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Therapist Reveals 15 Ways Nagging Harms Relationships

Therapist Reveals 15 Ways Nagging Harms Relationships


In a relationship, nagging usually doesn’t accomplish anything except making both partners distance themselves from each other. Therapists agree that it is something that can tear a relationship apart.

Sally Connolly, LCSW, LMFT, a therapist with over 30 years of experience, says the following about this behavior:

“Nagging, or making the same request over and over again, usually does not get the desired result. Instead, it generally leads to a downward spiral with negative thoughts and feelings about each other and withdrawing, feeling discounted, misunderstood, controlled or unimportant.”

If you find yourself in a continuous cycle of pestering your partner about the same things, you can be doing more harm than good. You may not even realize the damage it’s doing until it’s too late.

15 Ways That Nagging Can Cause Hard Feelings in a Relationship

Here are 15 ways that, according to therapists, nagging can harm your relationship.

1. Your partner feels like you aren’t listening to them.

At some point and time, your partner may have revealed to you why they won’t do whatever it is you keep bugging them about. Maybe you didn’t agree, or perhaps you forgot. Either way, your partner will feel like you just aren’t listening to how they think about a particular situation. When a person feels like they aren’t being heard, they stop trying to talk to you. They may feel like the situation is hopeless.

2. There is a breakdown in communication.

This goes hand in hand with the first tip. Because your partner feels like you aren’t listening, they may stop trying to communicate with you altogether. There will be no more feedback on what you’re saying. They may begin to ignore you entirely, which will probably make your nagging worse. Eventually, you’ll start to feel just like your partner does – that they aren’t listening – and communication will break down between the two of you.

3. Arguments become more passive-aggressive.

After a breakdown in communication, the only thing that’s left is taking jabs at each other. Talking is getting you nowhere. Arguing is getting you nowhere. Now you’re left with resentment, which can manifest itself in the form of passive-aggressive behavior. This can further alienate your partner, as well as yourself. You’ll find yourself in a hostile relationship, which isn’t healthy for either one of you. It won’t last long with things being that way.

4. It can make your partner feel like you’re trying to his or her mother.

People love their mothers, and they may even seek out partners that have the same traits as their mother. This is especially true for men. However, that doesn’t mean they want to date their mother. You don’t want to be your partner’s mother any more than they want you to, but when you constantly nag your partner, it can remind them of how their mother used to get on them.

5. It just makes life dull and annoying.

No one wants to be around someone that gets on their nerves all the time. Just imagine if you must be around someone who is always pestering you, bothering you, telling you what you’re doing wrong, or getting on you about something. Yes, it’s frustrating being around or living with someone who won’t listen, but being a nag is never the answer. You need to find common ground on the situation.

6. It can make your partner tune you out.

The silent treatment. That would probably get on your nerves more than arguing would. Your partner may decide that they aren’t going to deal with your nagging. They are just going to ignore you and tune you out when your lips start moving. This can get irritating because they may begin tuning you out even during times that you aren’t a nag. They ignore you all the time now.

7. It can put your partner under a lot of stress.

Your partner may not know what to expect from you when you continuously nag them, and this can put them under a lot of stress. They don’t know how to act in front of you, what to say to you, or how to react to you. They may feel like you resent them or that they can’t please you. Not knowing what to do or say in front of someone you care about can create so much stress that you don’t want to be around that person. This is what can happen to your partner.

Here are five signs of poor communication in a marriage (and why this spells trouble!)

8. Your partner may begin to dread seeing you.

From the last tip, where your partner is stressed out, they’ll begin to dread seeing you because being around you isn’t a pleasant experience. They’ll start to expect drama from you, and no one likes to deal with drama. You can be sure that once you get to a point where your partner dreads seeing you, your relationship will be close to coming to an end.

9. Your partner may begin to confide in someone else.

You can probably think back to when you and your partner could talk about anything. That may not be the case anymore. You may begin to notice that you don’t speak as much or at all. This means your partner is probably confiding in someone else. It could be a friend or family member. You should hope that it’s not another romantic partner. Just keep in mind that your partner is human. If you make it difficult for them to talk to you, they’ll end up talking to someone else.

10. Your partner may begin to speak ill of you to others.

When your partner begins to confide in others, it might not be all pleasant talk. It’s going to hurt if you find out that your partner is saying bad things about you behind your back. Your partner probably needs an outlet to express how they’re feeling. Unfortunately, if you constantly nag them, they probably aren’t feeling good, so they’re probably not saying good things.

11. Your partner might lose their self-esteem.

When someone is continuously told that they’re doing something wrong, they may begin to feel like they can’t do anything right. It will start to weigh on their confidence and self-esteem. The last thing you want to do is to make your partner feel bad. You nag because they aren’t listening to you, and it can be frustrating. However, it would be best if you found a better way to communicate because you’re only making your partner feel bad about themselves.

12. It can make your partner react in a way they’ll regret later.

All that passive-aggressive behavior and the hit to their self-esteem can make your partner react in a way that they don’t intend to. Remember, your partner is human. People can only take so much before they snap. Don’t let things get to that point. Cut out the nagging before things escalate to the point of no return.

13. Your partner might stop coming home.

If you live with your partner, you probably expect them to come home each night. You may begin to notice that your partner has to “work late” all the time. It may get to a point where your partner stops coming home altogether. That’s going to cause a lot of additional problems in your relationship.

14. It can lead to depression.

When you constantly nag your partner, everything starts to break down, as discussed in the previous tips. This can lead to both of you being extremely unhappy with each other. You may love each other, but you can’t stand to be around each other. Now you’re both depressed, and your relationship is in jeopardy.

15. It can lead to substance abuse.

When all other methods of coping fail, substance abuse could be next on the list. This can happen to you, as well as your partner. This is probably the worst thing that could come from constant nagging. Substance abuse will introduce a whole host of new problems to the relationship. Old issues won’t even stand a chance of being solved. You should stop being a nag before things get to this point.

Final Thoughts on How Nagging Can Cause Breakdown of Love and Trust in Your Relationship

Understandably, you nag your partner because they aren’t doing something right, no matter how many times you bring it up. You’re irritated and frustrated, and you probably don’t know how else to get through to your partner. However, nagging is never the answer. It only makes things worse.

You need to sit down and have an in-depth conversation with your partner. Get their feedback on what’s happening between the two of you and make sure you listen and consider their side of things. This should help to clear up the situation, but if it doesn’t, then you need to consider the fact that the issue may never be resolved. You need to decide if it’s a relationship dealbreaker or a quirky habit that you can live with.

Whatever you decide to do, stop nagging your partner all the time.

Lifestyle

10 Ways to Stop Dwelling on the Past (And Create a Happier Future)

10 Ways to Stop Dwelling on the Past (And Create


Life tends to be all about sinking or swimming. Once you’ve experienced the pain of taking on too much and feeling like you’re drowning, it teaches you life lessons. It takes a great deal of effort to stay afloat. However, there is something about rock bottom that teaches you things that you can never learn when you are swimming along peacefully.

When you are at the bottom, you learn how to fight and claw your way back to the surface. You learn the power that you have within you that will sustain you in life. Now, the biggest challenge is to learn how to break away from your past and stop dwelling on those mistakes; it’s easier said than done.

Do you tend to ruminate on your past, and your mind plays a loop of your failures? Why do you keep playing the same movie time and again in your head, and you’re expecting the ending to be different? When you are constantly dwelling on the past, you will reopen wounds that have closed, and it will self-sabotage your determination.

How can you move forward when you are so preoccupied with what’s behind you? Letting go is never easy, but if you don’t get control of your thought processes, then days, weeks, and years will pass without change. To put the past in the past, you must first be willing to take a step forward.

10 Tips to Help You Stop Dwelling on the Past

It’s time for you to move on, and you need to let the universe know that you’re ready for a fresh start and change. There’s no need to be scared because you will stagnate if you never alter or change in life.

Everyone will agree the aroma that comes from stagnant water is pungent. If you’re ready to move on from your past and begin again, here are ten tips to help you.

1. Remember You Write the Story

The great thing about your life is you get to write your story. You will have many chapters, but each of these chapters will tell a story of a time or period you endured. Some chapters will be exciting and full of love and hope, which others will reflect on the darkest times in your life.

You will have support characters, people who are there for only a season, and those who shake things up. Take a good look at your novel and identify the chapter you’re currently in. Now, the great news is that you get to write the ending too.

Remember, no one else can write your story like you, so make sure that you give the novel plenty of interest and love.

2. Learn from Your Mistakes

The book of your life would be a pretty boning read if there were some intrigue, mystery, and drama. Consider a baby learning to maneuver in their new world. It takes them several times to fall before they learn to walk.

