communicating with your partner about your feelings and thoughts, but if they don’t understand you, it’s all void. Choose a time when your partner is in the mood to communicate and reach an understanding with you.

You could begin this talking phase by hinting at it and let them prepare to discuss and let out their emotions when the time comes. When the time is right, communicate openly about the disagreement. Try to be calm and honest about what you feel. In most cases, conflicts don’t come up because of one event but a culmination of build-up emotions.

The only way you and your partner get to move on from the full-blown heartbreak is through communicating. Get to understand what your partner has been going through. Let them see your troubles and heartbreak through your eyes too.

Apologize and let it go

It takes two to tango; both you and your partner need to acknowledge your mistakes and feel sorry for the wrongdoings. Apologize to your partners after accepting your mistakes and give them the chance to do the same thing. You can only move to the next step if both of you forgive each other and accept to let it go.

What is next?

Now that you are past the worst, you might want to solve the problems that caused the conflict to avoid a repeat of the fight. How did the conflict come about? Was it a lack of quality time? Perhaps a lack of communication? Maybe your intoxication and abuse of alcohol led you to blow things that hurt your partner.

Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter now after you have already forgiven each other and promised to work on the shortcomings. Focus on coming up with a solution to solve the problem at hand. You might decide to see a relationship therapist or perhaps support your partner and enroll them for rehab.

What if the conflicts keep recurring?

Fighting fair is also another effective strategy that helps you improve your communication and prevents another harsh fight. The approach focuses on attacking the mutual problem eating into your relationship, rather than each other. Just because you’ve moved on, doesn’t mean other conflicts won’t erupt.

Nonetheless, it takes wisdom to know how to approach the conflict and when to unleash the tactics. Downplaying the disputes won’t solve the problem. Consider contacting an expert for great fighting fair tactics that will help you stick to the mission.

Time to restore that bond

With all the burden lifted, this should be the right time to work on your lost or weakened bond. Without a doubt, the healing process is a painful process that requires effort, patience, time, love, and lots of forgiveness. Try not to bring up things from the past; it only makes the process harder.

Numerous ways can help you restore the bond in your relationship. For instance, you could go back into memory lane and do the things you both loved to do in the past. Practice regular date nights together, go to movies, or even cook a meal together. Instead of focusing on the conflict moments in your relationship, you could drive your energy into having fun together and recreating those wonderful memories.

Move onto emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy revolves around so much more than sex. Someone had to say it. Work on reconnecting with one another intimately through using non-sexual methods.

We promise, it’s not going to get boring, and it only gets better. Emotional intimacy entails having deep conversations with one another and enjoying the quality time just between you two. Find unique ways to express your love and appreciation through cuddling, hugging, kissing, touching, and admiring one another.

Through these tips, you will make a great way to reconnect with your partner physically and sexually. It all starts with the emotions first.

Give yourself time

Like we said a little earlier, healing takes time and patience. You can’t just dive into where you left and proceed smoothly. Reconnecting intimately after the bond with your partner was broken will take time.

The last thing you want after coming this far is struggling to create a sexual connection with them because you haven’t built intense emotional intimacy. You might want to start working on trusting your partner again and avoid forcing the process. There isn’t one timeline that defines when you are ready for the next level.

Every relationship, situation, and individual is different. Consider communicating your own healing process with your partner and let them know how you feel every step of the way. When the time is right, you will know.

Seek to find a balance between your relationship and yourself

The strongest relationships are made of two interdependent partners striving to be together against all the odds. As you continue to heal, don’t lose yourself to the relationship. Before you two met, you had your hobbies, a social life, and a professional life; don’t tamper with that.

Ensure that you take care of yourself as much as you strive to take care of your partner and his or her feelings. Allow your spouse to do the same and then come together as a strong, trusting, and secure couple. Again, remember to employ fighting fair whenever an issue comes up, and when an unhealthy argument is about to blow up.

Emotional intimacy doesn’t happen immediately

Nothing good is built overnight. Therapists can’t necessitate this enough. We understand that words hurt, actions replay in your mind, being in love is a risk, and nothing is certain, including restoring emotional intimacy to its previous settings.

It’s important to understand that repairing and redeeming your emotional intimacy with your partner will take time. Before it gets better, there will be tears, spoiled days, and rough nights. However, don’t get discouraged; you will get there with the right amount of effort, energy, hope, and positivity.

Continue finding your way around your partner and work on restoring your romantic side. Intimacy soon follows after everything else is in place. Remember, forgiving, forgetting, and moving on is your relationship’s strongest motto.

Final thoughts on restoring emotional intimacy after a fight

The basis of any strong relationship is an emotional connection. By being gentle, loving, mindful, and caring, you will eventually make yourself a better partner. It starts with you.

Once you’ve made a safe haven for your partner to open up and be a better partner, you will be on the right track to saving your relationship. It’s the little things that count.