However, the young child soon learns what they need to do so that they don’t fall. The same analogy applies to you. You eventually know what you need to do to keep from making the same mistakes in life. Rumination and dwelling on the past only hurt you. Use your failures as motivation for the future.

3. Trust the Process

Do you ever wonder how your life would have been if you had made different choices? Did you know that you’re one decision away from a whole new life? Each choice you make is important because it defines that chapter in your life’s story.

Sometimes, things won’t work in your favor, and other times, you will master it all. The connection to why these things happened will become apparent in the future. If you’re constantly dwelling on the past, you might resist the good things in store for you.

You must trust the process and give yourself a pat on the back that you’ve made it thus far.

4. Look to the Future

Your strength may be limited, but the things you can achieve in your life are limitless. Keep in mind; you are utilizing strength and energy when you’re dwelling on the past, worrying, or angry. It’s exhausting trying to focus on things that are out of your control.

Letting go is so tricky, but in time you will learn to build and trust. The wonderful thing about letting go of excess baggage is that you’re clearing the way for new adventures. There are reasons for change, and when you resist these changes, you could be preventing some of the most extraordinary experiences of your life from occurring.

5. Find Inspiration in Others

Do you think that you’re the only one with problems? Life is all about the ups and downs and the valley. It seems so lonely when you’re at rock bottom, but you may use this time to draw inspiration from others.

One of the most powerful platforms ever created was Ted Talks. People share their stories of facing insurmountable odds and coming through victorious. You can find just about any topic and subject to draw strength.

If you aren’t much for podcasts, then you might try an online support group. It’s incredible what it does to your spirit when you read of others and their tales of the human spirit’s ability to overcome.

6. Meditation and Developing a Proper Mindset

Dwelling on the past puts you in a negative mindset. There have been numerous studies done on the effects of negative thinking. If you speak positive things, then you will be optimistic.

However, if you are continually living in a negative realm, your life will have a pessimistic outlook. You can change your thoughts by using meditation. If you’re new to this art form, you might want to try a guided meditation to erase negativity.

Your mindset means everything, so it’s time to change it for good. Stop looking at your past as a life sentence. It’s in the past for a reason, and you need to leave it there. Through mindful breathing and meditation, you can conquer some of your biggest inner struggles.

7. Stop Playing the “What If” Game

Does any of these questions sound like you: “What if I didn’t marry that person?” “What if I didn’t buy this car?” “What if I didn’t move across the country and try this adventure?” There are lots of questions that you ask yourself daily that you cannot answer.

While it’s hard to look at things positive when they turned out to be a disaster, try focusing on the right parts. For instance, your marriage might have been a wreck, but you have a beautiful child that you adore. If it weren’t for that marriage, then you wouldn’t have your baby. Even the darkest of clouds can have a silver lining.

8. Develop a Positive Mantra

You’re human, and it’s nearly impossible to stop all the evil thoughts. Every time thoughts of your past come up and bother you; you need to have a mantra that you quote to clear your mind.

For instance, if you found yourself once addicted to drugs and alcohol, but you’ve been clean for ten years, it’s a significant achievement. When your mind wanders back to those horrible events, tell yourself that you’re more powerful than the pain, and you will use your life for good.

You can use your past to help others who are not as far along on the journey. Then, you’re taking the bad that happened to you and turning it into a positive. Rumination and dwelling on the past are only useful if it’s helping someone else.

9. Stop Playing the Victim

Some people love playing the victim card because it feels good to get attention.

At some point in your life, you must move from victim to victor. Dwelling on the past should never be something you use for people’s pity or to get attention. Plus, this negativity will hold you back and won’t allow you to move on.

10. Get Help

If no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to get past the past, then you need to seek professional help. Therapy is an excellent outlet for you to vent your frustrations, process them, and then move beyond that stagnating position.

It’s never easy to change, and there are times when you want to run away and hide. However, there’s something very freeing when you talk about the issues with a third party who is objective. They can help you make sense of the madness and put things into perspective.

It would help if you found the strength within you to move past these events. You know how annoying the old record players were that would get stuck on a scratch and play the same sentences over and over?

Well, you’re doing the same thing inside your head. Ruminating on your mistakes can cause excessive anxiety, depression, and other mental health disturbances. You owe it to yourself and your family to move on.

Final Thoughts on How to Stop Dwelling on the Past

Dwelling on the past holds you back from entering the next significant phase of your life. Consciously work at removing these barriers from your mind. Only then will you be free to attain all your goals and dreams.

Business

10 Ways to Inspire Yourself When You Feel Like Quitting

10 Ways to Inspire Yourself When You Feel Like Quitting


10 Ways to Inspire Yourself When You Feel Like Quitting

One of the cruelest facts you’ll ever come across in life is the fact that 98% of people don’t achieve their dreams. There is nothing great about this club. The most important thing you need to realize is that quitting is not the answer, but finding ways to inspire yourself is.

So many people have failed so many times before becoming the most successful people in the world. Success wouldn’t have happened to them if they quit along the way, and they would be a part of the club. We totally get why you would want to quit because sometimes the going gets quite tough, and we feel like we just want to give up. 

We have gathered some of the best ways to inspire yourself when you want to quit. The following tips will help you spark and fire your motivation, inspiration, and drive back on, so you can achieve the dreams you have been longing to achieve. Here are some of the best motivation tips. 

1. Embrace the Struggle

We understand how cliche this may sound but hear us out. Most of the things in life that are worth having rarely come easy. Most people have to go through struggle, pain, sacrifices, and sleepless nights to achieve great things in life, but in the end, it’s usually well worth it. 

Stop looking at this like the negative that you perceive it to be, and separate yourself from the rest by enduring. Failures are a part of life, and so is the feeling to quit, but if you want something as badly as you want to achieve your goal, you’ll take a breather, get your firecracker back on and continue to grind. 

2. Keep Reminding Yourself Why

If you’re struggling with your motivation right now, there is no better way to get it going again than reminding yourself why you’re doing it in the first place. The desire to quit may be overwhelming right now, and you may be wondering whether it’s all worth it. Maybe your journey is taking longer than you anticipated, and things don’t seem to be going according to plan, that you’ve lost faith in yourself and lost sight of what you were after. 

Be as it may, think about your why. Why do you want this, and what made you start in the first place? Do you need to re-evaluate your goals and change things up for you to find your motivation again?

3. Consider the People You Can’t Let Down

Regardless of what you’re trying to achieve, you have people that support you, believe in you, and depend on you. One of the best ways to be inspired is to think about the people you don’t want to disappoint. 

How many people look up to you and want you to love your best life? Think about them and how it’ll affect them if you quit and just give up before meeting your goals. 

4. Recognize How Far You’ve Come

When you feel stuck and need to inspire yourself, look back at all the progress you have made so far. On the way here, you have learned, grown, and changed a few things or discovered strengths you didn’t know you had. Acknowledge these things, recognize the growth you have achieved so far and let it be the motivation you desperately need. 

If, for instance, you’re halfway through a startup that doesn’t seem to grow, think about everything you had to do to get here. Will all that effort, struggle, and time go down the drain? If you’re already halfway there, the hardest part is over, and you only need to ensure a little longer before you finally get where you need to be. 

5. Forget Being Perfection

It’s admirable that you’re striving for perfection, but you need to understand that this is unattainable. If you’re always after perfection, the disappointments may follow you more often than you’d like. Don’t set your plans in stone and feel that they have to go according to plan.

When you hit a rock, change direction and find alternative ways to make things work. Sometimes things happen completely unexpectedly and end up going even better than the initial plans we had. If you need to, take a few steps back, change your perspective, and see how you can achieve your goals differently. 

6. What Happens After You Quit

One of the most significant reasons why you need to find ways to inspire yourself, it’s the thought of what will happen after you quit. It’s easy to talk yourself out of doing something most of the time, but have you thought about the consequences of quitting? How will it affect your professional and personal life?

What will it do to your self-esteem and the feeling of being a failure? What will happen if you stop working out, or abandon that small business, or your college education? Where will you start from there?

7. Find Someone to Hold You Accountable

Accountability is the one thing that can keep you motivated, especially if it’s someone that you don’t want to disappoint. Being accountable for all your actions will keep you aligned with your goals, and it’s one of the best ways to be inspired. Checking in with someone or knowing that someone expects results from you is a great way to keep pushing yourself. 

8. Use External Rewards

If you want to know how to motivate yourself, try giving yourself external rewards to the small steps you take. Every time you find that your motivation is dwindling, take small steps towards a reward you really want, which will make you look forward to finishing. Give yourself special treats or watch a few episodes of your favorite series when you’re done.

If you have a large project, then you can make it a habit to buy yourself something nice every time you achieve a task. Inspire yourself by getting yourself things you love or going online and reading great motivations books, picture quotes, and success stories. Seeing that things haven’t been easy for others will give you the drive to continue until you finally succeed as well. 

9. Take Break and Find Ways to Relax

Life can feel like a never-ending rat race, and sometimes all you need to do is take a break and refocus your entire perspective. The motivation you need may come from looking at your project with fresh eyes and a different perspective. Take a break, find a few ways to relax, from getting a massage, going for a long drive, activity or hobby you love, or meditate. 

10. Be Proud of Yourself

Even if you’re taking baby steps and the task ahead seems like a mountain you’ll never conquer, look back and be proud of how far you’ve come. This will inspire you to take more steps, regardless of how small. Pat yourself on the back for the small victories and understand that you can only achieve your goals if you keep going, not if you quit. 

How to Inspire Yourself When You Want to Quit

Most people struggle with motivation every once in a while when things don’t go according to plan. Still, these are some of the best ways to inspire yourself to keep going when you feel like quitting is the only option. Quitting should not be an option whatsoever until you have done the best you possibly can. 

Now that you have your motivation back, whether you’re going through school. A business, fitness goals, relationship, or real estate, we have posts that will guide you through your project. Please check out our blog section, where we have lined up informative articles that will help you through your journey!

 

 

Lifestyle

20 Easy Ways to Impress Your New Crush

20 Easy Ways to Impress Your New Crush


Do you think you are falling for someone? Does he feel the same way? There’s no way to know for sure when it comes to matters of the heart. When you are interested in a new crush, you might feel afraid to make the first move. And you definitely want to impress that potentially special someone.

So what’s a person to do to attract the right kind of attention? Here are 20 ways to impress your new crush and ensure they take notice.

Twenty Ways to Make a Lasting Impression on Your New Crush

1. Be Open and Genuine

There’s nobody in the world quite like you, and there never will be. Why would you want to be anybody else? Your new crush wants a person who is genuine and confident.

Although you want to make a great first impression, try to relax and just be yourself. Let your new crush see you for who you are. When you keep your body language neutral and receptive, you will show an interest in her that she will notice. Let her fall in love with the real you, not a façade.

2. Smile and Have a Sense of Humor

Physical attraction is a much-misunderstood aspect of human relationships. Real, inward beauty is most important, and it’s what will make your relationship last. However, outer beauty is what will attract him in the first place. It’s the only way he can get to truly know you.

Long after your new crush forgets what you were wearing when he first met you, he will remember your smile. A lovely, genuine smile costs you nothing, but it’s more valuable than any gold or diamonds you could wear. Not only does your grin show an interest in him, but it also conveys your sense of joy and humor.

3. Be a Good Listener

Everyone wants someone to show an interest in their life. Nothing is more unappealing than a bore who can’t talk about anything else but himself. If you want your new crush to blossom into a fulfilling relationship, you need to be a good listener.

Practice active listening skills like open body language, mirroring, no interruption, and clarification. Ask her about her day and other questions about things that are important to her.

4. Be Positive

Who likes hanging around a “Negative Nelly?” Guys enjoy talking with women who are upbeat and make them laugh. Being positive doesn’t mean you have an unrealistic view of the world. There are injustices and negative influences in everyone’s lives that must be addressed.

However, there are too many happy things to discuss rather than dwelling on the negative aspects. Be a great conversationalist and talk about things that make her satisfied and dwell on the beautiful things in life. When you radiate joy and positive energy, it makes you even more attractive to a prospective suitor.

5. Take Pride in Your Appearance

You already realize that your new crush was first attracted to you by your appearance. Now that you have his attention, how you look will be even more critical. How else is he going to discover how beautiful you are on the inside as well as the outside?

Getting used to each other is not an excuse to let yourself go. When you are meticulous with your grooming and individual style, it shows your new person that you have self-confidence. He should never be embarrassed to be seen with you in public.

What guy would be impressed to see his lady with no makeup, hair scrunched up like a rat’s nest, browsing through the department store in her slippers and pajamas? Guys, no woman is attracted to a scrubby dude. Look your best and carry yourself with self-respect and dignity.

6. Know How to Have Fun

One of the many blessings of having a steady love interest is that you don’t always have to do things alone. To keep your new crush interested, you must show them that you know how to have a good time. Boredom is the kryptonite of a lasting relationship.

You needn’t spend a fortune to have fun together. Think of exciting places to go or things to do. Don’t start your relationship by getting into a date night rut. Be creative, and keep your sweetheart’s interests in mind.

7. Don’t Be Clingy

Do you want to destroy a budding relationship quickly? Just start texting and phoning him non-stop and whine when he can’t be with you every second. Such behavior spells clingy and desperate, which is most unattractive. You needn’t be aloof, but don’t appear to be needy and controlling.

8. Be Spontaneous

Have you ever heard that variety is the spice of life? Nothing could be more accurate when it comes to relationships. Stay one step ahead of her and keep her guessing what you’ll do next. Meet after work all dressed up and have tickets to a musical she’s dying to see.

Go beyond the norm and do something thrilling together, like hand gliding or exploring a local cave. Instead of your usual Saturday date night, why not plan a surprise getaway to a quiet cabin in the woods? Do the unexpected, and your relationship will always be fresh and fulfilling.

9. Be Open About Your Feelings

Of course, you don’t want dates with your new crush to seem like a therapy session. While it’s good to have each other lean on, you don’t want to go overboard. Neither do you want to keep your emotions penned up in a stoic hush?

Be honest with your feelings and allow your beau to be frank with his. Remember that women tend to be more in touch with their emotions than men are. Be empathetic with one another, and don’t be afraid to say how you feel. It will draw you closer together.

10. Keep the Past in the Past

Many people make the mistake of unloading their romantic history on their new love interest in the beginning. Does he need a running list of your broken relationships and why you despise your former lovers? Remember that being honest doesn’t mean to tell everything you know.

Again, stay positive and don’t spend precious time bad-mouthing people. It will only make you look petty and perhaps a liability in the relationship. Keep any lessons you’ve learned from past experiences in your heart and get rid of the rest.

11. Be on the Same Page

Perhaps nothing could be more painful and embarrassing than assuming a love interest where there isn’t one. If you are crushing on her, are you sure that she feels the same way? Is it something that may lead to a closer relationship, or is it a passing infatuation?

12. Be Polite

Since when was being a rude attractive? Please note how your new crush treats you because it can reflect how he will treat you in the future. Guys, women still love to be treated like a lady, so be polite with your manners. Does your love interest show courtesy to others?

13. Be Curious, But Not Invasive

When you start dating a new love interest, of course, you have many questions to ask. The whole concept of dating is to get more acquainted with each other. You’ll have a plethora of things to discuss and discover about your love interest.

However, this is a budding relationship that must grow in rapport and trust. Please don’t rush in like a roving reporter and make her feel like she is being interviewed. Talk about your interests and your family life, but make sure you keep your questions general and non-threatening.

14. Random Acts of Love

Isn’t it funny how small, random acts of love mean so much in a relationship? It’s a chance to use your passion and creativity together. Write a little love note and leave it in a place where she’s sure to see it.

Can you imagine his surprise when he sees a single red rose on his desk with a card from you? It’s these little gestures that let him or her know that you are thinking about them.

15. Start a New Tradition

While spontaneity is vital for a healthy relationship, so are traditions. They keep you grounded as a couple and make you remember who you are. Think about starting a tradition that will mean something to you both.

It could be visiting a favorite restaurant once a week or playing your favorite love song to each other and dancing the night away. Do something special that is just meant for you two.

16. Join the Gang

If you’ve decided to take a step from friendship to a love relationship, you’ll want a chance to blend into each other’s group of friends. It’s a great way to officially announce your love so that people will know you as a couple. If you have other platonic relationships, they should be friends with you both.

17. Set Boundaries

Is he interested in dating you seriously? Or is he expecting to date other women? It may take a few dates to see where your relationship is heading. Set boundaries early in the relationship, so each of you knows what to expect from the other.

18. Be Attentive

Do you know when your sweetheart has done her hair differently or is wearing a new fragrance? Has your beau trimmed his beard, especially for you? Pay attention to these things and be complimentary, and your lover will be glad you noticed.

19. Take Time

If you have a plant and don’t water or give it care, it will die. The same thing can happen in a relationship. While you both need personal space, you must take time for one another and blossom in love.

Outside of your work commitments and other obligations, your love interest should take a top spot in your life.

20. Be Faithful

Has your crush turned into a committed relationship? Be a faithful lover and avoid the temptation of straying. Even if you are texting or emailing intimately with somebody else, it’s still cheating.

Final Thoughts on Impressing Your New Crush

Having a new crush can be an exciting point in your life. Maybe this will be your forever person. Being honest and having open communication can make the difference in a lasting relationship. Most of all, take care of yourself regardless of the outcome of this budding romance. Good luck with your new relationship.

Lifestyle

7 Simple Ways To Change How You Think And Live

7 Simple Ways To Change How You Think And Live


Change is inevitable. It can be frightening, it can be sought after, and it can even be so subtle that it goes unnoticed, but one thing remains constant: change is always happening all around you.

If you’re looking to change aspects of your life for the better, you’ve probably found that it’s much easier said than done. Luckily, with the right habits, you can take steps towards improving yourself and enacting change in yourself in the best ways possible. Here are seven simple ways to change how you think and live.

1.    Don’t Dwell On Regrets

Regrets are a part of life. It’s normal to experience some degree of remorse over past actions, missed opportunities, and bad decisions. But that outcome does not mean you should dwell upon your regrets and let them consume you. According to research, there are six familiar sources of regrets:

  • Career
  • Education
  • Leisure
  • Parenting
  • Romance
  • Self

Be aware–your mind may automatically fall to these regrets if you have any within these subjects. You must learn to work past these feelings if they exist. Speak to a therapist or similar mental health professional about working through feelings of regret. You’re more energetic when you learn from them without letting them weigh you down.

2.    Learn To Reflect By Asking Why

Self-reflection is an indispensable tool for those seeking to impart positive change in their lives and thoughts. When something happens that you feel could have gone better or that you know went badly, pause and dig deep into yourself. Why did this happen? Some questions you can ask yourself are:

  • Why does this situation bother me?
  • Why did their actions hurt me so much?
  • Do I have difficulty with this task or circumstance?
  • Where are these emotions stemming from?
  • Why did I have such a strong reaction to that situation?
  • How can I prevent a lousy reaction next time?
  • Could I have avoided this?
  • How could I have aided the situation?

These questions encourage you to look inward and find answers that exist in your subconscious. They allow you to think, hard, about your actions and thoughts and where they come from, thus allowing you to begin making changes to prevent repeats of the same incident.

Don’t forget. You can also self-reflect when good things happen! To self-reflect on the positive, ask yourself these questions:

  • What led to my success?
  • What motivated me to reach this achievement?
  • How did I feel when I was in that favorable situation?
  • How can I replicate this again in the future?

3.    Learn To Love Learning

School systems can make us learn to dislike the process of learning and gaining knowledge. But without all the confines of those rules from your school days, you can, instead, begin to learn on your terms. This new habit can be a lot of fun and is a great way to sharpen your mind and gain the knowledge you need to change how you live and think.

But where do you begin? How can you start learning and enjoying the process? Here are some ideas:

  • Read more books
  • Watch informational documentaries or videos.
  • Take a class in an exciting subject.
  • Start learning a new hobby.
  • Learn from friends or mentors

4.    Use Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations are powerful tools. They are often used as mantras to be repeated to oneself every morning in the mirror before work, school, or other responsibilities. These affirmations have a fantastic effect on positive thinking, allowing you to slowly fake it till you make it, growing to believe in yourself more and more in the process.

Think about the kind of change you want to see in your life. Then, pick a confident, specific, and forceful statement that moves you towards your goals by affirming that you are the person you wish to be. Finally, repeat this statement for at least ten minutes, once a day:

  • I am strong enough to overcome all odds.
  • My intelligence makes me a valuable worker.
  • I maintain healthy relationships with my friends.
  • My efforts bring fruit.
  • I am smart, beautiful, and valued.

When making your affirmations, try not to make these mistakes:

Using The Words “Will” or “Shall.” These words put your success permanently in your future and never in your present. Stick to terms in the present tense.

·         Putting Anything Negative In Them

Don’t make your affirmations negative, even when the overall message is still right. For example, instead of saying, “I am not harmed by adversity,” say, “I overcome adversity.” It doesn’t seem like much, but that negative spin can affect your chances.

·         Giving Up

At first, you will feel silly saying your positive affirmation. That’s normal, and it may take a while before you don’t feel weird repeating them. The goal here is a fake it till you make it type of deal. The more you say these words to yourself, the more you will believe them, and soon when you tell them, you’ll know you’re speaking the truth.

5.    Focus On Your Goals

Goals are what motivate you. They’re what you strive towards, against all the odds. When you turn your attention to them, you give power to yourself to change to meet them.

Of course, additional problems can arise if you don’t set goals in a positive or helpful way. Luckily, there are a wealth of tried and true scientific methods to ensure that you set goals correctly. Here are some actionable tips that could be helpful:

·         Set Goals You Can Hold Yourself Accountable For

Vagueness is a death sentence for goals. Only set goals that you can actively hold yourself accountable for. To do so, make goals that have definite deadlines, have specific requirements, and can be easily kept track of.

·         Make A Motivational Board

Goals are often intangible. You can’t really touch them or even view them directly on a daily basis; they exist only in your mind. A motivational board, also known as a dream board, can give your goals some physical substance to hold onto. Stick pictures, articles, handwritten goal lists, and similar items onto your motivational board and look at it every day. You’re manifesting your goals into a physical form, and that can be very powerful.

·         Be Flexible

A lot of people are a bit too steadfast with their goals. Yes, perseverance is a beautiful thing, but that doesn’t mean you have to set your goals in stone. If situations surrounding your life change, your goals can change with them. There’s no shame in needing to make changes to goals depending on your abilities or circumstances. In fact, that’s part of the best method to set goals in the first place! So be flexible.

·         Make Sure You Feel Challenged

Goals aren’t worth much if you don’t feel like they’re actually challenging you. Too-easy goals will make you become complacent, and your progress will stagnate or, at best, you’ll achieve a goal that won’t actually be that significant. Make sure your goals are challenging and challenging – but not impossible or too tough – to attain!

6.    Be Grateful

A little gratitude goes a long way. Research proves that being grateful can improve social interactions, boost positive thinking, and reduce the risk of developing symptoms of depression.

Still, sometimes, it’s hard to feel grateful, and you may get caught up in the downsides of life. If that applies to you, never fear! Here are a few tips for being grateful in your everyday life:

·         Appreciate What You Have

Every day, stop and take stock of all things you have in life that you appreciate. This list can range from something as simple as a roof over your head and having a job to more complex situations, like your witty personality, sharp thinking skills, or the strength you have to overcome difficulties. If you like, you can even keep a gratitude journal, where you write three things you’re grateful for each day.

·         Learn To Move Your Thought Patterns To Gratitude

It’s natural for many people to take notice of the bad in their lives before even beginning to notice the good. This is often because the positive parts of life can be quite constant and quickly are taken for granted, while negative things impede areas of life and draw your attention and annoyance. The next time something bad happens, stop. Then, engage in a deep breath and shift your thoughts to blessings and little things that bring you joy. You’ll find plenty of wonderful things you may have been overlooking!

·         Savor Your Successes

A lot of us don’t take a good amount of time to celebrate our successes and achievements. Don’t make this mistake. There’s nothing wrong with giving yourself credit or celebrating a little when you achieve a goal or find success. Cement this victory in your mind and remember that feeling of joy, excitement, and fulfillment. This is a win that you should remember and look back on, so you appreciate your achievements and how far you’ve come.

7.    Accept Who You Are

Here’s the truth of the matter: there is only one person who can change how you think and live, and that person is you. The irony of it all is that you can’t change yourself if you don’t like yourself first. Yes, really!

Why is this the case? Well, if you don’t love yourself, you won’t be able to work towards improvement in the way that you want to. Think about it – do you want to help people you don’t like? The same concept applies to yourself. You’re not going to want to help yourself to the true best extent of your abilities if you dislike who you are as a person.

It can be difficult to accept yourself, but here are some ideas for how to begin working on it:

  • Practice regular self-care
  • Admire yourself in the mirror
  • Give yourself treats now and then.
  • Repeat positive mantras
  • Appreciate the person that you are

Final Thoughts On Some Simple Ways To Change How You Think And Live

It’s certainly not easy to enact big changes in your life. The way you think can be so ingrained in you that you struggle to overcome it. But by following these seven simple ways to change how you think and live, you will, slowly but surely, find methods that work for you. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help from loved ones or mental health professionals if you need it!

Lifestyle

7 Ways to Beat a Toxic Family Dynamic with Positivity

7 Ways to Beat a Toxic Family Dynamic with Positivity


Do you feel like you have a toxic family? You can pick your friends, but when it comes to your relatives, you have no choice in the matter. There are many family members both near and far that have qualities that you don’t like, and it’s not always easy to deal with them.

However, what about the family that you live and communicate with daily? Every family goes through certain seasons where things are rough, and dealing with these each other at these times can be overwhelming. You will experience bumps in the road, such as financial difficulties, job losses, and medical problems, but outside frustrations don’t equal a toxic dynamic.

How do you know if your family’s relationship is toxic or if the complications you face were brought on by circumstantial problems that will eventually even out? Here are some classic signs that your family puts the fun in dysfunctional.

7 Ways to Identify and Overcome a Toxic Family Dynamic

Here are seven red flags that signal a toxic family relationship that might exist.

1. Punishment and Discipline Are Blurred

Many people confuse discipline and punishment, as they are not the same. When you discipline your children, you are teaching them something or correcting behavior. Punishment is something that is done out of frustration, and the parent teaches the child nothing.

If you are in a toxic family pattern, then punishments can become excessive, and the behavior is never addressed. Many adults that don’t know how to handle a situation effectively may use the silent treatment as a method to manipulate their children. To combat this situation, the parent should sit down with the kids and explain to them what they did wrong, why there is a punishment, and how things could be handled better in the future.

Make sure they understand why they are in trouble and how to correct their actions. This is one of the reasons why spanking and things of that nature don’t work. Adults have temper tantrums and take out their frustrations on their children, but they never address the real issue.

2. You Play the Blame Game

Folks who have a toxic family dynamic often have problems with members not seeing the wrong that they do. Sadly, finding fault with others comes easily to them. When a family is toxic, one person may blame others for their issues as they see themselves as always right.

Additionally, they can’t comprehend taking responsibility for his/her actions because it would mean they must admit they are wrong. This should not be confused with people who don’t truly realize that they have made a mistake. To combat these issues, you need to make sure you address the problem with the person.

While it’s never popular to point out the wrongs of others, an ongoing issue of this nature can certainly make for some uncomfortable living conditions. Sit down and discuss the problems and make sure you don’t point fingers but recognize the question that needs to be addressed. In these instances, you will almost always find poor self-esteem or other issues that drive the person’s need to always be correct.

3. You Threaten Each Other

One way to tell if you have a toxic family dynamic is if there is physical violence in the home. Did you know that anger is one of the easiest emotions to show? However, there doesn’t need to be slapping and hair-pulling to be toxic.

If you have one family member who tends to use threats to punish others, then it’s a toxic family environment. An example would be if the parent were upset because their child was going through a rebellious stage and wanted to control them. The parents could tell the child if they don’t follow the rules or do what they wish, they will make them go live with another relative or parent.

While a child should know that there are rules that they must follow, their home and the security of their “safe zone” should never be compromised. Many split families often must consider where the child should live, but this decision should be based on the kid’s best interest and not as a punishment.

When a child is acting out, it means there is something under the surface that’s bothering them. There could be hormones that are raging out of control, or they could be bullied at school. To send positive vibes to this adverse situation, sit down and talk to the child openly and honestly. If you can’t get through to your child, get a therapist involved to keep the toxic aspects of the situation under control.

4. You Deal with Control Issues

Control issues are not uncommon in families. Children often feel that their parents are controlling because they can’t do what they want. There’s a difference in having control issues and being a concerned parent.

If you want positive vibes and don’t want others to feel like they walk on eggshells, then communication is vital. Never put tracking apps on phones of other adults in the home, and you should never use money as blackmail to get someone to do what you want. Finally, while you may not agree with clothing choices or makeup, you must allow people to be comfortable in their skin.

Many people try to control others when they feel like things are chaotic. The way to combat this is to get to the crux of the issue. A parent may be controlling because they fear the decisions their children make will hurt them. However, parents must give their kids room to make mistakes as it’s how they grow and learn.

Rather than talking about the issues at hand, people often use underhanded methods to control an out of control situation. Sit down and have family meetings often and make sure that you are all on the same page.

Avoid these toxic relationship habits.

5. Critical Towards You

Do you ever feel like you can do nothing, right? If you have a toxic family member in your household, then you may feel like they are never satisfied with anything you do. You could pay off all your debt, get a promotion, and have a credit score of 850, and it still wouldn’t be good enough.

When one party likes to criticize and undermine others in the home, it can be very frustrating. You will generally find a miserable person at the crux who is battling feelings of not accomplishing goals they had for their life. It’s often that they will project their feelings of frustration on you.

Since this is truly not your problem, you need to get to the root of the behavior. It would help if you had a pattern for recovery and goals that this person and the family needs to meet. You can recover from this toxic behavior with help.

6. Sibling Rivalry is Taken to Extremes

If there is more than one child in your home, there will be some rivalry. It should be noted that not all rivalry is terrible as it can drive someone to succeed. Sadly, these behaviors can become toxic or even dangerous.

When one sibling tries to blame the other every time they get into trouble, there is an issue that needs to be handled. A parent should never allow a child to humiliate another sibling even if it’s comical. Lastly, any competition within the family should never be allowed to become personal or vindictive.

Parents must foster a healthy relationship between their children by never playing favorites, ensuring all children receive the same discipline types and giving them each equal attention.

7. They Dismiss Your Feelings

If you have a toxic family situation, you may feel that your thoughts and feelings are easily dismissed. Again, this all comes down to control, and the need to be right. The party displaying these behaviors may feel that your opinions are insignificant to theirs, or they don’t’ t value what you have to say.

You need to tell this person that it hurts you when they dismiss your feelings and work on a sufficient resolution for change. Call them out now as you don’t’ t want to wait and let things fester. When you tell them about your issues in the heat of the situation, it’s easier to address it head-on.

Final Thoughts on Handling a Toxic Family Situation

If you have toxic family dynamics in your home, you must regain control to change your environment to a healthy one. Here are some things you can do to shift your abode into one with positive vibes.

  • Let Everyone Have a Voice
  • Set Firm Boundaries
  • Stop Toxic Behaviors Immediately
  • Never Play Favorites
  • Treat Everyone in the Home as an Equal
  • Sever Ties when Necessary
  • Get Outside Help When Needed

It’s easy to have issues that can change the dynamics of the home. However, it’s crucial as parents that you set firm boundaries and say what you will and won’t allow. Your children will run the show if you enable them to do so. If your home is a war zone, you must take control of the situation and find effective ways to change the toxicity. You will all be much healthier and happier when you get rid of toxic tendencies.

Lifestyle

10 Ways to Ensure Work Does Not Eclipse Family Time »

10 Ways to Ensure Work Does Not Eclipse Family Time


We live in a society where our jobs demand a lot from us. As someone who wants to succeed and over-achieve, it can turn you into a workaholic. However, it’s essential to make sure that you don’t put aside family time for work.

It’s essential to have a healthy work-life balance. Many divorces happen because a spouse is never around. In fact, according to a study done by researchers at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, a marriage with a workaholic spouse is twice as likely to divorce.

You can avoid this statistic by taking steps to keep your work balanced with your life. Here are 15 ways to ensure that your work doesn’t overtake your family time.

1. Have a cutoff time for work.

When you’re really into your work, and you’re making significant progress, it can be tempting to keep working. You may think that if you push, you can get the job done well before the deadline, making you the star employee. Maybe if you just put in some extra hours, you’ll get that promotion, raise, or recognition you’ve been craving.

This desire to continuously work is simply ambition. There is nothing wrong with being ambitious. There is also nothing wrong with being a workaholic – when you’re single.

However, when you have a family, you need to spend time with them. You need to have a cutoff time for work so that family time can begin. If possible, set this time in stone so you’ll have an exact transition point.

2. Focus on work during work hours, so you get it done.

If you have a fair bit of freedom with your job, sometimes you may get distracted during the time that you’re supposed to be working. With so much happening around you each day, it’s easy to lose focus. Social media, friends and family, events, news, and more can take up some of your focus.

When this happens, it can distract you from getting your job done promptly. Then, later in the day, you may find yourself rushing to get your work done. You may end up having to work late because you didn’t manage your time efficiently.

Don’t be a victim of time mismanagement. Find a way to focus on work during work hours, so you don’t have to work overtime. This will allow you to prioritize time with your family like you should be doing.

3. Don’t miss important family events.

Work is always going to seem like it’s so vital that you can’t put anything above it. However, you need to remember that it’s not an essential thing in your life. Your family is the most crucial thing in your life, and you don’t want life to pass you by while you’re stuck in the office.

This means you shouldn’t miss out on important family moments. Birthdays and anniversaries should never be put off because of work. Your kid’s recitals or baseball games should never be missed because you must go into the office.

Remember, these are moments that you can’t get back. Work will still be there tomorrow.

4. Don’t bring your work home.

Unless you have a work-at-home job, you should never bring your work home with you. In fact, that goes against the first point – having a cutoff time for work. If you follow the first bit of advice, you won’t have to worry about bringing your work home.

Work is work. Home is home. You should never mix the two. Give your family your full attention at home. Your family understands that your job is essential, but they need to know that they aren’t second-place in your life.

It’s understandable if you need to bring work home once in a blue moon. However, it should never be a regular thing.

5. Set work boundaries.

Your job, boss, and coworkers will take as much from you as you allow them to. This means if you don’t set clear boundaries, they’ll contact you and demand from you around the clock if they need to. Even if you’re not at work, they’ll continuously contact you, which can eat into your family time.

You’ve probably seen people on vacation, but their phones are constantly ringing with work-related issues. Perhaps you’ve seen that person at a family function, but they’re obsessed with a flurry of emails. Don’t be that person.

When it’s family time, work should be put on the back burner. Let your boss and your coworkers know this in advance, and stick to it.

6. Take days off.

If you have days that are scheduled off, take them off. These are days where you can focus on family and other parts of your life. Don’t let your job drag you in on those days.

Your days off are meant for you to recharge, so you don’t burn out. After all, what good is working if you never have time to enjoy the fruits of your labor? These are days where you can put your family first, so don’t boot them to second place if your job calls.

Your job isn’t going anywhere. It will be there on your next scheduled day. Plus, not going in on your days off will help your bosses learn to manage the schedule better. It seems like you’re helping everyone by not going in on your days off.

7. Remember, you have a life outside of work.

Work isn’t everything! Or at least it shouldn’t be everything. If it is everything, you really need to get a life.

There is a whole world outside of your office. If you’re always working, your family is out enjoying that world without you. They probably won’t even get to tell you about it because you’re not even around for a conversation.

Work is important, but you only get one life. Take the time to enjoy all that it has to offer and make lasting memories with your family.

8. Make sure you’re valued at work.

You may not have thought about this, but your happiness at work can have a direct impact on how you interact with your family. If you’re miserable at work, a place that you’re spending a large chunk of your day at, you might bring that feeling home with you. Your family will be able to tell if you’re feeling miserable.

Make sure that you love your job and that you’re valued at work. You’re human – dealing with bad vibes and emotions all day will end up wearing you down. You don’t want those vibes to affect your family life. The best way to keep this from happening is by avoiding them altogether.

9. Make your family feel special.

If you know you’ve been working a lot lately, maybe it’s time to do something special for your family. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive (unless you can afford it). Small surprises go a long way.

Although doing extraordinary things for your family makes them feel good, it can also keep you grounded. It will remind you why you’re doing what you do.

Seeing how much they love your special gesture, and more importantly, how they love sharing that special gesture with you can make family time that much more special. You’ll begin to crave that time and affection, so you’re more likely to make sure that work doesn’t overtake that particular family time.

10. Remember why you’re working in the first place.

Working when you’re single is vastly different from working when you’re married with children. When you’re single, your primary focus is probably something along the lines of promotions, raises, being the MVP at work, and climbing the corporate ladder. However, having a family changes that focus (or at least it should).

This doesn’t mean that you can’t be ambitious if you have a family. It merely means that the most important thing to you has changed. You’re working for your family. You’re working to make sure they’re taken care of.

Your family is not okay if you aren’t around. They need you. Yes, they need a house and a car and other things, but keep in mind that the reason you’re working so hard in the first place is your family. Don’t ever put your job ahead of them.

Final Thoughts on Not Letting Work Overtake Family Time

You love your job. That’s wonderful, primarily since you’ve worked so hard to get where you are. However, you may find that your job isn’t as fulfilling if you don’t have anyone to share the successes with.

You need to remember that your family is just as important as succeeding at work. In fact, they are probably the reason you work so hard. Don’t use that as an excuse to work around the clock.

By utilizing the 15 tips given in this article, you can make sure that you prioritize family time. This way, you’ll have a great work-life balance. Don’t delay in implementing these tips! Your family needs you.

Lifestyle

4 Simple Ways To Appreciate Yourself Every Day

4 Simple Ways To Appreciate Yourself Every Day


There are many excellent things to appreciate in everyday life. You can always find beauty in nature and the world. There are friends, family, and loved ones. And, there are simple necessities. There are all your favorite things. But you might be missing out on the most crucial person to appreciate: yourself!

Yes, many things are worth appreciating, and you certainly should be grateful for them! But many people lose sight of their merit when they focus so much on how good everything else is. Don’t forget that you’re a wonderful person. Additionally, you deserve self-appreciation all the same. If you don’t appreciate yourself, you’re doing yourself a disservice.

But you might find this more challenging that one would think. It can be tough to learn not just to love yourself but actively be grateful for yourself, especially daily. To help inspire you, here are four quick and simple yet effective ways to appreciate yourself every day.

1.    Surround Yourself With Good People

To facilitate self-directed positive thinking, you first need to create a positive environment that will appreciate and love you in turn. After all, it’s only fair that you receive back what you put out there into the world! So take care to vet your friends carefully, and find the people who will treat you the way you deserve to.

·         Accept And Appreciate Genuine Compliments

Good relationships will try to build you up, which is precisely what we all need. It can be tempting to downplay or brush aside a compliment and instead await some grand display of affection, but this isn’t healthy or realistic. Instead, it is much healthier for both our self-esteem and our relationships with others to accept and internalize genuine compliments. A study has shown that receiving praise is related to a positive increase in our capabilities too!

·         Remove Toxic People From Your Life

It’s easy to find yourself surrounded by toxic people who take advantage of you, without ever really returning the love and care you give them. This can apply to both parents, friends, and partners alike. If any of them either demands help without helping you in turn, belittles you repeatedly, or talks to you behind your back, it’s best to cut them out of your life directly. Set up firm, healthy boundaries, and stick to those who take care of your feelings in return.

·         Ask A Close Friend To Explain What They Like About You

You may feel like this is unnecessary and selfish, but there’s no harm in asking your friends what they like or love about you – especially if you’re not feeling too well. Have them tell you or it down for you to read so that you can be reminded of what positive impact you have on those around you, and what you’re good at. This activity will give you something to refer back to the next time you find yourself questioning your worth!

2.    Maintain A Healthy Lifestyle

Your physical and mental wellbeing are often two things that are strongly intertwined with each other. So it should come as no surprise that it’s easier to engage in self-directed positive thinking when you’re physically healthy and in good shape.

With that in mind, here are a few things to consider when trying to make yourself healthy:

·         Eat A Balanced Diet

Studies have shown that there is a pretty strong correlation between nutritional deficiencies and depression. In other words, there’s a pretty good reason you should take a closer look at your current diet. Getting enough water, nutrition, and sleep will make you feel physically better – and, by extension, makes it easier for you to feel better about yourself.

·         Exercise

Exercise has been proven by research to confer all sorts of benefits for both your physical and mental wellbeing. In this particular case, it helps with alleviating anxiety and depression. And this is before taking into account that workouts will help you feel and look better, which can help build your sense of self-worth. This is especially so if you’re doing strength training, which often has clear and visible progress you can refer to!

·         Manage Stress Levels

This tidbit should come as no surprise to you. Stress has been proven by research to inflict a strong, negative effect on our psychological state. This means that doing your best to manage your stress and relax helps you appreciate yourself better!

3.    Learn To Talk Yourself Up

Many of us often tend to talk down or belittle ourselves, whether out loud or internally. This is especially so if we had grown up in an environment that had been very hurtful while we were growing up, and in the process, internalized these negative thoughts.

To better appreciate yourself better, it’s better for your mental wellbeing to instead:

·         Replace Negative Thoughts

If you find yourself faced with negative beliefs about yourself, try replacing them with something else. Statements like “I’m so fat” or “I’m so stupid” will naturally come up automatically after making a mistake or being embarrassed, but they should not go uncontested. Instead, rewrite them to be more realistic and positive. Bring up the good things you have about yourself, or remind yourself that your failures do not make you a bad person.

· Don’t Fall Victim To Shame

Before you can truly learn to appreciate yourself, you first need to differentiate between guilt and shame, and the emotions they cause. Both of them are responses to making a mistake, but only one of them is potentially productive. Guilt often realizes and acknowledges that you’ve done something terrible, and can spur you to positive change. On the other hand, shame often makes you stew in feelings of failure. This, of course, isn’t productive in the slightest. If you make an error, it is always best to focus on remedying it the best you can, and then moving on.

·         Use Mantras Or Positive Affirmations

Self-affirmation isn’t as silly as you might think it is. Studies show that repeated upbeat mantras – especially in reaction to adverse circumstances – can activate the reward center of your brain. As a result, the usage of mantras in the face of adversity can help reinforce one’s inner resilience and strength. This means that so long as it’s short, concise, and meaningful to you, that mantra you’re repeating in your head may just brighten your day!

·         Leave Yourself Post-It Notes

Another way to saturate yourself with positive affirmations is by placing sticky notes where you can see them. Try writing down little notes like “I’m fantastic,” and “I am loved.”

Then place them where you could use some encouragement. For example, on your bathroom mirror, on the back of the door when you’re heading out, or even in your wallet. This makes self-affirmation a tangible and visible thing that, depending on how creative you get (and how quickly you forget), may serve as a way to boost your spirits at unexpected times of the day.

·         Delve Into Your Thoughts

Far too often, we tend to accept negative self-assessments without ever really challenging them casually. As a result, we tend to simply take these negative ideas of unworthiness and belittling as fact, despite them often being mostly baseless. So the next time you find yourself coping with thoughts of worthlessness and the like, consider asking yourself what triggered them, and where do these thoughts come from. This way, you get to identify what is the actual root cause behind such negative perceptions of yourself and learn how to undo that learned thought behavior. Remember – you are not your thoughts. They are temporary and will pass with time. It’s best to allow them to leave without clinging on to them.

4.    Be Kind To Others

Too often, we tend to focus on negativity, often to the point that we ignore everyone around us. It may seem counterintuitive, but turning our focus outwards and caring for others is often an incredibly effective way to feel better about ourselves. This is because we get to finally do something tangible that has clear and distinct positive effects, which often, in turn, uplifts our mood.

On top of that, kindness can also serve as both a way to practice gratitude – which in itself is a useful skill that helps with one’s self-worth. Want to get started? Here are a few tips to get started with:

·         Thank Those Around You

Try taking a moment to recognize when someone did their best to help you out, and thank them in return. It’s a simple action that not only inspires positivity in others but also likely will inspire positivity in you as well! To do this, pay attention to the actions and behavior of those around you, friends, and strangers alike. While a general “thank you” will suffice, it pays to take one step further and try being specific about what good or help they’ve done for you. This way, you’ll also learn to be more appreciative and observant of the world around you.

·         Go The Extra Mile

Instead of being a passive bystander, be deliberate in your acts of encouragement and understanding. Research has shown that performing acts of kindness helps the performer’s wellbeing as well. This is often because the act of thinking and treating others kindly inspires you to think about how you, too, can be kind and understanding towards yourself as well, and how you would want others to treat you.

·         Volunteer For A Good Cause

Consider trying to help those less fortunate than you are in places like soup kitchens, orphanages, or nursing homes. In the process of assisting others, you’ll find that you might actually be uplifted in turn as well – and not just in an emotional way. Studies show that serving others not only reduces depression and negative thoughts, but also gives you a boost in oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin – all neurotransmitters that are responsible for feelings of happiness and joy!

Final Thoughts On Some Simple, Yet Effective Ways To Appreciate Yourself Every Day

Appreciating yourself is about feeling good about yourself, caring for yourself, and taking note of your achievements and excellent qualities. You don’t have to do anything intricate or fancy to appreciate yourself fully – even the simplest of steps can help you appreciate yourself daily. Before you know it, that self-love will be ingrained in you!

Lifestyle

8 Ways That Synchronicity Shapes Your Life

8 Ways That Synchronicity Shapes Your Life


Synchronicity (n.) – the simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection. –Oxford English Dictionary

Have you ever had the strange sensation of singing a song either out loud or in your head and then hearing it on the radio shortly after? Or, perhaps you had a business idea randomly pop into your head, and then you see a vehicle with a bright bumper sticker that says, “Just do it!” pull in front of you. Some people believe this is synchronicity at work, because how else do you explain such a phenomenon?

Synchronicity means any two events which a person assigns meaningful connections to, even if they don’t seem related. For example, some people believe that seeing repeating numbers often, such as 11:11, 2:22, or 3:33 means angels or spirit guides are trying to get in touch with them. When they see these numbers, they feel a sense of comfort because they think a higher power is overseeing their life and giving them direction.

History of synchronicity

Where does the idea of synchronicity come from, anyway? Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung coined the term back in the early 1900s. He believed in numerology as well, which is the belief that specific numbers, such as the ones we listed above, have special meanings and can provide insight into one’s life path. Basically, he believed that “meaningful coincidences,” or synchronicities, occur because of cosmic forces intervening to help give guidance in people’s lives.

Today, many New Age writers talk about synchronicity, including Deepak Chopra. According to an article on his site,

“Synchronicity implies that a higher intelligence can organize events so that meaning pops up unexpectedly. Moreover, a synchronous experience defies cause and effect. If you think of a word and the next minute someone on TV says the word, you didn’t create the coincidence. But something did. In your spiritual journey, you attempt to investigate what this something might be.”

We all want to find order in this seemingly chaotic universe, so when something happens that seems too coincidental, it helps us make sense of the world. Humans always want to find patterns to understand how things work, and synchronicity is one way of doing that.

Here are eight ways synchronicity shapes your life journey:

  1. It may give you a new life purpose.

In one fantastic story about synchronicity, Gregg Lavoy, one day felt a calling to quit his job as a news reporter and chart his course with freelance writing instead. He’d been at his career for ten years, but half that time he spent daydreaming about a life where he could call all of the shots. During his drive home from work one day, “Desperado” by the Eagles was playing, and the last line he heard before he turned off the car was “Don’t you draw the Queen of Diamonds, she’ll beat you if she’s able; the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet.” When he turned off the car and started to get out, he noticed a Queen of Hearts card lying near his foot!

Even more strange than that event was the fact that over the next two years, Gregg found five more queen playing cards scattered all over the country along his travels. He took this as a go-ahead sign to pursue the freelance writing idea because it just seemed too coincidental that he found the card right after hearing a song about it.

  1. You start meeting the right people when your life path becomes clear.

Synchronicity allows the right people to come into your life at precisely the right time. For instance, maybe you just got finished writing your fiction novel after pulling many painstaking all-nighters after work. Now, you need to find a publisher. Perhaps you may find yourself chatting with someone in a coffee shop who knows a guy who can help you out. Or, you might send your script to many different publishers and finally hear back from someone who seems to be the ideal fit for your project.

Once you tap into the “flow” of the universe, everything seems to fall into place effortlessly because you’re on the right life path.

  1. You attract better friendships and relationships.

Once you expand your awareness, you begin to find people who better match your energy. Your friends and relationships will become less drama-filled and more harmonious. Those who you don’t mesh with anymore will start to distance themselves as your life path becomes more explicit.

Maybe you’ve wished for a best friend for a long time, and you happen to meet a remarkable person in a random Facebook group one day. Then, you start talking and realize you relate to them on many different levels. The universe works in mysterious ways as long as you remain open to the possibilities.

  1. You may start noticing repeated messages on billboards or advertisements on TV.

If you’ve been asking for a sign from the universe, you may notice more synchronicity in the books you read or TV programs you watch. Perhaps you see more messages saying to “follow your heart,” even if you don’t necessarily view inspirational or spiritual types of shows often. You may notice these messages in ads or signs around the stores you frequent. Don’t dismiss these signs as mere coincidence; if you start seeing them more often, they probably have significance for your life path.

  1. Synchronicity happens if you see specific numbers more often as well.

As we mentioned above, specific repeating numbers can have special meaning as well. Below, we will go over some of the most common numbers and their meanings.

  • 1111 or 111 – pay more attention to what you’re thinking about because you’ll end up manifesting it!
  • 2222 or 222 – you’re on the right path, and new opportunities are coming up for you. Remain balanced and peaceful in all your dealings in life.
  • 3333 or 333 – A very spiritual number, this is a sign from the angels to connect with your higher self and is a sign of encouragement.
  • 4444 or 444 – You’re on the right life path; trust your intuition, and follow your heart.
  • 5555 or 555 – You may need to release anything that no longer serves you.
  • 6666 or 666 – Take some time to ground and focus on your inner self (higher self).
  • 7777 or 777 – A sign of spiritual awakening or increased intuition and awareness.
  • 8888 or 888 – A sign that you’re on the right path, a celebration of achievement and success.
  • 9999 or 999 – Rebirth and transformation. Something really good is headed your way, and new doors are opening for you!
  1. It may lead you to your next step in life.

As with the story about the freelance writer and the queen of hearts cards, random occurrences like these may happen when you need a life change. The universe wants to support our highest good, but we just have to remain aware and mindful of the messages it sends. For example, maybe you’ve thought about moving to a new city for a fresh start, and you start seeing more commercials about vacationing in that city. Or, perhaps you overhear conversations between strangers talking about the place you want to move.

A lot of times, the universe gives us subtle signs about our life path; we just have to pay attention.

  1. Synchronicity may allow you to know things before they happen.

Have you ever heard stories about people who suddenly feel that they should reach out to someone close to them, just to check on them? Perhaps they call and find out something is wrong, or that they had tragically passed away just moments before. This is an unfortunate example of synchronicity, but it explains why sometimes you might have an overwhelming urge to call a friend or family member.

  1. You may be able to avoid a tragic accident.

A friend once said she was driving along the highway with her son when she suddenly felt her intuition telling her to get into the next lane. Right afterward, a tire on the truck she was just behind flew back to right where her car would’ve been. If you feel your intuition getting more robust, this is one way that synchronicity can guide you on your life path.

Final thoughts on how synchronicity can shape your life journey

Synchronicity can help you on your life path in many ways, from guiding you to your life purpose or allowing relationships that will further your growth as a person. It can also give you a kind of “sixth sense,” which heightens your intuition, perhaps helping you avoid accidents or know things before they actually happen in real life. You may start seeing signs such as repeating numbers or messages, which some people believe represent messages from angels or spirit guides.

If you’ve experienced any sort of synchronicity in your own life, let us know your story on our Facebook page.

Lifestyle

12 Simple Ways To Dedicate More Time To Yourself Everyday »

12 Simple Ways To Dedicate More Time To Yourself Everyday


Do you live a busy life? Most people do! With all your responsibilities, commitments, and attempts at juggling work, a social life, and all sorts of other concerns, it’s hard to find time to spend just by yourself. You might not even think that’s something you want or need to do.

However, finding time to just be by yourself, doing something you at least mostly enjoy, can be very important to overall mental health and wellbeing. There’s a reason people preach the importance of “me time”! But if you’re busy all the time, how can you spare or schedule that kind of personal time? Here are 12 simple ways to dedicate more time to yourself every day.

1.    Establish A Me Time Routine

With how crammed our schedules are these days, it might be tempting just to grab me-time whenever you’ve got a spare moment. In actuality, however, you’d net more positive benefits if you carefully set aside some moments of me-time into your schedule. It doesn’t have to be much – it can be as simple as:

  • Giving yourself a moment of quiet meditation before starting your day
  • Set aside a few minutes every afternoon to do nothing but simply enjoy a glass of lemon water
  • Dance along to your favorite songs in the evenings

The idea is to have me-time routines well-integrated into your schedule so you’ll carry them out without second thought. That way, you will always have some time for yourself!

2.    Make Bathtime Me Time

No matter how much you love them, having to share a space with someone can get maddening after a while. So although it may seem selfish or inconsequential, it’s essential to set up some hard boundaries – and the bathroom’s a perfect place to start.

When you’re in the bathroom, it should be your sanctuary, no matter how temporary. Consider:

  • Locking the door when you’re using the bathroom
  • Take time to read something you enjoy
  • Enjoy a warm, soothing bath with various products
  • Make it a luxurious experience
  • Take the time to practice positive thinking directed at yourself
  • Remind yourself that this is an act of science-backed healthcare

3.    Plan Both Short and Long Me Time

Vacations aside, what’s so crucial about actually taking the time to plan a little me-time if it’s only for a few minutes?

As it turns out, making sure you get the most out of your me-time takes a little more planning work than you might think. Here are a few reasons why:

  • Science has shown that high-quality me-time has a positive effect on your mental health and working capabilities.
  • Different amounts of me-time will confer different types of benefits for you.
  • Short and long me-time recharges us in different ways.
  • High-quality me-time may take more time, but we still need short me-time sessions to stay charged and balanced in the interim.

Regardless of whether you’re blocking out an entire Sunday for relaxing or setting aside 15 minutes every day for me-time, it’s a good idea to get it all sorted out in advance – so that you can focus on relaxing when the time comes!

4.    Get A Massage

Struggling with your positive thinking exercises? Declaring you could kill for a good back massage? There’s a good reason for that. Studies have shown that massages help with:

  • Relaxing us in the short term
  • Reducing stress hormones like cortisol and norepinephrine
  • Alleviating long-term chronic pain
  • Lowering anxiety and depression levels
  • Increasing the quality and length of nighttime sleep

In other words, try scheduling a massage session as a monthly me-time ritual. It might just be exactly what your soul needs to recharge back up to full!

5.    Making Cooking Me Time

Cooking is an activity that many find to be something they enjoy. Time pressures and the demand for perfection often mean that we don’t get very ambitious with what we make – which is a shame. After all, food is such a universally bonding experience and one that can be incredibly intimate, given the right circumstances.

  • So instead of just ordering another round of takeout, why not try:
  • Attempt overly-ambitious meal, just for the fun of it.
  • Make a fresh-baked cake or pastry you saw online.
  • Try out a new recipe
  • Cook and experience dishes from other cultures and countries
  • Try replicating a meal you had only experienced once on vacation
  • Experiment and have fun with cooking and baking

Either way, the goal is to have a fun learning experience that you get to enjoy!

6.    Meditate

As studies have shown, meditation is something that’s incredibly beneficial for our psychological and physiological health. Meditation sessions, however, don’t always have to be a weekly block on your schedule. It is an activity that you may practice anywhere, anytime. All you have to do is:

  • Consciously focus on inhaling and exhaling through your diaphragm
  • Try mindfulness meditation by observing your thoughts as they drift through your mind
  • Practice shifting into a peaceful state of mind
  • Take a deep breath while waiting for the bus or sitting at your chair for work

This way, you can carve out small oases of calm no matter where and when you are. Additionally, practicing meditation in little moments like these helps you get the most out of your scheduled me-time later too!

7.    Incorporate Me Time Into Chores

No one is a fan of chores. They are, after all, necessary tasks that are full of drudgery. However, you can kill two birds with a single stone and turn your tasks into me-time as well! That way, you get to enjoy yourself and do something you might like while getting your house cleaned and in order.

So – just how are you to bring both your to-do list and your me-time together? Here are some things you can do while carrying out some tasks:

  • Listen to a podcast
  • Play your favorite songs
  • Watch your favorite show.
  • Gamify your chores

8.    Learn To Validate Yourself

Do you crave constant attention, messages, and plans 24/7? Are you the type of person who’s terrified of being on your own? In such a situation, the idea of alone me-time might be terrifying. This, however, may be indicative of a deeper-rooted problem – the inability to give yourself the validation you so crave.

As you can imagine, this isn’t really healthy – especially in the long run. After all, the best kind of validation comes from inside.

If you think this might just be you, you can try combating this by:

  • Disconnecting yourself from all electronic devices
  • Spending some time entirely alone for a while
  • Take this time to tune into yourself, your needs, and wants
  • Meditate, and self reflect on your actions and behavior.
  • Teach yourself to give the validation you desire

9.    Take A Class

For some people, quiet relaxation isn’t really their idea of a fun time. Instead, they would rather spend their me-time doing something, like picking up a new skill. If you find yourself identifying with that, consider:

  • Checking out online classes
  • Identify your ideal learning format
  • Find an online class
  • Lookup a self-guided class
  • Read some technical and informational books
  • Watch some videos to learn new skills and information

There are more positives associated with this than you’d think, too! Science has shown that learning, in general, is great for your brain’s health. So keep joining new classes if that works for you!

10. Consider Workouts Your Me Time

There’s no denying just how important exercise is for our physical health – and there’s plenty of studies out there to back up this fact. With that in mind, have you ever considered treating your workout time as your me-time as well?

Here are a few methods you can lay down some rules, as such:

  • Inform everyone that you are not to be disturbed during your workout sessions
  • Use it as an opportunity to clear your mind
  • Go for a nice stroll by yourself
  • Set aside a special outfit for workouts
  • Start your workout session from the beginning again if you are interrupted for non-essential reasons

11. Have Cut-Offs For Responding To Emails and Finishing work

In this day and age, there can be a widespread demand and pressure from bosses and colleagues to be available 24/7. This is even more so if you are running your own business and need to create a strong, professional image.

This, of course, is not stress-free or healthy in the slightest. It results in your work bleeding over into your home and gives you no real chance to rest. The biggest way this shows up is often in the form of work correspondences via emails and messages. Just how are you supposed to cope with it all?

  • Set aside a strict, limited amount of time to reply to work emails and the like – and no more
  • Enforce clear limits – if your work ends at 5:30 pm, you will not be answering any more emails after that, no matter how important
  • Filter your correspondences into important and unimportant messages, so you can attend to what’s immediately relevant and deal with the rest later

12. Practice Gratitude

With just how busy our schedules are these days, it’s likely that you’ll struggle to find some me-time – much less engage in activities that make you happy. So, just what else can you do?

The answer? Gratitude. Studies have shown that spending two minutes or so to appreciate the blessings you have helps with:

  • Developing social support
  • Centering and grounding one’s mind
  • Increasing energy levels
  • Elevating positive self-esteem feelings
  • Fortifying one’s immune system
  • Reducing stress and depression
  • Sustaining one’s mental and emotional psyche
  • Heightening one’s intelligence

It’s not very hard to practice gratitude. Just spend a few minutes to give thanks for what blessings you have in your life over your coffee or while doing morning yoga, and you’re set for the day!

Final Thoughts On Some Simple Ways To Dedicate More Time To Yourself Everyday

Me time is extremely important for physical and mental wellbeing. It enables you to take a break from the hustle and bustle of the world and focus on someone who genuinely really matters – you!

It can sound a little cliche, but taking time for yourself and for self-care can make a huge difference in daily stress levels, anxiety and depression symptoms, and even things like productivity and concentration. As such, make sure you don’t neglect those needs in your everyday life!